The Legend of William Oh

William Oh is so popular that he had to turn down dozens of heaving-bosomed young women who wished to join him on his very first quest. He refused them because he knew that only a few days in his presence would create a looming shadow in these young women’s minds that no other man could ever hope to measure up to.

He is not so cruel as to allow these gentle maidens to wither away the rest of their days with a William-shaped void in their hearts.

- Jason Salazar

“Can you put a lanyard on this?” Will asked, putting his new weapon on Leon’s countertop. Despite wanting to kill Kyle - Will wasn’t calling him Mr. Fontaine - on sight, the lanyard advice was sound. Especially for a guy with one hand.

“Is it a Relic?” Leon asked, inspecting the tomahawk. It had a straight, wooden handle slightly longer than his forearm, the grip was carved to resemble a rattlesnake’s tail, and the hammer on the backside had a cup with a hole that lead into the interior, while a decoration of a snake with an unhinged jaw formed the base of the blade. There were strange holes on the sides of the blade where it appeared there’d been fangs before they were torn out.

“I think so,” Will said, recalling the vaguely ominous light it’d been shedding earlier, when the maksu had been swinging it at him.

“Do you know what it does?” Leon asked.

“Nope.”

“Then yes, I can, but you probably don’t want me to drill any holes in this thing,” Leon mused, looking it over.

“Why?”

“You see the hole in the hammer on the back?” Leon asked, pointing it out.

“Yeah?”

“Well, there’s a hole in the bottom for you to inhale,” Leon said, turning the axe over and showing Will a small hole in the bottom of the handle.

“Huh.”

“Additionally, these two holes look like they do something,” Leon mused, looking at the fang-holes in the side of the blade.

“One sec.” Leon pulled out a metal tool with a tiny hook on the end and plunged it into the fang-hole, prying out a chunk of rotting meat with a scowl before switching to a swab and cleaning out a plug of crusted-up blood and dirt. Leon turned the axe right side up and shook it, causing dirt and dried blood to fall out of the mouthpiece.

“I think you’ll figure out what it does now,” he said, handing it back to Will.

“I think I got lucky,” Will mused, hefting the tomahawk. If it hadn’t been gunked up, the maksu would’ve probably killed him with it. He lifted the weapon.

“Not in here!” Leon said, dropping down behind the desk.

“Oh. Right.” Will let the handle slide through his fingers until his knuckles were under the steel, then he slipped the tomahawk through a belt loop.

“Anyway, I can tie a tight lanyard around the bottom, but the Relic seems to have an ability that does something with airflow, so it’d be best not to poke holes in it until you know what it does,” Leon said.

“Alright,” Will said, nodding. “I’ll test it and we’ll revisit the lanyard idea.”

“So, Gertrude’s been looking for you,” Leon said, changing the subject. “Almost a week now.”

Will sucked in a breath through his teeth.

“You’re lucky you got so much sun and lost, what, twenty pounds over the last ten days? You’re almost completely unrecognizable. I’m pretty sure that’s the only thing that saved your skin. Thus far.”

“I was a victim of attempted murder,” Will said, pointing to himself. “I was going to go back and talk to her before The Trial. They literally shoved me through the Door.”

“I believe you,” Leon said with a shrug. “I just don’t think Gertrude cares about whether or not it was your fault.”

Leon glanced to the side. Suspiciously.

With the supernatural speed given to him by his Class, Will dropped and twisted out of range of the old woman’s—

“OW, ow, ow, ow!” Will said as Gertrude caught his ear between her gnarled fingers.

“There you are!” Gertrude shouted, hauling Will out of Leon’s shop.

“How are you so fa—ow ow!”

“How dare you disappear without a word to anyone!”

“Well, you know it wasn’t really my idea—”

“‘Gone on an overnight hunting trip with a bunch of total strangers’?! Seems like you had plenty of time to think things through. Enough to craft a message specifically designed to worry me.”

“Heh… Fine, I took a risk, and it didn’t work out well for me, but I’m still alive.”

“Ben isn’t!” Gertrude retorted.

Will felt his expression cool. “Ben committed suicide through sheer stupidity. It wasn’t even the fault of the Climbers who killed him, really. If he had just kept. His. Mouth. Shut…we could’ve been good friends with those people.”

Gertrude released his ear and took a step back, searching his face. “Is that what you believe?” she asked.

“There’s no sin greater than being an easy meal,” Will replied.

“…I can see you’ve had some time to think about things, but you obviously need a little more,” Gertrude said, shaking her head as she turned away.

“And if I hear about you taking ‘easy meals,’ I swear to all the gods that I will climb to whatever floor you’re on and put you out of your misguided misery.” She shook her head as she walked away.

Will watched the ancient priestess tromp down the dirt main street of their village, down the path that would eventually lead her back to her orphanage.

Will couldn’t quite grasp her logic there, so he put it in the back of his mind and turned back to the general store.

