NOVEL NEXT Chapter 176
Eliya is crying.
She sits on the floor.
Covering her face.
Her shoulders shaking.
Even as she sobs sorrowfully, it seems like she’s trying to hold back her tears.
She decides to run away.
She has to escape.
Because she’s going to kill me.
She must have come to kill me.
It’s definitely going to happen, but it’s strange.
It’s not just her reaction that’s odd.
I’m acting strange too.
I can’t seem to move my feet at all.
I can’t leave.
No, I don’t want to leave.
“I hate to see you cry…”
It makes my insides feel all twisted and bursting.
“You’re so much prettier when you’re smiling than when you’re crying…”
What a ridiculous thought.
Saying that smiling is prettier than crying means I’ve seen Eliya’s smiles and tears.
Eliya.
That bad woman Eliya would never show such a side in front of me.
“So why on earth…?”
Ever since I fled from Eliya, I’ve been experiencing bizarre situations.
As if the people around me were acting like I had lost my memories.
My reactions have been similar.
Like my heart is empty and hollow.
I keep dreaming of Eliya.
Every morning, I look for a necklace or check the flower pot on the window.
I’ve never even had a necklace or a flower pot by the window.
“What if I’ve lost my memories…?”
If that’s why you’re acting like this.
What on earth were we to each other…?
Eliya quietly lowered her hand.
Only her large, reddened eyes were revealed.
She looked up at me with a slight tilt of her head.
Her pupils trembled.
Those big, clear eyes are crying.
I hated that sight.
A few times, it seems like she’s cried.
Especially I remember when she was young.
Sardis.
Who was that again?
And the assassin.
Someone tried to kill you, and I took the knife for you…
“……”
When I regained my senses, I found myself approaching Eliya.
She blinked her eyes in surprise.
“…Judas?”
Her voice trembled a lot.
It was full of hushed sounds.
I knelt in front of her.
Matching her gaze.
“My lady.”
I cautiously reached out my hand.
I touched Eliya’s face.
I don’t know why I’m doing this.
I just wanted to wipe her tears.
Like in the old days.
Eliya’s lips trembled.
Her chin quivered slightly.
Her eyes grew wide, and she grabbed my wrist.
Her white, soft hand held on tightly.
The grip felt like she’d never let go.
She pressed her face against my hand.
Like a cat being cute.
This can’t be happening.
The Eliya I know…
Is the Eliya I remember really her?
“Judas…”
“… Yes, my lady.”
Eliya, with her cheek against my hand, asked.
Tears still flowed endlessly.
The emotions in her moist eyes seemed a mix of fear and anticipation.
“Do you remember me?”
The Eliya I remember is a bad woman.
A madwoman who knew no emotions and cared little for human life.
But that doesn’t seem to be the Eliya I know.
“I…”
It felt like something I almost remember.
Unknowingly, I frowned.
Eliya’s hand carefully approached.
For some reason, I didn’t want to avoid that hand.
Her soft hand stroked my brow.
She smoothed my frown and caressed my face.
So gentle, like handling something precious.
That touch.
That expression, smiling yet crying sorrowfully.
Those loving eyes gazing at me.
It should feel strange.
It should feel awkward.
But I was glad and willing.
“I don’t think I can remember….But…”
I painfully worked through each word.
“I’m afraid the person I remember isn’t the real you. Me too…. So I mean in the past, no, we…”
I couldn’t finish my sentence.
“Gasp!”
My mouth was shut.
By Eliya’s lips.
While I was speaking, Eliya jumped into me.
Her hands, which had been touching my face, locked around my neck, and then she pressed her lips against mine.
In that moment, time seemed to slow down.
Her hair floated around in the air as she dove in.
Her face came close, eyes squeezed shut from crying.
It was a warm, soft, gentle touch on my lips.
In that instant, I remembered.
The moment we first kissed at Bevel’s main house.
And from that moment, I secretly longed for even deeper contact.
Thrown off balance by her sudden leap, I fell backward on one knee.
Naturally, she ended up on top of me.
It felt like Eliya had just fallen into me.
‘Black Sun…’
I pulled Eliya out from the cage she confined herself in.
In a land filled with blossoming anemones, I caught her like a falling petal.
One by one, memories returned.
Like a video played in reverse.
Black Sun. Balak. Afterlife. God.
Eliya, who perished with the Evil God.
We met, fell apart.
Misunderstood, resolved.
Eliya and I, repeating it all.
The memories came flooding back, explaining why I felt so out of place.
Why my heart felt empty and cold all the time.
Why I couldn’t leave when I saw Eliya crying.
‘Ah.’
Everything became clear.
‘I liked you…’
The confession I made that I wouldn’t forget in the afterlife.
That moment faded away, as if I had forgotten it.
Eliya’s lips pressed against mine roughly.
The strength of her arms around my neck was unwavering.
As if she would never let go of this suddenly narrowed distance.
Your relentless affection, surprising and familiar, isn’t it?
I gently closed my eyes.
I willingly decided to respond to her feelings and expectations.
I wanted to do this.
It might be my first time, so I might be a bit clumsy.
With a cautious touch, I embraced her waist.
And I moved my lips.
I didn’t know how, but I copied what she did.
