The Hero’s Brother Is Bound To Be Depressed

477 – She

I was a person who lived with vague hope, even though I knew it was futile. Because I was born from a lie, I couldn’t trust anyone, but I had a vague hope that true love would come to me. Even when the serial work I loved and cherished didn’t perform well, I didn’t give up on my dream of becoming a writer, saying that it would be different next time.

That vagueness was great armor for me.

A grim reality. The hope that makes it possible for a loner who has left everyone and no human relationships to survive the day.

But the truth is, I always wanted to give up. Ever since my father committed suicide, I have been denying to myself that it would never end like that… Because I was afraid that it would end in the same ending.

“… “I wanted to die.”

The words were spoken in a voice full of moisture. That was the ugly truth that I had never uttered out loud in my life.

Dad patted my shoulder and smiled kindly as if he understood everything.

“It’s okay. “No one will criticize your choice.”

Yes, no one will mourn my death. There will be no funeral or anything like that. Because no one will come and be sad. Suicide or lonely death. That is the intended ending of a loner left alone in the world.

Dad smiled and held out something. What he held in his hand was a knotted rope.

“There will be no pain.”

Those words somehow made me feel okay. After receiving the rope, I tied it around my neck myself with the help of my father. The feeling of pressure at the base of my neck was frustrating, but the feeling was not unfamiliar. The feeling of being suffocated was something that came to me unexpectedly several times in the small room of the gosiwon.

I got up from the sofa by hanging a rope from the ceiling light. The moment she lifted her hand holding the rope, a tinnitus-like noise coming from the television stole my attention.

“―――Are you giving up?”

The male lead of the drama was looking at the screen as if asking me a question. When I raised my hand again, dismissing it as a coincidence, the same question came back again.

“―――Are you giving up?”

Few people will respond to what is said on television. Because the words weren’t directed at me. But I could feel that this familiar voice was pointed straight at me.

“okay… To give up. You’ve come this far, that’s enough. Even if you postpone the planned ending, nothing will change in the end.”

The vagueness within me disappeared and only a cold sense of reality took over. It’s just continuing life, but it’s a life without meaning. So, it won’t cause anyone to be dissatisfied if it ends a little earlier than scheduled.

However, the question that came from the television made my hand, which was tightly tying the end of the rope to the lamp, come to a halt.

“―――Not you, but people who are important to you.”

Precious people.

Did I ever have someone like that?

I would have always been a loner.

My head is heavy. No matter how hard I try to remember, I can’t come up with anything.

“ah… .”

As I blinked my eyelids, my vision, which had been blurred by tears, became brighter. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, but all my attention was focused on the female lead’s appearance on the screen.

The face is not visible. But the sight behind him was so familiar and missed. A strangely waddling gait. It feels like the center of my body is shifted to the left.

I know. Because I definitely liked looking at that back.

“… “Sian?”

I smiled bitterly at the sight of my father looking at me quizzically for coming down without finishing tying the knot. Now I feel like I’m coming back to my senses. Things I had forgotten came back, little by little, even if not completely. But the most important thing came to me first.

The reason why I did not give up and continued to live even though there were so many moments when I wanted to give up on everything.

Because I met her who turned my vague hopes into reality.

So, now I can say it.

The sincerity that I have not been able to convey until now.

I can shake off this terrible feeling before it takes root in my heart and hardens.

I looked straight at my dad. How long has it been? To look straight again at the person I loved who had been ignoring me for so long. It was awkward and I wanted to turn my body and avert my gaze, but I held back.

Because now is your last chance.

“sorry. Even though we are together… By making me give up.”

I added as I watched my father’s smile slowly disappear.

“I don’t give up. “No, I can’t.”

“… “No one will blame you for failure if you give up.”

“i know. And I’m not afraid of failure.”

It’s true. If it were me before her, she would have said that she was afraid of failure, but now I learned from her that it’s okay to fail.

“Even if I completely fail and give up… “Now I know that there will always be someone who will support me with the same heart.”

I laughed. With sincerity and joy. Something I’ve never known in my life, something I never even expected to know… I said, remembering her for giving me her first experience.

“That’s why I can’t give up. “If you want to repay that person’s trust, you have to do your best even if you fail so you won’t be ashamed of yourself.”

