The Beast and The Swallow

The stones of the secret courtyard were pleasantly warm from the summer sun. The sweet scent of carnations hung in the air, not a breeze or a birdsong disturbing the quiet. After paying respect to the white monument, Noah had taken off his doublet and spread it on the ground for Lorelei to sit more comfortably. Now, head on his shoulder, she caressed his icy fingers while he narrated slowly, and her heart ached with every word.

"I… had actually planned a funny luncheon in a flower field, but instead dragged you… here." Noah sighed. "Forgive me, but I… we had to talk about this someday and…"

"Don't apologize. The summer is young and we'll have enough time for a proper outing." Lorelei locked their fingers together. Her eyes drifted over the rows of carnations spiraling around them. "Besides, you have delivered on the promise of flowers. I never knew there were so many different colors of carnations."

"Well, my gardening skills are still a bit lacking, but I've improved in the past fourteen or so years," said Noah, waving his hand at a couple of wilted patches hiding among the bloom.

"You? Gardening!?" Lorelei tilted her head to have a better look at him.

"W-well," he coughed and she could feel the heat radiating from his face, "I don't like others coming here."

"Because of upholding expectations?"

"That too." Noah traced the letters in the white stone. "But mainly because… they wouldn't understand. Duncan and Neli would find the black memorial… unnecessary. What sane person grieves for his enemies? And the Binshi have another understanding of death, so the finality of a normal person's life is still something foreign to them, even after all this time."

"Even to Gregor?"

"He and his kin are better, but they would approve even less of the black slab. Only Yanosh knew about these. He helped me put the stones here. But even he was… worried about my sanity."

Noah chuckled and shyly rubbed Lorelei's palm with his thumb.

"What does my lady think of my little secret?"

There was so much fear and apprehension in his voice that his nonchalant tone couldn't mask them completely. Lorelei pulled up his hand and kissed his palm before giving it a snuggle.

"I am happy that my dearest Beast has a living, beating heart in his chest and not a lump of ice."

"And you don't find it… odd?"

"Why? I like planting flowers too."

"Lorelei!" He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean. Please, be honest."

"It is odd." She saw his eyes dimming and hurriedly added. "It is odd to anyone who hasn't truly been involved with death. After we finish here, I'll show you my Death Notes."

"Death Notes?" Now was Noah's turn to be surprised.

"Master Levi taught me. He had them, too." Lorelei patted the white marble before her. "It is something similar to what you are doing here. Master gave me my first journal when my first patient died. It was a child, Thomas. He had an infected wound and died of blood poisoning. Master said to write it down - every detail from his name to the cause of death and all the measures I took to prevent it, all the mistakes I made, all alternative routes I could have taken. So that I never forget and learn. So that there is no second Thomas. Or Mildred. Or Edwin."

"Well, at least there is something good coming out of your Death Notes." There was dejection but also admiration in Noah's tone.

"I don't think that yours and mine are much different."

"One aiming at preserving life and the other - the headcount of a murderer?"

"Stop it, Noah!" Lorelei placed her hands on his cheeks and squeezed his face. "You, my overly-conscious, noble fool, are drowning in needless guilt. And no, I'm not saying that killing people is a good thing or absolving you of your actions. But in this world, we are all dealers of death. Especially people who rule."

"You are right." Noah closed his eyes. "A ruler's mistake can cost the lives of millions."

"But isn't this exactly why you remember? To learn. To grow. So that next time, a conflict can be prevented; solved through parley instead of through sword and destruction. So that when the next war happens, fewer lives will be sacrificed. So that deadly plots can be stifled before they unfold. So stop killing your heart with guilt and start living for the future of the ones left behind."

Saying this, Lorelei pressed her lips against his. A kiss to seal the message. A proof that she would be by his side through every storm. When she pulled back, his gray eyes captured her gaze. She wondered how so much love and devotion could be packed in one wordless look; so much sadness, happiness, and resolve, contradicting yet fused into that familiar flame that illuminated Noah's whole being.

