The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon

The dungeon’s avatar slowly floated down to the floor. As it did, ice emerged, creeping up along the walls of the chamber, sealing it from any external interference. The temperature drop was so intense that several of the talismans worn shattered off the avatar’s neck. Interestingly enough, the resist sleep talisman was also glowing. It seemed that the dungeon was using some sort of sleeping mist to render heroes harmless.

“The sleeping mist is a nice touch,” the avatar said. “You’ll have to teach me that.”

“It’s more than a trick,” the dry voice said. For some reason, it didn’t sound like it was coming from the core, though. “Why don’t you admire my chamber?”

Careful not to touch the floor, the avatar floated towards the center of the chamber, past the columns. It was at that point that he saw that the columns were not columns at all: they were prisons. Within them, wrapped in roots and aether restraints and then enclosed in ice, were five people in full combat armor. Liandra was among them. Theo’s first reaction was to consider them dead. However, his opinion changed when the woman opened her eyes and glanced at him.

“Surprised?” the voice cackled. “I could have easily killed them, but it’s a lot more fun this way. Some have been here for decades. Of them, only one other managed to reach the chamber on his own.”

“Do I get a prize?” Theo asked.

“You should feel honored that I let you come this far. You’re not remotely close to their caliber. Compared to them, you’re like a kitten that’s only able to rip paper and considers that to be a feat.”

That was a rather picturesque metaphor, but also made Theo think. He had no problems understanding it, but he still had memories of his past human life. A normal dungeon shouldn’t be able to think that way.

“Spok,” Theo asked in his main body. “Know of any dungeon that has cats?”

The spirit guide visibly froze as if struck by lightning. For three full seconds she remained as she was, holding a scroll half open in front of her, until she finally finishing to roll it up.

“Cats, sir?” she asked as she placed the scroll in its compartment in her work study.

“Cats,” the dungeon repeated, annoyed. “Small, furry, annoying, get everywhere.”

“Such creatures are not usually something a dungeon would like to have within them. Unless you’re referring to a panther pit, of course. Might I remind you of your opinions regarding the cicadae squirrels?”

The wall and several buildings in Rosewind shivered. This was a dark part in the dungeon’s history, it preferred not to remember. At the same time, Spok brought up a rather good point. No respectable dungeon would voluntarily inflict such pain on itself.

“Thanks, Spok.”

Theo cast his ultra arcane identify on the core.

CORE OF VINEWOOD

Living seed of the forest, that grants life and magic to all trees and creatures within.

Appeared at the dawn of time, it is one of the many core seeds that were scattered throughout the land to help the world flourish.

Can only be consumed by Level 9 dungeons, Demon Lords, or Deities.

The first thing that Theo did upon seeing the results of his identification was double check his own level. Despite his vast eagerness, he remained at level one and the leveling gem still had twenty-seven percent to completion. Sometimes, Theo thought that the blasted thing was losing energy.

The second though he was a lot more insightful. As fascinating as the “seed core” was, there was one thing it couldn’t be—a dungeon.

“You’re not a dungeon,” the avatar said, turning around. “You’re just someone taking advantage of its power.”

Laughter echoed throughout the chamber.

“Did you build this place, or did you stumble upon it?”

“You’re quite good. Maybe you are worthy to become part of my collection, after all.”

A vortex of icy energy formed a dozen steps away. As it grew, an entity appeared in its core—a very skeletal entity with a necklace of talismans of its own.

“A lich?” Theo asked.

There was a brief period during which he considered creating a lich chamber himself. Being boss-level minions of extreme power, one of those would have come in handy when fighting Lord Mandrake. The only drawback, that the construction of one required a vast amount of core points, not to mention that liches were complete energy hogs.

“Yes.” Purple flames burned in the lich’s eye sockets. “Not always, though. There was a time, when I was just like you: a mage the elves considered to be the chosen one. The very first chosen one.”

That was a rather unexpected revelation. On the other hand, seeing the Silvarian’s attitude, Theo could understand it. The lich must have been a prodigy of his time, and as such had been offered vast rewards, geared up with magic talismans and sent to find the core.

“What went wrong?” the avatar asked, cautiously approaching the entity.

