Tactical Embarrassment

The common room of the Golden Hearth Inn had been rearranged for our impromptu celebration; low tables pushed together to form one long communal dining space, with plush zabuton cushions arranged on the floor around them. The flooring beneath resembled tatami but had a distinctly different texture, something with the softness of velvet and warmth of fur that was unique to this world. Ember, the Hestashi innkeeper, had outdone herself with a feast that combined familiar flavours with exotic local ingredients, her cat-ears twitching with pleasure as she watched us enjoy her cooking.

Throughout the evening, I occasionally caught Rurielle watching me with an unreadable expression. Unlike everyone else's easy conversation, we communicated in subtle glances and micro-expressions. I could sense her presence in a way that was difficult to explain, not intimacy exactly, but awareness. She had already changed into her traditional tribal garments for the evening celebration, her blue-grey skin with subtle bioluminescent patterns contrasting dramatically with the more conventionally dressed Takejin students. The minimal midnight-blue fabric adorned with silver symbols drew occasional curious glances from other students, though everyone was too polite to comment directly on attire that would have been scandalous by Earth standards.

For the first time since arriving in Voluptaria, every surviving member of Class 1A was gathered in one place. The jocks occupied one end of the table, their loud voices and boisterous laughter creating an atmosphere of normalcy despite our extraordinary circumstances.

Around the long communal table, people had naturally arranged themselves in a way that would have been unthinkable back at Paradise Heights. Looking down the row across from me, I could see Hiroko and Sakura seated beside Sora, who was now engaged in an animated conversation with Airi about gel blaster modifications. Beside Airi sat the rest of the gyaru clique: Haruka, Aoi, and Rina, watching their friend's technical discussion with expressions ranging from confusion to dawning realisation.

On my side of the table, Amakata-sensei sat at the far end, conversing with Noel and several Crossroads dignitaries. Beside her, Yuto was deep in conversation about tactical formations, occasionally leaning forward to add something to Sora and Airi's weapons discussion. Miyako sat on my right, while Kazuki had taken the spot on her other side. The Kimochi sisters completed our side of the table, with Rurielle seated beside Miyuki across from us, still keeping a respectful distance but no longer a stranger.

The seating itself told a story of how much had changed; the strict social boundaries that had defined our class hierarchy on Earth had blurred significantly in this new world. Perhaps nothing illustrated this more clearly than Airi's passionate explanation of optimal ammunition distribution to the increasingly interested Sora, a conversation that crossed what would have been an uncrossable social divide back home.

"Okay, I can't take it anymore," Aoi finally said, setting down her drink with enough force to draw attention. "What happened to you two?" She pointed accusingly at Miyako and Airi. "Ever since we got to this world, you've been... different."

Miyako exchanged a glance with Airi, some silent communication passing between them.

"Different how?" Miyako asked, though her tone suggested she knew exactly what Aoi meant.

"You know exactly what I mean," Aoi continued, echoing my thoughts. "Back on Earth, you two would rather die than discuss 'optimal configurations' and 'tactical formations.' Now suddenly you're organising combat strategies and helping people optimise their abilities like you've been doing it for years."

The table had grown quieter, attention shifting to this confrontation.

Airi sighed, then straightened her shoulders. "Because we have been doing it for years," she said simply. "We just never talked about it at school."

"What?" Haruka looked genuinely confused.

Miyako took a deep breath, then met my eyes briefly before addressing her friends. "Remember all those nights Airi and I couldn't hang out because of 'family obligations'? And how we always seemed strangely familiar with Kazuki's group despite claiming we never talked to them?"

Rina's eyes widened. "Wait... are you saying—"

"We've been gaming together since junior high school," Miyako admitted. "I've been guild leader of Midnight Vanguard in Champions of Eternity for four years. Airi's my second-in-command."

Absolute silence fell over the gyaru section of the table. Kazuki and his friends, I noticed, were failing miserably at hiding their smiles.