“You’re more alive than I was expecting,” Leon said.

“Same,” Will said. “Come by any Relics recently that you could part with for one gold?” Will asked, revealing the tooth-dented gold coin he’d received from the caravan.

“Mm.” Leon rubbed his chin and ducked behind the counter, and returned with three pieces of gear.

“Boots of Moisture Wicking, Eyepatch of Darkening, Amulet of Environmental Resistance.”

“Boots of Moisture Wicking? Seriously?” Will asked.

“What do you expect for one gold?” Leon asked back. “Anything that’ll save a life or win a fight is WAY more expensive.”

“This is the most money I’ve ever had,” Will responded, brandishing his gold coin.

“Good for you.” Leon shrugged. “Tell you what. Come back when you’ve got fifteen gold or the equivalent,” Leon said. “I’ll keep an eye out for Relics that suit your build.”

“That would be…” Will shook his head. “Thanks.”

“I do it for all the Climbers who come out of Ashwood.”

“No, you don’t!” Leon’s portly wife ducked out from the storage room to undercut him before vanishing again.

Leon’s expression soured, glancing over his shoulder at the empty doorway behind him. “Anyway—”

Quest Received!

Establishing Quest: Break the supply lines!

Kaith have pushed into the First Floor, and are currently the subject of an extermination order for higher-level Climbers. Their primary nest is under siege, but they are still receiving supplies through unknown channels.

Find these channels and sever them so that the primary force may successfully drive them back to the second floor.

Do you accept?

Y/N

14 minutes, 58 seconds remaining.

“Whoa,” Will said, blinking.

“Eh?”

“What’s a kaith?”

“Hive-mind creature, lives on the second floor. They build huge bridges out of their own spit and whatever material they have available. Nasty one-on-one, deadly in groups.”

“What’s an Establishing Quest?” Will asked.

“About the right time for you. What’s the time limit?”

“Fourteen minutes,” Will responded.

“That’s how long you have to decide whether you wanna go on it or not, so take your time,” Leon said. “Generally, Establishing Quests are called that because they’re an easy mission given to newbies, with an outsized reward for completion.

“They’re also a great way to find teammates,” Leon continued. “Since they’re primarily composed of young newbies without parties.

“And sometimes…” Leon said, wiggling his eyebrows. “...you meet cute single girls that you get to pair up with…if you know what I mean…” He glanced over his shoulder at the empty doorway. “For the rest of your life.”

Leon’s expression turned haunted, and he let out a sigh. “Anyway, you can’t take them after level five or if you are in a party, so now’s the time to meet some cute girls and make a good impression.”

“I’ll take that under advisement,” Will said. “Anything else I should know?”

“Don’t get killed?” Leon offered.

“How wise,” Will said. “Well, I guess I’ll—”

“Don’t accept it in here,” Leon said, shooing him away. “I don’t need an interdimensional doorway taking a chunk out of my floor, nor do I need you tumbling back through, all bloody in the middle of the night and dirtying up my shop. Accept it outside.”

Bemused, Will walked outside and a ways away from Leon’s shop.

Do you accept?

Yes.

Silently, a doorway opened in front of Will, identical to the one that had trapped him in a featureless box for two days. The featureless box that his corpse could be growing mushrooms in this very instant, if he hadn’t gotten lucky.

Well, here we go.

Will strode forward.

And stopped a couple inches away from the Door as his entire body flooded with adrenaline.

Will took a step back, and his heart settled down almost immediately.

No problem. I’ll just close my eyes, take a deep breath, and…

Will’s feet unconsciously swerved around the Door. When he opened his eyes, he was way off the mark, the glowing Door behind him and to his right.

Oh…this could be a problem.

Will came up with a solution.

“Hey Leon, could I get a hand out here?”

“Eh, whaddya need me for?” the gruff shopkeep demanded, already heading out from behind the counter.

“I need you to give me a little push,” Will said as he arrived in front of the Door, miming the action.

“Nah. Ain’t gonna do it.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I’ve seen this before. A couple times. Heard about it even more,” Leon said. “Oftentimes people have real bad experiences on the other side of those Doors.” He glanced at Will’s missing hand.

“Sometimes they can’t bear to go through the Door anymore. I’ve seen people try to get others to give them the nudge they need to make it through. It always escalates until they’re kicking and screaming every time, and they always wash out. Or die.”

“But I feel fine!” Will protested.

“Yeah, the way you feel, and what’s really going on up here—” he tapped his head, “—ain’t always the same.”

“So what am I supposed to do?” Will demanded, his heart sinking.

“You’ve got two options: Give up on Climbing and start a life out here, or figure out a way to get yourself through that Door entirely under your own power, in the next thirteen minutes.”

Over the next ten minutes, Will tried running at it, jumping at it, but each time, one of his legs would give out, leaving him sprawled out in the dirt.