“Everything went wrong. The elves said that there would be elemental guardians protecting the core, but they didn’t bother with details. I dug my way through dirt, and roots, moles, and insects to a temple that existed long before the forest seed sprouted.” Blue flames surrounded the lich’s bony hands. “No one before me had reached this far. The creatures were a joke, so were the root guardians in the outer sanctum. I barely used half my energy to defeat them. But that was before the truth of this place was made clear. The root guardians weren’t actual guardians. They were foot soldiers. The real guardians were elementals.”

Theo could sympathize. If a normal person, even a prodigal mage, wasted so much energy on digging and dealing with small fries, there was no way he’d survive against elementals. Those were almost as powerful as a lich, and even more expensive to create. The only thing even more expensive than them was building a dragon roost, which, come to think of it would have been a good idea.

“I take it you lost?” the avatar asked.

“I never lose.” The lich’s skull flared up, surrounded by blue flames. “I defeated all four of the elementals. The damage sustained was too much, though. The cursed elves had given me all those useless talismans and only one to heal minor wounds. It was my desire for vengeance that sustained me. That and the power of the core turned me into what I am today, and I plan to kill every single chosen one that tries to help the elves.”

“And the heroes?” the avatar asked.

“Everyone needs a hobby.” The lich pointed at the avatar, casting an ice ray.

Theo cast a fire pillar in response. Boosted by the core, both spells were a lot more powerful, clashing in an explosion of power that pushed both parties several steps back. Clearly, this wasn’t going to be easy. On the other hand, Theo noticed that the energy used was a lot less than expected—merely a fifth, to be exact.

“Are you sure you want to go on with this?” the avatar asked, taking the legendary sword from his dimensional ring. “You’re strong, I give you that, but I happen to have defeated a demon lord,” he boasted.

“A demon lord?” The purple flames in the lich’s eye sockets turned white. “You?”

“You better believe it.”

“You’re the one who destroyed the heart of Demon Lord Kayinion?”

Theo saw no reason to clarify that the demon lord had multiple hearts, and the one he’d destroyed was very static and undefended, since Liandra was dealing with a demon minion.

“Very well.” The lich cackled. “This’ll make things interesting. I never told you what sort of mage I was, did I?” bony fingers moved about drawing symbols in the air. Within moments a white ring circle had formed, bathing everything in a pale light.

“Let me guess. You’re—”

There was a sudden knock on the door of Theo’s main body. With everything going on in Rosewind, that could hardly be considered unusual. A quick peek through the window, though, revealed something different. Not only was there a large crowd gathered but also an impressively large and intricately complicated telescopic contraption.

Curiosity tipped the scales, causing Theo to cast a few floating eyeballs and have them float down from the windows. As he suspected, the old alchemist was there, standing in front of the door, a large book beneath his left arm.

The dungeon was just about to ask what the racket was when the alchemist spotted the cluster of eyeballs.

“Ah, there you are!” the man said with a wide smile. “I’ve been consulting some of my books and have come to the conclusion that it must be a spell combination riddle.”

“Huh?” The eyeballs stared at him.

“In order to pass, you must cast various spells on various words,” the alchemist went on. “A sort of combination lock. Ingenious really. So, in order to pass, you must—”

“What are you talking about?” Theo interrupted.

“The riddle you asked me about. I’ve been thinking about it since our conversation this morning.”

“You cast a fireball on the forest in the center,” Theo said.

“Oh…”

“I hope you didn’t rush after me just for that. Need I remind you that you’re supposed to be building my observatory device so I can protect this city?”

“Oh, that’s done.” The alchemist pointed to the wagon with the device behind him. “I told you I’d finish it by the end of the day. You still owe me thirty gold, by the way.”

“Thirty? It was supposed to be twenty! Besides, you said it’ll take you a full day.”

“Thirty, including installation!” The alchemist pointed at the floating eyeball a bit too energetically. As a result, one of the eyeballs popped out of existence. “Oops. Sorry about that.”

“You mean you were able to complete all that in a few minutes?!”

“Minutes? Well, I know I’m fast, but it took a bit longer than that. It’s almost evening. And I prefer to finish the work before it gets dark.”

The dungeon was just about to point that it wasn’t even noon when the sun betrayed him. Somehow, the ball of fire, had managed to sneak its way to the horizon without him noticing. That wasn’t supposed to be right. While Theo wasn’t a clock-watcher, especially since he’d become a dungeon, he could have sworn that only a few minutes had passed between the melting of the barrier and him entering the lich’s chamber. There was no possible way that…

Don’t tell me, Theo thought.

