Chapter 20: Free Time
Sepide was still holding the box close to her heart, with a dumb smile on her face. She felt a bit embarrassed, but also very happy that she could feel something like that. She now had new precious memories and hoped that many more would come. Silva quickly took advantage of Sepide's moment of inattention to search around the room but quickly stopped when she checked all the possible spots.
"But still, it's a shame. I expected something like drugs, porn magazines, or a love letter."
Neige turned toward Silva, with a mix of fatigue and curiosity.
"A love letter I could understand, but do you really think that she's the kind of person to have one of these other things?"
"I look innocent, and I have porn magazines. You can't trust appearances, Neige." Silva said with a grin.
"First of all, you don't look innocent. Second of all, what are you doing with it? You're blind."
"I know, but it's funny. So, Sepide, you have anything like that hidden?"
Sepide shook her head, confirming Silva's disappointment.
"Not even a secret lover?"
"I'm not interested in these things." Sepide said with a slightly less monotone tone than usual.
"Come on, where's the fun in that? I want some secret lover, braving the hardest hardships for the person of their dreams. Instead, I have two friends that don't believe in love..."
"Neige isn't interested in love too?" Asked Sepide, completely ignoring Silva's rant.
"No, I don't, love just causes more problems. In all the worlds I've been, love sucked."
"It's because you always end up in bad worlds, I'm sure somewhere people are happy!" Silva knew that many of the relationships they'd seen ended badly, yet she always believed in it. Maybe it was her sense of art that guided this thought.
"And you Silva, you have a lover?" Sepide's words were innocent, but they only reminded Silva of the fact that she never experienced love.
"Maybe, he's probably waiting for me, somewhere."
"Don't keep him waiting, he might go away." Neige chuckled at his own words, not without annoying Silva a bit more. He looked around for a moment before looking at the roof made entirely of glass, showing the outer confines of the Universe "The universe... It's so vast."
Neige let himself fall onto the floor, watching the deep space in front of him. Sepide lay down next to him, and feeling her two friends on the ground, Silva did the same. They stayed silent for a moment, contemplating and enjoying the calm moment.
"You know, when it was me, Kairo, and Silva, we never spent much time together. We just talked after missions, and then would see each other when we get called. I wish we did more stuff together."
"It's true!" Agreed Silva "I never really got to see Neige and Kairo often. I spent most of my time painting."
"It's weird in a way. I wish Kairo was here, we would be all the four of us, watching space. We rarely took the time to do that."
The silence took place for a short moment before Sepide interrupted it.
"You miss him a lot."
"Yeah, he was like my brother in a way. He was the older and wiser one. Well, he wasn't always the wisest." Neige took some time thinking about his thoughts, trying his best to express what happened in his head "When you joined the team Sepide, I hated you. I thought you were going to replace him, that Silva and Polyetta would forget about him... Or maybe... I was scared to forget him. So... I'm sorry if I was harsh with you."
"It's okay, I think I can understand. I never really realized how much friends could be so important for us. I didn't want to spend time with you two either, I just didn't have anything else to do, but now, I feel like I'm feeling better when I'm around you two."
Neige and Sepide both were happy enjoying the moment, but Silva felt worried instead. She wanted to share what she had in her heart but was scared to say something that would ruin the mood. She stayed silent, hoping someone would ask, but at the same time hoping that they would stay silent.
"Silva? Are you okay? You're not saying anything." Neige's voice forced Silva out of her thoughts, taking her by surprise.
"Yeah... I am."
Silva's answer didn't convince them. Even Sepide, who didn't know her that well, felt like something was wrong.
"Come on, you can tell us."
Silva was a bit hesitant but knew she couldn't leave Neige without an answer.
"Being here, like that. It scares me. I don't want to die, I don't want to disappear. But not for myself, I just don't want to leave you two alone."
"Why would you disappear? Everything will be alright." Said Sepide, trying to make Silva feel better.
"Yeah, you're right. I won't go anywhere, I'll stay myself."
"Of course you will. I hope we'll stay friends like that forever."
Neige turned his head toward Silva. He took a moment to look at her and hesitated to say something, feeling a slight discomfort in his heart as he thought about it.
"Silva, you're our friend. And for me, you're a wonderful one. We're here if you ever feel like something is wrong."
Silva nodded and continued 'looking' at the sky in silence. No one said anything, the calm of space slowly relaxing them from their last adventure. After a while, they all were led to sleep.
