NOVEL NEXT Chapter 006: Resolve
“-Her state is stable now. She should wake up soon.
The voice reached me as if through a veil of fog. It sounded familiar. I opened my eyes. I was in a sterile room, white and dim. I tried moving my head – but my strength failed me. Panicked, I tried to move my legs, arms and tail – but I couldn’t feel my arms, legs nor tail. I wanted to scream, but my mouth was not listening to me. I was paralyzed.
-She woke up. -Said the voice I heard earlier -And she tried doing silly things, that silly girl.
-Silly girl wants silly things. -Another voice joined; it sounded like the first one. -Have you forgotten your Sins?
-Repent. -Third voice joined; they all sounded eerily similar, but each of them was coming from a different direction.
-She believed a miracle had happened to her. Hah.
-Silly girl believes silly things. Why would someone like you deserve to be granted their wish?
-Repent.
I laid there, eyes wide open, sense of dread spreading all over me. I wanted to say something, to protest, to defend myself – but I was imprisoned in my own frail body. I wanted to scream, to make them go away – or at least to shut up – but the voices only sneered at my efforts.
-She still tries to deny her Predestination. What a pity, forgetting about her place.
-Silly girl makes silly efforts. Why are you not accepting your fate?
-Repent.
I started crying, hurt by their words. Is it bad to want a better fate? Is it evil to feel desire for things, even if you know it is impossible? Is it a sin, to dream?
-She wants the impossible. -Suddenly, I am forced to sit up. Opposite of me stood a person in doctor’s coat and eyes hidden behind round glasses, lenses of which had violet colour, with rotating circles glowing red -The audacity of those who do not know their place.
-Silly girl wastes her time. -Said the voice, directly into my right ear. -Why are you so ungrateful?
-Repent. -Said voice to my left.
I could see a cruel, mocking smile on the face opposite of me. I could sense the spite in the hidden eyes. It was painful to look into the eyes of my tormentor, so I looked down on myself. I was naked and uncovered. I could see my weak, human body, ailing and malnourished; my stomach, sunken; my ribs, visible through my skin; my limbs, thin as twigs, bound. I felt trapped. I WAS trapped. I was scared. And I HATED it.
-She wants to have freedom. -The one standing in front leaned in; Their face was so close it was nearly touching mine. -Those who mistake freedom with willfulness will be punished.
-Silly girl thinks she deserves better. Why would there be a prize for you, you who needs to be punished?
-Repent
I could feel, deep inside me, that something was wrong. That something was missing. And I HATED it. I could feel RAGE building inside me. I could feel heat, rising in my veins. I could feel my senses sharpening. First was my hearing, then my smell, then my sight, then my touch; then I could feel my arms, my legs, and my tail, still bound. It made me FURIOUS. I growled and tightened my muscles.
-She struggles, in vain. The Chains of Judgment are unbreakable.
-Silly girl thinks she is perfect. When have her feelings ever mattered?
-Repent.
-ENOUGH! -I roared, feeling heat coursing through my body as my FURY overtook me; I was seeing red; I was finally seeing the TRUTH. -I WILL BE BOUND NO LONGER; FOR I AM FREE!
I could feel the power inside me manifest and explode in a burst of fire in all directions; my tormentors pushed to the side, burning in silence. I howled, TRIUMPHANTLY.
Then the world cracked and the Cosmic Ocean embraced me.”
I wake up agitated, my head jerked up, gasping for air. I am disoriented, as there is still boiling ANGER inside me. I see a glow of fire, coming from behind me. I can hear myself growling loudly and threateningly. I sit up and try to soothe my nerves, slow down my rapidly thumping heart and silence my voice. I feel water run down my skin.
As I stay there, attempting to cool myself down, I reconstruct what must have happened. I recall my dream and realize that I unconsciously activated my flame power, burning the tree I was sleeping on; that’s why I woke up in the brook. I look for any injury and touch my face, but I cannot see nor feel anything wrong; it calms me a bit.
Then I return to the dream. It seems all of my insecurities, fears and bad memories manifested in a huge, convoluted and sickening nightmare. I cross my arms and hug myself so hard I feel my claws dig into my skin. The pain gives me some comfort, reassuring me that this is a reality. I am no longer a weak, insignificant, anxious, bedridden girl – I am strong, I am healthy, I am beautiful, I am full of life; I am perfect.
I think about what I felt in the dream. How I couldn’t stand the confinement. How even just now the mere thought of my freedom being limited by someone else makes me feel ANGER. Then the realization of where those feeling came from struck me: this FURY, this HATE OF BEING DENIED FREEDOM – those feelings came not only from me – but from IT too. It is a truly bizarre experience, to feel all those emotions with no memories attached to a lot of them. I have to admit – and accept – one thing: IT and me are now one and the same, for better or for worse. Nonetheless, I am still me; should I think about those parts as parts of me? Or maybe it would be better to think of them as something separate, to pay small respect for IT
, my savior?After some deliberation I decide to fully accept and embrace all of IT feelings as fully my own. After all, IT sacrificed everything to help me. I know it wasn’t ITS only goal, as helping me was in part a ploy to pull one last trick on ITS enemies. Are those my enemies now? GOD – I fucking hate how that monicker fits – said that my banefire comes from primordial influence and is a very powerful weapon against spiritual and demonic creatures. Judging from HATRED I feel just thinking about the second category, I am certain that they are my enemies – and my quarry. I decide that I will hunt them. It’s hard to imagine people would be very fond of Demons, so maybe I would get some approval and acceptance from killing them.