While everything was going on, his avatar had remained practically motionless. Actually, it was more than that. As far as his avatar was concerned, time was flowing as normal.

“—an elementalist,” the avatar finished the sentence as if nothing had happened.

“No, a chrono mage,” the lich laughed. “Let’s see how long you can last, with each minute lasting several hours.”

That sounded like cheating. Thinking about it, it was something a chrono mage would do. Not that Theo knew anything about chrono magic. Maybe once everything was over—provided the town was still standing—he could inquire at his mage tower. Until then, though, he had a choice. He could either focus on the fight against the lich, or focus his attention on Rosewind. Since there was no urgency in his lich battle—as a dungeon, he didn’t need to sleep or rest—Theo decided to concentrate on getting his normal body in order. Not that it was a big challenge, either. After getting his money, the alchemist and his team went to install the viewing device on the tower that Theo had constructed for the purpose. While the work was taking part there, the dungeon decided—for the first time since its reincarnation—to focus on its actual self.

One look at what Theo had become was enough to make him fall into despair. It was like a slob taking a look at himself in the mirror after a year of doing nothing but eating snacks on the couch. No longer the lean, mean bundle of elegance and power, the dungeon had bloated to include the large part of a town, all his parts connected in the most inefficient way possible. Bloated empty chambers and spaghetti-like tunnels crisscrossed beneath the Rosewind, linking the various buildings that he had obtained. With the sole exception of the wall, those two were a hollow façade containing nothing more than a vast empty space and a small study belonging to Spok. It was no wonder he was wasting so much energy to just maintain the whole thing. If he had given the matter some actual consideration and not done as he pleased, leaving Spok to manage the mess, he’d be in a much better state. Still, what was done was done. The main thing now was to fix as much and as quickly as possible.

Theo’s main building, containing his core, was thankfully roughly in the center of town, giving him good access to every other part of him. The location of the gardens was also adequate, mostly because of their vicinity to the building. As for everything else, however… Having energy reactors close to buildings was a great idea to ensure that they were well maintained should anything happen. Yet, it remained a piecemeal solution. Unironically, the deserted temple Theo’s avatar was fighting at was a lot better organized. From what he could tell, it was all based on the principle of spheres of influence: an inner sanctum, a layer of defenses and protections, and an outer sanctum full of minions. In this situation, the dungeon didn’t need to worry about adventurers storming in, so he could do away with the minions. Everything else, though, could do some reorganizing.

After some consideration, Theo decided that it was better and more efficient to keep what he had and slowly fill in the empty spots, creating a solid structure underground, instead of focusing solely on the buildings on the surface. In order to achieve that, he had to do one thing: start from his core and build deeper. Also, unlike before, his tunnels, chambers and corridors were going to be a lot more solid.

“Spok, how much materials do we have?” Theo asked.

“After reinforcing the walls and extravagances such as your observatory,” she stressed, “not that much. You might be able to reinforce two buildings at most, but that’s it.”

Not as good as he had hoped. It was a mystery where all tons of ore and minerals had vanished. The reason, to a large degree, was that the quality of the purchased ore was rather poor, and after refinement, there was only a fraction of material available.

“How many core points will it cost me to create a proper set of stone and metal tunnels?” Theo asked.

Spok nearly dropped the quill she was holding.

“Is everything alright, sir?” she asked with real concern. Normally, his modus operandi was to delegate everything to her, then shift between micromanaging, fooling about with his avatar, or creating a random room at a random location for no real purpose.

“Hmm?”

“I meant you could reinforce a quarter of the tunnels, perhaps a few chambers more, but not much more.”

“How many core points will it cost me to do it?”

“About nine tenths if no other construction is done. You’ve been using a lot of them, sir, even with the energy produced. Under ordinary circumstances, I’d have recommended buying monster cores, or even hiring adventurers to get some for you. Unfortunately, that isn’t an option right now, and I fear the place is exceptionally poor in any minerals or metals. The soil is fertile, though.”

