Chapter Seventy-Two: Helen Opens Up
Jeridan left the bridge, feeling suddenly tired. The visit to the planet had exhausted him emotionally, and then he had to fly for several hours to get out of the solar system. Once they had made it, the S'ouzz took them to light speed.
Now he was looking forward to a break.
"Are you going to help me analyze this Imperium data you downloaded?" Nova asked. She hadn't left the copilot's seat.
"Later. I'm tired."
"There's a lot here to get through."
"Later," he repeated, sharper this time. "I'm tired."
Nova muttered something as he left. Jeridan didn't try to hear what it was. He didn't care.
He had a more important conversation.
Jeridan headed down to Helen's cabin.
He hit the viewscreen. She was sitting in the lotus position on her bed like the last time he saw her (what? A week ago? Did this woman ever move?).
A slow smile spread across her face.
"How did you know I turned on the viewscreen?" Jeridan asked.
"Why so suspicious? Can't I smile at my own thoughts?"
"I'm suspicious because you like to play with people. Answer my question."
"The viewscreen takes an extra bit of energy. The buzz of the ambient electronics gets louder."
Jeridan blinked. She could hear that? It didn't cross his mind to disbelieve her.
"We're almost to the station."
"Good."
"Once we're there, we're going to have to let you out."
"Oh, how scary. I might kill everyone like in the Implant Wars."
"Very funny."
"That's what you're worried about, though, isn't it? The half-human who is smarter and faster and stronger than you ruining your plans or snuffing out your life?"
"In a word, yes."
"The fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance. Why would I betray the team that's trying to save it?"
"No normal sentient being would do that."
"And I'm not normal?"
"There's a reason implants are banned on all civilized systems."
"Yes, a hundred years ago an army of us did bad things. And in all the hundred years since then, no human or Mantid or Awaari army has ever done any evil."
Jeridan paused, licked his lips. "I'm not blaming you for that."
"Aren't you?"
"It's just that you're an unknown quantity, and I don't like having unknown quantities on my ship."
Helen laughed, a clear, high sound of pure merriment.
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"Come on, Jeridan. You deal in unknown quantities. How much do you know about the S'ouzz? Or Nova? Or even Aurora? That doesn't stop you from working with them."
Jeridan found it odd that she put Aurora on that list. He stowed that away for further investigation.
"I want reassurances that when we let you out, you'll do what you promise to do and not try anything on the way back to civilization."
"And how am I supposed to prove that I am genuine?"
Another pause.
"I don't know. I was hoping you could tell me something that would convince me."
"I want to live. Isn't that enough, or do you assume that any sentient being with implants is a robot that doesn't care about life, even its own?"
"I don't know. I've never gotten to know any of you before."
I barely survived a group of you going on the rampage, though.
He remembered the screams, the flames. The large space station that suddenly felt claustrophobic as a group of half-robotic superhumans had killed for the sake of killing. He shuddered and shoved those memories away.
Her smile grew wider. "I can give you another reassurance, but you won't like it."
"I haven't liked anything that's happened on this damn ship ever since I boarded."
"That's not true, Jeridan. You have a mission, you have good pay, you have a purpose. I think you're having the time of your life."
Jeridan had to think for a second.
"Trying to save civilization from being obliterated isn't exactly my idea of a good time. Adrenaline rush? Sure. Happiness? Not so much."
"Aren't they the same for you?"
"How about you tell me the reason for not betraying us that you think I won't like."
"I think I'm falling in love with Negasi."
Jeridan actually took a step back.
He sputtered for a moment before he could reply. "Falling in love with him? You barely know him!"
"That's not how it works with us. I can see more than regular sentient beings. I see a great kindness in him, and loneliness too. Plus he's funny and loyal and brave and he cares deeply about those two children. I see all those things in you too, but the chemistry isn't there. My implants have taught me things most people could never guess, but it hasn't taught me why a woman and a man will click."
"You're not … "
Jeridan swallowed his words. Helen grimaced.
"I'm not a woman? Is that what you were going to say? I am a woman, Jeridan. I feel like a woman and have needs like a woman. And I can fall in love like a woman."
"Well, Negasi doesn't love you."
The smile returned. "Don't be so sure about that."
Jeridan snorted. Negasi was as freaked out by Helen as he was.
"Even through the viewscreen I can sense your doubt. It doesn't matter. Even if you're right, it doesn't matter. I love him, and I would never do anything to harm him. I wouldn't harm anyone on this ship either, because he cares about everyone here. Even the S'ouzz. Have you seen how protective he is with it? He feels for it, being so far from home. I think it realizes that and appreciates him. Appreciates all of you. You've built quite a little family here."
"I won't argue with that last bit, but don't mess with Negasi. We've got our toughest mission ever coming up and he needs to focus, not be freaked out by the likes of you."
Her smile never faded. "Whatever you say, captain."
Jeridan switched off the viewscreen, shook his head, and walked down the corridor toward his quarters. She was up to something. Playing some sort of game.
And yet, in a strange way, he believed her. Maybe being cooped up on that dump of a space station for so long had made her get some human emotions like loneliness. She acted like she had emotions sometimes. Maybe it wasn't entirely a show.
That idea disturbed him even more. Emotions mixed with advanced implants would make an individual more dangerous, not less.
Negasi came up the corridor. His friend stopped in front of him.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
They'd been working together so long they could always tell when something was wrong.
"Nothing," Jeridan said. "Everything. Just a bit freaked out because I went to talk with Helen."
Negasi bit his lip. "Yeah, I guess we're going to have to let her out soon. We need to get some assurances that she won't kill us all. Not sure how we can do that."
"I asked her about it. She said she wants to live as much as any of us. Seems to make sense. Even someone with implants must have a sense of self-preservation."
"Yeah, but once we get the jump gates back online—assuming we can—what's stopping her from killing us then?"
"I don't know," Jeridan answered in all honesty, then he looked at his friend. "I'm thinking she won't, though."
"What makes you say that?"
"I don't know. Gut feeling. Have you … spoken with her?"
"Some. We went down to that planet together. She's the one who showed me the jump gate."
"Did she act … odd?"
"Odd? What's odd and what's normal for someone with implants?"
"Yeah, good point, I guess."
Negasi studied his friend. "Everything OK?"
"Yeah, sure, except for the imminent threat to galactic civilization. Have you spoken with Helen more recently?"
"Hell, no. She creeps me out."
"Yeah. Me too. Well, I'm going to hit the sack. It's been a long day."
Jeridan passed Negasi and went to his cabin, his friend giving him a curious look as he went.