The Human From a Dungeon

Li'Lord Simeeth

Adventurer Level: N/A

Kobold – Unknown

My tail wagged happily as I looked at my new bed. It was a cushion, with wool blankets on top of it. We had made lots of money from all the trades we'd been doing, and Gali had said that it would be good for more Al if we got better beds. I didn't know who Al was, but Marka had insisted that it was a great idea.

I wasn't really sure how a sack of soft stuff could be better than a pile of smell-good leaves, but I couldn't really think of a reason not to order the cushions. We hads the coins, and Marka pointed out that it would help the old kobolds with their joint-pain. Plus, the wool blankets were included with the purchase, so they didn't even cost us extra coins. Still, I felt like sleeping on something other than smell-good leaves was kind of wrong.

My doubts disappeared the moment I laid down, though. The fabric of the blanket was rough enough to scratch my scales just right. The squish felt like laying in a lard pile, without the greasiness. It also smelled like flowers instead of lard, which was a little disappointing. It would be up for arguments which smell would be better, I guess.

I pulled the blanket over me and laid my head back, prepared for sleep.

"Li'Lord Simeeth, you haves done really well!" The Lord said to me.

"Thanks milord! I tried really hard!" I beamed, hopping up and down in excitement. "It was really easy, too."

"That's just because you is a really smart kobold."

The lord's bony fingers reached down and scratched me in my favorite spot, right behind my ear holes. My tail moved back and forth happily. All the other kobolds watched, impressed that I had done so well. Tomash and Sameahl gave me some proud smiles.

"You're so smart and big and strong and awesome," Yamana said. "I misseded you a lot. Would you fertilize my eggs?"

"But what about me?" Marka asked. "I want fertilized eggs, too!"

"Li'Lord Simeeth is potent enoughs for both of us," Yamana winked.

"I would be honorded," I said. "But I don't has enough time to make little ones. I need to help the Lord."

"Don't worry, my dear Simeeth," the Lord said. "I am returned now. You don't have to be Li'Lord anymore. You can do whatever you want now, and nobody will bother you with decisions no more."

"Really?" I asked, excited about being able to play again.

"Really. I'm back for good now, and I won't leave no more. Now go fertilize those eggs."

"We want our eggs fertilized too!" more kobolds shouted.

"It's gonna be a busy day," I laughed.

Everyone laughed with me, and it felt really good. Everything was better than I ever could have hoped. I was so happy. Yamana and Marka grabbed my hands and began leading me away.

"Wake up, Li'Lord," Yamana said with a suspiciously deep voice.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Sorry, Li'Lord, but you need to get up."

My eyes snapped open, and I looked around the room for Yamana. Instead, I saw Gar staring down at me. My gigantic guard was panting a little, as if he had run a long way. Then I remembered that Yamana was dead, and I didn't like Marka that way. I had been dreaming.

"What's goin' on?" I asked, wiping the drool and stuff off my face.

"The Lord is back."

"What?" I froze.

"The Lord is back. He's at the store, in the city."

I leapt off of the cushion and almost tripped over the blanket. I hissed at it as I pulled it off of my legs. Without saying another word, I started to run as fast as I could through the dungeon.

Gar kept pace with me, which was really easy for a bakobold to do. Long legs means faster runners, but even orcs can't run as fast as bakobolds can. We ran to the tunnel, through the tunnel, and into the mansion that we turned into a store. The magical lights that we got from the elves kind of hurt my eyes, but I still looked around frantically.

Then I saw him. The Lord, standing in our store, looking at our goods. I wanted to call to him, but my throat wouldn't open. Instead I ran over and knelt, skidding on the polished wooden floor a little bit.

"Ah, Simeeth," he said with a happy tone. "I see you have done quite well in my absence. Far better than I had expected, certainly."

"Thank you, milord," I said.

"Sameahl was telling me that a secret tunnel to this manor was discovered in the dungeon?"

"Yes, milord. Some elf adventurers came, and we welcomed them like you told us to. One of them accidentally helped Hinthri discover the entrance. You said you wanted a trade relations with the shi-, er, town, so I decided that opening a store would be better than waiting for the caravan."

