Tech Scavengers [Humorous, Action-Packed Space Opera]

Negasi flew the ship's Stratoskimmer shuttle down to the planet. As passengers he had Captain Boutros and Ogedai, the captain's heavy. Ogedai was of Mongol descent and carried almost as many guns as Feng. Hopefully he would be more loyal than Feng had been.

"Come in low and land a couple of kilometers away from Tilden's landing point," Captain Boutros said. "He's got a surface-to-air missile launcher and we can't risk a closer landing."

"I don't really want to risk a stroll through the jungle," Negasi said.

"We'll be all right," Ogedai said.

"Have you been down there?"

"No."

"Then you probably shouldn't say that."

"We'll be fine."

Since when has that statement ever been true on this mission?

Negasi kept that thought to himself.

"We could bring down the Antikythera and blast them from a safe distance."

"We want to give them a chance to surrender," Captain Boutros said.

"We'll hail them from the Antikythera."

"It's better this way."

"They got something you want, eh?"

The captain of the Karnak didn't reply.

Too many cacking mysteries with this job.

As he shot over the jungle canopy, keeping high enough that none of those leaping lizards could go for him, Negasi scanned the area for a good place to land. He spotted a muddy river winding its sluggish way through the jungle. An orbital image had already shown that Tilden had landed on an open riverbank just over the horizon. There were no other clearings on which to land.

"We're going to have to land on that river and sail up it," Negasi told his passengers. "This is a Stratoskimmer. It's amphibious and fully submersible. It's pretty maneuverable as a boat or submarine from what I've heard, although I've never tried it."

"All right," Captain Boutros said.

"Does this planet have anything nasty in its rivers?"

"We've never checked."

"Don't worry," Ogedai said. "I'll shoot anything that causes us trouble."

"You going to pop out a hatch and fire your slug thrower at it?"

"Don't be stupid. This thing has double flechette guns."

"Fixed facing forward."

"Don't use alliteration on me."

"Huh?"

"You used alliteration," Ogedai growled. "You think you're smarter than me? People who use alliteration always think they're smarter than everyone else."

Negasi gave the security guy a baffled look and took the shuttle down to the surface of the river. He hovered a couple of meters above the surface for a moment. When nothing leapt up and grabbed him, he touched down. One of the flying lizards passed overhead but didn't approach.

He moved the shuttle upriver, keeping it at quarter speed.

"Can't this thing go any faster?" Ogedai asked.

"Sailing speedily surrenders surety."

"I told you not to use alliteration!"

Negasi grinned and kept watch on the river. Nothing appeared on the surface. He turned on the sonar and saw nothing beneath the water except for numerous fish no bigger than his arm. Knowing the average dentition of the creatures on this planet, they could probably eat his arm, but protected in a durasteel ship, he and these two jokers were safe enough.

At least he thought so until he saw the fish scatter like shrapnel and a huge form loom into the edge of the sonar field.

"Why can't anything be easy on this planet!" Negasi shouted, hitting the bottom thrusters and shooting up into the air.

The bottom thrusters worked well enough, but the shooting into the air part didn't go as planned.

Half a dozen thin, ropey tentacles burst out of the water and wrapped themselves around the shuttle.

The shuttle jerked to a stop in midair. If it wasn't for their crash webbing, Negasi, Ogedai, and Captain Boutros would have ended up as tomato paste on the ceiling.

"Crikey! A Kraken nearly cracked my cacking cranium!"

"I told you to stop alliterating!"

"Quit screwing around and do something!" Captain Boutros shouted.

"You sound like Nova."

Negasi gunned the engine but barely ascended another couple of meters. The tentacles remained firmly in place.

"Screw this," Ogedai, said, getting out of his crash harness, grabbing his slug rifle, and clambering up to the top hatch.

"Kill the Kraken quickly!"

"I said stop!"

"Sheesh. Such snideness. Ow!"

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Ogedai booted him in the head on his way up the ladder.

"You deserved that," Captain Boutros said.