"I've been blessed with an amazing wife," he whispered, rubbing his face against her hand like a giant black cat.

"Did you realize it just now?" she teased, but her eyes stung traitorously.

"No, only reaffirming a well-known fact, my love." A wolfish grin stretched his face. "Maybe I should consider sending my gratitude to Lionel. If not for him, I would have passed on a treasure."

"No offense, but I'd prefer keeping your brother out of our affairs. For life, if possible."

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"I'm afraid it won't be possible." Furrowing his brows, Noah held her hands, a sudden coldness enveloping him. However, this time, it wasn't sorrow or guilt, but piercing anger. "The time spent with your sister and father was not completely in vain. I have reasons to believe that the two are working for Lionel."

At the mention of Pricilla, Lorelei's whole being revolted. She'd rarely felt such hatred, but the mere thought of her sister toying with and hurting Noah was enough to make her forget her vows as a physician and commit murder. Seeing her distress, Noah chuckled and smoothed the crease between her brows with his finger.

"We both sure have some bad apples in our family trees. Now is likely as good a time as ever to tell you more about mine. How much do you know about the Imperial Family?"

"You mean besides your younger brother being a pampered, malevolent fiend?" She savored Noah's appreciative grin. "Not much more than any other Limerian, I suppose. I know that the Crown Prince is the child of the late Empress Mathilde. He is sickly but wise and good-natured. He is married to a princess from Zirath and has two sons, his eldest inherited his father's weak constitution. The Crown Princess is known as the fairest woman in the empire, both in looks and demeanor, a perfect match to the benevolent First Prince. I also know that the Emperor is currently favoring the Second Prince, whose mother, the current Empress Sophia, has been recuperating for many years after surviving the seven-day fever. Lionel is also backed by his great-uncle, the Grand Pontifex, and the clergy, so, counting it together with the Emperor's favoritism, Lionel is likely to be the next emperor of Limeria."

The thought of a cold-blooded snake like Lionel ruling over them in the near future made Lorelei shudder. Noah drew her in his embrace and rested his chin on the top of her head, stroking carefully the silk strands of her hair.

"I'll lie if I tell you that everything will be fine. But I promise you, Lorelei, I'll protect you until my last breath."

"I know." She swallowed hard and continued in a more cheerful tone. "So, how is my knowledge?"

"It pains me to say but, unfortunately, lacking." Noah, too, adopted her fakely uplifted beat. "First, the most favoured prince is my older brother. Empress Mathilde was the Emperor's childhood sweetheart and their only offspring holds a special place in His Majesty's heart. Otherwise, with how sickly he is, he would have had his Crown Prince title revoked a long time ago. And this doesn't sit well with Lionel."

"I could imagine. But on the outside, Lionel seems like the perfect prince and most loyal son, beloved by the Emperor and the courtiers."

"Oh, the courtiers sure love Lionel. With enough bribes and dirty secrets in store, he has amassed a substantial following. And the fact that he is related to the Grand Pontifex also helps. But the Emperor hates him, and for a good reason."

Lorelei looked at Noah quizzically. His features had hardened, his eyes turning glassy like he was looking at something far away.

"It is a known fact that Empress Mathilde died from the seven-day fever," he continued calmly. "At that time, even the Emperor contracted the disease. The now-empress Sophia, as heir to Saint Marcus, used a unique artifact to save His Majesty's life. But there was only one artifact. So Empress Mathilde died."

"But…" Lorelei furrowed her brow, "as tragic as Empress Mathilde's death might be, what does this have to do with Lionel? He wasn't even born at the time."

"According to rumors, Sophia deliberately left the Empress to die. Some even say she poisoned her. Afterward, supported by the Grand Pontifex and in recognition of her contributions, Sophia became the next empress. My father has always blamed her for this. Just a year after the wedding, he left on a military campaign to the South." Here, Noah's voice faltered. "And then returned with my mother a few years later. Shortly after… I came into the picture."