"And the municipal government is fine with this?"

"I don't know, milord, but the mayor helped us with the forms and buying the manor. We haves enough coin to pay off the more gauge, but Tomash says that we should save some coin to buy more goods to sell from the elves when their caravan comes back."

"You're trading with elves, as well? From where?"

"Yes, milord. The elf adventurers introduced us to some merchants from their king dumb, to the south of the dungeon. We buy stuffs from them, then sell the stuffs to the town in the store. Oh, and we lets merchants open stalls in here, too. They pay us rent."

"Is it just me, or has his speech improved?" somebody else asked.

I looked up and saw a familiar, pinkish face. The weird shitty-guy who helped kill the sucker had a curious look on his face. Then I noticed that the orcs he was with for the fight were also with him. The only people missing from when we saved the Lord were the Wasted Westerns.

"I've been taking lessons!" I exclaimed.

"More like the people in the city kept correcting you," Sameahl said quietly.

I glared at my impudent underling.

"I listen to the corrections and have also been askin' about the big words," I argued.

"Regardless of how the learning is being done, progress has indeed been made," the Lord said. "I chose my proxy well."

"Really?" I asked in amazement.

"Yes. I'm proud of you, Simeeth."

I felt a wetness on my face and quickly tried to wipe away the tears that had started coming from my eyes. My mama used to tell me that big kobolds don't cry, but I couldn't help it. My good dream was coming true!

Except Yamana was still dead, and there wasn't any talk about egg fertilizing. Not that there was really anyone that I wanted to fertilize with except for Yamana. I almost laughed through my tears once I realized the thoughts I was thinkin'. The Lord told me, in his infinite wisdom, that I was worthy of somethin' like pride and here I was thinkin' about fertilizing eggs.

Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.

The Lord noticed my tears and nodded softly. Everyone else went quiet. It was hard to tell if they were concerned or they understood. Sameahl's chin was jumping up and down like he was trying not to cry, too. Maybe my mama was wrong and meant to say bakobolds don't cry.

"Are you okay?" the humie-guy asked.

"Y-yeah," I managed to say. "I'm just... So glad. I workeded really, really hard. We all did. And it was scary. I didn't know what to do, Tomash didn't really know either, and I was so scareded that we was doin' the wrong stuff or stuff wrong. The Lord is so kind, and he wants what's best for us, but he left it to me to decide what was best for us and I was so worried that I wasn't ready for it. Was he being too kind in choosing me, or was choosing me by defoot because I was the only one who survived the sucker attack? I didn't know, and I didn't like questioning the Lord. And I really, really missed the Lord, too."

"I missed you too, Simeeth. All of you. Also, you mean default," the Lord laughed and bopped my nose with his bony finger.

"Oh, yeah, default not defoot," I chuckled. "It's just... This is like the best dream come true right after I awaked. I'm not supposed to be a leader, but I did a good job and now the Lord is back so I can go back to being a normal kobold."

"Uh..."

"Uh?"

The Lord's jaw opened slightly, which was an expression I had only seen when the younglings would asked him questions about fertilizing eggs. He would usually say something about how certain knowledge should come at a certain point in maturities, and that they should ask their parents if they're ready for it or not. If they pestered him about it, he would get impatient and threaten to tell their mamas on them.

But I didn't ask him about how to fertilize eggs. I already know how to do that, it's easy. So why would he be making that face?

"Well, Simeeth," the Lord scratched his neck bones. "I'm not... Entirely back."

"You're not back?" I asked, confused.

"No..."

"But you're standing here."

"Correct..."

"So you back? But you're not back?"

"Yes..."

"I'm confused, milord."

"I know," the Lord sighed. "My time away from the dungeon is not quite finished, but I wanted to visit and see how things were going."

"A... Visit?" I asked, tilting my head in confusion.

"Yes. I wanted to check in and, depending on how things were going, either reassure you or correct you. I have other matters to attend to that require my presence elsewhere."

