The Beast and The Swallow

The cold water bit Noah's hands as he plunged them in and began scrubbing them like a madman.

Dirty, dirty, dirty! Those damn, despicable, dirty hands. They had sinned again. They had hurt the one he cherished most - his light, his salvation! These were the claws of a monster!

His vision blurred. His chest rose and fell, but somehow, the air didn't want to enter his lungs. The burbling of the stream was the sound of raindrops. The scent of the crushed yarrow morphed into the nauseating stench of roses and peaches. The pure longing for the woman he loved was now a repulsive, dirty desire that gnawed at his flesh. Even the touch of his clothing became the rough sensation of marble scraping over his skin. Every smell, every sound, and every thought returned him to that horrible night.

His stomach turned, but Noah managed to keep a shred of his dignity and didn't vomit. Still, the nausea made him sway, forcing him to clumsily stumble a few paces back before crashing on the bank. There, he lay staring at the pristine blue sky. He wanted to scream but couldn't. Instead, bitter laughter shook his frame. His fingers clawed at the yellow flowers around him, crushing their soft stems and petals.

Was he ever going to be free from this nightmare? Was Pricilla going to haunt his every waking hour? Poison every tender moment he wanted to share with Lorelei? The thought bathed him in cold sweat. He wanted to run and hide. From the past. From his guilt. From the pain and the shame. He wanted it all to end and fade into oblivion!

"Get… a grip!" Noah hissed with difficulty through his teeth. His right hand pounded on the ground while the left covered his eyes. "You can't… despair. Can't be weak. The weak die. Damn. Damn. Damn you!"

With every heavy pound, a wave of pain rose up his arm. The skin on his fist stung and itched from the tiny scrapes caused by the dry soil and the broken stems. Despite that, his breathing gradually returned to normal. His shaking body also quieted. The despicable memories were reigned in and stuffed back in the darkest corner of his mind. Exhaling slowly, Noah felt the calm coldness of reason taking the helm.

Why did he react like that? Because of Lorelei calling him 'Beast'? But she had called him that many times before, and coming from her mouth, it sounded as the purest form of adoration. The fragrance of the flowers had almost nothing in common with the temple's incense to be able to unleash such a devastating flashback. Was… Was it… the act of Lorelei sitting on top of him? Dark uneasiness crept in his heart yet again. If that was it, if a single playful act could unleash such a reaction, just how despicable… how broken was he?

Light, hesitant steps closed up on him before stopping abruptly. Even without looking, Noah could feel the tension hanging in the air. His insides twisted with guilt.

"I'm better now," he said calmly, and looked through his fingers at Lorelei.

"I'll pretend to believe you," she said solemnly, still keeping her distance.

Was she so afraid of him? Well, he deserved it.

"I know what you are thinking, so stop it!" Lorelei gathered her skirts and sat on the ground a reach away from him. She plucked some yarrow stalks and began making a wreath.

Noah wanted to speak, but for some time, he had neither the strength nor the courage to utter a word. Then, the smallest of whispers escaped his lips: "Please, forgive me."

"I forgive you." She tilted her head, studying his face. "Even though there is nothing to forgive, but if it will make you feel better…"

"It will." Noah licked his lips. "Did… Did I hurt you badly?"

"Of course not! We just played in the grass. You just tumbled me over, and your grip was a bit tighter, but otherwise-"

"Don't, Lorelei!" Noah sat up and stared at her from under his messy bangs. "We both know what happened. It wasn't a play-gone-wrong."

"No. It wasn't." Lorelei lowered her head, and for a moment, Noah feared he had offended her. Instead, she inched closer to him, still careful not to touch him. "But I know how you feel."

"That night… at your father's welcoming banquet…" Noah rubbed his hands together. "It happened to you, too, right?"

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"Yes." She propped her chin on her knees and let her gaze wander over the golden field. "You know, these… episodes are not something one can predict. A smell, a person, a situation, it can all serve as a stimulus for a reaction. And the more stimuli are involved, the worse it gets."

"It seems so." Noah looked at her delicate profile and slender build, and wondered again where she kept all that courage and compassion. His hand slid towards her palm but stopped just before reaching its target. "How… How can one stop it? I… The thought that I might hurt you in a fit of madness…"

"It's not a fit of madness!" Her fingers played with the yarrow crown. "It's a wound that needs healing. But I still don't have the cure… yet."