"You?" Rina pointed at Miyako. "The same Miyako who made us practise our Instagram poses for an hour before the Winter Festival?"

"The one who lectured me about my 'casual aesthetic crisis' when I wore unbranded sneakers that one time?" Haruka added incredulously.

Miyako winced. "Yes, that Miyako. I can care about aesthetics and also be good at raid strategy and character optimisation."

"But why hide it?" Aoi asked, looking genuinely hurt. "Did you think we'd judge you or something?"

Miyako and Airi exchanged another look.

"Yes," Airi said bluntly. "We absolutely thought that."

"Back in Paradise Heights, gaming wasn't exactly compatible with being at the top of the social hierarchy," Miyako explained. "We worked hard to maintain our image. It was... exhausting, actually."

"But since we've been here," Airi continued, "dealing with life-or-death situations and monsters and just trying to survive..."

"It started to seem pretty stupid to keep pretending," Miyako finished. "My gaming knowledge has kept us alive more than once. I'm not going to hide something useful just to maintain an image that doesn't matter anymore."

I watched the other gyaru girls process this revelation. Their expressions shifted from shock to hurt to something approaching understanding.

"So all those times you were 'helping your mom with business stuff'..." Haruka began.

"Raid night," Miyako confirmed.

"And when you mysteriously knew those nerds from 'a community service project'..." Rina added.

"We'd been gaming with them for years," Airi nodded toward Kazuki's group, who had the grace to look slightly guilty about being party to the deception.

A long silence followed. Then, unexpectedly, Rina began to laugh.

"You know what? This explains so much," she said between giggles. "Like how Miyako always seems to know the perfect strategy for everything, or why Airi could suddenly explain complicated magical theory when we got our abilities here."

"You're not... mad?" Miyako asked cautiously.

Aoi sighed dramatically. "I mean, I'm annoyed you didn't trust us enough to tell us. But honestly? After everything we've been through in this world, finding out our friends are secret gaming nerds is pretty low on the 'shocking revelations' scale."

"Well," Haruka said after a moment, her tone thoughtful rather than confessional, "that explains why you two always got weird whenever Andie was around. I thought it was just Miyako having a crush, but it was about gaming too, wasn't it?"

Miyako choked slightly on her drink. "What do you mean, 'weird'?"

"Oh, come on," Haruka rolled her eyes. "You'd suddenly get all formal and distant whenever he appeared, like you were afraid of saying something you shouldn't. And Airi would start talking extra loud about fashion trends as if trying to drown out any other possible conversation."

"I noticed that too," Rina added. "Remember when we ran into Andie and Kazuki at the mall that time? You practically dragged us into that cosmetics store even though we'd just been there."

Airi glanced at Miyako with a guilty smile. "They were discussing the new expansion pack for Champions of Eternity. I was afraid I'd accidentally respond to something they said."

"Our cover would have been completely blown if they'd spotted the game guide in my bag," Miyako admitted. "I'd bought it that morning and forgotten to hide it."

The conversation shifted into Miyako and Airi sharing other close calls from their double lives, with the rest of the gyaru clique gradually contributing their own observations of "suspicious behaviour" they'd never understood until now.

As I looked around at all these faces, some I'd known all my life, others I'd only met in this strange new world, I felt an overwhelming sense of... something. Not quite belonging, not quite pride, but a mixture of both with a healthy dose of wonder thrown in.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Miyako asked, nudging me gently with her shoulder.

I flinched visibly, my eyes darting around as if checking for ambushes. "Oh no. Last time someone asked me that, I ended up getting lectured by three girls about my responsibilities to the entire female population."

Miyako blinked in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

"Hina asked me that exact question by the campfire that night after I returned from my disappearance," I explained, my expression deadly serious. "Next thing I knew, Airi was yelling at me, telling me how I'd broken everyone by vanishing, and Hitomi was explaining how I needed to be more responsible because apparently everyone has a... well, you know." I trailed off awkwardly.