“… Do you think that love will last forever?”

Suddenly, I felt sorry for my dad. Because I didn’t meet someone who truly loved me, I was so ignorant that I didn’t know the precious things I experienced… I felt so pitiful.

“Love has an expiration date and nothing changes even if it expires tomorrow. Because I will definitely do my best to love today. I told you. “I can’t give up now.”

It’s okay if this love doesn’t last forever. Because you can’t fail to do your best for today’s love for tomorrow’s sake.

“That’s the love I learned from meeting her.”

But my father looked like he didn’t understand. Few people can understand in words what they have not experienced. He had no intention of persuading me either. Because my heart just exploded out of control and flowed out of my mouth.

Suddenly, my father’s appearance changed. The last thing I remembered was a thin, twisted old man, and with her vicious expression, she poured out all of her hatred that had been trapped deep inside her own heart and could not escape.

“You idiot. “You will end up losing everything like me.”

Dad will never understand that it is okay to lose everything. So I laughed. There were still tears in my eyes, but I still smiled.

“But I will never forget this feeling I had for the first time. “Because it’s something so precious to me now that I never imagined.”

Dad’s face was completely distorted. He glares at me like I’m going to kill him and blames me for his death. The sharp words cut through my heart, but I listened quietly. No matter how sharp it is, this blade cannot reach where the most important things in my heart are kept.

So I thought it was okay even if I bled and had ugly scars.

However, the drama’s female lead, who was filling the screen from behind, seems to have had different thoughts. She turned her body, filling the screen with her lovely and beautiful face, and shouted at me, who was silently receiving her hatred.

“There is no need to listen to such bad words. “Because you are a good person who deserves to be loved.”

When I heard those words, my father’s voice came closer to my face and raised his voice as if he was screaming, but strangely enough, I couldn’t hear it at all. Turning her gaze towards her screen, I met her gaze as her blue eyes sparkled and she smiled lovingly.

She slightly tilted her head and spoke softly to me with a faint smile.

“Now let it go.”

I immediately understood what that meant without any explanation. This refers to my long-standing guilt toward my father. For next time, for me… To throw away my narrow-minded thinking that I dreamed of becoming a writer because I thought there was nothing true in the world because I was born a lie.

To take one step further and become a better person.

So I looked straight at my father, who had become an uncle.

“i love you. dad. “I’m really grateful for that time.”

“… .”

“I will struggle as much as I can and never give up until the end.”

“This can’t be happening. “You, you shouldn’t be like this.”

I turned around, leaving behind my father who was muttering helplessly. The television screen was already black. As I walked back to my room, my father grabbed the end of the rope around my neck.

“Why don’t you give up!”

The man’s voice changed. It wasn’t because of the intense emotions, it felt like a completely different person.

Yeah, this voice… It was me.

Looking over your shoulder.

My face is gradually revealed from my father’s face.

I guess so, I finally understand this situation.

Because I couldn’t meet Luna, I smiled bitterly at the other me who resembled my father.

“I told you. “I truly feel sorry for you.”

“shut up!!!”

The leader pulled the rope and strangled me. The rope was pulled and his body fell backwards. The leader climbed on top of my body as I fell to the floor and strangled me with both hands.

“You are a liar just like me! “Everything you feel is fake!”

I did not offer any resistance and responded in a voice full of bitterness to the cult leader who was looking down at me with a vicious expression and shouting at me like that.

“If you had met Luna, you would definitely have changed.”

“asleep—!”

The moment the cult leader started strangling my neck even harder, his eyes shining with an evil glint, everything suddenly disappeared and I opened my eyes.

Two people appear in my field of vision along with the split sky.

Ellie with tears in her eyes and another me who looks exactly like me.

Could it be that he is the religious leader?

The moment I hurriedly tried to get up, a guy who looked just like me stroked his chin and nodded.

“Oh, my eyes are open! Hey, does this work? No, it was still possible. It should be seen as a victory for perfect theory. Hey, wait! Put down your fists. It’s a misunderstanding! And being assaulted in front of a patient who has just woken up from a coma will definitely have a negative impact mentally – ah ah ah ah!!!”

When you see Ellie getting punched… First of all, he doesn’t seem to be a religious leader.