The Hero’s Brother Is Bound To Be Depressed

225 – Utilitarian warriors have no choice but to bear their sorrow alone

… Everything was on fire. Ashes flow in the red sky created by rising black smoke and flames.

The deep scream ended in despair. It was only after a while that I finally came to my senses. My vision returned, and my throat hurt from crying endlessly.

What followed was the smell of burning people and the sound of a collapsing building. I could hear people’s footsteps and shouts. For some reason, my arms feel heavy. As I look down, I see the blood-covered body of a child in my arms.

As I was looking at the child blankly, someone tapped my shoulder. As I weakly raised my head, students wearing Transcendence uniforms approached me and looked at me with worried eyes. After the battle, they were 3rd and 4th year seniors who were deployed to help the citizens.

“… ?”

“… !”

They told me what to do, but all I heard was a buzzing sound that disappeared. I weakly shook off the hand that was trying to get me up and handed the child in my arms to them without saying a word.

The seniors looked at me blankly as my face was filled with tear stains. Without asking any more questions, they took the child’s body and headed to another place.

Looking at the back, I stumbled and got up from my seat. My whole body creaks. However, the pain felt in the heart is greater than the pain in the body. Breathing feels like an excruciating pain.

I straightened my clouded mind and picked up the Spear of Destruction lying on the floor. Passing the people rushing by, I just walked without a destination. I forced my gaze to fall and strengthened my neck, taking in the world in front of me.

You have to accept what happened. Even if my heart was broken, even if I didn’t understand it yet, I had to keep it. That was the cause and effect given to me.

Feelings of betrayal and guilt. The tragedy I created and the distorted hope weigh on my entire body to the point where it is not enough to say that it is painful.

Torn thoughts flow out of my mouth.

“why… I… .”

Why did I come into the world of the novel I created? That’s not even a character, but an extra supporting role. To the character Ross, a consumable lump with an inferiority complex.

Is this a reason to ask me to feel how wrong the world I created is? I burst out laughing without realizing it. It was very obvious how I, the writer, would have written about this incident where so many people died and were injured.

―Our hero who prevented Confsion’s attack on the capital on behalf of the incompetent capital guards. Thanks to Roel, the damage was minimized. People praised Roel, and his reputation grew.

However, Roel was sad that so many people were injured, and donated what he had to help those who lost their homes. Flavia and Ilia comforted Roel in his sorrow.

Is it possible to express the horror of these ruins in just two sentences? These ruins are filled with corpses rolling around like trash in the streets and corpses burned beyond recognition… I would never have imagined it. That is why I wrote this tragic story without any sense of guilt.

People die. The continent is destroyed. The devil kills all the people in the city.

I never once felt responsible for all of that. It is a tragedy created only for fun. Because of that, the main character suffers and people die.

Maybe I am now alive to be punished.

“Ross.”

My steps toward the ruins stopped when I heard a voice coming from behind me. I slowly turned around and looked at the owner of the voice, calling me with a warm voice as always.

I feel like my heart has been hit by the emotions of worry and regret in those blue eyes. I smiled faintly at the pain that made her heart valve tingle. It was probably a very dry laugh.

“Sorry. I was so excited because we were in a battle earlier… . I never thought you’d show up here. I screamed out of anger without realizing it. “I apologize.”

Roel approached me with his usual face and made eye contact. The man in front of me, whom I thought I knew best, felt so unfamiliar to me, so I could only look at his peaceful eyes. Perhaps because he took my silence as an affirmation, Roel placed his hand on my shoulder in his usual friendly manner.

“Confsion ran away. Other guys showed up and saved me. Still, the Imperial Palace Knights are chasing after him, so there will be good news. He should have killed at least one person here… “It’s unfortunate, but there’s nothing we can do.”

With a sad smile, Roel patted my shoulder and said,

“Now let’s go back. Other people will clean up after themselves. “I need to go back and get treatment.”

I struggled to tear away my numb lips as I saw Roel raise the arm he had tapped on my shoulder and show me his wound.

A small murmur came out like a sigh.

“why… .”

“huh?”

I spoke to Roel, who was tilting his head as if he didn’t hear what I was saying, and took all the breath out of his lungs.

“Why are you doing nothing?”

Roel looked at me for a moment and scratched his forehead. He frowned slightly, as if he didn’t know what to say.

“Ross. “If you say that, even if you’re my brother, it’s hard to understand what you’re saying.”

