The Games We Play

DISCLAIMER: This story is NOT MINE IN ANY WAY. That honor has gone to the beautiful bastard Ryugii. This has been pulled from his Spacebattle publishment. Anyway on with the show...errr read.

Contested

We walked the rest of the way in silence. It wasn't really an awkward silence, but Bianca didn't seem willing to break it and I…I just wasn't sure what to say. I wasn't even sure if there was anything to say. I wanted to come up with the perfect words to make everything okay, but after years of pain and separation, was there actually anything that could fix everything? There was nothing I could do to change what had happened. Mom had made her decisions and then my sisters had made theirs. Were those decisions right or wrong? I had no idea. Did right and wrong even come into it? I didn't know that, either.

But I thought, not for the first time, about how much perception mattered. Mom had wanted to protect them, to make sure they were safe, even if that meant they all hated her afterwards—and they may well have. That was understandable too, from Bianca's words and from the pain she'd described them all going through. Yet my mother had made the choice she thought was right and viewed it as necessary and Bianca had seen it as nothing more than something to endure and overcome. I thought, at least, that Mom's heart had been in the right place even if it had been colored by fear, but even if the intentions and goal were noble, did that change how much pain she'd caused them? And even if she'd caused them pain, did that mean she hadn't done her best to keep them safe? Did that change anything though, justify it? If you try to go something good and hurt people in the process, are you entitled to forgiveness? I just didn't know and it made me wonder about myself.

The fact of the matter was, I'd done things, too. I'd dangled Weiss out of an Airship and threatened a crowd, because that's what I'd needed to do to save others. I'd attacked her again in order to protect her from the White Fang. Did I regret doing that? Somewhat; if there had been another way, I'd have gladly taken it. But at the time, with the options and time I'd had at my disposal, I hadn't seen any. I regretted that people had gotten hurt, but I'd done what I could to help people, even though it sometimes hurt others in the process. Even then, though, I knew that my actions had had consequences. Awakening Ziz, the socioeconomic effects from invading Atlas, and now I knew that the Grimm's creator had been watching me, interfering. I liked to think I'd done the best with what I'd been given, but people had suffered because of the things I'd done.

I'd known they would. Since I'd spoke to Adam in the woods—no, even before that. Maybe from the very beginning, I'd know I wouldn't be able to save everyone, much less please them. I'd accepted that, because I'd never asked to be perfect or loved by everyone. If I hurt people, then it was only natural that they hate me. I'd told myself I'd just have to try and make it up to them, but that wasn't because I was trying to earn their love or forgiveness; those were things that were given, not taken. No, I'd just thought that as a man, I should take responsibility for my actions.

But…there were things even I couldn't mend or replace. The Hunters Conquest had taken, the one's I'd killed—they were gone and they'd left behind voids I couldn't fill. The blame for that lay with Conquest and his master, monsters that they were, but I still felt a bit of responsibility for that. It wasn't guilt, not really; it was empathy and understanding of what they'd lost that made me want to do something and a pain over the simple fact that I couldn't.

I wish I'd been able to save them. I wish I'd been able to find away, that I could have protected more of those people, that I could have made things better. There was even a part that wished I'd just been able to try harder. If I hadn't been able to save my father, it was doubtful I'd have been able to save the others, but I still had to think about it—about how much I'd focused on my father, in the end. That was something I'd do again, even if I'd know I was doomed to fail, but I couldn't ignore the fact that it was selfish to focus on saving my father, even when it meant casting aside the chance to save others, because I would do it again.

Most of all, I guess that I wish that I was better, smarter, stronger—whatever I needed to be to somehow make everything right, to save everyone. That was an unreasonable expectation and I knew it, but I couldn't help but want more than I could have. Even knowing it was unreasonable, I wanted more from the world and from myself. I wanted to be a better man, a better hunter, a better son, and a better brother. Even if I'd known about the problems around me and in my family from the very beginning, it was doubtful I'd have been able to fix things, but I wish I'd known and I wish I could.

