Tech Scavengers [Humorous, Action-Packed Space Opera]

"I can't believe we have to go to Eridanus Delta. Of all places!"

Jeridan lay in the sickbay as the medical computer scanned him. Negasi lay in the other bed, getting the same treatment and no doubt feeling the same dread about their destination.

Eridanus Delta was a reasonably high-tech world. Not as advanced as Sagitta Prime with its lovely whiskey (which they still needed to sell) and its oppressive bureaucracy, but still one of the top ten most advanced planets they'd been to.

Advanced in everything except military hardware. Eridanus Gamma, Delta, and Epsilon were all ruled by different governments with various levels of authoritarianism. Like all authoritarian governments, they couldn't stand anyone nearby who wasn't under their control, so they fought one another continually. None of the planets was strong enough to take over the others, so they mostly fought over the asteroid belt beyond Eridanus Epsilon or over the mines on the mineral-rich and rather toasty planet of Eridanus Beta.

All three inhabited worlds had plenty of natural resources themselves, enough to attract interplanetary merchants. The merchants didn't like the constant fighting happening all around the system and tried to put a stop to it. When a couple of generations of peace negotiations failed to make any progress, the merchants came to a gentleman's agreement not to sell weapons to anyone in the Eridanus system. This kept the local ships one encountered there safely inferior to your own.

Surprisingly, everyone followed this gentleman's agreement because it kept everyone safe and in business.

Everyone, of course, except gun runners.

Gun running to the Eridanus system was a profitable and dangerous enterprise. Not only would the interplanetary merchants try to stop you, so would the rivals of the planet you were shipping to.

Of course, that pushed up profits.

Jeridan and Negasi didn't go in for gunrunning. It was a dirty business and you never knew what scumbags might end up with the weapons you sold.

So that's why a few years ago they sold some fake weapons to the king of Eridanus Delta.

They were pretty good fakes, created by Negasi with the help of a Grun'hon arms merchant. Grun'hon weapons had a reputation for being effective in a "let's blow up this entire city block and not worry about the consequences" sort of way. They worked well on spaceships too.

The Grun'hon arms merchant was confused as to why anyone would want to fake a weapon. The idea of not killing other sentient creatures was alien to Grun'hon psychology.

Good money wasn't alien to any sentient psychology and so he went along with it.

The weapons did work, too, at least the two used in the demonstration at the royal palace parade grounds. A couple of city blocks opposite the parade grounds had been evacuated so they could be used as target practice.

They worked in spectacular fashion, blasting away imposing stone buildings and more modern durasteel structures with a satisfying boom. One of the courtiers had told them the king had never liked the buildings he could see from his window and wanted to replace them with a royal hunting park. His Highness was most satisfied at how quickly the weapons leveled all the offending structures.

What the king and his Royal Guard didn't know was that they were only good for five shots each, and the rest of the shipment didn't fire at all.

By the time they realized this, Jeridan and Negasi were several light years away and a lot richer.

Not as rich as they could have been. The king was smart enough to only give them the down payment before they were allowed to leave the planet. Needless to say, the rest of the payment never arrived. All Jeridan and Negasi got was an announcement to the entire sector that they were con men.

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That never bothered Jeridan much. No one liked the king of Eridanus Delta and everyone got a good laugh at his expense.

That situation might do a 180 if they showed up there.

The medical computer continued to scan then. Jeridan wished it could predict their medical condition five minutes after setting foot on Eridanus Delta.

Negasi ordered the sound system to play some electropulse music at a high volume so they could speak without anyone eavesdropping.

"So what do we do?" Negasi said in such a soft voice that Jeridan barely heard him.

Jeridan gave his friend a serious look and said, "Come clean with Nova about what we did and figure out a workaround together."

Negasi stared at his friend a moment, and then they both bust out laughing.

"Imagine!" Negasi said. "An honest conversation with Nova! Hahaha!"

"And after that, all three of us could confess everything we've done in the past. Hahaha!"

"That's rich. Oh my god." Negasi wiped his eyes, giggled, then looked back at him. "No seriously, what do we do?"

"How the hell should I know?"

"Well, we can't go down to the planet."

"Duh!"

"Don't start talking like a fourteen-year-old girl."

"Sorry. She's rubbing off on me."

"You already fight like a fourteen-year-old girl."

"I've knocked you out more times."

"No you haven't."

"I have so!"

"MIRI, how many—"

"Let's stick to the subject. What the hell are we going to do?"

"Make our excuses not to go down to the planet."

"Then we don't find out what they're doing down there. You want to be in the dark any more than we have to be?"

"Hmm, there is that."

"And what possible excuse could we have?"

"I don't know."

"If we hide in the ship, Nova and Derren will know something's up."

"We'll make up a story about why we can't go down."

"All right. Remember that slaver you turned in?"

"Oh, that bastard. Called the cops the moment I found out. He's the second worst boss I ever had."

"OK, we'll say you met him on Eridanus Delta and some of his goons are still part of the local underworld. We'll change the story so it happened after we teamed up."

"That works. Hey, you're a really good liar."

"So are you, buddy." They gave each other a fist bump.

They fell silent for a moment.

"I kind of want to go down to the planet, though," Jeridan said.

"We can't."

"I know, but sending them down without checking on them sure sits wrong."

"For you and me both."

Jeridan snapped his fingers. "I know! We can buy disguises."

"Where?"

"We can go to Luna's Layover! It's on the way."

Negasi stared at him. "You want to take two children to Luna's Layover?"

"They won't leave the ship, obviously."

"Nova will kill us for getting within ten light years of the place."

Luna's Layover was a bit like Latimer Station in that it was a lawless mix of smugglers and outlaws who would buy and sell anything. It was unlike Latimer Station in that it was a giant brothel.

The madam was Luna, a sixty-something human woman who had gathered willing males, females, and others from every known sentient species to fulfill the fantasies of lonely spacefarers. No slavery involved. All the prostitutes were there by their own free will and could leave at any time.

That was the only honest thing Luna ever did. She was notorious for ripping people off. Rumors had it that she used to be a pirate.

"What excuse are we going to use to go there?" Negasi asked.

"Essential maintenance."

"A tough sell."

"I don't have to sell a cacking thing. I'm captain."

"And what's she going to say when we land on Eridanus Delta in disguise?"

"The story we cooked up."

"She's going to be suspicious."

"So what? She's always suspicious."

"I don't like it. That's a dangerous place."

"Both of them are. That's why I want a disguise. The mechanics on Luna's are generally straight shooters as long as you're breathing down their necks the entire time. Nova can watch them."

"She's good at that."

"Yeah. And while she's busy with them, we can go buy our disguises in the market."

Negasi smiled. "I haven't been to that market in a while. They sell all sorts of fun toys there. We got plenty of credits now. We've been flying with her for so long without a break, we're loaded."

"Not as loaded as we will be when we sell that Sagittan whiskey."

"Wait, we're not going to sell it at the station!"

"Of course not. We'll get ripped off." Jeridan looked at his friend and smiled. "We're going to sell it on Eridanus Delta. Remember how the king has a taste for fine spirits? And he always wants the best for his own parties. He hates it when the aristocracy has something better than him, whether its hovercars or drinks. We'll sell a few crates to the aristocrats, and when word gets around, the king will pay top prices for the rest just so he can boast he has more than anyone else."

"That's perfect!"

Negasi gave Jeridan another fist bump. Ripping off the king a second time would be the most fun they'd had in ages.

And they had more than three weeks of interstellar travel to plan it.

They'd work over the details until nothing, but nothing, could possibly go wrong.