I burst out crying at the playful smile he added to those words.

“The child… !”

The smile on Roel’s face disappeared at my shout. I took a deep breath and let out what I couldn’t say.

“You killed the child. By my brother’s hand… .”

After hesitating for a moment at my words, Roel spoke calmly.

“okay… It was like that. “I killed the child with my own hands.”

“If I had helped him, he could have lived!”

At my words, Roel shook his head and lowered his gaze. Roel let out a deep sigh and raised his head to glare at me fiercely.

“I said it clearly. You don’t have to fight. Is it your hobby to escape the academy on your own and get into dangerous situations? Do you think I can keep saving you from danger? Is it really that hard to ask you to just act like everyone else in a safe place? Please, don’t be a child!”

Roel’s shouting left me speechless for a moment. Are you saying I act like a child? I never asked Roel to be overprotective. It’s just Roel who wants to keep me locked up in his pasture like an obedient sheep. Hot breath flowed out. Looking at Roel, he frowned and raised his voice.

“Are you forgetting that I was the one who saved Bella when your brother was away? I’m not in danger. He is the second class member of the first year and the head of the combat club. “I’m not a childish idiot who can’t do anything and just needs help!”

“You’re stupid to think you can take on Confsion! You are still a weak little brother! Please, know your subject!”

At Roel’s words, the inferiority complex that was at the bottom of my emotions exploded.

“You’re just acting your way because you want to be an older brother. “I want to relieve you of your guilt!”

After shouting that, I grabbed Roel’s collar tightly and added in a low voice.

“Could it be that you killed the child because you didn’t want to be helped by your inferiority complex brother?”

Roel grabbed my arm by the collar. And he came closer to me with an obviously angry face.

“Don’t be stupid! If you had come any closer in that situation, you could have hallucinated him and made the situation worse! “I might have had to kill not only the child, but you too with my own hands!”

After saying that, Roel chewed his lip, suppressed his anger, and spoke in a low tone as if persuading.

“If I could have saved the child, I would have. But look around! Can’t you see these ruins created by Confsion? It was obvious that if we didn’t kill them here, there would be even more damage… . “Do you really not know that I did the best I could?”

Roel, who was covered in wounds and dust, motioned for me to look at his condition with a sad look on his face.

It is an undeniable fact that Roel fought hard. But he wasn’t the Roel I knew, killing an innocent child in one fell swoop without even thinking about saving it.

“… They should have at least tried to save the child. That’s the Roel I know. “He is not someone who wants to kill like a villain without any hesitation.”

At my muttering, Roel wiped his face and sighed. Roel looked straight at me and said.

“… This is why I don’t trust you. “Because I still feel half-hearted.”

“what… ?”

In response to my question, Roel spoke in a voice that seemed to reprimand his foolish younger brother.

“Confsions are people who cannot guarantee victory or defeat even if they are skilled people who have entered the realm of the transcendent. A church is a place where many of those people gather! What do you think will happen if they attack the capital and the academy all at once? Incomparably more people will die than now. Not just one child… “Hundreds and thousands of children will die!”

Roel gasped for a moment, as if he was pouring out all his suppressed emotions. Roel, who had been pressing his eyelids with both hands, lowered his hands.

“I have dreamed of becoming a hero for a long time. That’s why I came to the academy. “For the dream of protecting precious people and becoming a hero for everyone.”

Roel approached with great strides. Roel grabbed my collar and glared at me as if I wanted to kill him.

“If killing one child could save tens of thousands of people in the future, I would do the same even if the same situation were to happen. Even if you never understand me like this, I won’t change. “That’s the justice I decided to walk by.”

Roel is a utilitarian warrior. A person who strives for the happiness of all people. Not only does he overcome endless tragedies and trials and sacrifice himself, he cannot refuse the sacrifice of his lover to save the world. Yet, he is a wounded hero who lives his whole life in regret and longing for his dead lover.

If the weight within me is tilted toward the members, Roel’s weight is tilted toward happiness for everyone. It was because of that unwavering justice that he killed Ross, who had handed over his soul to the Demon King.

Now something caught my eye. Roel’s palms, which held my collar, were full of scarred fingernail marks.

These hands are full of traces of trying to endure sadness and pain alone.

It’s not that Roel didn’t mourn his child’s death.

They just didn’t shed tears or express their sadness like I did.

The scarred hero simply added a stake to the very core of his heart.

The pain that never ends while my heart beats.

I thought it was atonement.