"Oh, so I'm not done bein' Li'Lord..."

"No. Not quite yet."

"Soon?"

"Perhaps," the Lord rubbed his jawbone. "Though there's a possi-"

"Maybe is plenty, milord," I bowed. "I can be a strong kobold, as long as I know I don't have to be that forever."

The Lord scratched my head and laughed again.

"I have seen many good leaders and many bad leaders, Simeeth," he said. "Whether they be kobolds, elves, dwarves, gnomes, or orcs, all good leaders share similar qualities. Good leaders take the time to give things a second thought when they can afford to. They hold themselves accountable, because there's no-one who doubts them more than they doubt themselves. But above all, they don't allow those doubts to stop them from doing what needs to be done. I firmly believe that were I to ask any of the kobolds or bakobolds that are under your guidance, they would all agree that's an apt description of you."

A murmur of agreement came from the kobolds and bakobolds who were watching. I looked at them in disbelief, and saw Sameahl nodding really hard. Then the Lord said something that shocked me to my core.

"In many ways, you're a better leader than I am."

This led to some confusing stuff in my head. The words almost felt good to hear, but I was angry at the Lord for being criticality of the Lord. But being angry at the Lord wasn't right to do. So I decided to be angry at the words, instead.

"Absorbingly not, milord," I argued.

"I think you mean absolutely-"

"Doesn't matter, sssire," I hissed angrily. "You has been the Lord sssince WAY before I was born. You are the only leader I has ever had! You are super-ssstrong, you are super-sssmart, but you ssstill look after us! Even kobolds that are new know that you are gooder than their chiefs ever could be, because you are more than we could ever hope to be, but you hope for us! You saw my great-great-great-great grandparents struggling and not only helped them, but you helped all their kids, too. How could you not be best leader ever?"

The other kobolds cheered at my words, demonstrating their loyalties for the Lord. I nodded approvingly at them.

"All of those things you said about me applies to you, too, milord."

"No," the Lord laughed. "I definitely don't doubt myself nearly enou-"

"You're doing it right now, milord," I interrupted. "Everything you said makes me a good leader is stuffs that I learned from watching you when I was a hatchling. Whenever I has to leads, I just copy how I've seen you do it."

"He's very good copier," Gar agreed with a chuckle.

"Simeeth does well as your proxy, milord, but you are our lord because you're wise enough to have seen his potential," Sameahl added. "Even if he were to remain our leader for the rest of his days, he could never reach the level of experience in the role that you have. We all respect the Li'Lord, and we'll live and die at his word, but only because that word is reflective of those that would come from you, our true Lord."

The orcs that were friends of the Lord looked at him with uncomfortable expressions. The pink guy just kind of nodded silently. But the Lord stared at us, seemingly at a loss for words.

"You are the Lord," I said. "You will always be our Lord, even when you don't want to. Everything we have, everything we are, it's all thanks to you. I will be the Li'Lord, for you. We will make friends with all the shi- er, town-folk, for you. We will protect our home, for you. We will better ourselves for you."

I could feel an excitement in the air, building which each world. I rose to my feets. Proudly, I looked our Lord in the face and took a deep breath.

"Everything we do!" I shouted, raising my fist.

"WE DO IT FOR THE LORD!" the others shouted back.

The Lord looked around at each of us. The humie and bigger orc looked a little nervous, but the bald orc chuckled a little. He took a step closer to the lord.

"Looks like you've accidentally made a cult," he said. "A kobold cult."

"Not cult," I shook my head. "The Lord not Slathris. The Lord cares, Slathris doesn't."

"Slathris?"

"The being that kobolds worship as their creator," the Lord said, absentmindedly.

"Slathris makeded us as a prank on the weirdos," I explained. "Mades it so we eated them. Then they fought us, trying to kill us all. Before they could, some mages rescued us. Then mages make bakobolds and killed each other. Now Slathris ignores us, but there are some slobber-heads who think that if they cry loud enough Slathris will come back and make life betterer."

"Their minds are mush," Gar added. "Slathris is a cruel god-thing. Definitely not something you want paying attention to you."