People do that. People make choices and wishes and live with the results of both; they dream of a better world then they have, so they can try to create it for themselves. I'd decided that even if I'd made mistakes and hurt people, I'd keep going and try to save lives, because I believed I could help people. I told myself that no matter what happened, I'd hold onto that. Even now, when I couldn't think of a way to help my sisters and my mother, I wanted to find a way to make all of them happy. Maybe there wasn't a way to do that now, after so much had been done and said, but wouldn't it be a little sad if things were left like this? Perhaps it wasn't a matter of changing anything, because this was simply the result of the choices they'd all made, but…

I sighed quietly, smothering the sound so as not to concern Bianca. Looking up at the clouds that now covered the sun, I thought, oddly, of Raven and of her daughter Yang, who even now, after all these years, was searching for her mother. Raven had her reasons for leaving, I was sure—I'd even caught glimpses of some of them—but did that change the fact that that she'd made her daughter grow up without a mother, left her friends and family behind? I wondered how she felt about that and if she ever wanted to go back or do things differently. I wondered how she dealt with what she'd needed to leave behind.

It probably wouldn't be wise to ask, but I couldn't help but consider it anyway. I needed to talk to her soon anyway, after all, so perhaps…

"Bianca," I finally said, breaking the silence.

"Hm?" She looked back, raising a blonde eyebrow at me and seeming almost surprised by the words.

"Is it okay if I catch up in a little bit?" I asked, pointing a thumb down the street. "I need to swing into a store down that way."

"You need something?" She asked, tilting her head and I could feel the flash of worry run through her at the thought she might be driving me off. I smiled at her reassuringly and shook my head.

"Not really," I admitted. "I'd just planned to talk to a friend while I was in down to day, to set some stuff up. Might as well do it now, since the next few weeks are going to be busy."

"Okay," She said, though the concern didn't fade. "I'll see you in a little bit, then?"

"I won't take long," I promised. "I'll catch up to you at Amalthea in just a few minutes."

She nodded and began to turn away until I stopped her.

"Hey, Bianca," I said and smiled gently. "I'm glad you told me. Even if it's a sad story…I'm glad I know what happened. I wish things had been different, that I could do something to make things right, but it's better than not knowing at all. At least this way, I understand—and I'm sorry I never noticed before. Whatever happened, I'm glad I had sisters looking out for me. I'll try to make it up to you someday."

She smirked at that, worry washing away as she straightened her tie.

"Don't bother," She said. "I was just doing my job as your big sister; it's nothing to keep track of debts over. We help each other when we can and get help when we need it; it's as simple as that. But… I'm glad. That you grew up alright and decided to help people. So just live your life, Jaune, and try to be happy. Okay?"

I shrugged slightly but nodded.

"I'll do my best," I said. "I'll see you in a bit, Sis."

She lazily saluted me and we split to go our separate ways. I kept track of her presence as we moved further and further from each other and then looked around carefully to make sure no one I needed to worry about was nearby. I checked for cameras, hidden portals, everything I could—and then I walked into the store to speak to my old friend.

"Hey, Tukson," I greeted the bookkeeper as I entered. "How you doing?"

The bookstore owner looked up at me, blinking once as he saw my face.

"Oh, Jaune," He said in surprised. "Haven't seen you in a while. Um…I'm doing pretty good, I suppose—school will be in session in a few weeks, so I get the textbook rush. Things are overpriced as hell, but I guess I can't complain, can I? Other than that, I mostly just run the store and things have been pretty quiet lately. What about you? Have you been okay?"

"Uh…" I considered that for a moment before shrugging and fibbing a little. "Pretty normal for me, too, I guess."

"That bad?" He asked, leaning to rest his elbows on the counter.

I sighed slowly, looking down and nodding.

"Yeah," I admitted. "That bad. I guess you heard about my father?"

"Ouch," Tukson said, wincing in sympathy. "I'd heard a little bit, but I only meet him once. Had a little hope it was someone else. Is it…anything you can or want to talk about?"

