The Broken Prince's Love

Lucille had often felt conflicting emotions, so this wasn't new. But still, it was like a completely different experience now. Maybe it would be better to refrain from thinking about it so that she wouldn't confuse herself even more.

But she couldn't help herself when she lay in her bed and stared into the dark. Even cuddling with her pillow didn't help. No matter how often she buried her face in her cushion or sighed, she didn't come up with a clear answer.

What was Cedar to her?

And more importantly, what was she to him? He complimented her regularly, and she could swear that he enjoyed making her blush. He liked her, right? Why else would he purposefully do things that made him come so close to her? And why else would he visit to cuddle whenever he was feeling unwell?

To be honest, she would like it if he saw her as more than a friend because she felt that way too. Then she wouldn't have to feel guilty for thinking that marrying Cedar wouldn't be that bad at all.

Of course, Lucille had pushed that thought away quickly but more because Cedar was the prince and not because she would dislike getting married to him. She couldn't be royalty, but being with a man like him sounded really nice. Even now, she caught herself thinking about that.

Lucille quickly tightened her hold on the pillow and forced herself to stay calm. There was no way that she would be able to marry Cedar. He was too good for her. So many others were interested in him, and what qualities that would make her a fitting partner did she have?

None.

And aside from that, she couldn't even be sure whether Cedar truly liked her. Surely, he had spent the whole visit at the tailor's room complimenting her and had made her blush quite a few times. But did that mean that he was ready to see her as more than a temporary friend? It didn't.

It would be good if telling herself this would be enough, but it wasn't. Lucille could try to convince herself as often as she wanted, in the end, it didn't seem like she would be able to ban those thoughts. That was once again proven the very next day.

Lucille had expected that practicing dancing with Cedar would be problematic, but she hadn't expected that it would knock the air out of her lungs so quickly.

The two of them had chosen to waltz in one of the smaller seating rooms. There, they should have their peace without anyone interfering. Cedar had already waited there when she had come. They had greeted one another, and after that, things had gone downhill.

Lucille stood in the middle of the room and felt a bit lost. After all, it had been a while since she had danced, and now the prince of Artias, who had probably perfected ballroom dancing, wanted to do it with her. She would need to do well. Unfortunately, she had already frustrated a few teachers with her clumsiness when it came to dancing, so she wasn't sure whether it would work even after multiple attempts. Lucille was determined not to step onto his feet, but she was worried about it happening again. So, she was quite nervous.

That her dance partner was the most handsome man in this world didn't help much.

Cedar followed her into the center of the room. He looked around to confirm that there was enough space for them to twirl around before he met her gaze. Then he stopped directly in front of her and bowed to her while offering her his hand. “My Lady, would you give me this dance?”

Lucille's legs already felt like pudding now. Because she was worried and because Cedar was too charming. “I would be honored.” She hesitantly put her hand onto his and tried to ignore how her stomach churned when he gave her a little kiss on the backside of her hand. Why did her skin have to feel so warm already? If Cedar started like this, she would look red like a tomato by the time this ended.

Slowly, Cedar straightened his posture and made eye contact with her. He came closer to her and carefully put an arm around her waist while she rested a hand on his shoulder. Then Cedar pulled her closer to him before slowly counting in pace with the imaginary music.

She had no idea how to react to this. He was way too close. How was she supposed to focus on dancing? That was just ridiculous.

Lucille still did her best to join his pace, but there were multiple problems.

Firstly, Cedar was touching her. His hand held hers, and his eyes captivated her even though he was just looking at her. She couldn't keep herself from staring at him and scanning his face and his soft hair, nor could she stop thinking about how she would only have to lean forward to hug him.

Secondly, he was too good at dancing. He didn't make a single mistake nor did he have problems leading her. The only issue was her lacking ability to dance.

Thirdly, there was no music, so she couldn't even begin to imagine how she should waltz.

All of those problems quickly became noticeable. Lucille wasn't able to match Cedar's pace nor could she imitate his movements well. It was horrible. The first steps were a catastrophe, and after that, she felt like crying. How was she supposed to dance at a ball with him when she did things like this? Nothing worked out the way that it was supposed to.

Whenever she thought that she was following the correct steps, Cedar's movements reminded her that she had messed up the order. When she ended up performing the right steps, her legs didn't play along. She either tripped or obstructed Cedar before losing the orientation the tact had given her.

They had probably just danced for a minute, but to Lucille, it felt like an eternity. When they stopped, she was devastated. “I'm sorry. I'm...really not good. I understand if you don't want to do this again.” She actually hoped that they would stop. She hadn't stepped onto his foot by now, but that could still happen.

