The Academy’s Crude Pink-Haired Martial Artist

“Ugh, ugh…”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t think I can hold it anymore…”

“Bathroom?”

“Yes…! Uh, what should I do?”

“What do you mean? Just go. Just tell me what you want to eat when you come back.”

“Uh, um, if it’s okay with you…?”

“Yeah. Just go.”

After finishing our enrollment application and dropping off our luggage at the dorm, we headed straight to the restaurant where Yurasia was singing.

As we stood in front of the restaurant, Yurasia was shaking her legs nervously.

“But, um… can the young lady order…?”

“Why wouldn’t I be able to order? I’m not an idiot.”

“I-I guess so? Since Sara is also here. Sorry, but I’ll just quickly go to the bathroom once we get inside!”

“Okay.”

Yurasia looked super urgent but still followed closely behind me, crossing her legs and breathing heavily.

It’s not like I wouldn’t just go, so why’s she being all uptight about it?

Tsk, I clicked my tongue and hastily moved my short legs.

When we reached the restaurant, I pushed the door.

No, I pulled the door.

What the heck? Is it pushed sideways or something?

Why’s it so inconvenient with no handle?

I placed my palm against the transparent glass door and pushed sideways.

Sideways…

…It didn’t open?

“Is it not open for business today?”

I turned to look at Yurasia, who was behind me. For a moment, she stared at me blankly before breaking into a troubled smile.

“Um, how should I explain this…?”

“Why would I even need an explanation if it’s closed—”

“Oops! I’m sorry, young lady!”

Yurasia, interrupting me, rushed past and opened the door.

It opened automatically?

“I’m really going to burst, so I’ll be right back! The menu is carbonara, fettuccine! Please keep the yolk separate and grind the pepper just right! Thank you, I’m sorry!!”

“C-carbo… what? No, first the door…”

As I followed Yurasia inside, I turned around to close the door when—

“Whoa? It closes by itself?”

The door closed on its own.

I looked at Sara, puzzled.

“What’s up? Didn’t it just refuse to open? Do I need to put some mana into a pressure plate to get it to open? And why does it close on its own?”

Why’s opening a door gotta be this bothersome?

“…That’s not it.”

“What is it then?”

Sara, who usually remained expressionless, whispered quietly, visibly fidgeting.

“Lady Ellie, this is called an automatic door. There’s a device up there that detects when someone is standing in front and opens automatically…”

Pointing to a rectangular black machine attached above the door.

Wow, they made something like that?

But.

“Then why didn’t it open when I stood there?”

“…Lady Ellie, your height is a bit… short, um, cute, so…”

“What? Being cute in height? Ugh.”

Seriously? It didn’t recognize me because I was short?

That machine sure has some nerve.

“Well, then. Folks around my height can’t get in here?”

“It’s just… Well, Lady Ellie, typical cases like this generally have a guardian accompanying them, so… yes, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Ah.

“Ah, hahaha… I see. That’s just how it is.”

grind, grind Ugh, my teeth are gnashing.

shiver, shiver My hands tremble, and my face grows hot.

And I vow.

I’ll tear apart the bastard who reincarnated me into this ridiculous body.

“Alright. First of all, let’s place the order…”

I exhaled a heated breath and looked ahead.

In front, there stood an odd machine.

…What now?

As I got closer, I noticed the writing on the machine.

[Please touch the screen to select a menu!]

It even spoke in a cheerful voice.

…Touch? You mean press it?

I stretched my hand and press the screen.

Then, whoosh! The screen changed.

[Eat here] [Takeout]

After that, another cheery voice chimed in.

[Are you eating here or taking it to go?]

It dawned on me.

This machine is for ordering food.

Now it’s not even a person taking the order, but a machine doing it.

Back in my day, I’d just look at the owner and say,

“I’ll have the most popular menu with extra meat.”

And voilà, all sorts of food would appear, beginning with drinks.

Then if I threw a tantrum, they’d bring out services and all that.

