The Dungeon's Worst Little Mistake

"Hmm. Hmm… Ok. Yup… Alright, thank you Redacted!" Bug hums to herself as she stares off into space, looking at something that only she can see before yelling up at the ceiling like a crazy person.

When she turns her attention back to Susan, she just nods to herself and seems to be referencing this invisible thing in the side of her vision.

"Alright… So, Susan. I'm sorry, but I am not permitted to tell you much. Something about trying to prevent leaks before release, and something about an NDA I don't remember signing… And if I do say too much, enforcers from HQ will come and take me and Mimmie away, lock us up, and then I will have a legal battle against… some kind of enemies called a lawyer? I don't know what that is, but it sounds scary…"

"Ok… what can you tell me?"

"Uhm, hold on, she gave me a list… Ok. Here's what I can say, and you are not to share this with anyone. One, Mimmie and I have a special power that lets us get stronger and unlock new powers by killing things and successfully doing tasks. Two, this power can be used to improve ourselves in whatever way we want, like boosting strength, speed, and magic. Third, we can use this power to magically gain items, knowledge, skills, and magic, in exchange for offering up other items and by leveling up. I am not to provide too much information about leveling and classes, risking legal action, and… skipping ahead… Oh, and finally, Redacted is proud to report that the S%$#3& should be entering the Public Beta Test (PBT) period within the next decade or so, which is when advertising will begin for the public, and humans will finally be able to start registering to become Beta Testers. Well, that sounds exciting! Oh, and if you want to, Susan, Redacted says that she can reserve you a slot. Cool, right?"

"I, uh, I guess? I'm still confused about what all of this is… You said you get stronger by killing things?"

"Yup." Bug says with a nod, like having a power like that is totally normal and not at all crazy.

It's at this moment that the raft meets the dock on the other side of the lake. Bug gets up and starts to work on tying off the raft. She has to keep Elaine from jumping off in a hurry, the little tike wanting to zoom off on her new toy again.

"And… Elaine has this power now?"

"Yup."

"Yup!" Cheers Elaine.

"How did you get this power?"

Bug has to stop and think after climbing onto the dock.

"Hmm… I sort of just woke up with it, after being born? I'm pretty sure than any sapient beings born in a Dungeon gets it. Just like Mimmie did. Not sure about you humans though. They'll probably spread the news somehow… Anyways, would you like to get a slot? If so, I need to send Redacted a message with your info. She sent me a friend request, so I can send her messages now. Finally have a reason to use the message feature… I have the Dungeon in my contact list, but I think it blocked me, so I wasn't able to send it anything. Coward. OH! Mimmie, I'm going to send you a friend request! Then we can send messages to each other!"

"Ok!"

Susan just watches the two as they both stop and stare at nothing, again… after a moment, they both cheer.

"Yay, were friends now!"

"Yay!"

"Send me a message, hurry, hurry!"

"Ok ok!"

More staring off into space…

"Uhm, guys?"

"Susan, hold on."

"Ok…"

Another moment and they both start laughing, Elaine holding her sides as her laughter sends her falling back into her shell.

"HahahahahaHA! Chicken Butt! Hahahaha!!!"

"Uhm, are you two alright?"

Bug is whipping away a tear from her eye as she gets herself back under control.

"Yeah, hahaha- Sorry. Mimmie just sent me a funny joke. Sorry, sorry. Hahaha~ Uhm, where were we?"

"Your weird power. You were asking if I wanted to register, or something?"

"Oh, right. Do you?"

Susan just looks to Elaine and considers for a bit. Whatever this power is, the girl seems to be enjoying it…

"Sure, go ahead, I guess? Do I have to do something?"

"No, just hold still for a sec. Identify."

Susan can feel as some presence washes over and invades her body. It passes in an instant and for anyone less perceptive, they probably would have missed it entirely.

"Ok, then I copy this and put it in the message with your name and that you are interested… Sent."

"Is that it?"

"I guess? We'll just have to wai- Oh, she sent a message back! Let's see… Ok, she confirms your interest and is reserving you a slot for the PBT. Just have to wait ten or so years until then… Is that a long time?"

"Ten years? Yes, that's pretty long."

"Oh… Well, let's just hope it doesn't get delayed further… Anyways, let's keep walking!"

They do just that, with Elaine keeping her weird, bone, spider mount, thing to a walking pace so she can keep by Bug's side and, at least as far as Susan knows, send Bug more messages. As they walk, she can't help but to watch Bug.

She doesn't know how long a decade is…

It's easy for Susan to forget this, but it was even mentioned in the report. Bug is probably only a couple of weeks, maybe a month, old by this point. She is, despite looking like a young adult woman, less than a year old. By most standards, she is basically a baby. At best, despite her apparent maturity, she should probably be considered as a child…

Susan turns her gaze to a giggling Elaine. The twenty-year-old girl that got regressed back into a literal child in both mind and body…

She then looks at herself, walking behind them. The tallest, and oldest person here even if you were to put the two kids together…

Oh shit. I have two literal children to look after now, don't I?

