The Isekai App

I took a deep breath. "I met Mom in the transcendence place. The Heavyside Layer."

He goggled. "What? But…she…no soul! Died before Sliceday!"

I shrugged. "She was there. It could have been a hallucination, sure, but…I don't think so. I met Molly, you know, Molly the dog there." I reached into a pocket, brought out a tennis ball. Handed it to Owen.

"Is this her slobber?" He sniffed at it, rubbed it against his face. "It's her slobber. And sand from that dog beach near Leucadia… Oh…wow, oh wow." His eyes were moist, his skin animations swirling wildly.

"Keep it," I said. "For our admission to this party today. Mom…she yelled at me."

He grinned. "Oh yeah? Ella te gritó en español? That's when you know you're in for it."

"Definitely. She told me I was cruel. That I'd lost my temper. That I shouldn't have destroyed the capitol and cleaned the Humans out, that was too much, too violent."

"She have any better ideas?"

"Of course not, she never does, right? But she also said…" I swallowed. "...that she was proud of me. All of me, and that was a little confusing for her, that we were so numerous. She said that I meant well, that…I tried hard, that I did good, even if I was a jerk about it." I had to stop a moment.

Deep breath. I went on. "She said I could let it go. That…it would be okay to forgive. She was fine, that she was fine and she didn't need us to punish Humans for …"

Owen was frozen. His eyes were wide. For just a moment all of his glowing animations winked out.

And Mandy was suddenly there, in front of him, glaring at me, private conversation be damned. "What's this," she snarled. "Come to my barbecue and make him cry, what…" The gust of wind that she'd brought in her rapid passage blasted us.

"No," said Owen, and put his arms around her. "No, it's…good. It's good, Beloved Mandy." Rubbed his face against her pigtails.

"Snot in my hair." She looked uncertainly at him, hugged him.

"He…look, he brought me a present." Owen tried to hand her the tennis ball.

"Gross," she said. "Mud and drool, hold on to it."

She peered around his shoulder at my daughter, went back to Molly at the craft table. Glared at me as she left, pointed menacingly.

"She also had a message for you," I said. "You in particular. She said you'd destroyed the world. She said you did the right thing. She said she…she brags about you. Mi hijo destruyó la tierra y la salvó."

A single tear slid down Owen's nose. "Oh good," he said.

Mandy watched, back and forth between Owen and me. Then said something encouraging to Molly as she made a creature with construction paper and dry macaroni.

I met her eyes, gave her a thumbs-up, she seemed to relax.

"What about…" He sniffed. "Is Mandy's family there?"

"Mom talks to them. They want grandbabies."

He grinned, and Mandy laughed, rubbing her round belly, and it was okay. She'd heard all of it.

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Power couple.

Schmendrick strolled in, leading a pack of Los Cazadores. Maybe thirty of them.

They weren't babies, but they seemed new. Smaller than the famous Schmendrick, who immediately commanded respect from all present. Her pointy head scanned the gathering, found me and Owen Walsh.

"Follow me, racists," she commanded, and the pack of Los Cazadores accompanied her in a nervous flock. She sat like a cat, in a loaf shape before me, her heavy tail straight out behind her. "Owen, introduce me."

He petted her between her ears; she regally allowed him to do it. "Mateo, this is Schmendrick de los Cazadores, famous author and warrior queen. She's my bud. You have to pet her."

I did, down her longish neck in the back. She leaned into it. "I told you that you were a tricky trap, remember? I was right. You were meant to grab my Owen here, transcend with him, take him away from us and his baby-on-the-way."

"I remember."

"It's why I didn't take you with me. Okay? It's not that I don't love you. Where's the pretty Human girl who read my book?"

"On TV."

"Good, she should be happy because she read it. I want that for her because she's my friend. I want all my friends to be happy, even if they're horrible racists." She spun her head and aimed her snout at the pack of new Cazadores behind her. "Understand?"

They made noises of agreement, subdued and reluctant.

One stepped forward, a little shakily. "I like this. I like that I can smell things. I want to eat. Can I try eating with this new mouth? It seems like food'll taste better, can I please do that, ma'am?"

"Yes. All of you go do that. And if you are cruel at my friends I'll kill you and you'll stay dead, so don't. Okay?"

They nervously agreed and headed for the grill. Schmendrick remained, but watched them. They were awkward and fearful.

"They think we hate them. That they're prisoners," she said glumly. "They're getting over being dumb. Being dumb is hard to get rid of but food helps."

And sure enough, the new Cazadores, formerly the middle-aged Covenant members that had cowered beneath the Pentagon, started getting into the food. They made actual noises of appreciation.

"They tried to swim away," Schmendrick said crossly. "Almost drowned. Stupid! But…but." She looked at me. Deep, black eyes, assessing me, comparing me to her version of Owen Walsh. "But it was a good idea even if they didn't want it. I don't like that they didn't want it."

"I don't either, I'm sorry, Schmendrick." I meant it. "We didn't know what else to do."

"I can already tell that most of them like it better. Being Human must be unpleasant, and I don't want that for my dear friends the evil disgusting vile former Human screwups."

"What next?"

"We introduce them to the pack. Give them a new social group that helps them detach from constant reinforcing racism jerk loser influences. People like this are all about peer groups, they're helpless without them."

I couldn't help it; I really did love Schmendrick. "You're so cool and smart."

She raised her snout and gazed into the middle distance, closed her eyes. "Yes."

"Tell me about this," Owen said. "Are all the Covenant people now Cazadores?"

"There's a mix," I said. "Everyone has to be able to communicate in Human languages, so it's Cazadores, Gardeners, Pingsters. They get to choose. They're introduced into the societies of those people."

"Even if they tried to burn down a Gardener city?"

"The Gardeners went through something like this once. So did Pingsters. They used to be monster genocidal crazies, once upon a time, and know how to get around it now. Hopefully Humans can skip that stage."

"Uh…skip?" He said, but didn't go on.

"Who's the Human sex toy?" Schmendrick asked. She was looking at Lir.

"He's…" I laughed, I couldn't help it. "He's…an Owen. He wants to get girls, but he's embarrassed."

"That's awful, he looks so unhappy and I probably love him. And there are Humans here who would help him be a good sex toy."

Owen smiled. He loved her too, I could feel it. "You can help him meet people. People love you and your students there are busy learning to eat."

She ran to Lir, who recognized her instantly. He turned bright red, his mouth gaped. They talked, and he knelt. Shmendrick hopped on his shoulders and commanded him to move among the Humans.

The Humans couldn't resist Lir and Schmendrick. It was amazing.

"She's magic," I said to Owen. I looked around. "All of you are. All of this is."

"You're one of us, and we're glad to have you–"

Molly suddenly stood at my feet, tugged on my shirt.

"Yes ma'am Molly?"

"I need someone to pick me up," she announced.

The Radio's voice boomed. "Mateo suddenly knew, with a nervous flutter in his belly, that Adaobi was arriving."