The Admiral and the Assistant

Jom Eclissu, manager of the Naval Academy cafeteria, frowned at the racks of dishes in the washroom.

"Have you guys been breaking a lot of dishes lately?" he asked one of the student workers. The student shrugged and walked off, toting away a rack of clean plates.

He looked at the data on his scanner.

"We should definitely have more plates than this," he said, scratching his head.

Kinnit tapped timidly on Professor Vunkret's office door.

"Come," said the professor in her no-nonsense voice.

"Professor Vunkret? I had a question about this exercise."

The Dominarch professor looked up at Kinnit's voice, and her stern expression melted into a smile.

"Come in, dear. What's your question?"

Kinnit held out a slip covered with scribbled equations.

"It's this problem here, ma'am. I've recalculated it three times, but I can't get the right answer. Can you help me?"

Professor Vunkret looked at the problem, and at Kinnit's attempts to solve it.

"Oh, your issue is right here. You didn't convert your unit across the equation."

"Oh. Oh! That makes sense."

Kinnit scratched through that part of the equation and began writing again.

"You know, Miss Kinnit, you're well past the point of needing to manually calculate these formulae. You should use your scanner. It would have caught that conversion error for you as well."

"Oh... um. Yes, ma'am."

"What's wrong, dear?"

Kinnit blushed and couldn't raise her eyes.

"Don't you have a scanner?"

"Oh, I do! I mean, we do. We have the one at home. I couldn't take it away from the cave, though. They needed it."

Professor Vunkret sat back.

"Well how in the galaxy have you been studying for all these months?"

Kinnit brightened.

"At the library! They have everything I need there!"

"I see. So all this time, you haven't had a scanner to work on? You've been doing it all your jumphole calculations with slips and trips to the library?"

"Isn't that how everyone does it?" she asked.

Professor Vunkret gave her a concerned look. She folded her hands and leaned forward.

"Miss Kinnit, why do you want to graduate from the Naval Academy?"

Kinnit stood up straight and saluted.

"To serve the Imperium, and to help bring the glory of the Imperium to new planets and species!" she crowed. Her firm salute faltered a little and she looked uncertain.

"You don't have to salute me, Miss Kinnit. I'm not military. But there's something else, isn't there?"

"I... yes, ma'am. There is one other thing." Kinnit paused, thinking of what to say. It was a thought that had been brewing recently, and she hadn't yet been able to fully articulate it. "It's... it feels greedy. Selfish."

"Go on."

Kinnit took a deep breath.

"Ma'am, the Imperium has done so much for me! I've been able to come to Academy, and learn and meet people like you and eat amazing food! I... I want all my people to have that same opportunity. I want to bring Kobolds-- all Kobolds-- to the stars!" A look of fierce joy crossed her face. "I want every Kobold to be able to see what I've seen, to do what I've done." She paused. "And I know I should say I want that for the glory of the Imperium, but really... I just want that for my people. The Imperium has done so much for us already, but... I still want more." She unconsciously plucked at the collar around her throat. "I want us all to be full citizens."

Professor Vunkret smiled at her.

"That's bold, but it's not selfish, Kinnit. The Imperium needs good citizens. If your people are as sharp as you, I'm confident that they will be a great benefit to the Imperium."

Kinnit blushed.

"I hope so!"

Professor Vunkret patted her hand, then opened her desk drawer.

"Here, take this." She handed Kinnit a scanner. "It's an older model, but it will serve you better than no scanner."

Kinnit stared with disbelief at the scanner in her hands.

"P-Professor Vunkret... isn't this your scanner?"

"It's my old one. I upgraded last year."

Kinnit's mind reeled at the thought of having her very own scanner. She hugged the gift to her chest.

"Thank you, professor! Thank you so much! I'll take such good care of it!"

"I know you will. Miss Kinnit, you will do great things for the Imperium. I look forward to seeing what you accomplish."

"I think someone's been stealing plates from the cafeteria," Jom said.

Kav Clef, the head of security at the Naval Academy gave him a quizzical look.

"Plates?"

"Yeah. We're missing a lot. They're not broken, they're just... vanishing."

"You want me to investigate plates?"

Jom rubbed the back of his head, looking slightly embarrassed.

"I mean, we're gonna have to order more soon, if we don't stop losing them. Why, what else do you have going on?"

Kav Clef gave a wry smile.

"Nothing exciting. We just need to keep an eye on the students during the weekends. This smells like some sort of student prank."

Kav smiled. As an employee of one of the greatest institutions of learning in the galaxy, he styled himself a bit of an intellectual.

"Nonetheless, it presents an interesting mystery, don't you think? Why would the cafeteria be losing dishes?"

"So you'll help?"

"Certainly. We can review the security footage."

The scrubbed through video for a while.

"I don't know," Jom said finally. "I don't think we'll find anything this way. I'm sorry, I'm afraid I'm wasting your time."