What’s with this? No fun, no charm.

Wow… the world sure has gotten rough, I thought, just as I was about to respond to the machine’s voice.

“Eat here—”

I paused.

Earlier, I pressed the screen, so don’t I have to press again?

It asked me a question, so I was about to answer naturally when I realized something was off. I quickly shut my mouth and press the option that said [Eat here].

And that was correct.

Whoosh! The screen changed again.

And…

“…Why are there so many?”

There were easily over a dozen dishes lined up.

Do I just press the same way again?

“C-carbonara. Ah, there it is.”

Yurasia found the carbonara she wanted.

It was under the representative menu at the very top.

Reaching to press it, I had to stretch up and press.

[Please select the pasta!]

Then a row of pictures of curly noodles expanded, presenting a multitude of choices.

What did Yurasia say again?

Puh, pu… Persian?

“It’s fettuccine. Young lady.”

Oh, right, fettuccine.

“Spaghettoni, spaghetti, fedelini, cappellini… bucatini… what the?”

But where’s the fettuccine?

“It’s… in the flat pasta category.”

Flat noodle?

Looking around the screen, I found a button labeled flat noodle as well.

Geez, why make it so complicated?

I’m gonna starve to death trying to order.

grumble, grumble, I cursed inwardly as I press the flat noodle and then press the fettu-whatever inside.

Then, another screen popped up, and good grief.

Egg yolk and pepper.

And then a voice asked me to set the amount for sauce.

Her voice was so cheerful it made me more annoyed.

“It’s so damn annoying.”

“…Young lady, I could do this for you if you’d like.”

“No, wait! I can do it.”

I felt stubborn.

I wasn’t gonna lose to some damn machine.

press press as Yurasia instructed, they were added to the cart smoothly.

Did it work?

“Lady Yurasia’s instructions have been followed properly. It’s all very neat.”

“Oh…”

I succeeded.

Feeling a bit proud.

So, what’s next?

“What’s Sara going to eat?”

“I’ll have the same as Lady Yurasia.”

“Got it.”

Just like before, I pressed carbonara, then fettuccine—

“Damn, I pressed the wrong one!”

I should’ve pressed fettuccine, but accidentally hit tagliatelle.

How do I cancel this?

“…Cancel, cancel. Ugh, where’s the cancel button?”

“It’s alright. I prefer tagliatelle anyway.”

“…Really?”

“Yes, actually, it’s better.”

“Well, okay.”

Although it felt bittersweet, I nodded and pressed the screen like before.

Then it slid into the cart like before.

Now it was my turn to order.

“What did Yurasia say I should eat? She said something delicious earlier.”

“Ah! Lasagna!”

Before I knew it, Yurasia had returned from the bathroom.

“Hey, there was no line, but it took you quite a while to order?”

“Ah, yeah. It was complicated pressing this.”

“Huh? Is the kiosk complicated?”

“What? Kee, ki… what?”

“Huh…?”

Yurasia made a sound filled with questions as she tilted her head several times.

“Then, I’ll do it for you!”

“No, I—”

But she quickly pressed the screen tap-tap-tap with proficiency.

Then, with a speed unlike mine, her order was completed.

…How does she do this so well?

Are kids today just used to it?

She even didn’t press too hard like I did, but softly, like petting a beast.

So what am I supposed to do?

I can’t even enter alone, and now I can’t even order?

Lost in thought, I stared blankly at Yurasia as she rummaged through her clothes.

“Done. I’ll pay for it, so just grab a seat.”

“Wow, really? Hehe, thanks!”

As I watched Yurasia prance off, I fished through my own pockets.

And there, crumpled-up… cash?

I took it out.

Took it out… ugh, this stress.

Where the heck do I even put this?

“Young lady. It seems you’ll need to pay with a card at this restaurant.”

“Ah, a card here? Do I really have to use just that?”

I hastily stuffed the cash back into my pocket and pulled out a rectangular leather wallet.

Wallet. Wallet.