Negasi thought of a reply but since the Mongolian was still in boot range decided to focus on his flying.

Or his attempts to fly. It was all he could do to keep the shuttle stable.

"Shuttle stable." If I add another word or two that begins with s …

Just then, the kraken hauled with all its strength and Negasi had to struggle to keep the shuttle from flipping over and sending Ogedai into the river.

"Don't drop down into the drink!"

"SHUT UP!!!"

Ogedai balanced on the top rung of the ladder with the rest of his body sticking out of the open hatch. He unslung his rifle and gave the nearest tentacle a couple of slugs. The external cameras showed it spray a greenish ichor and dart away, slipping beneath the surface.

One of the other tentacles let go of the shuttle and went for Ogedai.

That made two things happen at the same time.

The reduced strain on the shuttle allowed it to rise a couple of meters before the other tentacles firmed up and stopped it. The jerky stop-and-start motion also made Ogedai fall down straight into Negasi's lap, the slug rifle clonging against his head.

"Damn! Don't do that."

The Mongol slapped him upside the head.

"Hey, that wasn't complete alliteration."

"And that wasn't as hard as I can slap."

Ogedai climbed off him, his bootheel just happening to grind into Negasi's crotch, and started climbing the ladder again.

Just as he did, one of the tentacles reached in and wrapped around his neck.

"Glrp!"

Captain Boutros finally decided to get into the fight. Struggling out of his crash webbing, he pulled out a flechette pistol and tried to aim for the tentacle, but Ogedai was in the way.

In fact, he was being pulled out of the hatch.

The last Negasi saw of him was his boots trying to hook on the edge of the hatch before he was popped out of it.

Captain Boutros scurried right up after him.

Negasi looked at the exterior cameras and saw the Egyptian fire a burst at the tentacle, severing it. Ogedai fell onto the shuttle roof, his face red, hands desperately clawing at the still-constricted tentacle.

Negasi also saw him slowly sliding off the roof. The shuttle was at a tilt. Negasi tried to correct but he was fighting against the remaining tentacles and he struggled to keep the shuttle steady.

He ended up overcompensating and Ogedai rolled across the top of the shuttle to the other edge.

The Mongol would have gone over, too, if Captain Boutros hadn't grabbed him at the last moment. Both men teetered on the edge, Negasi wrestling with the controls, before he got enough stability to bring the shuttle onto an even keel.

Captain Boutros dragged Ogedai back to the hatch and dumped him inside.

Just as he was about to get in himself, another tentacle that was wrapped around the back of the shuttle let go and grabbed his ankle.

"Help!"

"Hold onto the edge of the hatch!"

"I'm already doing that!"

He had hooked his arm around the handle and gripped his wrist with his free hand. It was the only thing keeping him from being dragged away, and that wouldn't last long. If these tentacles were strong enough to hold a shuttle, they would break his arm pretty soon.

But now Negasi could maneuver more easily. The back of the shuttle was free, so he tipped it forward so that the twin flechette guns angled toward the water. Ogedai tumbled over the passenger's seat and hit the dashboard, luckily not slamming into any important controls.

Negasi let out a long burst with both guns. Dozens of razor-sharp spikes churned the water.

The effect was instantaneous. The tentacles let go and flailed around, and since Negasi had the fore thrusters on full power, the shuttle shot up to the sky. Captain Boutros flipped over and nearly fell off before Negasi could level out.

"We're all safe," Negasi called up to him. "Come back in."

"I can't," the Egyptian groaned. "My arm is broken."

"Hold on."

Negasi left the shuttle hovering and climbed up the ladder. Captain Boutros lay on top, teeth clenched in pain, sweat beading on his brow. His forearm was wrapped around the hatch's handle at an unnatural angle.

"That's bad," Negasi said. "I'm going to have to straighten your arm out before I can get it out."

"Give me some painkillers first," Captain Boutros groaned.

Negasi was about to climb back in to get the First Aid kit when several dots in the sky caught his attention.

"Cack! Some of those pterosaurs are headed this way. Sorry, we're going to have to do it now."