"A crush on you?" Miyako finished, her lips quirking into an amused smile. "That's not exactly a state secret, Andie."

"The point is," I continued, ignoring her comment, "nothing good comes after that question. It's like asking someone 'what could possibly go wrong?' right before a disaster."

She laughed, shaking her head. "You're being ridiculous. It's just a phrase."

"Says the person who didn't get ambushed with serious emotional conversations after hearing it," I muttered, though I couldn't help smiling a little at my own paranoia. "I'm just saying, watch what happens next. Someone's probably about to make me talk about something traumatic or confess something embarrassing."

"Fine, consider me warned," she replied, still smiling. "Now answer the allegedly cursed question before whatever catastrophe you're predicting strikes."

I relaxed slightly, meeting her eyes. "Just thinking about how far we've come. How much has changed since that day in the classroom."

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"For better or worse," she agreed, her eyes scanning the room. "Though I'd say mostly better, despite everything."

"We've established ourselves here. Created a foundation. That's no small achievement," Miyuki leaned forward from my other side.

"And found each other in new ways," Mochi added softly from beside her sister.

During a quiet moment at the celebration, I caught Noel watching our group with a thoughtful expression. Our eyes met briefly, and she offered a subtle nod that reminded me of our earlier conversation about her joining the expedition. She had claimed it was unlikely Ruri would find volunteers, but I suspected she'd planned to come along regardless.

Miyako noticed our exchange. "What's that about?" she asked quietly.

"Before the council meeting, Noel hinted she might join our expedition," I explained. "I didn't think she was serious until she announced it today."

"A chief diplomat leaving her post to follow a bunch of junior college students?" Miyako raised an eyebrow. "That seems... significant."

I nodded. "She claimed the horizontal leadership structure here makes it easy, but still..."

"She must have her reasons," Miyako said, watching Noel with newfound interest. "This could work in our favour, having someone with her connections on our side."

"Or complicate things," I pointed out. "More people means more opinions about where we go next, what we prioritise."

Miyako smiled slightly. "Worried about losing control of your harem quest?"

"That's not—" I started to protest, then caught her teasing expression. "Very funny."

"I'm just saying," she continued more seriously, "having Noel with us changes the dynamics. She's not just another student to protect; she's politically connected and clearly has her own agenda."

I glanced at Noel again. "The question is whether her agenda and ours align."

"Guess we'll find out," Miyako replied.

Before I could respond, Hitomi stood and clinked her glass with a spoon, calling for attention. "Everyone! I think we should have a toast!" As the room quieted, she raised her glass. "To survival, to unity, and to new beginnings in Crossroads!"

"To Crossroads!" everyone echoed, glasses raised high.

"And to Andie," Kazuki added, lifting his glass again. "For saving the jocks and stopping Shinji."

I felt my face heat as all eyes turned to me. "I just did what anyone would have—"

"If you say 'what anyone would have done,' I'm going to throw something at you," Airi interrupted with a grin. "Just take the credit for once."

Laughter spread around the table, easing my embarrassment. As the meal continued, conversations flowed freely, the natural groupings we'd established on Earth gradually breaking down as people moved about, sharing stories and forming new connections.

At one point, Ryota leaned across the table. "So, Andie, we've all been wondering, what was it like? Being... you know... dead?"

The room gradually quieted, everyone suddenly interested in my answer. I looked around at their curious faces and felt a strange knot form in my stomach. I'd been avoiding thinking about it too deeply, but now all eyes were on me.

"I wasn't exactly dead," I began, setting my cup down. "More like... suspended between worlds. I woke up in what seemed like my bedroom back on Earth."

"You went back to Earth?" Hitomi asked, leaning forward.

"No, not exactly." I shifted uncomfortably. "It was Earth, but... wrong. A version where I never existed."

The table fell completely silent now, everyone listening intently.