Mineral poor, but soil rich. It sounded like a nice place to retire. It seemed that the return of the avatar was the best thing that could happen. The chrono lich put a spanner in that plan, making a twenty-minute battle take days. Things would have been so much easier if the earl was here, but of course, there was still no sign of him. Half a dozen riders had set out with the explicit goal of finding him and bringing him back to the castle, so he could take the defense of the city in his own hands, yet so far none of them had returned.

“Would you like me to assist you with anything, sir?” The spirit guide offered.

“No, Spok, I’ll take care of this myself.” Theo was just about to thank her and get back to thinking about dungeon basics when a sneaky idea came to mind. It was somewhat extreme, and he suspected Spok wouldn’t be particularly pleased, but it was going to provide a temporary solution. “Actually, Spok, there’s one thing you can do.”

“Yes?”

“I’d like you to invite Avid Rosewind tomorrow morning on my behalf.”

“The earl’s son, sir?

“The same. Try to convince him that it would be for the good of everyone if he donated part of the treasury for the defense efforts.”

There was a long moment of silence. Spok considered the prospect, then considered it again. In a twisted sort of way it did make sense, although she had serious doubts of the plan succeeding. Spok, like every other noble, had been trying to get the earl’s son to side with them since the news of the fleet reached town. Sending yet another scroll was hardly going to work.

“I doubt that he’d accept, sir,” the woman said. “He’s been doing a pretty good job of hiding from everyone. I doubt he’ll even open the invitation I sent.”

“Then you’ll have no choice but to give it in person.”

“Sir, you know well that’s impossible. I can’t go anywhere that isn’t part of you.”

“You can go to the wall. And I believe part of it is rather close to the earl’s castle.”

“Close is a bit of an overstatement, sir.”

“By tomorrow morning, it won’t be,” Theo said. He knew that it was going to cost him a lot, both in terms of gold and core points, but it was a worthwhile investment, especially if he was able to get a large supply of magic trinkets with which to replenish his reserves.

“I see. In that case, I’ll do my very best, sir.”

Everything happened just as Theo had said. As his avatar and the chrono lich exchanged a few more words and started the first motions of their fight, the dungeon had purchased the land between the city wall and the earl’s castle, and proceeded to fill it with solid buildings. Simultaneously, he had strengthened all chambers and tunnels beneath his house, as well as modified the size of the gardens to form a series of underground rings. That had caused some minor confusion for Cmyk, but was also a lot more appreciated, since slimes no longer were able to simply wander in. The aether generators were moved close to each quadrant, while the central area within the ring was transformed into a manufacturing chamber, where wheat was divided and straw made directly into gold. Three storage chambers were also constructed: one for grain, one for straw, and one for gold, leaving the house above a lot tidier. The new freed-up room was transformed into an archive room and given to Spok, who had already taken the entire top floor.

Meanwhile, the new observatory had also been finished. Despite the quirks of his character, the alchemist had done a splendid job, creating a telescope that had the power to see hundreds of stars in the night sky, as well as see well into the two neighboring kingdoms. Theo had also learned the Spy Scrying spell that allowed him to increase the range of his sight by ten miles per fifty energy spent. One of the hopes was to be able to use it to spot the earl. Alas, there was no such luck.

“If I might, I’d like to congratulate you on the efficient way you’ve spent your core points, sir,” Spock said as she walked along the roof of the new wall section. “You’ve done rather marvelously.”

“You mean I’m finally starting to act as a dungeon?” Theo clarified. Right now, he wasn’t sure whether to be pleased by the praise or not. “Did you take enough gold?”

“Yes, sir. A full carry-chest’s worth.”

Internally, the dungeon sighed. Despite all his attempts, he had failed to get Spok to call the device a suitcase. Somehow, she had managed to coin the phrase carry-chest, to his great annoyance.

“And you’re using the shiny gold, right?”

“Every last coin, sir.”

“Good. In that case, it’s my turn.”

The dungeon created a dozen floating eyeballs and sent them around the castle. Naturally, he was careful not to be seen by any of the guards. While popping the eyeballs wouldn’t cause any harm, spying on the town’s ruler openly wasn’t a good idea.

It didn’t take long to locate the earl’s son. The youth had chosen to hide at one of the castle’s towers. Spok had her doubts, but Theo was sure he’d be there—if the boy was waiting for his father, he’d wait at the spot from which he’d be able to spot the earl as he returned to town.

