The Dragon of Roads

Things were really getting down to the wire here. We were already more than halfway to our destination, the top of The Tower, at least in terms of floors. The only saving grace was that the higher floors were bigger, and, at times, progression was more complex than smashing a hole in a door.

Bossman had become more protective of everyone ever since what happened on floor 32. Torborg had been smashed up against the adjoining wall when a very large and heavy door opened into him at a ludicrous speed. His broken body had staggered and fallen to the floor, only for the same door to come off of its hinges and fall upon him far faster than gravity would normally allow.

Torborg, like everyone else, had been kitted out with the best equipment that Bossman could make for us. However, there is only so much that all those bells and whistles can do in the face of ten tons of door that decided to get uppity. Chooka would not have been able to deliver effective and timely aid before Torborg expired, and so, Bossman did the thing with the drop of blood.

Now, only one remains who is not yet a companion, and we are reaching our destination far faster than I would like.

I shared a knowing look with Nabonidus, and he gave me the slightest of nods when the Bossman would not have noticed. I trusted him to confer with Alterez, such that we would all be co-conspirators in bringing about the aid that the Bossman doesn't know that he needs. Naturally, Bambina, my better half, was both abreast of the situation and on board with what needed to be done.

The trick now was to both separate It-Has-Pockets from our only healer and the ever-protective Bossman, and then to ensure that she has an "accident" that can't be linked back to any of us. It needs to look natural, and given her personality and desires, I think I know just the way to do it.

To make matters worse, Bossman was more vigilant than normal for "suspicious behavior" amongst us. We had "caught up" with Bonpricha on floor 51. Naturally, I could tell right away that it was not really her, but rather, another intricately crafted illusion for her to mess with us. Forsooth, the illusion was well-crafted, but it is damn near impossible to trick a kobold about such things. Dragons have strong resistance to illusions, and Bossman is the epitome of dragons. However, Bonpricha is the best of the best when it comes to illusions, and so, Bossman had fallen for her tricks once again.

For this to work, we would need to split the party. It would be imperative that Chooka goes in a different direction from It-Has-Pockets, and indeed, that the Bossman goes with It-Has-Pockets. Skull, ever lurking in his shadow, is his hidden ace in the hole, and she will either need to be distracted or persuaded to assist. Nabonidus is the only one who has a ghost of a chance to convince Bossman of how we should split up, but that will most likely mean that he will need to go with the other group, which will limit the means of the rest of us to influence events directly.

Floor 64 is our best bet. It isn't our only chance, but Bossman will be once bitten and twice shy if we fumble this scheme. Nabonidus facilitated our communication via telepathy, and so scheme we did. Bellwright was not part of our inner circle on this particular deception, for a gnome is as trustworthy with secrets and duplicity as leaving a bunch of remnimi teenagers unsupervised to guard a crate of uncounted contraceptives. Both would result in some awkward performances and regrettable disappointments when things could not be contained until other parties were satisfied. However, he could still be a useful if not entirely unwitting pawn.

We made sure to be exceptionally protective of It-Has-Pockets, but in such passive ways that she wouldn't get wise as to what we were doing. Like, we never did things for that express purpose, but rather, we played it off as being eager beavers to get stuff done. We wanted her to feel like she had not contributed anything of note, and when the time came, that she would be raring to prove herself.

We had a plan with a clear goal. All we could do now was hope that we could pull this off. We would burn that particular bridge when we got to it if Bossman figured out what we did after the fact.

"Hmm," my inamorato hummed with grim disapproval, "this is certainly a pickle. It seems that it is unavoidable that we split up."

There were four panels of light that encompassed the doorways in front of us, each one of which was a portal to somewhere. Above each was a symbol, and the first one was crossed swords, which indicated wholesale violence, or so we collectively concluded. Another had a circle on a stick, which was a magnifying glass, and thus, required a perceptive mind. Another had a hammer and a gear, and I would bet my life savings that Torborg would be sent that way. Finally, and by that I mean thank fucking finally, the last one had a woman dancing on it. It would be my moment to shine for once.

"If I may be so bold as to submit a suggestion on how we may divide our forces," came the deep but restrained voice of Nabonidus. The big guy always has ulterior motives, but those have worked out well for me in the past, so maybe he would have my back here. "Jericho can solo the first door. Her clones cannot pass through multiple doors at once-" True enough, she had tried to and failed. "She should be more than enough to handle whatever violence is needed in that direction.