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

"It's not a problem. Today has been relatively slow." Kav kept scrubbing through video.

Jom wore a forced smile. What he really meant was that he wanted to leave. Scrubbing through hours of security footage was not his idea of a good time.

"Hold on," Kav said. "Who is that? Does that student work for you?"

The blurry video showed a student in a green smock walking out of the cafeteria with a plate under her arm. The image became clearer as she walked closer to the camera.

"I don't recognize her," said Jom.

The image became clarified enough for her collar to be visible. Kav paused the video.

"That's an SS," Kav said, sneering. "I don't know why they insist on allowing inferior species into the Academy. Probably some kind of quota. Just brings down the average, as far as I'm concerned."

Jom's smile turned pained.

"Ah, but why does she have a plate?" he asked, refocusing the conversation. "She doesn't look like she's up to anything, you know, nefarious."

True enough, the grainy footage didn't make her look like a master criminal. She looked upbeat and cheerful.

"Let's check some other footage," Kav said. He reviewed a few more mealtimes. At the end of each one, they watched the little Kobold stroll out of the cafeteria with some dish or another.

"That's so weird," Jom said. "Why is she doing that?"

"Who knows why SSes do anything? You can't expect much sense from them." Kav replied. He was getting excited, though.

Finally, a crime for him to pursue.

Kinnit walked back to her room. She'd spent all morning at the library, studying for the Jumpspace Analytics exam next week. It was fascinating to her how you could calculate the interliminal vectors to approximate where a jumphole would open up.

She slowed as she approached her room. Two Terrans were standing outside her door. One wore a worried frown, the other a sneer.

"Can I help you?" she asked, more confused than concerned.

The sneering Terran stepped forward.

"I'm Kav Clef with Academy Security. We're investigating some thefts, and we'd like to search your room."

"Oh. Sure," Kinnit said. She wasn't sure what her room had to do with anything, but she was happy to help the people in charge.

"I'm sorry about this," said the other Terran.

Kinnit paneled open her door, and the two Terrans followed her in.

She had to thread her way into the narrow room. Neat stacks of dishes covered every surface. Some were piled on the floor, on clean towels. A carefully sorted collection of flatware was carefully arrayed on her shelf.

Kinnit moved a tidy pile of bowls to make room so she could sit at her desk.

"Please, come in. What can I help you with?" she asked.

The two Terrans stared in slack-jawed incomprehension.

"What... what are you doing with all the dishes?" Jom asked.

"Oh! Do you need some? Please, take what you need." She beamed.

"You're a filthy thief," snarled Kav. "Just another SS thief! This is why we never should have let you in!"

Kinnit's mouth opened in shock.

"What? I'm no thief! What do you mean?"

Kav grabbed her roughly by the wrist.

"Jom, I want every plate, knife and spoon in this room documented." He turned to Kinnit. "You're coming with me. Your kind has no place here."

Kinnit's face crumpled in her alarm and fright.

"What did I do wrong? What's wrong?" she cried as Kav dragged her out of her room.

Professor Vunkret frowned at Kinnit's empty seat as class began. It wasn't like her to miss a class.

She wondered if Kinnit were all right.

They were all in the Provost's office.

"This disciplinary hearing is called to order," Provost Lanith said. He rolled his bulk uncomfortably in his seat. "Kav, please state the charges."

Kav Clef strutted to the front of the room, pleased to finally be able to demonstrate his ability to manage crimes beyond student pranks. Jom Eclissu sat nearby, looking glum. Kinnit was sitting on the edge of a chair, crying quietly.

"This so-called student," he said, "this SS, has engaged in a series of thefts during her entire time here at the Academy. Literally not a single day has gone by that she has not purloined something, usually several items. We recovered over four hundred stolen items from her quarters."

Provost Lanith "hmm"ed thoughtfully.

"This sounds quite serious. Jom, you are the manager of the cafeteria. According to the paperwork, most of the thefts occured from there. Is this true?"

"Ah, well, sir..." Jom rubbed the back of his head, uncomfortable talking to someone as prestigious as the Provost. "I don't know if it was so much a 'theft' as a misunderstanding."

"I didn't mean to steal anything," Kinnit quavered through her tears.

"Ha!" barked Kav. "Listen to her! She 'didn't mean' to commit over four hundred crimes!" He turned to the Provost. "We have video proof. Her room was overflowing with stolen goods. Yet she thinks we're so stupid we'd believe that she did all this accidentally." He grinned triumphantly. "I'd recommend immediate expulsion, possibly followed by criminal charges."

Kinnit shrank further into her sea.

"Please, no," she said. "I'm not a criminal."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," said the Provost. "We'll need to review the evidence and deliberate."

"Of course, Provost," said Kav. "I have brought a comprehensive, itemized list of everything she stole that we found in her room. I also have video surveillance of her crimes. What would you like to see first?"

The Provost sighed heavily.

