NOVEL NEXT Chapter 62: Why I fail.
"Again."
"Again."
"Again!"
Zara repeated this world for the entire day, never allowing Alexander to rest or self-loath.
It was a difficult process, especially with Alexander's dwindling mana.
"Ha…ha…Zara," Alexander wheezed as he gripped his knees, "I'm… I'm running on empty here…" Alexander struggled to speak thanks to his ragged breath.
Flipping, jumping, expending mana… it was all exhausting and taxing.
Zara remained silent as she watched Alexander, her expression slightly unreadable.
Alexander glanced up at her, and after seeing her expression, he quickly looked back towards the ground.
She then sighed as she crossed her arms, she looked out over the obstacle course, her six eyes narrowing.
"You… have potential," Zara said, her tone one of acknowledgment. "Potential that… is great, greater than even that of an elder guard."
Alexander raised an eyebrow but remained silent.
He was confused as to where Zara was taking the conversation, but he wasn't going to stop her from talking, as this was a great opportunity to catch his breath.
"Yet," Zara said as she turned to look down at Alexander, "I fail to draw that potential… out of you."
Alexander slightly frowned.
It wasn't his fault he wasn't some grade-A super soldier, he was trying his best and giving it his all, but being inexperienced and young wasn't helping.
"Why?" Zara asked, "Why is it, that you fail, are you not motivated?"
Zara's tone was filled with genuine curiosity as she tilted her head, "Does your potential death not make you fight? Does the motivation to survive, not drive you?"
Alexander blinked in surprise before slowly rising up, removing his hands from his knees. "Woah, who said I wasn't motivated?" He asked in confusion and disbelief, "I've been practicing all day."
Zara sighed, "yet you still fail," she replied, "you lose focus, become… weak, why?"
Alexander turned his entire body towards Zara as he wiped the dirt from his face. His eyes are as sharp as daggers as they bore into Zara's. "Have… have you not seen what I've been doing?!" Alexander asked as he gestured out a hand towards the obstacle course, "How am I weak when I've been doing this non-stop?"
Zara shook her head, "This is a… beginners course, average, you are failing an average course."
"There's nothing average about this course!" Alexander shouted angrily, his pride, what little there was, had taken enough. "I'm on my last legs here, and you say it's still not enough?!?"
Alexander grunted his teeth as he stomped his foot down into the dirt. "I'm using a technique I just learned, on a course I've only had three days with, and you expect excellence!?"
Alexander pointed a finger at Zara, "you're delusional."
Zara narrowed her eyes as she raised her tail, "you have the energy to shout at me, but not enough to continue the course?" She asked, her tone full of frustration, "It's clear… your… priorities, they are warped."
Alexander, with his finger still pointing at Zara, opened his mouth to respond, yet no words left his lips.
She had a point.
If Alexander was as tired as he said he was, then how could he find the strength and energy to argue, but not enough to keep up with the course?
It didn't add up, and that's because deep down Alexander wasn't tired of the course.
Zara took a step closer as she lowered Alexander's hand with her tail.
With her eyes softening and her breath easing, her tone shifted from irritation to caring.
"You are… a smart boy." She said with her tail wrapping around his waist, bringing him closer, "So answer the question, why… why do you fail a simple course?"
Alexander sighed, lowering his head as he closed his eyes. "I… I don't know." Alexander answered softly.
The Truth was Alexander did know, He was tired of failing…
Zara placed a finger under Alexander's chin.
She raised his head up, her six eyes peering deep into his soul.
Alexander returned her gaze, closing studying her face for the first time since he arrived on the demon continent.
It was now that he realized that Zara's six eyes were truly a terrifying and alien sight, the way they all blinked in unison was extremely unnerving.
Yet for some reason, he wasn't afraid.
Perhaps it was because Alexander didn't scare easily, Or maybe, he just didn't care.
No, that wasn't it.
Alexander wasn't afraid, because Zara wasn't a threat.
She had done nothing but care and support him from the beginning.
Everything Zara has done was to his benefit, so then why would this be any different? Why would Zara suddenly stop supporting him and change to harming him instead?
Again, the truth was that Zara wasn't harming him, she was pushing him, past his limits and into something greater.
Upon this realization Alexander sighed deeply, averting his gaze as he tightened his fists. "I failed," Alexander began, his tone slightly shaken, "because I don't know how to push myself, I… I can't keep my motivation, that's why."
Zara's gaze softened further as Alexander answered the question, her tail gently tightening around his waist in an attempt to comfort him.
Alexander hadn't realized it, but he had already begun to grow attached to Zara's tail wrap, to the point where he didn't realize it was happening.
"See, there is the truth, that… is why you fail," Zara said as she placed her hand on his cheek. "It's not about strength, or determination, or even stamina."
Alexander remained silent.
"It's your will, you lack the will to push yourself forward, beyond the pain, and into… greatness."
Alexander released his fists as he closed his eyes. "I know…" he said softly, "I've been like this my entire life, from the very beginning I've never had… a goal, or a dream, I just wanted to live my life, no matter how pathetic it may have been."
Tears began to well in Alexander's eyes as he leaned his head against Zara's chest, the smell of fresh earth and herbs filled his nostrils.
"I… I lost everything." He muttered under his breath, his voice weak and broken, "I've been given so much power, yet I lost everything, I… don't want to do this, I just… I want to go home."
"I want to go home…."