I shook my head slightly.

"Not really," I answered, not specifying why. "Things are…well, pretty rough for me right now, I guess, but Adam swung by and my family's flying in."

"Is that good or bad?" He asked before blinking and shaking his head. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked. It's just…my luck with family reunions is kind of mixed, personally. I didn't mean to pry."

"Its fine," I shrugged. "To be honest…I'm not sure. Maybe it's because I'm the youngest or maybe I'm just lucky, but everyone in the family loves me. But my sister's and my mother…"

"And of course, you're gonna get stuck in the middle," Tukson smiled grimly. "You love both sides, but…yeah. It's awkward."

"You've seen it all before, I guess?"

"Before Menagerie—" Tukson stopped and shrugged. "Yeah. I have some experience with stuff like this."

"I don't suppose it turned out well?" I wondered, not quite able to muster up a hopeful tone as I felt his emotions.

"I got shipped off to another continent," He said after a moment, exhaling slowly. "My mother and father…I guess I split them up. You probably noticed that I can hide what I am pretty easily and my mom wanted me to; stay behind, pass as human, just work through it all. My dad, he loved me, but…I understand why, looking back. Before everything happened, there was a lot of word about the Faunus all coming together, about how we'd forge a kingdom of our own and make Menagerie the greatest of the Kingdoms. With how we were treated back then, it must have seemed like a dream come true. I guess that was probably the idea."

I remembered Adam's story of a child with nothing but a knife and a murdered mother.

"It didn't quite work out that way," I stated quietly.

"No," He answered as if it had been a question. "Turns out when you take thousands upon thousands of scared people from hundreds of different walks of life, strip away everything they've ever known or loved, and trap them in a hostile environment, things do not end well. In fairness, we probably should have seen that coming."

"I'm sorry I asked," I said honestly, knowing how he felt. "It must be painful to think about."

"Yes," He bobbed his head. "And for a long time it hurt a lot more. My parents were never the same after that and then I lost my dad in the fighting. At the time, after everything I experienced in Menagerie…for a long time, I wasn't even sure I cared. I always thought about the life I could have had if I'd stayed behind and hid…I loved him and I knew he loved me and I knew it was just a bad choice, but I was the one who had to live with it and it wasn't easy. But…time pass and life went on, I guess. There are things I regret and things I don't, but I kept going. That's what you gotta do."

I nodded.

"I know," I said. "But thank you."

"If you ever need to talk about it," He shrugged again. "You know where to find me."

"I do," I confirmed. "And appreciate. But it's not really a matter of whether I want to or not. It's just…big."

"Big," He repeated, raising an eyebrow. "As big as Ziz?"

I met his eyes.

"Bigger," I said, my voice serious.

The bookkeeper stared at me, furrowing his eyebrows for a long moment before his eyes widened.

"God," Tukson whispered after a moment. "You get up to some shit, don't you?"

Do I ever.

"Every now and then, I suppose," I shook my head. "That's why I'm here, actually. I need you to arrange a meeting for me."

He nodded seriously.

"Who and when?" He asked.

In response, I withdrew a small metal disk with a symbol drawn on it in blacks and reds, placing it on the table in front of Tukson.

"She told me that if I ever needed to reach her, I should give this to a messenger I trusted and tell them to reach someone named Paloma. Can you do that?"

Tukson stared at the disk for a long minute, mouth wide open.

"Holy fucking shit," He said. "You mean…? You want to reach Her?"

"Yeah," I said, assuming he meant Raven. "Tell her we need to meet, preferably somewhere in Vale. I told her how to get in touch if she needed to reach me and one of the ways was you. Don't be surprised if you get a call and remember—I'm Jian."

"Good God…" Tukson said, closing his eyes and shaking his head before snatching the disk up. "I'll arrange it. You just…fuck, just please tell me if the world is about to end?"

"It's not," I shook my head. "Not for the moment, at least. I'll keep you posted, though."