Thankfully, Cedar didn't give her a judgmental gaze but simply continued in his calm voice. “There is no need to apologize. We're here because you said that you weren't certain of your abilities. Why would you need to apologize for being inexperienced? I said that I'll teach you, and I intend to keep that promise. We'll do it again, more slowly. And this time, I want you to relax from the very beginning. You were tense the whole time, which can only make it harder for you. I don't think that you are bad at dancing. I believe that you may just be overthinking everything. You hesitate before you take each step. This will pass if we dance a bit more often, but for now, it may be better for you to rely on the tact more. It's a bit unfitting that we don't have music, but we can try it again anyway. How about you close your eyes for the next attempt?”

Lucille panicked a little when she imagined that. “What? Then I will only be worse! I don't want to hurt you because I accidentally kick you.”

Cedar gave her a little smile. “No, you will be better. You don't need to focus on your environment right now. I want you to think about your movements only. I will lead you, so you don't need to worry about bumping into anything. You also don't have to worry about hurting me. Even if you kick me, I will be fine. Just stay calm and follow the steps. Is that fine?” He held his hands toward her again.

Lucille stared at his palm for a moment before she hesitantly moved toward him. “Alright.” She took his hand and allowed him to bring them in position again.

The prince carefully adjusted her posture before smiling at her again. “Good. Now you don't have to think about anything. Focus on me. It would be best if you came a bit closer.” He brought his hand to her back and slowly pulled her toward him.

She hesitantly followed his guidance and then tried her best to ignore how her heart beat a bit faster just because of this little gesture. A few seconds passed, and then Cedar began humming the melody of a much slower waltz.

Lucille almost panicked when she closed her eyes and felt how he moved. How was she supposed to go along with this now when she couldn't even look down to see her feet? She inwardly cursed herself but tried to focus on nothing but Cedar's steps.

He repeated them multiple times without turning so that she had enough time to get used to it, still while humming a melody.

Lucille tried to mirror his steps and slowly got into the rhythm. They repeated this for another minute or so until Cedar began spinning at the same time.

Lucille expected another catastrophe, but to her surprise, nothing like that happened. It actually seemed like she wouldn't mess up too badly now. She didn't dare to hope and just forced herself to focus on her steps the whole time. Spinning with closed eyes felt strange since she had no way to orient herself, but Cedar led her without any problems, so she managed to ignore her worries after a moment.

It seemed like she got better with each repetition. Slowly, Lucille allowed herself to relax and tried to perform the steps as elegantly as possible. She would have liked to stay quiet for much longer to focus, but at some point, Cedar spoke up.

“See? It's working much better. You just needed some time to get back into it. Now everything is perfect. Who told you that you were bad at dancing?”

That had sounded like a joke, but Lucille already replied before she realized that. “Every single teacher I had. I stepped onto their feet so often that they told me not to dance at balls at all. This is the first time that I managed to make it through everything without making a mistake.”

Cedar was quiet for a moment before speaking in a serious voice. “Then every single teacher of yours lied. You aren't bad. You just worry about making a mistake, and that causes you to become distracted. It would be better if we danced more often so that you can understand that you are actually quite capable. I mean, look at how we are dancing now. Try opening your eyes.”

Lucille was hesitant to do that. After all, she was just barely able to perform now, so it might be better to avoid interfering with something that worked. But in the end, she listened and made eye contact with Cedar. That was a mistake.

This time, the issue wasn't her forgetting how to dance but his face being so close in front of hers.

Cedar would just have to lean forward, and their noses would touch. The soft smile on his face made it seem like he was an angel who was sent by the gods to steal her heart. He was too perfect.

Lucille's heart clenched in a strange way, and her mouth opened without her attempting to say anything. What was she doing? She couldn't just stare at him like this. That was disrespectful and made the situation strange. But she couldn't help herself.

Cedar was just too similar to a beautiful painting an artist had painstakingly created with deliberate strokes of their brush. Every part of him seemed flawless, soft and welcoming but also strong. Along with the fact that he was just too kind and considerate, this formed the most perfect partner anyone could imagine.

Lucille had understood it before already, but now that she saw him up close, she was reminded that she might be in love. After all, her gaze had immediately been drawn to him and was now stuck on him as well. She didn't want to look away, and she couldn't. She took in all of his features.

His eyes that seemed to scan her face at the same time. His lips that had to be as soft as the rest of his skin. His hair, which she wanted to run her fingers through. How could a person be so captivating?

Lucille couldn't tear her eyes away, and it felt like time froze.

Cedar met her gaze without looking away too. He almost seemed to stare right into her soul, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Instead, it felt good to allow him to see what she was thinking. Even if she might have blushed a bit at the thought of him noticing what kind of insolent thoughts she really had. But she didn't even have the energy to cover her cheeks or avert her eyes. She just stared at Cedar.

For an eternity, neither of them did anything.

Then Cedar came closer. He moved so slowly that one barely noticed it, but he brought his face to hers. Was he thinking the same thing? There was no way.

Lucille's heart began thumping even louder. She didn't dare to say anything but stopped fighting the urge to come closer to him as well. Was this it? Would they seriously kiss?