Neige was the first one to wake up, but even after realizing he slept, he wanted to keep admiring the stars for a while. There was something poetic about seeing all of these stars. It made him wonder where they were, what were those stars. They explored so many worlds, but never took the time to explore their own. He looked at his watch, he thought he slept for a few hours, but he quickly realized that not only the night had gone by, but most of the morning too. He quickly got up and tried to wake up his friends as fast as he could.
"Silva! Sepide! We need to go, they're going to take all the good stuff in the canteen before us!"
Silva woke up instantly, as if the ship was on fire, Sepide on the other hand took her sweet time to wake up.
"No! It's been so long that I didn't get a good meal!" Complained Silva "I hope they left muffins for us!"
Silva and Neige took Sepide by the arm, she was still half awake and didn't fully understand what was happening. She followed them, thinking something urgent happened. The group arrived in the dining room only to see the incredibly limited choice of food.
"Noooo... There's no muffins..." Said Silva, after realizing that most of the good food was gone "That's the worst way to start a day!"
Usually, there would be a broad choice of food, but today, there were only some leftovers left. Silva stood in front of the food with sad eyes, blaming herself for waking up so late.
"I prefer dying of starvation than eating that..." Despite her complaint, Silva took some fried eggs and tried eating them, not without grimacing. "It's cold..."
"I thought you preferred to starve?" Wondered Sepide.
"Gwyn said I need to eat more, but it's not with that kind of food that I'll eat enough."
Before they could finish eating what was left, they received a message on their phone. It was their leader, asking for them to come.
"Already? I swear there are too many problems in the world."
Neige and Sepide were about to go, visibly not happy. But Silva suddenly remembered that she needed to see Gwyn about the pill she made.
"Wait, go without me, I'll join you later."
"Oh, we can wait for you." Proposed Sepide.
"It's fine, you'll just tell me what happened. I'm really sorry!" Silva left in a hurry after apologizing, leaving her two friends confused.
The blind girl ran as fast as she could, she didn't want to make her friends wait, but she also was supposed to see the doctor soon. After making sure no one was in Gwyn's office, she entered promptly.
"I'm sorry, I just woke up!"
"It's fine." Answered Gwyn "We'll just do some basic tests first."
Silva nodded her head, and they both waited until her heart calmed down from her run to make the necessary test. After some basic tests, Gwyn wrote something in her notebook and shared the results with her patient.
"Did something happen? Your heart rate is different from usual, is it because of coffee again?"
"No, not at all. I haven't taken coffee or anything like that since the last time we saw each other." Silva tried to look at the note of the doctor, but couldn't read what was on it because of her blindness "Is it serious?"
"Nothing you have to worry about, for now. I think that you probably had a lot of strong emotions. Did you experience a panic attack, blood loss, or anything similar?"
"No, I just spent time with Neige and Sepide."
"How cute." Said the doctor in a monotonous voice, making it hard to know whether she was sarcastic or not "Maybe being around them more often could help with your recovery."
Gwyn took a small metallic box and placed it on the table next to them.
"It's the happiness pill. Before you take a decision, let me remind you of the risks."
"There won't be any need." Said Silva "I won't take it."
The doctor seemed a bit surprised and asked with curiosity
"What made you so certain in just a day?"
"I just... Want to be myself. I'll try to get better, and if it doesn't work, I can always take the pill later. Even if I don't like myself, I think some people do, and I'd feel bad to take their friend away from them.
Gwyn noted again in her notebook, she seemed perplexed by the answer Silva gave her.
"It's true, but don't get overzealous, you're still not in a good state. Even if I have to admit that there seems to be some progress."
The doctor took back the metallic box and handed a bottle with some pills inside.
"It's your usual antidepressants, just a tad stronger this time. If you have a panic attack you can take them, but don't take them too often. It should be useful if you meet your other self again."
"Thanks, doc."
Silva stood up and put the pills in her pocket. She was about to leave but stopped in front of the door when she heard the doctor's voice.
"Before you go, how do you feel about Neige and Sepide?"
Silva took a short moment and answered with a smile.
"I love them, they're my true friends!"
"And have you considered talking about your issue with them?"
"I..." Silva's smile disappeared slowly, before continuing "They don't need to know, I'll get better anyway."
"That's not how it works, I can't force you, but you should rely on them more."
"... Maybe one day. Thanks for your help doc, I won't drink too much coffee, promised!"