Several of those minutes were simply forcing himself to march through on sheer willpower, and they failed miserably.

As the timer was ticking down on the last two minutes, Leon scoffed and walked back to his shop.

“I’ll see if the local hunter’ll apprentice ya,” he said, turning towards Will and giving him a salute before rocking back on his heels and allowing himself to fall most of the way through his doorway before he caught himself.

Will’s eyes widened.

I just have to let gravity do the work. I really should give Leon a raise.

Will stood with his back to the Door, as close to the brilliant yellow death-portal as he could stomach, then closed his eyes and rocked back on his heels.

There was a fleeting sensation of weightlessness and mind-bending dread, and an instant later, Will slammed into a floor that was much rockier than the hard-packed earth street outside Leon’s shop.

Will opened his eyes and above him was that godsforsaken blue sky.

In the center of it was a grizzled veteran, looming directly over him.

“Nice of you to join us. Entamaphobia?” The older Climber asked what sounded like a question made of a jumble of syllables, while offering him a hand.

“I have no idea what that means,” Will said, taking the hand and coming to a stand, his ears catching whispers and feminine giggles.

Oh, right. Well, there goes my first impression, Will thought as he scanned the crowd. Leon was right. There were a lot of girls his age here.

“Fear of Doors,” the veteran said, dusting Will’s shoulders off.

“Oh, then yes.”

“You make it through on your own?” he asked. His tone was neutral, but Will felt a menacing energy carried through beneath it.

“Yessir. Closed my eyes and fell backwards.”

“Good! Means you might recover. NOW GET YOUR ASS IN THAT LINE!”

He shoved Will over towards the rest of the new Climbers, who were assembled into a rough line.

“We’re short on time, so I’ll make it quick. My name is Nathan. I’m your babysitter on this Quest.

“Now, just a few hundred feet that way is a big hole in the ground. That hole in the ground leads to an extensive cave system that the kaith are using to move food to the front lines, where they are battling higher-level climbers.

“Our quest is to find and destroy their supply lines. It is not to get into a direct fight with the kaith. If you’re here to advance a civilian Class, step forward.”

A dozen or so Climbers stepped forward.

“Set up camp. Bake bread. Whatever you do, do it,” he said, waving for them to get to work. The young men and women broke apart and began surveying the land, leaving the scrappier-looking Climbers behind.

Will was glad to count himself among them.

“You, what’s your archetype?”

“Tanker,” a large boy said.

“You?” he asked, moving on.

“Striker,” a young woman with lean muscles said.

“You?” he asked, pointing at a short figure in a leather cloak, a barrel resting beside it, nearly the same size as the figure itself.

“Saboteur,” a raspy voice responded.

“Lift that hood.”

Taloned hands reached up and lifted the deep hood, revealing a ruddy, scaled muzzle with eyes like emerald gemstones.

“A kobold. The hell did you get mixed in here? Don’t your people have their own land on the other side of the tower?”

“It’s a long story,” the kobold responded.

“Don’t care. I hear your people like traps.”

“We don’t just ‘like’ traps. We live them,” the kobold said with a genteel nod.

Nathan grunted, moving on. “You?”

“Nuker,” a young man said, pridefully raising his chin.

Will bit down on the instant envy.

Nathan went down a dozen or so before he got to Will. “You?”

“Scout/Infiltrator,” Will responded.

“Was that before or after this?” he asked, pointing at Will’s missing hand.

“After.”

“Huh. Good on you.”

Nathan moved down the line until he reached the end.

“Alright, break into teams, no less than two, no more than five. I don’t really care what your logic is, just be aware that a poor choice in teammates will get you killed.”

Will approached some people he thought could complement his style, but by and large, they ignored him after one look at his missing hand.

In a matter of minutes, half a dozen knots of young men and women had formed, leaving Will standing by himself.

Well, not entirely by himself.

“Care for a grub?” the kobold asked, reaching up to offer him a wriggling larva.

Will shrugged and ate it. It tasted…not bad, all things considered. Probably would be better if cooked and spiced, but one simply did not turn down free food.

“My name is Loth,” Loth said. “You are the first human who accepted my gift of friendship. I believe the human custom is to…clasp hands, correct?”

“Indeed,” Will said, taking the oddly pebbled hand and giving it a firm shake. “My name’s William Oh.”

“Ah, then our victory is assured,” Loth said with a sharp-toothed grin.

“Whaddya mean?” Will asked, before realizing that the knots of chatting teens had turned silent.

“The William Oh?” one of the nearby teen Climbers asked.

Will scanned the surrounding Climbers, staring at him with a mixture of burgeoning awe and envy.

Holy shit, Jason. You weren’t kidding.

“…That’s me.”

“He’s on my team!” a girl shouted, grabbing Will’s arm, which unleashed a flood of noise and motion as everyone crowded around him.