"How did you deal with it?"

"I stopped wearing makeup, didn't speak to a man other than Master for years, dedicated myself to my training, and then I found you." She smiled and carefully put the flower crown on his head. "But this isn't a cure; rather, it's just a mild painkiller. And what works for me wouldn't work for you. Unless you are into makeup."

Noah laughed, the chains squeezing his heart loosening a bit.

"If I'm your painkiller, you are mine." He touched the wreath. "If… you don't mind it."

"Not in the slightest, my love!" Lorelei beamed at him, and her beautiful eyes were full of love, laughter, and compassion.

Noah's fingers combed through the grass and plucked a thin yarrow stalk with a gorgeous golden crown. Not daring to look at Lorelei, he began twisting and braiding the stem.

"Do you know… what golden yarrow is?"

"Well, normal yarrow is a great medicine for wounds, pain, fever, and, funnily enough, dark thoughts. So perhaps the golden version is even better, but I need to do some tests."

"My fair physician!" Noah chuckled. "Did you read the book on flower language I sent you?"

"Somewhat." Loerlei blushed and hid her face, smiling awkwardly. "I know that lily-of-the-valley means 'I am sorry', but the rest…"

"Well, golden yarrow is an ancient symbol of love and devotion. Or more exactly, it means 'My love will last a thousand years.'" Noah felt his cheeks burning and saw his fluster reflected on Lorelei's face. "Ahem… I mean… I know that I ruined the mood, and the moment, and all, but… I wanted to ask you… Do you want to be my wife?"

For a moment, Lorelei blinked at him before bursting into laughter. Her hand finally reached his cheek and caressed it. Her touch was so light and careful, and it didn't feel wrong at all.

"My foolish husband! Are you still a bit dizzy? I am already your wife, or have you forgotten?"

"No." Noah motioned to brushed a hand through his hair, but remembered the yarrow crown and rubbed his neck instead. "But it was a decision someone else took instead of you. So I wanted to ask you properly…"

Saying that, Noah held the yarrow stalk that he had twisted into a pretty ringlet.

"Tell me, Lorelei, do you still want to be the wife of someone like me? Would you agree to share a future with someone this broken?"

"Two broken pieces make one whole." Lorelei stretched out her hand, pointing at his crown. "And it seems that I was the one who bound you first without even asking."

"I am yours forever, and you know it."

"And you already know my answer, too." She gave him her palm, and he put the yarrow ring on her ring finger. Then, he leaned in and planted a kiss on her hand.

"I swear, Lorelei, I'll do right by you. I'll never again give you a reason to fear me, to cry, to feel desperate. I will be there whenever you need me. I will be your home and give you anything you wish for. I swear upon this ring, upon my soul, and everything that is precious to me!"

"I know you will, even without an oath." Moisture gleamed in Lorelei's eyes, but her smile was most radiant. Her warm lips landed on his fingers. "I, too, will be your home. I'll be your support, an ear for your troubles, a shoulder to rest upon when you are tired. I know it isn't much, but I'll give you my everything - body and soul."

"This is more than I could dream of, my lady," said Noah hoarsely.

His hands still shook, but he pulled Lorelei to his chest, both elated and afraid. She carefully hugged him, as if fearing she might hurt or break him, and this action of hers made him even more determined. Whatever shadows Pricilla had conjured, he would drive away and keep at bay. Whatever wrongs he had done, he would repay them tenfold. He would do anything if only this healing bliss could keep on forever.

Suddenly, the sound of rustling leaves and crushing branches filled the meadow. As fast as a hunted beast protecting its cub, Noah instinctively covered Lorelei with his body and turned around to face the incoming attack. Lorelei's sharp gasp was all it took to enflame the bloodlust in his heart. If anyone tried to harm her... A second later, a familiar voice rose over the sea of gold.

"Master! Master!" Out of breath, Jessup stumbled on the meadow, surrounded by the perplexed knights and Binshi from their escort. "Hurry! You need to come back! Sir Gregor…"

Noah's heart spasmed, pierced by dark premonition.

"... Sir Gregor is awake!"