He took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and let it out.

"And here I go again, thinking about how different my life would be if we'd done what my mother wanted. If I just picked a safe career; stayed in the army and far away from goddamn bookstores. Vacuo isn't that bad this time of year."

I pondered him for a moment, considering that—and then decided to ask.

"How is it, then?" I asked. "Vacuo, I mean?"

Tukson blinked at the sudden change in topic, tilting his head and frowning at me.

"Why do you ask?"

I worked my jaw from side to side for a moment, looking up at the ceiling.

"Honestly," I began. "I just don't know how this mess with my family is going to turn out. Because of what happened and the state my mother's in…I've heard it from enough people that I have to wonder if I might be moving soon."

"Does that worry you?" He asked, watching me curiously.

"Not really," I said after a moment of consideration. "I mean, what's it matter, right? I me wherever I am and I can move fast enough that I don't really need to worry about being far away from stuff. But…I'd never really thought about it, you know? Not living here. I don't know where I might be going or if I'll really leave at all, but I want to know. Not just what I remember from the books, but what the place is like. If you don't mind me asking, I mean."

He mulled over that for a minute before nodding slowly as if he understood.

"It's been a long time, mind you," He warned. "But when I was there, Vacuo was a place of extremes. It was hot enough make you feel like you were melting in the day, but when night fell, the frost could get so thick, sometimes you couldn't tell the difference between sand and snow. I remember that whenever I went for an Night at school—it's a thing we do in Vacuo schools, now and then—my mom would pack my clothes and I'd have shorts and heavy jacket right next to each other. It's not a very formal place, either, because you can't go marching in uniform when it could hit forty-five in a snap. There are drills for storms and survival training was always an experience, but…I guess, in a way, it's a very free place. Maybe because it's so extreme, there's a lot of stuff people don't care about as much. Even before I left, I had some friends who knew about my parents and…maybe they were just young, but they didn't seem to mind. I still had to hide my claws in public, but in those days, that you could have five children playing with a Faunus boy willingly was something else."

He looked out the window a bit and smiled.

"Yeah," He said to himself. "It's weird, but…I remember the place fondly. I guess it was the place I felt least…I don't know. Trapped, maybe? But that makes were I am now sound horrible and that's not what I mean. It's just…I don't know. Some days I look around and think about going back, even though there's nothing waiting there for me anymore."

I nodded, at once feeling the emotions coming from it and struggling to nail them down. I guess that made sense if even he was unsure, though.

"One thing I will say," He said suddenly, looking up at me. "The weather in Vale is a hell of a lot better. You wouldn't believe where sand can get and then everything freezes solid. One of the worst things in the world is having to work a dawn or dusk shift in Vacuo. I think the worst I remember was minus forty to forty in about two hours. You get used to one and then the other just body checks you—and I was border patrolling at the time. It was awful. It's one of the reasons I stay the hell away. If it's you, you probably won't even notice, but the rest of us? It's horrible. It's said Vacuo's never been conquered because nobody wants the damn place."

"I'll keep that in mind," I mused, thinking it over. "I don't think I'll be heading that way for the time being, but…it's good to know. I'll have to visit sometime."

"I'll pray for my homeland," Tukson promised, making me chuckle.

"Thanks for everything, Tukson," I said, inclining my head towards him. "Oh, and if you can, do you mind keeping your ear to the ground for me?"

"No problem," He nodded. "Anything specific you want me to look out for?"

I thought of the Riders, the Grimm, and their hidden creator. I briefly considered telling him before dismissing the thought. No, if he knew, he'd see threats everywhere, like I was starting to. Best to have a grounded, unbiased opinion.

"Whatever catches your eye," I said. "Just…stuff you think might be worth looking into a bit more, send my way. Here, in the other Kingdoms, whatever. I'm feeling curious lately."

"I'll see what I can round up, Jaune." He replied, not asking any questions.

"Thanks, Tukson," I told him. "I appreciate it. Really."