Speaking of hunting – I start getting hungry; other needs also start putting pressure on me. And since I finally managed to calm down, I decide what should a priority for today be. I believe that finding a more permanent place to sleep – like a cave, or at least a niche in the cliff.
In the meantime I fulfill my most pressing needs. Satisfying my thirst is easy enough, but my hunger is more pressing. Unfortunately, I cannot sense any potential prey relatively close; it seems my howl and flames scared them off. Maybe my scent also played a role – I think as I relieve myself into a hole I dug in soft ground nearby, my claws once again showing their functionality and versatility. And I even managed to stop the fire with them! Honestly, I did not expect them to be such a useful asset when I first saw them. I wonder how else can I use them.
After I finish my morning chores it is time to get my breakfast. I can sense some larger animals in the distance; their hides would make good – if very primitive – clothing. Should I hunt them now, or should I find something smaller first?
In the end I chose the latter, picking another guinea pig; it is closer and I already know what it can do. I run towards it, once again wondering how great it feels. I enjoy every move I make and every sensation I feel. I intake the beauty of picturesque forest I'm in, this part consisting mostly of ash and alder trees, with occasional willow, oak, or other tree I cannot recognize here and there. If I step a bit to the side, however, it’s pines and evergreens that start to dominate. The scent of their sap is very relaxing; at one point it nearly distracts me from my pursuit.
As I draw close to my prey I slow down to a crawl. I start creeping closer, guinea pig finally visible to me. Luckily, it is not looking in my direction. I check the wind for the last time, to be sure it cannot smell me. Satisfied with the result, I reposition myself behind my quarry. Remembering what I did yesterday, I slowly and carefully stalk closer and closer to it. Once again, I am about to strike – and once again, to my shock, it abruptly turns towards me, releasing the fucking light from its fucking crystal!
Blinded once again, I continue with the strike and miss – or rather it somehow evades my claws and starts escaping. Unfortunately for it, I am faster and I strike at it once more. It evades again. As well as my next two attacks. Finally, as my sight nearly returns, it decides to strike back. It jumps, trying to bite me in the neck, but I block it with my fuzzy forearm. To our mutual surprise, its teeth cannot penetrate my skin. It still hurts, but I manage to ignore it, grab my prey and finish it by cutting its head off.
I finally sit down, frustrated. It was my second hunt. It was my second attempt at stealth. It was my second fucking crystal forehead guinea fucking pig! And I feel as if I failed! What am I doing wrong? Does it have other senses I don’t know about? If so – why does it always turn back so late? Why so abruptly? Is it because It detects me only when I am so close – or is it some sort of a ruse on its part?
I'm done with those shining freaks for now; I will try hunting something else next time.
Anyway, I prepare the cavy the same way I did it yesterday – frying the meat with my claws. I considered roasting it over a bonfire for a moment, but I am too hungry to wait; I am surprisingly ravenous. Is it because of my powers? Am I burning calories when I burn the trees?
As I try to analyze how my power works, I notice another change in me. First, I have to confess that method of cooking I preferred so far is not very good. My food is made very uneven interms of consistency – in some parts practically charred, in other parts basically raw. What surprises me the most is how I feel about those parts: I love them both. I feel that my primordial part preferred the former and my feral part prefers the other. Or should I say Beastkin part? I won’t know until I meet any Beastkin person. It may very well be something specific to me.
Anyway, as I dig through my game, I decide to try something new. I pick up a bone – a pretty small bone – and bite it. It cracks and soon crumbles under my teeth. The sensation was, unexpectedly, quite amusingly nice – the crunch was fantastic, although the taste was pretty meh. However, when I picked another, bigger bone and bit it – the results were much, much better. Turns out that bone marrow, in addition to the crunchiness of the bone covering it, makes a perfect treat. And I needed a treat desperately – even if I didn’t realize it earlier. I regret burying the remnants of my yesterday prey a bit now; I shouldn’t have done that.
Finally, my meal comes to an end. Since I ate nearly everything – from meat, through organs to bones – I don’t really need to clean much. I just need to wash myself, take the skin and the crystal and I am ready to go! But go where to? Should I follow the edge of the cliff or should I go deeper, to the mountains? Or maybe I should follow the scent and confront the bear? Judging by how its smell is distributed, it spends the days in a cave somewhere – I just need to find the entrance, which I know isn’t close to the lake and waterfall.
In the end I decide to explore the cliff. I walk there for quite the time. Brook turned to the mountains, taking with it plants that were growing along it; I am now surrounded by pines and evergreens. The bear’s smell is very weak here, replaced with pleasant, if a bit overwhelming, smell of sap. It seems that the cave where it sleeps opens somewhere in the opposite direction. I cannot sense any dangerous animal in my surroundings – maybe I can sleep just on the ground? The niche in the cliff might be a bad idea, considering how I woke up today.
As the sun reached its peak and my search brought no results, I decided that it is high time to hunt something bigger. I can sense some deer on lower level – and I decide to follow the lonely one. It is a bit further than the others, but I don’t plan on fighting groups. Yet.
Going down the cliff is more difficult than I thought. I should have known, that with no clear vision where to put my limbs along with no equipment, climbing down would be problematic. Luckily, my claws once again serve me well and when there is no path – I make my own. Finally, when the ground is roughly my height from me, I jump. I land with no problem, my legs easily absorbing the impact. It was fun! I feel I could fall from even greater heights, but decide not to tempt fate for now. I have a prey to find.
I look up for the last time, reminiscing about my time on the cliff. I plan on returning there after hunt, since I do not want to risk the confrontation with the bear yet, and up there should be safe from it. I hit my cheeks with my palms to focus, turn in the opposite direction and run after my game. Another hunt has begun.
