The Lie and What Follows

This is the third episode today, incorporating a bit of Haru’s perspective.

Tomorrow I have to go to the office and there’s a work-related drinking party, so it might be difficult to update. I’ll try my best to post at least one episode.

Having exchanged contact information with Ninomiya-san, I kept looking back at the message, feeling restless.

We couldn’t continue exchanging letters, so we exchanged ID information. What’s that about? Surely she’s put off by me. Indeed, I haven’t received any more messages from Ninomiya-san since 19:00, just a single “nice to meet you.” The thought of Ninomiya-san sending just one word out of obligation makes me want to die of embarrassment. I’ve never experienced exchanging letters with a girl. In elementary school, I was only known for being a relay point for various letters and messages (according to my research).

How many times have I had my faint hopes shattered…? Me, being the hub of social connections, becoming directly involved in such matters…

…Yeah, I got carried away. My lack of interpersonal skills led me to another mistake.

“If Haru finds out, I’ll get scolded again…”

“What will?”

…

“So, what will?”

…

“Hey, come on.”

“There’s nothing!”

Why am I so bad at timing?

—

After dinner.

Sitting side by side on the sofa, our usual spot.

I’m drying my hair with a towel after bathing. When conversations tend to get lengthy, it usually happens around this time, with me reporting.

“Hmm. So it’s not another fake confession?”

“That’s right. It’s not like that, so it’s fine. Rather, I feel like I’ve been a nuisance to Ninomiya-san.”
Having put away the hairdryer, I sit back down next to Haru, leaving a person’s space between us, but Haru closes the gap immediately.

“See, Tooru falls in love easily. You should give up on such things, right?”
…Huh? Shouldn’t it be ‘giving up is important’, not ‘should give up’?

“Yeah. I understand.”
But the fact that I don’t have such qualities is undeniable.

The only sounds in the living room are from the TV. The distant sound brings sleepiness to me… maybe because I didn’t sleep during Classical Literature class. Haru rests her face on my shoulder, muttering while watching TV.

“If you’re sleepy, you can sleep.”

“Yeah. I’m still okay.”

Contrary to my words, I feel sleepiness creeping in.

“Hey, Tooru…”

“Yeah?”

“Do you still want a girlfriend?”

…What about it?
My first girlfriend (Adachi-san) and I didn’t work out well. It’s even doubtful whether we were actually dating.
After such an experience, it’s normal to think you don’t need a girlfriend for a while.
But my memories of Adachi-san are still with me. She was harsh but caring.
Even more than Haru’s harshness…

“…Ouch.”

“I know when you’re thinking something stupid.”

Are all women naturally espers?
If they are, can they understand my simple, twisted feelings?

“I might not exactly want one, but I don’t want to give up on loving someone.”
That’s my true feeling. I’ve rarely felt malice, but I’ve often felt the coldness of indifference.

The indifference from our grandparents towards us siblings is exactly that.
As long as they get the money from our parents’ death, they couldn’t care less about us.
The day Haru was nearly attacked, we were lucky to be saved by Rin-san, but if it weren’t for her, Haru could have been traumatized for life.
Our grandparents only asked if she was okay out of obligation.

Growing up in such a home, while I resign myself to difficult relationships, deep down, I still crave connections.
It’s troublesome, even to me.

Haru, leaning more on my shoulder, hugs my left arm with both of her hands. Feeling her warm body temperature, I can sense my consciousness gradually being taken away by sleep.

“Surely, Tooru, someday someone who truly loves you will appear. But even if they love you desperately, it doesn’t guarantee your happiness.”

“Yeah.”

“There’s no guarantee you’ll be happy even when that someday comes.”

“…Yeah.”
My eyelids are heavy.
But I need to stay awake.
I try to keep my consciousness so as not to miss Haru’s words, but I can’t resist the overwhelming sleepiness.

“But, you know…”

—

(Haru’s perspective)

“But, you know, I know everything about Tooru. If I had to choose between Tooru and anyone else, I would definitely choose Tooru.”

I knew Tooru was tired.
His sleep-deprived face was so dear to me.
I changed my position and placed his head on my lap.