And to make matters worse, one is a homicidal Necromancer with a body count in the hundreds already, and the other is an adorable half monster with a bottomless hunger for meat.

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Oh, Goddess! I'm supposed to be an adventurer, not a babysitter!

As Susan is falling into existential dread, Bug seems to remember something.

"Oh, right, Mimmie. Part of the letter was for you too. Redacted said she fixed the issue with your level ten rewards not showing up along with your introduction letter. She said that unlocking your S%$#3& at Level 10 caused some issues she had to address. Did you get your rewards?"

"Hmmm… Yup! Oh, got lots of stuff!"

"Show me?"

"Ok, here!"

"Oh, she did send you lots. Here, put on this ring. I have one as well. It will give you more health."

"Hehehe, now we match!"

"We do! Oh, and make sure to use these Knowledges. Especially the one about bathing. Thank goodness she sent more soap and stuff. With three people, we'll definitely be using more…"

"I don't like the Knowledge… Makes my head hurt…" Elaine companies with a cute little pout.

Bug just gives her a head pat.

"Sorry, but you got get used to it. You want to be a smart girl, right? Not a dummy?"

"Don't wanna be a dummy…"

"Mhm, then you have to learn more. Come on, use them please? I'll give you a snack after you're done. Make you feel better."

"Ok…" Elaine reluctantly agrees after considering for a moment. Afterwards, she just stares off into space again, something that Susan is thinking she is going to have to get used to seeing. A moment later, Elaine is clutching her head and whimpering as Bug pets her hair.

"You'll be ok. It passes quickly."

"What was that? Susan asks.

"Knowledge. We can learn things instantly, like language, and everything to know about a certain subject, but it gives you a headache in the process. She's learning about how to properly bathe and why it is important to do so regularly. Not a big one, but it still hurts. Teaches a lot about rashes, acne, yeast infections, yuck… and other nasty stuff that can happen if you don't clean yourself. It's pretty disgusting to think about…"

"Oh… Well, that sounds convenient." Is all that Susan says as she digests all of that. But she can certainly agree that bathing is very important. She's seen how bad some people can get up on the surface. For some of them, it even gets so bad that she even considers dragging them into the woods and throwing them into a river so they can at least wash off some of the filth. If a headache is all it takes for someone to learn to clean their nasty ass, then Susan can agree that it is definitely worth it.

A few seconds later and Elaine is rubbing at her head.

"Hate that…"

Bug just smiles. "Good girl. What do you want as your treat? I have more frog legs, lizard tails, Garmould ham, some jerky still, but starting to run low on that… Maybe I should learn how to make my own jerky? I also have-"

"Hand!" Elaine interrupts with much excitement.

"- some… Really? What is with you and hands?"

"Tasty."

Bug just shrugs. "Fine. I should have some corpses that have good hands. Let me find one-"

But Bug doesn't get to finish her sentence. The moment she looked away from Elaine and said, "Fine." the little girl had snatched the arm that was still petting her head and, much to Susan's horror as she watched, unhinged her jaw and impossibly crammed the entire hand up to the wrist into her little mouth. With an audible 'Crunch!' her jaw slams shut and goes straight through Bug's wrist like the scales and bones are hardly even there.

It happened in a flash, like a snake snapping down on a passing mouse wandering by. Bug doesn't even notice it as it happens and is still looking through her inventory for a moment, still mid-sentence, before she finally registers that something had happened.

"Elaine, no!" Susan tries to stop the girl, moving forward to grab her by the shoulder.

Bug just turns and doesn't even seem surprised.

"I should have seen that coming… Seriously, what is with you and hands? Or is it just my hands? Why does everyone want to eat me!?"

Elaine just gives her a big smile as she is still lovingly holding Bug by her arm, a new hand already rapidly regrowing as Susan is trying to get her to spit it out.

"Elaine, you shouldn't eat that! Spit it out!"

"Nho, ish Mhine." She swallows. "Mommy said I could!"

"You shouldn't eat people's hands! Especially not while they are still alive… It's just wrong!"

Bug lifts her arm up with Mimmie still holding onto it and resumes petting her hair with her freshly regrown hand.

"Oh, leave her be. It's fine. I can grow them back almost endlessly anyways. Besides, I'm used to now…" Bug finishes with a defeated look on her face.

"It's not fine! What about when we get back to the surface, with other people? We can't have her biting off hands like that."

"Well, they shouldn't be getting their hands within biting distance of someone else's carnivorous child in the first place… I can see it already. Some pedophile approaching her, "Hey little girl, want a taste of my meat?", "Sure!" Crunch! Oh no, child molester lost a hand, or something else… Shouldn't be trying to touch my baby girl!" Bug declares with a clenched fist.

