The Human From a Dungeon

Emperor Jak Norev I

Adventurer Level: N/A

Dwarf - Calkutin

"What gibberish spouts from your incompetent maw?" I demanded.

"Th-the daemons, my emperor," my new senior aide stammered. "They are attacking! All over the empire!"

"Repeating yourself provides no additional clarification, boy! Do you believe that my ears no longer function?"

"I-I'm sorr-"

"Silence!" I shouted as I angrily rose from my throne. "Your apologies mean as much as the mud on a hnarse's hoof! The next words out of your mouth had better detail from whence these attacks are coming and how many daemons are involved, or I'll have you flayed, fired, and kicked out on what's left of your fucking incompetent ass!"

"Language, cloud-dweller," Amsiri scolded me.

I turned to stare at my wife with pursed lips and a squint. Had such a correction been issued by anyone other than her, their head easily could have been mounted on the wall of shame within the hour. Luckily for my darling, my love for her was deeper than any rage I could ever feel.

Plus, it would be pretty scandalous for me to have my wife executed. I definitely wouldn't be the first emperor to do so, though, so it was mostly my love that allowed her to be so fucking cheeky. The corners of her perfectly-shaped lips rose a little, as if she knew what I was thinking and how much our love tied my hands.

"Not in front of the help, dear," I grumbled. "Especially when they're being an imbecile."

I turned back toward the aide, who was on both knees in apology. The news of the daemons had obviously shaken him, and he had dropped everything to report it to me. A normal reaction, when one thinks it through. I sighed as I came to the realization that my previous aide, Hanamsh, had set my expectations a little high.

"Do you know where the daemons are attacking from or how many there are?" I asked with as much patience as I could muster.

The shake of his head very nearly sent me into another shouting spree, but I remembered what I had told him and took a breath to calm down.

"Then go find out. Or better yet, summon someone who does."

The aide first rose to one knee whilst keeping his head bowed, a silent acknowledgment of my command, and then proceeded to flee the throne room at top speed. The large doors creaked closed behind him as I grumpily retook my seat and glanced at my wife. She gave me a small nod of approval.

"Despite the... Amateurish manner in which it was delivered, the news is still quite concerning, no?" she asked.

"Any news of an attack is concerning when one isn't given any details," I replied with salt in my tone.

"Yet you don't sound overly concerned, my dear emperor."

"I've spent the better part of my rule devising strategies against invasion. Our friendships with Bolisir and the Unified Chiefdoms, for instance, were neither accidental nor incidental. Those relationships, as well as the ones with the rest of our neighbors, were practically clawed into existence to ensure that we had allies to call upon."

"Then why would you aggravate High Chief Ulurmak about the mine?"

"Because I knew I could get away with it," I grinned at her. "Ulurmak is notoriously level-headed, so trying to piss him off just sport. Plus, we need the income from the mine to avoid the coming financial crisis."

"So a mixture of urgency and immaturity?"

"Hmm... I suspect many historians will describe the majority of my rule as such. But there is a method to each madness, an intent behind each jest. The cleverest among them will see that."

"Ah, I see," she rose from her cushion and approached me. "So you're the greatest emperor to ever grace the throne with your behind?"

"Of course, my darling," I replied as her lips met my forehead. "It is the duty of every emperor to be greater than those that came before."

"Then you'll have no trouble defeating these daemons, then."

She giggled as she deftly dodged my kiss and returned to her cushion. I wasn't allowed to kiss her in the throne room, lest I stroke her passions and she lose control of herself. She was terribly afraid of someone walking in on the inevitable consequences of such.

"No, the duty of defeating the daemons lies solely with dear cousin Jakiv," I sighed as I watched her plop onto the cushion. "He is the face of our martial forces, and my intervention would be disruptive."

"So this will be yet another feather in Jakiv's cap?" she asked with an edge to her tone.

"Let him wear a clucker for all I care. He is competent and knows his duty. Doubting his intentions is an exercise in futility, my love."

"Oh he's that loyal to you, is he?"

Amsiri had a habit of pushing my boundaries whenever she became nervous. As if fighting me was a suitable replacement for fighting the causes of her anxiety. I adopted a more relaxed posture in the hopes of setting her at ease.

"His loyalty to me is irrelevant," I chuckled. "Cousin Jakiv is loyal to the people. So long as the throne and whoever's ass is upon it provides more benefit than harm to the people of the empire, Jakiv and those that follow him will toe the line. And I prefer it that way, as a matter of fact. It keeps me honest."

"For the most part," she chuckled in turn.

"Indeed," I winked.

The creak of the doors warned me to change my posture, which was the exact reason that I never allowed the hinges to be greased. Jakiv and the new aide rushed up the purple, green, and gold runner rug toward me. I leaned forward on my throne as they kneeled.

"My emperor, may I pre-"

"Silence," I interrupted. "I know my cousin, aide. Have you anything to add to this conversation?"

The aide shook his head. It pleased me that he wasn't so stupid as to speak once ordered into silence. Knowing that a lengthy war was likely in front of me, I decided to give him another chance.

"Then leave, and reflect on your errors this day. See to it that they are never repeated."

