The Endless Solvent

Her mind burned.

It was a sickening green flame that licked at her, filling her senses with its verdant glow. When she hurt, she knew she was awake. The world was a confusing mess of glowing spots and darkness - she could never tell what was what. There was no ground, no sky and the lack of reference made her head spin. When she forgot to hurt, she knew she was asleep and her senses were assailed by strange voices and visions.

Some of it she recognized: the fresh scent of pine trees, the biting cold of Caelisian snow, the voice of her mother, her father, her brother. She often heard Ral’s voice, much deeper than she recalled it being. It sounded nothing like the little boy that left with the Caelisian captain but she still recognized her brother’s voice. She thought she could also hear Camaz’s voice. The particular way he enunciated, the sophisticated words he used to hide behind - she remembered it so clearly it was like he was right there, speaking to her.

“What in Part’s name happened to you?” he would probably ask, eyebrows raised sardonically.

Other visions she didn’t recognize at all. There was a woman in conservative dress in somber but warm colors. She lived in a large house at a place Aris had never been in. There was heavy rain and the rolling of thunder overhead when she reached out to the woman… Then she saw a pale, somber looking man with completely dark eyes: not only did he not have irises nor whites of the eye, but everything in his eye sockets were a strange, liquid-like substance that swirled and shimmered while being completely black in color.

Eyes. They all had strange eyes. She rolled to her side and clutched at her face. It was like someone shoved burning coals into her skull, one in each eye socket. Their fucking eyes were all strange.

Hands gripped at her and she thrashed, confused. People spoke at her, either too loud or too softly because she couldn’t understand a single word. Her mind burned! It burned! Who cares what anyone else says? Aris got angry, demanding the pain to stop, then she broke down sobbing and begged it to stop. Where was Ral? Where was Nilda? Where was she? More words were spoken to her and she had no idea where the voices came from.

They faded along with the pain and she was swept back into blessedly soothing dreams. She saw that woman again: she was dressed in too many layers and sat primly on a small stool. Aris made herself look down at her hand and saw one that was decidedly not hers. She sank her head into her hands, the ache threatening to spill into the dream again.

“It’s you, isn’t it,” she whispered. The voice that came out was not hers. It was deep and masculine. “Moon have mercy, these are your memories.”

Take my eyes into your solute and pray to your celestial bodies that you do not die. Those were the Being in Smoke - Doran’s - last words to her. The enchantment worked and she had managed to absorb his solute, it’s why she could see these visions. She looked up, the woman sitting on the stool still there. He must have thought of this particular woman often. “Have some rest,” the woman said. “We’ll see how you fare in the morning.”

The woman got up and left her alone in a small, cramped room. Aris wanted to beg her not to go. No, if she slept here it meant she would awake in real life. It would mean…

“No!” she cried out. They stabbed at her, stabbed and burned. She clutched her face, the hard, rock-like substance spilling from her eyes cutting her palms. Her voice felt raw yet she couldn’t help but cry out. “No!”

More hands gripped her. She thought she could hear Camaz saying something. Impossible. Has she gotten so mad that she now hallucinated his voice? It was so dark when she was awake and her reflex was to try to see, but every time she tried a fresh wave of unholy pain washed over her. She had no room to hate even him anymore because he was someone who always had answers. Surely he would help her if he was there, right? Camaz who knew everything.

“Camaz,” she said to her hallucination. Even if she knew it would be useless, even if there probably wasn’t anyone there, she still said it. “Please just make it stop.”

A tremor overtook her and blissful peace took over again. Her dreams were confusing this time, a mix of memories of running through a forest with Ral and reading in the lighthouse back at the Academy. Then the face of Tassik with his deep green eyes glowing from the black backdrop of his eyes, expression pained and angry.

“What are you doing, lyssiin?”

The memory of him burned almost as much as her new affliction. She wanted to wave him away as if he was a reflection on the surface of water but he approached her and gripped her neck in a choke hold with hands that were terrifyingly large. Her eyes widened in fear as she realized she couldn’t turn into Shade form, nor could she even fight back in the slightest. She squirmed and hit his arms, struggling to move in the slightest but she couldn’t -

Aris woke up. Fresh air rushed into her lungs. The second thing she realized was feeling damp all over her body. Then she realized she had registered a physical feeling besides pain in her body.

The moment she rejoiced, the pain returned. Cursing, she curled up again, clutching her face. But in the haze of burning sensations in her skull and the growing headache that would grow to a screaming crescendo, Aris dared to think that the pain had somehow… lessened.

She dared not hope lest the next moment brought new tortures. She dared not think it would get any better for the disappointment would be the death of her.

Then she heard a voice: “Can you hear me?”

She lifted her head from her hands, the movement making her dizzy with pain. A male voice. One she recognized, but from where?

Then a much more familiar voice: “Aris of Caelis, it’s time to come back.”

Camaz. That was clearly Camaz’s voice. He had found her. At that moment, Aris dared to hope.