One of the Jericho clones pounded her fist into her open palm of the other hand. Well at least she got to do something she loved that would be useful.

"Bellwright, myself, Chooka, and Bambina should go through the door with the magnifying glass. I trust in our combined ability to deduce what needs to happen in there."

Sounds reasonable to me. That would ensure that Bellwright had a minder. I love the guy, but he pulled that lever on floor 48 "because he was curious", and that complicated matters exponentially. It even had a sign that said "DO NOT PULL!" right above it.

"Torborg, Nanu, and Serarnin should take the door with the hammer and gear. Between them and their knowledge and experience, they should be able to build or fix whatever is in there."

"Serarnin" is the composite name that Serideth, Relarina, and Blythnin had decided upon for their collective, as using all of their names in tandem is a mouthful. I think that was somewhere around floor 24 where they came up with that, for it was awkward to consistently call upon all of them.

"That leaves you, Skull, Gambino, It-Has-Pockets, and Alterez to figure out the door with the dancer."

My inamorato considered this lineup for a while before finally agreeing. No doubt he would have picked a different lineup, but Nabonidus is not the [Vizier to the Draconic Emperor] for nothing. When Nabonidus gives sound advice, people tend to listen.

"Alright then. Does anyone disagree or have an alternative?" Crickets, or at least the noises they made, were all that greeted him in response. I suspect that one of our two kobolds was responsible for the noise. "Okay then, let's go."

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He didn't give an elaborate speech, or have us bring a hand each into a circle and give a chant for pep. He knew that we had our shit together and would not insult our competency or conviction with such displays. Without further ado, he shepherded me into the portal with the dancer on it. While I appreciate being close to him, it is starting to chafe in how he has been overprotective ever since the incident.

Oh well, perhaps I will have a chance to show off my moves on the dance floor and remind him that I am not just another pretty face.

Rip and rend, tear and shatter! Maim and kill, but I prefer the latter! Stomp their bits and make them cry! Cut out the tongue and gouge an eye!

<Jericho was having a merry time completing her task with overwhelming violence, all while singing an orcish battle hymn in her head.>

"I for one find the atmosphere here to be absolutely lovely," Bambina commented to Chooka as the pair of them sat on tall chairs at a small table. "The paintings have some real character to them, the lighting really makes it look like a bright and cheerful dawn is just outside, and the dead body with a knife in its back really adds to the air of mystery. Also, this cappuccino hits the spot."

The pair of them were enjoying the benefits of a fully functional café while Nabonidus and Bellwright conducted an investigation into the murder. Bambina and Chooka were watching over the body and the exit to make sure no one snuck out or did anything fishy. They would eventually have their turn when each pair switched roles, but for now, tasty and tasteful beverages were the delightful indulgence of choice.

"I cannot say that I disagree," Chooka replied while daintily sipping from her own cup. "Solving a whodunit while enjoying some refreshments really spices up the experience. For much the same reasons, one could say that the lack of such opportunities of late is due to the collapse of respectable society or because of the recent improvements made to the same. Even unruly, free-for-all brawls are becoming hard to find these days."

"Too true, too true." Bambina set down her cup and looked at Chooka with a more serious expression before she continued. "Seeing as we are two women alone who are talking to one another, it is only appropriate that we talk about a man. Perhaps you could regale me with graphic details about what it is like to be dicked down by our beloved Emperor."

To really sell it, Bambina flicked her blue tongue out to moisten her eye, which has practical benefits, but can also be seen as a social cue of an eagerness for something. With an ear-to-ear smile, Chooka leaned forward and recounted events of such utter filth and disrespect that were perpetrated between her and I as to make Bambina, an experienced connoisseur of debauchery, blush. So engrossed in providing a detailed account was Chooka that she didn't notice the small hint of a satisfied smirk that graced Bambina's face for but a moment. Her mission to distract her target proceeded smoothly.

Sweep the leg and strike like thunder! Sever limbs and rip asunder! Kill them all and take their stuff; we always want more because we can't get enough.