Even calling it a wallet is funny.

Typically, a wallet should be sturdy enough to hold a bunch of gold coins, but this just fits a single card.

Besides, they say nowadays they hardly use heavy gold coins.

Paper bills fly away in the wind, and if they get wet, they tear.

What am I supposed to do if I lose something like this while carrying it?

Ugh.

Wiggling my fingers, I pulled out the black card wedged in the middle of the wallet.

This card is also funny.

They say this tiny metal piece holds loads of money.

It’s not made of mana stone or some artifact, but it’s just fascinating.

They say this card even guarantees my identity just by carrying it.

I haven’t been able to get an ID yet since I’m still young, but with this card, I can verify my identity anywhere.

Keeping up with this changed world is so hard.

Really.

I should have wandered outside a bit more.

“Sigh…”

I sighed and placed the card against the screen.

Just 1 second. 2 seconds. 3 seconds later, Sara spoke.

“…Young lady.”

“Yeah?”

“Not there, here. You need to insert it here. The direction is not that way, but yes. Flip it over. Oh, that’s right. Insert it slowly like that.”

“…Thanks.”

“It’s nothing. And, no need to be too disappointed. Of the first-time users, you were the fastest and most accurate.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, so there’s no need to be embarrassed. You can be confident wherever you go. You’re Lady Eliaernes Eustetia, the spring of the Empire and the cherry blossom of Yustetia.”

“…Right.”

Is she actually trying to butter me up?

This is genuine praise, right?

I nodded vaguely, and after following Sara’s commands, pulled out the card.

Then, just as I was about to head towards the spot Yurasia had saved.

I met the eyes of countless people waiting behind me wearing expressions of displeasure while standing before an aristocrat.

“Sara.”

“Yes, young lady.”

“…Get drinks for the people who are waiting. Also, this time… I’ll ask you.”

“Truly, excellent.”

Sara graciously accepted the card I handed her and approached the queue.

After that, the faces of those who alternated between the black card Sara was holding and me brightened, and the atmosphere turned pleasant.

One day, I will definitely destroy that damned machine.

*

The pasta and lasagna were as excellent as the reputation Yurasia had given them.

However.

If it hadn’t been for the chef’s incessant flattery and tears of joy at the mention of how delicious the dish was, it would have been even more splendid.

Before I could fully enjoy it, the mood was spoiled.

If we’re going to wander outside, I should wear a hood or something.

If I change my hair color, my father will probably cry a river.

Anyhow.

After finishing our meal, we took the dessert offered by the chef and got up from the table.

Sara had coffee, Yurasia had brownies.

I had banana milk and peppermint candy.

And at long last, we stood before the automatic door.

The arrogant machine still didn’t recognize me, and I stood in front of the glass door with small palm prints on it and jumped thump-thump.

It didn’t open.

Again, I jumped higher, thump-thump, but still didn’t open.

“Eh… Young lady?”

Yurasia looked at me with a puzzled expression, a gently amused smile on her lips.

Alright.

Let’s just break it.

I’ll just smash it.

And then pay for it.

Double. No, triple the price.

I can’t take it anymore.

I raised my trembling fists.

Upon witnessing my pink mana-encased fists, Sara quickly rushed over and whispered in my ear.

“…To exit, just press the button next to it.”

“What the hell, that’s not an automatic door!”

I mean, why didn’t they tell me?

They could have just mentioned it from the start.

Was it because I didn’t ask?

No, that’s not it.

If it’s Sara, who’s known me for a long time, she should have picked up on it and told me.

…Wait.

“Sara. You’re not intentionally withholding this from me, right?”

“Of course not.”

That response came out reflexively.

But I saw it clearly.

Sara was surprised by my question.

“Haa… No, I… You really disappointed me.”

I let out a huff of frustration.

But since it’s such a nice day, there’s no need to curse.

Today, I’ll let it go.

“Ah! I smell mint! Young lady, you smell like my grandma!”

“What the hell?”

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