IV-18. Affliction of affection (1)
When Leonte woke up again, his room was quiet and empty. The ripe orange of the late afternoon spilled on the walls and snuck past the thin bed curtains, accompanied by a soft breeze. With fingers still numb from sleep and ailment, the boy touched the slight depression in the bed next to him. His eyes stung. It was still warm.
Heavy guilt gripped Leonte's chest. His father had stayed by his side just until recently. Judging by the position of the sun, it was long past the time for his medicine. Tonight, his father would likely have another attack. Because of him!
The boy hugged his blanket and curled up like a little urchin, head buried in his knees. Why did he always do the wrong thing?! Always bringing trouble to his father. Always a disappointment to his mother. Always… unworthy. Always a bother. The servants were right, he was an ill omen. A cursed child. Him being alive brought only sadness and pain. He remembered the quarreling voices of his parents, the disdain in his grandfather's gaze, Leoris' aversion and unease. Then what was the reason to continue…?
'Promise me that I won't have to entomb you!'
His father's recent words rang in his head. The boy felt ashamed. If his father, as frail as he was, continued fighting despite the pain, the fear, and the disdain, he too had no right to give up. He was his father's son!
"D-does it hurt much?"
A quiet, worried voice came out of nowhere and scared the life out of Leonte. The boy screamed and jumped up, getting entangled in his bedding. A bout of coughs and hiccups shook his body, his wheezes mixing with the terrified cries of a child.
"Sorry, Leo! Leo! Don't die! Leo! I'll get Nanny! I-"
"W-water!" rasped Leonte, pointing shakily at the table beside the bed.
Loud clang and clatter followed his words, and a moment later, a dripping goblet was pressed into the boy's numb hand. Spilling even more water on his bed and on himself, Leonte downed the cup, each sip nurturing his vitality. Slowly, his breathing returned to normal, and his eyes finally focused on the unexpected guest. Or what was visible of him.
On the far side of the bed, the top of a little head peeked above the rim of the mattress. Two little hands held the end of Leonte's bedsheets, crumpling them in panic. A tuft of golden hair curtained a pair of teary blue eyes that looked straight at the boy. Soft snivels, further muffled by the feathered mattress, filled the now-quiet room.
"Come… out, Ris," said Leonte in a tired, gravely voice, and cleared his throat. "I won't eat you."
"I… I know t-that," sniffed the little tuft of hair, not moving an inch.
"Then why are you still hiding like a mouse?"
"I'm not a mouse!" The whole of Leoris' head poked over the rim of the mattress, revealing chubby cheeks and a pouting mouth. "I… I'll come. Uhm, promise not to laugh. Promise!"
"Alright, I promise." Leonte rolled his eyes. Somehow, his brother's presence managed to make him angry and happy at the same time. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts, not chatting with the most precious imperial offspring.
Biting his lip, Leoris stood up, avoiding looking Leonte in the eyes. The front of his golden-red tunic sported a large, wet stain starting from his waist and running down his legs.
"J-just you know, I-I didn't p-pee myself!" chirped Ris, his hands pulling the hem of his clothes. "It's water. I was in hurry to pour you water, and… and… It's water. I dripped it. I tell you, it's water!"
"Not pee but water. I get it." Despite his annoyance, Leo had to acknowledge that his little brother, with his blond locks, puppy eyes, and chubby cheeks, was impossibly cute. Very few people could remain indifferent when met with that pleading blue gaze, and Leonte was not one of them. Over the walls of annoyance, frustration, and envy, the desire to pinch Leoris' cheeks somehow snuck in.
"L-Leo…" Another bout of sniffling overcame the little boy, his fingers kneading the hem of the tunic even more vigorously. "S-sorry. I… didn't, uhm, mean to hurt you… just now. I… I…"
For a second, Leonte just stared blankly at his brother. Something tugged at his heart, wiping away all the doubt and bitterness. With a wry smile, he patted the bed.
"Come here, crybaby."
To his surprise, the boy beamed at him. Like a young hound finally unleashed, Leoris jumped on the bed and snuggled with his brother. His tears and sniffling were history, but in their place came an avalanche of chatter.
"S-sorry… about, uhm, about scaring you. Didn't mean to. Are you hurting? But it's your fault! You scared me first. You fought that huuuge guard. He was like a bear! Like two bears! But you were like 'swoos' and 'swish', and flying around him. But… But then… But then your body made such a big 'bam' on the ground. And everyone was like, 'Aaaa!' and 'Ooooo!'. And Grandpa was cursing and screaming. And you just… You didn't move. Nanny said you were going to die. I don't want you to die! And… uhm… I was mean to you yesterday. Didn't say hello… I… If you died before I said sorry…"
A pair of huge blue eyes peered into Leonte's soul.
"You are not dying, right, Leo?"
"Of course not." Leonte lied through his teeth, but the beaming face of his little brother was all the balm his guilty conscience needed.
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"You look like a corpse, though." Ris stretched out his tongue and made a funny face.
"As if you know what a corpse looks like."
Leo pinched his brother and received a shove and a giggle. He noticed that Ris, usually excitable and unruly, was extremely careful today, doing his best not to hit him too hard or otherwise hurt him. 'Why do you bother, when you don't even like me?', thought Leo and shuddered. Ever since Ris had turned four, he had been actively avoiding his elder brother like the latter was a leper - hiding behind his nanny or their mother's ladies-in-waiting, running out of rooms when Leonte entered, barely exchanging a word with him. But the Leoris now was just like the little toddler who used to cling to Leo's leg all the time.
"What are you doing here, Ris?" whispered Leonte before he could stop himself.
The boy next to him stiffened. Tilting his head, Leoris leaned towards his brother, his eyes rounding up in surprise.