"Perhaps, before going through all that, it would be easier to ask the accused." He looked at Kinnit with tired eyes. "Did you take these things?"

Kinnit's mouth worked silently for a moment.

"I... I did, but not like he said... it wasn't... I didn't mean to..." Tears overspilled her eyes. "I'm not a criminal. Please don't expel me. I just want to learn!"

"She even admits it!" Kav crowed. "Of course she doesn't want to be expelled. She wants to continue her crime spree."

"No, I promise, I would never--"

The door to the Provost's office swung open, revealing the serpentine form of Professor Vunkret.

"Ah, professor," Provost Lanith said. "This is a bad time. We're in a disciplinary hearing, making--"

"What you're making is a mistake," she said. She ducked to enter the room, then stretched to her full height. "Why have you taken my star pupil out of class?" She looked around the office. "If this is a disciplinary hearing, where is the panel? If she is accused, where is her representation? Has the accused had the opportunity to review the charges and evidence against her?"

"Ah, it's not a legal proceeding, professor. There's not need for talk of 'representation' and 'charges' and--"

"Oh? I heard talk of expulsion as I came in. That sounds quite serious, and in need of a full review of the facts."

"The facts," broke in Kav, "are that your 'star pupil' is an unrepentant thief. We have evidence, and she even confessed!" he said, waving a sheaf of slips at Professor Vunkret.

She plucked the sheaf out of his hand.

"Are these the charges? Thank you. I'll be happy to act as Kinnit's representation in this matter, if she's willing to allow me." She looked over at the withered little Kobold.

Kinnit wanted to run over and hug the professor. But all she could do was nod miserably.

"Very well." Professor Vunkret began flipping through the slips. "Let's see. 'One fork, Windsor design, 18/0 stainless steel. Recovered from student's quarters.' Next is... 'One fork, Windsor design, 18/0 stainless steel. Recovered from student quarters.'" She raised an eyebrow at Kav Clef. She looked back down and flipped through several more pages. "You individually entered charges for..." she counted a few more pages. "For over a hundred forks?" She flipped through a few more pages. "I see. And individual plates. Each one recorded as a separate charge. And spoons, of course. We certainly can't forget the spoons."

Professor Vunkret pinned Kav Clef with a direct stare.

"This is your great crime spree?" she said with withering scorn. "A great lot of flatware and dishes?"

"Don't take that superior tone with me," Kav snarled. "I'll have you know I'm an intellectual in my own right. I was nearly an academian at this school as well. You can't lord your supposed education over me."

"Yes, I recall your academic submission," Professor Vunkret said absently, continuing to read through the list of charges. "I'm glad to see that at least you've learned to learned to use your spell checker since then."

Kav reddened.

"Is there anything in this list that wasn't dinnerware?"

Awkward silence filled the room.

"Has anybody asked Kinnit why?"

More silence. Professor Vunkret huffed in annoyance and crouched in front of the teary-eyed Kobold.

"Kinnit, can you explain why you had these things in your room?" she asked.

Kinnit swallowed, trying very hard to keep from breaking down in tears.

"In the student m-manual, it said that the cafeteria dishes were c-community property. I th-thought that meant everybody was supposed to take c-care of them. That's what we do on Takkar. Everybody t-takes care of everything. S-so I washed them and stored them. I th-thought everybody did that."

Professor Vunkret smiled at her.

"That's a good thought, but the cafeteria has their own facilities for washing and storing dishes. The students are not expected to handle that."

"Oh." Kinnit's lip quivered as she stared up at the professor. "I d-didn't know."

Professor Vunkret straightened and turned to the Provost.

"So, Lanith. What say you? Is this a grand heist, or simply an awkward misunderstanding?"

The Provost waved his hand dismissively.

"Oh, we've wasted enough time on this nonsense already. Charges dismissed."

Professor Vunkret pinned Kav Clef with a penetrating stare.

"If you have time to individually document 413 individual pieces of flatware as separate charges and persecute a student, I wonder, in this period of constrained academic budgets, if your position is truly necessary."

Kav's mouth dropped open.

"The thought does require due consideration," the Provost said.

"Come, Kinnit," said the professor. "We have a missed class to catch up on."

She led Kinnit out of the office.

Three years later, later, Professor Vunkret beamed as Kinnit walked across the stage during the graduation ceremony. She handed the young Kobold her diploma with great relish.

"Congratulations Kinnit. The Naval Academy confers on you your degree of graduation, summa cum laude."

"That's Old Imperial," Kinnit whispered with a sly smile. "Nobody speaks that any more. You should just use Common."

Professor Vunkret smiled and shook Kinnit's hand warmly.

"'With highest honors,' then. But the honor was mine, as your teacher."

Kinnit's eyes filled with tears. She flung her arms around the Dominarch professor and hugged her tightly, right in the middle of the ceremony.

"I'll miss you," she said.

"I'll miss you, too," said the professor. "Now go do all the great things I know you'll do."