"It was called the Rubicon," I continued, feeling Miyako's hand find mine under the table. "A place between life and death."

"Wait," Kazuki interrupted, his brow furrowed. "A space between life and death? Like some kind of purgatory?"

"Sort of," I nodded. "But it wasn't punishment - it was more like... a preview of consequences."

"What kind of consequences?" Hitomi asked, leaning forward.

"In this version of reality, my parents had died without ever having a child. My bedroom was covered in dust, abandoned for years."

"That's... incredibly creepy," Sora said, his usual joking manner subdued.

I nodded. "It got worse. I went to my neighbour's house—you remember the Kimochi residence—" I glanced at Miyuki and Mochi, who were watching me with solemn expressions. "Naomi-san answered the door but had no idea who I was. She thought I was a stalker when I mentioned knowing her daughters."

Mochi's hand flew to her mouth. "That must have been awful for you."

"It was disorienting," I admitted. "Seeing someone you've known your whole life look at you like you're a stranger."

"Did anyone recognise you?" Ryota asked. "Anyone at all?"

I shook my head. "No one did. In this reality, I'd never been born. When I wandered around town, everything was familiar but slightly wrong. Buildings in different places, shops that had never existed in our world."

"Did you see any of us?" Asuka asked, leaning forward with genuine interest.

"Yeah, I did." I took a deep breath. "I found myself at our school, except it was Paradise Heights University, not Junior College. It seemed like a couple of years had passed."

"University?" Kazuki repeated. "So, we'd all graduated to higher education?"

"Apparently," I said. "I saw many of you there. Nana and Asuka were on the university track team."

The two girls exchanged surprised glances.

"Both of us on the same team?" Asuka asked, eyebrows raised. "That's hard to imagine."

"Yeah," Nana nodded, her usual captain's confidence momentarily replaced with curiosity. "I'm track captain and Asuka dominates swimming. We'd never compete in the same sport."

"In that world, you two were inseparable," I said. "Different choices, I guess."

"I tried talking to Sora and Yuto," I continued, "but they looked right through me. Had no idea who I was."

"That's..." Yuto trailed off, adjusting his glasses nervously.

"Existentially terrifying?" I offered with a weak smile. "Yeah, it was."

"Did we look cool at least?" Sora asked, trying to lighten the mood.

I appreciated the effort. "You were actually dressing better, Sora. And Yuto had upgraded his glasses to something more stylish."

"Fascinating," Amakata-sensei murmured from her end of the table. "A parallel reality where you never existed, causing subtle ripple effects throughout everyone's lives."

"The strangest part," I continued, "was seeing how everyone had adapted to a world without me. Different friendships, different relationships." I hesitated, then added, "For instance, Hitomi and Hina were...um, very close in that world."

Hitomi and Hina both looked up sharply. "What exactly do you mean by 'very close'?" Hitomi asked, her voice uncharacteristically high.

I felt my face heat up. "Like, romantically close. You two were definitely a couple. I saw you walking together at campus, whispering to each other. Hitomi, you had your hand on the small of Hina's back."

The table erupted in surprised exclamations as Hitomi and Hina exchanged stunned looks, both turning shades of pink.

"Me and Hitomi?" Hina said, genuinely astonished. "But we operate in completely different social circles! No offence, Hitomi."

Hitomi shook her head, equally surprised. "None taken. I'm just trying to imagine a universe where that would make sense."

"The Rubicon showed me the most disturbing possible reality," I said with a shrug.

"Anyone else get paired up in this nightmare universe?" Kazuki asked, still chuckling at Hitomi and Hina's discomfort.

I glanced at Miyako and Airi, who seemed to sense what was coming. "Actually, yeah. The worst part was when I went to a coffee shop near campus and saw Miyako and Airi."

The table quieted again, attention shifting to the two girls.