Just at that moment, a loud noise punished her for that thought.

The both of them jumped away from each other so that Lucille almost tripped over her dress. That made Cedar come toward her again while he did his best to stabilize her.

She held onto his arm for a moment and tried to ignore that she felt like she had just had a heart attack.

Cedar whipped his head around to the side, and his tone was much more icy than normal. “If I remember correctly, you knock before you enter. What was so important that you barge in like this?”

Leonard entered with a strange expression on his face. He scanned the two others for a moment. “Didn't you say that you weren't a couple? You know what, I will not even ask. If you want to do this...” He gestured to the two of them. “Do it in your room.”

The prince showed the other man a bright smile. “You didn't answer my question, but it seems like I have my response. Is someone jealous? Because you don't have anyone to hug? Are you so jealous that you'd run in like this when others are trying to practice dancing?”

Leon let out a snort and gazed at Lucille, who averted her eyes in shame. “You were dancing? That's not what I would call this.” He met Cedar's gaze again. “You and Theodore really are brothers. He gets upset when I interrupt him and Her Majesty too. There are too many parallels, and you even add the same comments when I complain. Anyway, I apologize for rushing in. I am in a bad mood thanks to your beloved mother. She sent Theodore a letter saying that he is poisoning your mind. And she also accused Lady Valerian of a few unkind things. Maybe you should reply.”

Lucille had been in the middle hanging her head in shame and was pulled out of her thoughts now. She slowly lifted her gaze and scanned the secretary's expression. Leonard was upset, so the matter had to be serious. Great.

It looked like Cedar was rather unhappy about this too. The prince crossed his arms, and his smile widened. “You are free to ignore that. If you respond once, she won't stop bothering you with letters. Or if you want to reply, you can just write back that I have no interest in her contacting me. I also won't visit because she asked, which I assume she did.”

Leonard's expression showed even more annoyance before he responded. “She did indeed ask you to visit her. You shouldn't do that, as you said. But you still should read her letter. She wrote some...rather concerning things. A few threats, insults, some things that underline her poor mental health. You really tipped her over the edge. That is good, but it's also worrisome. Theodore wants to see you now.” He turned to Lucille and forced himself to neutralize his expression. “I apologize for coming in all of a sudden before stealing your dance teacher, Lady Valerian. But it's urgent.”

Lucille could only give him a weak nod. “I understand. I...don't mind.” She did. She would have liked to dance with Cedar a bit more. And she might be a little curious about what would have happened if he had gotten closer too. But of course, this matter was more important. She slowly let her gaze wander to the prince, who had turned to her as well.

Cedar smiled at her, which looked much more genuine than when he smiled at others. “I apologize. It seems that I will have to leave for now. We can continue our lessons later again. I just need to see Theodore for a bit.”

Lucille nodded again. “I don't mind. But take care of yourself. Have a pleasant afternoon despite the news.” It was actually good that the meeting would end here. She shouldn't be so disappointed.

Cedar replied after letting out a little huff of air. “I hope that my afternoon will be pleasant. But I know my mother. She won't have written nice things. If my brother wants me to read it, it's probably bad. Not that I expected anything else, but well.” He seemed a bit exhausted for a split second before his smile grew again. “I will see you when this is over. Until then.” He waved to her, which she hesitantly returned, when he left the room with Leon, who bid her a curt goodbye.

The door shut, and Lucille immediately plopped down on the sofa. She leaned forward and buried her face in her hands. What had that just now been? Had she really thought about kissing Cedar? And had he thought about kissing her?

If so, this would have been a big dilemma. She certainly wouldn't have minded if he had kissed her, and that was the issue. If they went that far, it would define their relationship. And then it would be hard to go back. If they moved on like that, it would certainly mean that she wouldn't ever want to marry anyone else. But wouldn't that only disappoint her in the end?

And that would also pull her much closer to the unstable psychopath who was currently terrorizing the entire royal family.

Lucille quickly shook her head and patted her cheeks while trying to calm herself down. Thinking like this was stupid. She had probably just misunderstood.

After all, there was no way that Cedar would seriously want to kiss her. He had just looked at her because she had stared at him with wide eyes. He probably just wondered why she had acted so strangely.

Great.

Lucille jumped up and began walking around a bit. She wanted to distract herself, so she would have to go out. A walk in the garden sounded good right now. After all, she could just run around a little and visit some beautiful places. Maybe she could even ask one of the empress' maids to come with her.

Or no. On second thought, she would rather be alone.

Lucille hurried to her room to change into a slightly warmer attire and then left the palace to visit the winter garden. No one should be there. So, she could sigh out her annoyance and frustration until she finally got better, all while telling herself that her feelings were the biggest problem here.

Deep inside, she might have guessed that a much more dangerous threat was rising though. Lucille had a bad feeling about this.