"I missed you," he said curtly and blushed all of a sudden. "I… I know I'm a bother. Nanny and Mother always say I'm tiring you too much. That you, uhm, need peace to get better, and that you get a head pain from my blabbering. And that… that a prince shouldn't act chil-dash and cry, and be too spoiled, but.... but… uhm… I do miss you. The court ladies know no funny stories like you. The pages and squires say I'm a master and don't want to play with me. And the servants don't even talk to me, and my teachers are a band of bores. Mother always has headaches, and Father…"
Leoris chewed on his lip, his head sinking between his shoulders. His hand found Leonte's, squeezing it with desperation and strength, unbecoming of a six-year-old.
"Please, don't tell Mother and Nanny that I was here, Leo. I promise, I'll go right now. I… I just want to give you this, and I'll go."
Rummaging through his waist pouch, Ris pulled out a bracelet. Although, calling it a bracelet was a bit too much. Three strings - yellow, red, and white - were unevenly braided together and strung through a carved lapis lazuli bead that seemed out of place on this creation. With a shy smile, Ris held the bracelet before Leonte's face.
"For you. For luck." Saying that, he pulled up his sleeve, revealing a similar bracelet. "Now we match. Uhm… you are alright having the same one as me, right, Leo? If you don't like it, I'll make you another-"
Leonte pulled his brother into a tight embrace, stifling his words. Holy Fathers, he hated Ris. He didn't get out of breath after a few steps. He didn't have to rub his numbing fingers to get some sensation into them. Didn't have to fight with nausea and force himself to swallow even a bite. He got to bask in their mother's praises and caresses. He received their grandfather's approval and the admiration of servants and courtiers. No biting remarks, no disdainful gazes, no hushed mockery, no disappointed or pitying glances. And yet… And yet Leo knew that, deep in his heart, he didn't hate Ris. None of this was his fault.
"I missed you, too," he whispered, his eyes starting to sting. Loosening his embrace, he smiled at his brother and ruffled his hair before stretching out his arm. "Here, tie it on, crybaby."
"You're crying too!" peeped Leoris and sniffled, but soon after, a brilliant smile dispersed his sadness. With nimble fingers, he tied the bracelet around Leo's wrist. "Now you won't be sick anymore. Nanny said the beads are blessed by the Two Fathers to bring good health."
Something in Ris' words caught Leo's attention. Looking a bit more carefully at the string around his little brother's hand, he couldn't help but smile as he finally recognized it for what it was - a blessing bracelet. Made with gold, vermilion, and silver threads, it was a charm given by the Church to the devotees praying for a saint's protection. It usually carried three beads - two lapis lazuli ones, signifying the all-encompassing benevolence of the Fathers to everyone under the sky, and a third bead between them with a different color that represented the particular blessing. For health prayers, a garnet was used to represent strong blood and recuperation. Looking at Ris's bracelet, a single lapis lazuli bead could be seen. The little rascal had destroyed his own charm to give to his older brother. But this brought another question.
"Who's getting a garnet bracelet?" Leo asked with a half smile, already anticipating the answer.
"How do you know about it?!" Ris's eyes rounded. "I kept it secret!"
"I have magic powers." Leonte winked at him. Their mother was probably furious and happy to receive such an offering. Prayer bracelets were important and expensive.
"No way! Really?!" The child gaped at him in reverence. "Will I get some too?"
"No. Only big brothers get to have them."
"It's not fair! I want magic powers too! Then I can protect you, Mother, and Grandfather."
"And what about Father?" Loente felt a stab in his heart. Leoris was avoiding their father even more persistently than he was avoiding his older brother.
Ris became quiet and fidgeted a bit before plunging his hand into his waist pouch and pulling out the missing third bracelet. The garnet reflected the sunset, turning into a drop of living flame.
"I, uhm, I heard Nanny and Lady Elvira talk," he mumbled. "They said when Father put me in Mother's belly, he spent his last vita-something. Uhm… you know, the thing keeping one alive and such, and that's why he is going to die soon. And they said that's why Father doesn't like me much, so… uhm… can you give him this? Don't tell it's from me! And then, he'll get better and live long, and then I can protect him too…"
"Stupid Ris!" Leo couldn't believe his ears. "Of course, Father loves you! He comes to watch your training. He asks your teachers about your studies, and-"
"No, he doesn't!" shouted Ris and violently shook his head. "I've never seen him!"
"But I have." Leo balled his fists. Oh, he had, indeed. And just how jealous he had been at those times. And one sleepless night a few months ago, he had witnessed his father sneaking into Ris's room and observing him quietly as he slept, before leaving a toy knight on his bedside table. "He cares for you more than you can imagine."
"Liar Leo!" Leoris pointed an accusatory finger at his brother. "If he cared, why never show himself?"
'Because people say he's cursed. Because he fears that, if he comes closer to you, everyone will start treating you like they treat me!' wanted to shout Leo, but bit his tongue in time. Ris was too little to understand those things. Instead, he took the dangling garnet bracelet, put it on Ris's palm, and closed his fingers around it.
"Go to Father. Give him this, and see how he reacts."
"But… what if… what if he doesn't want to see me?"
"You snuck into my room. I'm sure you can sneak into his, too."
"But… If Mother finds out…"
"If Mother finds out what?" a gentle voice coming from the door made the boys stiffen.
Like an emerald firefly sparkling in the sun, their mother gracefully stepped into the room, followed by the corpulent, perpetually black-clad bat that was Leoris' nanny, and a servant with a big tray.
A stiff smile graced Princess Zoraidar's lips as she eyed her two sons.
"So, my little princes, what secrets have you been plotting behind your mother's back?"