Using his telekinetic capabilities, Theo then transported a small bell to the tower’s window and rang it. The faint noise proved enough to catch Avid’s attention. The boy opened the window to find the source of the noise. However, what he found was a whole new section of buildings that didn’t exist before, with Spok d’Esprit on top, sitting at a table with what appeared to be an assortment of food.

“Good morning to you,” the woman said in a loud and clear voice. “I was wondering if you’d like to join me for dinner, Avid. I’m sure you’re quite busy, so I thought I’d combine a brief discussion with the most important meal of the day.”

Normally, the response to such an invitation would be to close the windows and ignore it completely. However, there was something in the prospect of having breakfast on the roof of a brand-new building that made Avid feel a lot more inclined. Not to mention that he knew practically nothing about Baron d’Argent’s steward; that suggested that there was a possibility that she might actually be tolerable.

“It would only take a moment, I assure you,” Spok added as she poured two cups of wine.

“Alright,” Avid Rosewind said. “I’ll be with you shortly.”

Theo expected that the boy would use some magic item or spell to fly from the tower directly to Spok. Instead, Avid just walked. Unwilling to risk having him fall, the dungeon modified the face of the building to have a rather forgiving stone ladder. The effort didn’t go unnoticed.

“When did you make this?” Avid asked upon reaching the top.

“The baron greatly values time and efficiency,” Spok lied outright. “Given the approaching danger, he wanted to be sure that you and your family receive the best protection, along with the rest of town, of course.”

“Right…” Avid hesitated a bit, but still took a seat at the table. “He’s been doing a lot of changes. My father believes that he’s a powerful eccentric mage that has chosen to move to a nice quiet place to focus on retirement.”

The description was accurate to the point that Theo was no longer sure that the earl was the buffoon he pretended to be.

“And what do you believe?” Spok asked.

“I don’t know yet. I’ve only seen him once, and he seemed… underwhelming. I think you’re the real power behind him.”

“I’m not the one who’s gone on a quest set by your father.”

“But you’re the one overseeing all “his” developments in town, including the wall.”

“You flatter me, but let me assure you, the baron is the one with the vision. I’m merely following his instructions.”

It didn’t take a mind reader to see that Avid still had his doubts. If anything, the denial only reinforced his conviction that Spok was the mind behind everything.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” he asked.

“Aren’t you going to eat anything?” Spok sounded almost motherly.

“I’m not hungry. I just wanted to see the view from here… and learn what you really wanted.”

“Quite direct. In that case, I’ll be direct as well.” Spok placed the wooden suitcase and opened it. Stacks of gold coins glowed inside. “The baron would like to acquire all monster cores, or items with such, in your treasury.”

Avid’s eyes widened. This was the first time he’d seen glowing gold, and it had the desired effect.

“Anything you can spare,” Spok added.

“You’re aware that they belong to my father,” Avid said reluctantly.

“Actually, that isn’t entirely correct. They belong to the earl, and at the moment the earl is you. To be more precise, you can act in the name of the earl. And between you and me, after today no one will be able to do so.” Spok leaned slightly towards the young Rosewind. “Not many know this, but the airships are much closer than people think. By tomorrow evening at the latest, they’ll be here. If we don’t make use of what you have in your treasury by then, it’ll be too late. And, as I said, the baron will buy the items in question, nothing less.”

The youth swallowed. This was a tremendous decision to be made. Normally, it would be his father who’d make it, along with an advisor or two. Now that he was gone, all the advisors gave different suggestions and the nobles constantly tried to convince him to give them the reins of power.

“Are you sure?” Avid asked.

“Absolutely,” Spok replied. “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”

There was still a hint of doubt in Avid’s eyes. However, it wasn’t enough to risk the destruction of the city. Fear kicked in, then determination.

“I’ll need to talk with the treasurer,” he said at last. “You’ll get what I manage to find by the afternoon.”

“That would be most fortuitous. Thank you, young Rosewind.”

“Yeah…” Avid stood up, then climbed down the building. He didn’t take the case of gold, but Spok used her own telekinesis ability to move it to the tower. A deal was a deal.

“I must say, Spok, I’m rather impressed,” Theo said once she had remained alone.

“Thank you, sir. Spirit guides were meant for negotiations.”

“Not that. I’m impressed you knew about the airships. I saw some of them through the observatory telescope. The first ones will be here by tomorrow.”