Lorelei's heart quivered. She hugged Noah even tighter, wishing she could take away some of his pain. He exhaled and continued hoarsely.

"You can imagine that Sophia wasn't pleased at all to have a bastard in the palace when she didn't have an heir of her own. The next couple of years, there were strange accidents around me and my mother. Deadly accidents. And if it wasn't for Duncan, Neli, and the people here," he pointed at the white marble, "we would have perished. But there were no clues leading to Sophia. At best, a few disgruntled low aristocratic families were deemed the culprits. And then, when I was five, my mother was poisoned. I was there, Lorelei. When she gave birth to my premature sisters and bled to death…"

His voice ebbed into silence. A knot clogging her own throat, Lorelei held Noah in her arms, softly patting his back. She could feel the drumming of his heart, every pained beat shaking her deep to the bone.

"I'm sorry, Noah," she whispered, kissing his forehead. She wanted to say more, but the words simply didn't want to come out.

"Don't be." His breathy reply carried more grief than the howl of a wounded animal. "It's not your fault. It… it was all Sophia's doing. But the Emperor… did nothing. Because of the court, he said. Because of the church. Because Sophia was with child. Because she was the only mother his dearest Crown Prince had ever known. That day I realized… Neli and Duncan were all I had left. You know, the Emperor imprisoned Duncan because he spoke the truth against that snake! He rotted in a dungeon for half a year. And Neli and I were kept like animals in a hut at the outskirts of the castle, my own uncle - our jailor, monitoring our every step."

Noah's whole body shook like a leaf, but his voice had become calm and powerful again.

"When I was allowed to return, I already had a younger brother. But you know what? I… I actually didn't hate Lionel at the beginning. My mother used to say that all children are born innocent. She repeated it every time I asked her why everyone hates me so much. She said that it is foolish to condemn a child for a parent's mistake. So I tried with Lionel. To be a good brother. Although… we had less than little contact. It was actually Llewelyn, my older brother, who was a bridge between us. And then,… when Lionel was five, he poisoned me."

"Wha…?" Lorelei couldn't hold back her gasp.

With slumped shoulders, Noah almost looked like a withered branch. The raven feathers of his hair fell over his eyes, his fingers convulsively clinging to Lorelei's arm.

"Yes. He poisoned me. And Sophia was finally locked away in the Rose Palace. But not because I was hurt." He lifted his head, suppressed tears gleaming in his eyes. "No one would have cared if I'd died. The only reason they gave me the antidote… was Llewelyn. He saw me eat the poisoned candy. Saw everyone ignoring me. And then ate one himself and clung to me until the imperial physician came running to save him. He stuffed the antidote in my mouth before taking it himself. He helped Neli nurse me back to health."

With a trembling hand, Noah brushed Lorelei's cheek, and she realized she was crying too. A pained grimace stretched his lips.

"Do you understand now? Why, when Petronius told us about my acolyte powers, I reacted like that? The chance of my only blood, the only one I've trusted and pledged my life to, knowingly betraying me… plotting to harm me… I can't, Lorelei! Even a diamond breaks, and I… I'm just a man. Maybe I'm really cursed with destroying everything and everyone precious, every bond that meant something to me. I…"

"Hush." Lorelei drove her fingers through his hair and forced a smile. "I'm here now. You are not alone. And you have Duncan and Neli, and Shana, and everyone in Ildemar. When the Crown Prince comes, I'll stand by you. Whatever you decide to do, I'll have your back. We all will. We are your family now. And we aren't going anywhere, even if you try banishing us."

"You… are a fool."

"Yes. An enamoured one, my love."

"You won't… regret this? Love… is a deadly endeavour. Especially in my family."

"Life is a deadly endeavour, yet we all cling to it. So I'd prefer dying while loving you."

"No!" Noah pressed his forehead against hers. "We will live. For our family. Despite our families. Until the very end."