There was a small thud as the aide's head touched the floor in gratitude for my forgiveness. Jakiv raised an eyebrow as the boy rose and fled the room with a speed that would make a messenger envious.

"My dearest cousin Jakiv," I said, smiling and standing. "I take it you're here about the daemons."

"Yes, emperor."

"Please stow the formalities, cousin. I want to know everything, and I'd rather not have every sentence ending in the acknowledgement of my station."

"Yes... Er, okay."

Only family and friends that I held in high esteem were allowed to speak to me informally. Only with permission, of course. It was always amusing to see Jakiv try to adjust to speaking in an informal manner. I was almost convinced that he would speak formally even on a drinking binge. Were he to participate in such and activity.

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"Sibit said that you needed to be briefed on the threat?" he asked, still kneeling.

"Get up, dammit," I sighed and sat. "And who's Sibit?"

"The aide, dear," my wife interjected.

"Oh, right."

"You don't know your senior aide's name?" Jakiv asked.

"I've learned it, but it keeps escaping me. He's no Hanamsh."

My previous senior aide had held the office since my father's time on the throne. We had butted heads for a while after my coronation, but his professionalism had never allowed him to cross the line into insubordination. He challenged my more whimsical and childish decisions, but did so in a respectful and professional way.

The bastard was so good at his job, in fact, that it created a deep respect for him within me, and I had even occasionally sought his advice. Furthermore, his work ethic was the stuff of legends. He worked longer than anyone else, including me, and he didn't marry or have any children specifically so that he could better serve the empire.

Hanamsh even refused retirement once his age began to catch up to him. The councilors tried to force the issue, under the misguided belief that the role would better be served by someone younger, but I interceded on his behalf with an imperial decree. I could tell he still had some oil left to burn, and leaving it unburned would haunt him for the rest of his days. Plus, I'd grown quite fond of him by that time.

The decree bought us another decade, and we made the most of it. But then his age took his sight, and there was nothing left that could be done. I granted him a few caretakers and some land, then sent him on his way. It was a sadder day for me than my own father's funeral.

"She," Jakiv said, immediately snapping me out of my melancholic thoughts.

"She?" I asked.

"Sibit is a woman, cousin. She just cuts her hair short and has a slightly deeper than normal voice."

"Really?"

"You truly didn't notice?" Amsiri asked in shock.

"The only woman I notice is you, my dear," I smiled and winked at her, then turned my attention back to Jakiv. "No matter. What of the daemons?"

"They're attacking multiple territories at once, in every direction with the exception of the east. The messengers report that the attacks were sudden, as if the armies just appeared from nowhere."

"Inter-planery travel," I nodded. "Damn, so this is a full blown daemonic invasion, then. Just like in the history books. Numbers?"

"Our forces were caught completely by surprise and did not have a chance to estimate their strength. We've lost two cities to the north and west, and one to the south. Haldabro held up, though. Refugees and surviving soldiers are currently in the process of fleeing the daemonic armies."

"Five cities have fallen and I'm only just now hearing of this?"

"Only a few moments after myself. The daemons attacked by surprise and in unison. This was not the work of a mindless horde, it was a well-planned and executed operation."

"I see. How long ago did these attacks begin?"

"A week ago, at most."

"And what are we doing about them?"

"Word has been sent to the next most-likely targets and I've begun the muster. General Sov will lead a force to the south, General Hilta will go north, and I will lead our main army to the west. We'll pick up the surviving soldiers along the way and send the refugees to safety. Ten thousand soldiers will remain in the capital under your direct command for defense. I've also sent word to our allies, but I didn't request aid."

"Why not?" I asked, confusion seeping into my voice.

"With how well these attacks were coordinated, I am of the mind that our enemy is a strategist," Jakiv explained. "They knew where and when to strike, which means that they likely know other things about us, as well. So I find it quite suspicious that we were not attacked in the east."

"Ah, I see. It's almost as if they're begging us to invite the orcs over to play."

"Presumably so that they can then attack the orcs whilst their defenses are weakened."

"What of Bolisir?"

"If it were me, I would strike Bolisir in a mirrored fashion. If the both of us ask the orcs for aid, the orc's armies would be split in half, making all three potential fights much easier for the daemons."

"And you are confident that we do not need the help?"

"No, but I'd rather wait for it to be offered, if it pleases you. Not only will it benefit us diplomatically, but it will answer the question of whether or not I'm correct in what the enemy is planning."

"Ah, I see. If the Chiefdoms offer aid and Bolisir doesn't, then you're right. If neither or both offer aid, then you're wrong."

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm thinking. "

"And what of our coffers?"

"That isn't my area of expertise, but the treasurer told me that we still have some excess funds from the Night Kingdom invasion that we can apply toward this conflict. Supply lines shouldn't be a problem, either, so long as we can keep greedy fingers out of the caravans."

"Fat chance of that," I grumbled.

"Is it not treason to steal from an imperial caravan?" my wife asked. "Especially during a time of conflict?"

"No, just high theft. My father declared it treason during his reign, and the bureaucrats became overly cautious so as not to lose their heads. The fear of being branded a traitorous thief caused them to double and triple check every little requisition and transport, and whilst they were doing so our soldiers were forced to raze the countryside for food to eat."