"Wait. Can't you … AH!"

Negasi straightened his arm with a loud crack that made his stomach churn and probably didn't do Captain Boutros's stomach much good either, then pulled his legs into the hatch.

The pterosaurs were approaching fast.

"Sorry," Negasi said, and unceremoniously dumped the man through the hatch.

Another cry of pain as he landed on his broken arm.

Negasi scrambled down the ladder and slammed the hatch closed. A second later he heard talons rake against the metal.

He shuddered, locked the hatch, and went to look after his colleagues.

Captain Boutros lay on the floor, almost unconscious with pain. Ogedai sat against the dashboard, slowly unwinding the tentacle from around his neck as the last of its ichor dribbled on his lap.

"Abundant apologies for alliterating," Negasi told him.

Ogedai glowered at him. "You saved my life, so I won't beat your face in."

"Feels fair, friend."

Negasi fetched the First Aid kit and gave Captain Boutros a powerful painkiller. The man's features eased, his eyes becoming hooded and glassy.

"Let's get him up to the Karnak. You guys probably have a first-class medical facility."

"We have to nail Tilden and his men. I'll give him a field setting."

"But—"

"Get back in the pilot's seat," Ogedai snapped.

"Look, he's really messed up. You want to face those guys a man short?"

Captain Boutros turned his head blearily in his direction and slurred, "We need to do this now before they activate—"

Ogedai clamped a hand over the Egyptian's mouth.

"Let me take care of you, buddy," he told him.

Negasi glanced from one man to the other, realized he wasn't going to get any more information, and got back in the pilot's seat.

He flew for a couple of hundred meters, the pterosaurs scattering, and then lowered altitude. This time he didn't coast on the surface of the water. He didn't want another surprise.

Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Ogedai treating Captain Boutros's arm with surprising skill and gentleness. Once done, he strapped the man into the back seat and went to sit beside Negasi.

"I am officially sick of this planet," Negasi told him.

"You and me both. Let's get this done. Looking at this orbital photo, it looks like we need to beach the shuttle on that shelf of rock over there and walk two kilometers to their position."

"You really want to walk two kilometers through this jungle?"

"We're armored and well-armed."

"That's no guarantee. I've been here before. Plus if we start firing at a pack of prehistoric monsters, that's going to alert Tilden and his crew."

"We can't risk a frontal assault. Not with that rocket launcher of his."

"Why the hell does he have one anyway?"

"It turned out to be the best weapon against the bigger dinosaurs."

"Fair enough. Do you have one?"

"No. We sent all our stock to the ground crew."

Negasi sighed. "This just keeps getting better and better."

"Don't be a wuss."

"A wuss? I'm the greatest chessboxer in the Orion Arm. Just ask my AI."

"Chessboxing is for wusses."

"Chess creates cognition. Boxing begets—ow! Stop hitting me!"

"Stop alliterating."

"Sheesh. What a grouch."

Negasi spotted a large shelf of rock by the shore and landed the shuttle on it. While it gave a clear view all around, it was close enough to the river that if another of those tentacled horrors decided to glom onto the shuttle, nothing could stop it.

On the other hand, there was no evidence that it could crack open the durasteel hull.

He turned to Captain Boutros, slumped half-conscious in the back seat.

"We're going to have to leave you here. Just sit tight at we'll be back as soon as we can."

The Egyptian gave a weak nod.

Ogedai set a flechette pistol on the seat beside the captain and he and Negasi geared up—body armor, gas masks, heavy slug rifles, and a flechette pistol each. Ogedai also had several grenades.

"I don't recognize that model," Negasi said, gesturing at the grenades.

"A newer model from an arms dealer I know," the Mongol said with a grin. "Wait until you see them in action."

"That will be soon enough," Negasi said with a shake of his head.

They climbed out the hatch, closed and locked it behind them, and set off into the jungle.

Within moments they were deep inside the green, able to see only a few meters in each direction, surrounded by the faint sounds of scuttling. Negasi felt a thousand eyes upon them.

This is a really, really bad idea.