"Ah, are we talking about the Cult of Slathris?" Tomash asked as he entered the room. "Oh, many respectful greetings, milord. Apologies for my delay and lack of decorum, but these knees grow sour with age."

"Hello, Tomash," the Lord nodded. "Don't worry about prostration. Your presence is enough."

"Thank you, milord. Now, what's this about the Cult of Slathris?"

"We's telling the orc about how mean Slathris is," I explained.

"Ah," Tomash nodded slowly. "With respect, Li'Lord, mean is not nearly a harsh enough word. Slathris is the epitome of cruelty. I suspect that being a god is boring, and if that's the case Slathris must find amusement in suffering. Legend has it that the first batch of kobolds he created could only eat wylder. Naturally, they starved to death."

"Oh, so that's who you meant by weirdos," Yulk chuckled at me. "So, I take it the next batch could eat regular meat?"

"Yes, but only living flesh, and our ancestors desperately craved the living flesh of the fair folk," Tomash shook his head in disgust. "Most wylder automatically regenerate their flesh so long as you don't use iron to carve them, you see. It led to much suffering and a lasting grudge between our peoples."

"Do you still need to eat living flesh?" The humie asked.

"No. Powerful mages began fighting each other, and eventually sought help from the wylder. The wylder asked them to be rid of us in exchange for favors. Some of the mages saw our value as foot-soldiers and captured us instead of eradicating us. Several generations of experimentation later, and we can eat meat just as you can."

"And my kind exists," Gar said.

"I see. Do you know anything about these experiments?" baldie asked.

"No," Tomash chuckled darkly. "Why? Looking to repeat them?"

"Yulk Alta is far more honorable than that," the Lord said. "If one such as he were to wish to experiment, it would be for your benefit. "

"Yes, milord. My apologies, it was in jest and I meant no offense."

"Good," the Lord glanced at Yulk, who smiled. "Now, we're on a pretty tight schedule, so I would appreciate being brought up to speed on what's been happening around here. A tour wouldn't go amiss, either."

"Yes, yes!" I said, my tail moving back and forth with excitement. "I shows you all the stuffs we has, milord!"

Tomash and I took the Lord and his friends around the store, showing him our stuff and telling him how we gots it. He was a little shocked about how much stuff the elves were willing to sell us, and warned us to use caution when doing international trades. Tomash pointed out that we had been surprised by the ban on our mushrooms, and so we had employees that double checked with city authorities when we weren't sure if something was legal to buy or sell. I beamed when Tomash noted that it had been my idea.

We continued our tour, showing the Lord our vendor shops. We explained that we let merchants rent the rooms as well as put up a sign. This kept them off the streets, gave them a safe place to store their goods, and brought more people to our store. It had been the mayor's idea, who said it might be a good way to clear up some of the walk-ways.

Tomash explained that we also allowed the merchants to live in their rooms if they paid extra, but hardly anyone had taken us up on that. Our tour carefully avoided the ones who did, though, because we didn't want to wakes them up. Then we got to the good part.

One of the bestest things about the manor was a feature that had survived all the bad weather and rot that had taken hold when nobody lived there. Right next to the tunnel that led to the dungeon was a tunnel that led into a giant metal room with a very heavy door. The mayor had given us the key once the more gauge was approved, and even though there wasn't anything cool in it, we figured that it was a good place to store coins.

My heart raced as I watched the Lord's jaw drop. Stacks of coins as tall as bakobolds lined the back walls. Paintings, jewelry, statues, ancient tomes, and various other valuables were neatly sorted on the sides. The orcs and the humie were also impressed, but I cared a lot less about their thoughts. The Lord congratulated us on our success, and it made me really, really happy.

Then we had nothing left to show him, and he had to go. It was surprising how quickly the happy turned to sad, but I decided that I would cherish the good stuff instead of dwelling on the sad stuff. We knelt before our Lord as he bid us his farewells. Then the Lord and his companions left us with the promise that he would return one day.

We all hoped that day would be soon.