<Jericho continued to rampage with gratuitous violence as her preferred medium of communication with the unspeakable horrors that she combatted.>

"What in the eight levels of fuckedness is this stupid shit!" shouted Torborg in the ancient cant of craftsmen everywhere. "What sick bastard that either got hit too much or not enough as a child conceived these instructions! 'The drive gear spins clockwise unless at least three driven gears have a rat upon them. The number of driven gears is even unless the number of whales is not, unless two such whales are red.' I don't even know if ramming a spanner up this guy's ass and swirling it around would unfuck whatever stupidity that constitutes his sick mind."

On and on the [Engineer] ranted in the crass vernacular that was the birthright of his profession. A litany of foul language colored his interactions with the various gears that he tentatively positioned into place as he reviewed the instructions. Each one had a different object (with different colors) upon them, and surely not all of them would be used.

"Oh, Torborg, it isn't all bad. I have concluded that the 'doohickey' in section 5 is in fact a helical gear rack, although I do not know what size." Nanu flipped through her notes before she continued. "I am not certain what the 'thingamajig' is yet, but it has a blue cactus on it."

"I found another box of gears and 'grabby measurement tools'. I think they mean calipers." Serarnin set the heavy box down on a nearby table before dusting themselves off.

"By the gods! A thousand safety briefings upon us all! What idiot stores delicate tools in the same box as supplies? Such sacrilege."

Serarnin just nodded with a knowing look of deep understanding since it was easier and safer than any other response that could be given to the irate and now deeply disturbed dwarf. This project would take a while, but then, that would keep Nanu distracted long enough that she would not be able to interfere.

Nabonidus had communicated a scheme with them, one they found appealing after some internal debate. While they did not know who their co-conspirators were and vice-versa other than Nabonidus, they played their part in ensuring that they did not finish up here until after It-Has-Pockets was taken care of. And if that should mean that a gear or two were pocketed and misplaced, then so be it.

"Let the bodies fall, let it rain blood! My axe is the storm, its kiss is the flood! Drench the land in carnage while ripping out entrails! Put it in your buckets, put them in your pails! If you get hungry you can eat them as a snack! Just remember to attack, attack, ATTACK!

<The legion of Jericho clones drew ever closer to the lever on the far side of the room that they needed to pull.>

Before us stood opportunities and problems alike. The room clearly had a large dance floor, the whole of it a pattern of black and white squares of marble. Various statues of individuals and couples stood frozen in many of the squares around the outside. We would either be having a dance-off with them when they came to life or be required to learn their moves to perform their respective dances. It-Has-Pockets was almost vibrating with excitement and anticipation, so she was certainly enthusiastic enough for my purposes. Considering that many of the statues had weapons on their persons, the odds were good that some violence would be mixed in.

Now, how to get her to bite off more than she can chew without getting her killed?

And, more pressingly, is the real Bonpricha that stands before us going to be a boon or a bane in accomplishing our goal? That's right, for we had finally caught up to the real Bonpricha and not one of her clones, although Bossman was still acting cagey since he couldn't tell the difference. While they trade barbs, flirt, reminisce, or do whatever it is that Emperors do, I should be fine to snoop around without too much attention.

"Boy am I glad to see you guys!" exclaimed Bonpricha in greeting. "It takes two to tango, and, sadly, illusions do not count. I have been sorta stuck here for a while now since the dances have to be done in order. I have done three of them so far since they happened to be for singles."

Good, good, they are starting their banter and the exposition of the rules for the challenge. Now, surely there is some sort of ventilation shaft, access panel, or other hole in the wall that I can crawl into to find some sort of room or device that controls everything in here. It would be absurd if this was the only floor that didn't have a secret way to sneakily bypass or influence the encounter.

I looked towards Alterez, and he quickly but surreptitiously tilted his head to the right while glancing that way briefly before straightening back up. As a fellow random-hole-crawler, he had found the coveted passage to an unknown somewhere and had pointed it out to me. Now I just needed to sneak around the room. I played it off as a thorough inspection of the statues. I trusted Alterez to provide a reasonable distraction while I went about my business.

I don't like deceiving the Bossman, but needs must. I prepared an [Understudy] to stand in for me during my absence. I just needed a few moments to make the switch unnoticed. Hopefully, no one would look too closely at it to realize that it wasn't me. Finally in position, I gave a slight nod to Alterez to start his performance. Perhaps I could yet make an honorary kobold out of him yet.