"I was under the impression that they do that regardless."

"This was a defensive conflict, my dear, and our soldiers were ransacking our own villages."

"Oh."

"His soldiers robbing the peasantry certainly didn't help my father's popularity," I sighed. "Though I loathe the idea of greedy bastards stealing food from the mouths of those who are putting everything on the line for our defense, I've sworn not to repeat my father's mistakes."

"Quite commendable," Amsiri smirked.

"Back on topic, how are we for equipment?" I asked, rolling my eyes at my wife. She stuck her tongue out in reply.

"We have more than enough," Jakiv said. "The armorer has been using his portion of the budget to keep the smiths busy so that they don't lose their skills. We can likely give everyone in the capital a spear and dagger."

"I see. Very well, cousin, you may be on your way. Happy hunting."

"Thank you, my emperor," Jakiv bowed and turned to leave.

"Oh, and send Sibil in."

"Sibit, sire."

"Yes, yes," I sighed, waving him away.

Jakiv exited the throne room and a few moments later Sibit entered. She hurriedly walked up the carpet runner and knelt, head bowed. I examined her for a moment, and began to feel foolish once I noticed the signs of her femininity.

"The matter of the daemonic invasion will soon be dealt with," I said. "General Jakiv brought a lesser matter to my attention, though. Is it true that you are a woman?"

If I didn't know any better, I could have sworn that I heard her swear under her breath.

"Y-yes, your greatness," she replied.

"And how many times have I called you 'boy' since you took office?"

I waited patiently while she gathered the courage to answer.

"S-s-several, s-sire," she stammered.

"Why, then, did you not correct me? Do you believe me to be above reproach? Or was it your intention to hide your sex from me?"

"I-I w-wasn-"

"Bah, consider those questions rhetorical," I waved my hand dismissively. "I imagine that you were intimidated by my harsh mannerisms, and as such were too nervous to correct me. Am I correct?"

"Y-yes, sire."

"Then we have found ourselves a rare learning moment. One that will cost no lives," I smiled cruelly. "You see, Sibit, by being too afraid to correct me, you have allowed me to be embarrassed in front of my favorite cousin. Of course, there was no harm to anything except my ego, but imagine if it had been a diplomat or a foreign ruler. They would assume that I am blind to the goings on in my own damned castle, and they would act accordingly!"

My booming shout echoed through the throne room. A quick glance at Amsiri showed that she had shifted her expression to a colder one, providing some additional severity to my words. A wonderful woman.

"You've made quite a few critical errors this day, Sibit," I said after a moment of silence.

"Yes, emperor," she said.

Steel had gathered in her tone, which provided a bit of clarification for me. She was taking ownership of her failures, and though these failures obviously embarrassed her, she had solidified her resolve in preparation for whatever punishment I would issue. Which meant there was yet hope for her.

"A senior aide who cannot keep their calm in the face of an emergency and who is too afraid to correct me when I'm wrong will lead us to ruin," I continued. "Reporting an issue without obtaining all of the facts of the matter can lead to misunderstandings, and if you are too afraid to correct those misunderstandings..."

I trailed off and let her imagination do the work for me.

"I understand, your grace," she said after a moment.

"Good. The empire has no use for a senior aide who's a coward," I replied coldly. "I am giving you five days of paid leave. Use as many of them as you need to grow a fucking spine. If you cannot overcome your cowardice by the end of your leave, don't bother returning."

Her eyes finally raised from the floor and regarded me with confusion, but I refused to elaborate.

"Go."

"I... Yes, your highness," she said.

I watched as she stood and quickly walked out of the throne room. Once the doors finished creaking, Amsiri cleared her throat.

"Has my beloved empire taken a shine to the aide that he just found out is a woman?" she asked in jest.

"No, my dear," I sighed, then chuckled. "I've fired too many aides, and the councilors are growing impatient. If I'm not cautious, I'll have to take their heads to prevent them from trying to remove my ability to select my assistants. This will, of course, lead to even more conflict. There's plenty of bloodshed on the horizon, no need to invite more."

"So you're hoping that she quits?"

"I'm hoping she gets her head out of her ass. Either she has what it takes to be a senior aide worthy of respect, or she doesn't. Some time to reflect will show her whichever happens to be the case."

"I see... Bu-"

Whatever my wife was about to say was interrupted by the creaking of the doors. Sibit strolled into the room holding a piece of parchment. I stared at her, dumbfounded, as she knelt before me again.

"Your highness, Bolisir sends word that they have been attacked by a daemonic army," she said. "The message was delivered by a wylder at the behest of King Yssinirath. They are not requesting aid, nor are they offering it. We sent them back with word of what has happened here, and asked that they inform the Unified Chiefdoms, since they are faster than our own messengers. We've sent interceptors to retrieve our messengers."

"I see," I said. "Did I not JUST place you on leave, Sibil?"

"Sibit, your highness, and I took all the leave that I needed to take," she said as she looked up at me. "As you ordered, sire."

I held eye contact with her and grinned.

"Good. Tell me about the attacks."