"Yeah!" Elaine cheers along with her, not really understanding, but totally agreeing with the idea of eating people.

"Ok, really didn't need the image of Elaine biting some pervert's penis off in my head. Thanks for that… I meant, more like some old grandma offering her candy in the market, surrounded by people, and then suddenly she is biting her hand off. Now you have people panicking and screaming, the guards are coming, grandma is bleeding out on the cobblestone…" Susan says as she wipes some drool away from her lips.

…

Wait, the fuck!? Did thinking of that just make me hungry!?!? Oh, hell no! I'm not eating people! No!

Susan looks down at the hand petting Elaine's head.

… does actually look a little tasty…

Sensing danger, Bug quickly hides her hands. Susan shakes her head and chases that thought away as quickly as she can.

Nope!

After a moment's consideration, Bug does eventually nod her head.

"You're right. I would like to eventually live around other people like a normal person, and it would cause issues if Mimmie just started randomly eats people in public. Hopefully by then, she will have a more, fully human appearance and can blend in better… Mimmie, we need to set some ground rules for eating people."

"Ohhhhh…"

"No pouting. Blending in is important."

"But I want to eat the peoples! They're tasty~"

"No."

"… What about the bad peoples?"

"What you mean?"

"If they try to hurt us, or you say it's ok? Can I eats them then?"

Bug thinks for a bit… "Yes. You can eat the bad people."

"Yeah!!!"

"I'd rather that she not eat any people." Susan adds, fully knowing that her opinion is probably going to be ignored.

"I don't want to hear that from you when you are drooling… are you getting hungry again?"

"Ah!" She quickly wipes the drool off with her sleeve and looks away in embarrassment.

Seriously!? I shouldn't be getting hungry over thinking about eating humans! It's just wrong!

Bug pulls out a big, raw, frog leg from thin air and holds it out to her.

"Here, eat this. It will tide you over until our next meal."

"But… It's raw…" Susan says as her hand is already inching towards the succulent looking, bloody limb.

Bug just raises an eyebrow at that and offers her the leg again, shaking it a bit in front of Susan. The entire time, Susan's eyes are locked on the thing like a treat held before a dog's nose. Before she can even think to stop herself, she is already snatching it and sinking her teeth into frog flesh. It's delicious and Susan has to fight to keep her knees from collapsing under her as pleasure explodes through her body from fresh, wet meat filling her mouth and sliding down her throat.

She loses herself in the moment and when she comes to, she is already holding bare bones and is busily nibbling off every last piece of scrap meat that she can find that is still left.

Bug and Elaine are just standing there, watching her. Which is oddly embarrassing for Susan, and she can't help but to blush as she drops the meatless leg. Apparently, off to the side, Elaine had gotten jealous and begged Bug to give her a frog leg as well.

"Done? Feeling better?"

Susan just nods.

"Good. Try to remember that hunger, because Mimmie feels it too when she looks at people. We're all monsters here, but it's because we put in the effort that we can still be people. We'll need to remember that when we all get out of here."

"We wouldn't be monsters if you didn't make us into them…"

"No, you'd just be dead. Anyways, that enough time wasting for now. Still need to go and see if I can get Bob back… Then we are leaving this floor, and this layer. I'm getting sick and tired of this place and want to see the next one already!"

With her declaration made, Bug pulls her insect mount out and then climbs on.

"Come one. Susan, you're riding shotgun."

"What's shotgun?"

"No idea, but it means you're riding passenger. Get on."

Susan cringes as she looks at the insectile abomination, hesitating to step onto its back, but she eventually does. Getting comfortable on some pillows where Mimmie's cage used to sit, she tries to avoid squishing Bug's big shark tail as she wraps it around her little body and out of Susan's way. Luckily, the insect apparently has handles for Susan to use at her sides, so she doesn't have to hold onto Bug's body. The little Necromancer must have added them earlier while she was repairing the thing, thinking ahead.

"Comfy?" Bug asks over her shoulder.

"Yes." Susan begrudgingly admits.

This is much more comfortable than a horse or carriage with wooden seats…

"Good, then let's get going. When we are done, we can have cake!"

Elaine cheers, "Cake!"

"You don't know what that is, do you?" Susan asks.

"Nope! But it sounds tasty!"

"Yes!

"Alright, then... After we, a Necromancer Gremlin, a Mimic-human, and a Ghoul, save a kidnapped skeleton from the Dungeon, we are having cake, gifted by some mysterious being named, Redacted… Just another normal day… Seriously, what the heck is my life now?"

As Susan is complaining and being a downer, Bug kicks her mount into a sprint along with Mimmie beside her. Behind them, an army of zombies is charging behind them, stomping through the halls and kicking up dust as little critters scatter and scurry away to hide in cracks in fear of being trampled.