In an instant, Eliya’s body flinched.
She was probably surprised I responded suddenly.
The moment of kissing paused for a second.
But I didn’t stop.
Turning my head, I pulled her lips closer.
Then she tugged at me as well.
Like a thirsty person plunging into a spring, we pressed into each other.
Was she short of breath? From time to time, she pulled away for a hurried breath.
That moment was fleeting.
Inhale and exhale, then we were locked together once again.
The sound was akin to someone swimming.
So she fell into me, and I soaked into Eliya.
Meanwhile, Eliya’s body kept shaking.
She was crying.
Even now, tears are falling on my face.
“Uhh… Huh…”
She must have had difficulty breathing from crying, but she showed no sign of letting go.
Eventually unable to hold back, she slowly pulled away.
Her red eyes glistened with tears.
Her saliva-slicked lips glimmered.
Eliya licked her lips and said in a trembling voice.
“Judas… Do you remember me…?”
I stared gently at her face.
My vision was blurred, likely from Eliya’s tears falling.
“Have I remembered…?”
After taking a deep breath, I hugged her tightly.
Eliya nestled her face quietly into my arms.
My voice came out slightly hoarse and trembled.
“…Yes, my lady.”
It was terrible.
Now, I was scared again.
I had forgotten this Eliya.
Almost lived on moving forward without remembering her.
The words of the god echoed in my mind.
‘You won’t be able to hold onto the memories you can no longer be as I am.’
It could be part or all.
As a price, I might have lost only the memories associated with Eliya.
Moments when we faced events, shared feelings little by little had vanished.
So I really, truly stopped being the person I was.
I even came to consider this whole world I experienced as fake.
Eliya is the greatest axis forming who I am.
I nearly forgot such a person.
Though slim, I almost left her behind.
I gently patted Eliya’s hair.
It was soft.
I took a deep breath.
Her rich scent filled my lungs.
I almost said I was sorry for not remembering.
I envisioned her emotions toward me.
What if Eliya lost her memory, and I alone held on to those feelings?
It would have been unbearably terrible.
That’s the kind of thing I did.
I know that.
Back then, I couldn’t help it.
It was the best I could do.
One of us had to take that role.
I decided and acted in her stead while she was unconscious.
I felt sorry for causing such pain, as if it were my fault.
I know it’s not entirely my blame.
Because I wasn’t the one deciding which memories to take away.
Still, I felt sorry.
But if I were Eliya now, I wouldn’t want to hear those apologies.
It’s a certainty, not just a feeling.
Because we are the kind of people who can think that way.
So I decided to say what she wanted to hear.
I pulled her in closer.
“I missed you.”
“…Sniff!”
It’s not a lie.
Even while I had no memories, I continuously thought of her.
I dreamed often.
Now I realize the reason.
I wanted to see her.
I missed her.
“I really, really missed you a lot.”
“Uuugh-! Sniff…!”
Eliya, who was sniffling as if in pain.
“Waaah-!”
She cried like a child.
“I, I…! Ugh, sniff-! I missed you so, so much…!”
Burying her face in my arms, she wailed and kept talking.
I softly stroked and patted her back while she complained.
“I’ve missed you for a whole week…! There were so many things I had to take care of to make it easier for you to visit, and I was super tired because of it…!”
“Yeah, I see.”
I’ve seen Eliya crying and subtly complaining multiple times.
But this was the first time witnessing her crying out loud like this, openly whining like a child.
Perhaps I’m the only one in the world who can see this side of her.
I still don’t know all of Eliya.
I too might have a new side of myself that I don’t know.
So in the future, I want to gladly get to know her and reveal myself to her.
In a certain alley in Jericho.
It’s a rather shabby place to reunite with the empress who established the order of a new era.
But the space itself doesn’t matter much.
As long as I’m with Eliya, I wouldn’t care less where it is.
Eliya probably feels the same way about me.
I can be sure of that.
We’ve defined ourselves by each other, overcoming our inherent nature to define our existence.
Crying and speaking, Eliya cuddled around my neck.
Waiting for something, she fastened a necklace around my neck.
The golden necklace I had forgotten about.
“Now, even if you want to run away, you can’t escape.”
She lifted her head, sniffling, and smiled.
Her puffy red eyes and nose from crying were quite cute.
Not that I ever wanted to run away…
“I modified this necklace so that only I can take it off. I made sure it can’t break or come apart; it’s sturdy.”
“……”
“So no matter what happens, you won’t be able to take it off. I won’t let go of you now.”
Seeing her persistent expressions of affection that only seemed cute and lovely, I think I might have gone too far.
“Oh my. I was planning to run away; I guess I’ll have to scrap that plan.”
At my joke, Eliya just giggled shyly.
We naturally kissed again.
But then.
-Grrr…
A thunderous growl came from Eliya’s belly.
“……”
With our lips pressed together, Eliya blinked in surprise.
Her already red face from crying turned darker.
“…Why? What’s…”
It’s obvious without looking.
She must have been starving without me.
I stroked Eliya’s head, which was hidden against my chest.
“Shall we eat something first?”
Eliya shyly averted her gaze, mumbling softly.
“Not that.”
“Excuse me?”
“There’s something more important…”