"They were together," I continued, my voice growing softer. "But they weren't even themselves. Miyako had her natural black hair in a simple ponytail, wearing this conservative cream sweater and plaid skirt. And Airi had a neat dark bob instead of her caramel waves, dressed in this modest blouse and cardigan."

"What?" Airi exclaimed, looking down at her fashionable outfit in horror. "Me in a cardigan?"

"That sounds like my grandmother's wardrobe," Miyako added, visibly disturbed.

"In that world, you two never became gyaru in junior high," I explained. "You were these proper, conservative versions of yourselves. When I approached your table, you were holding hands. You told me you'd been together since the end of junior high."

Miyako and Airi exchanged a look, then burst out laughing.

"Oh my god, can you imagine?" Airi said, dramatically reaching across the table toward Miyako. "Darling, pass the sugar, would you?"

Miyako immediately played along, putting on a prim voice. "Of course, sweetheart. Anything for you." She batted her eyelashes exaggeratedly.

"Get lost, stalker boy," Airi said to me in a mock-serious tone before dissolving into giggles. "We're trying to have a romantic date here."

"Sorry to interrupt your intense study session," I shot back, playing along with their joke.

"The worst part isn't that we were dating," Miyako said, returning to her normal voice. "It's that we were boring! Conservative clothes? No makeup? That's the real nightmare."

"Speak for yourself," Kazuki muttered. "I think that sounds like an improvement."

Airi threw a napkin at him as the table erupted in laughter.

"So, what happened next?" Miyuki asked, bringing the focus back to my story. "How did you escape this world?"

I took a deep breath. "After seeing these strange versions of everyone, I wandered around in a daze. Everything I'd been, everything I'd done—none of it mattered in this world. Seeing people I knew so well transformed into complete strangers, with no recognition in their eyes... it shattered something in me."

"So what did you do next?" Miyuki asked gently.

"I staggered to a konbini near the station," I continued. "Night had fallen completely by that point. I sat on the pavement outside, back against the wall, too exhausted physically and emotionally to move any further. The occasional customer stepped around me without comment; just another homeless person best ignored."

"That's heartbreaking," Mochi said softly.

I nodded. "I closed my eyes, letting despair wash over me completely. What was the point of fighting? I had no place in that world. No home, no family, no friends. Nothing. That's when they appeared."

"Who?" several voices asked at once.

"Seven, Eight, and Nine," I said. "Remember the divine beings who sent us here? I heard footsteps and looked up to see three pairs of women's shoes. And there were Hitomi, Hina, and Airi standing in a neat row, looking down at me with identical expressions of mild curiosity."

Hitomi raised an eyebrow. "Why us?"

"I have no idea," I admitted, then paused as realisation dawned. "Actually, wait... they must have been watching us. The night I came back after being missing for two days, you three—" I gestured to Hitomi, Hina, and Airi, "—found me sitting alone by the fire. Hina asked me 'penny for your thoughts?' right before Airi tore me a new asshole about my responsibilities."

Airi snorted, not looking particularly apologetic, while several people around the table failed to hide their smiles.

"The divine aspects recreated that exact scene in the Rubicon," I continued. "Fake-Hina asked me the same question with the same head tilt, everything. It was their idea of a cosmic joke, I guess."

I noticed Miyako suddenly straighten beside me, her eyes widening as she made the connection to our earlier conversation.

"So that's why you jumped like you'd been electrocuted when I asked you the same thing earlier," she whispered, just loud enough for me to hear. "You weren't being paranoid; you were having actual trauma flashbacks to divine entities."

"Told you it was cursed," I whispered back, before turning back to the group. "They said this would be everyone's reality if I gave up and died."

"What do you mean, 'everyone's reality'?" Amakata-sensei asked sharply.

"If I died in Voluptaria, when you all eventually returned to Earth, you'd return to this version, one where I never existed." I felt a chill as I said it. "All your memories of me would vanish. Our friendships, our adventures here, everything we've experienced together, it would all be gone."

A somber silence fell over the room as everyone processed this.

"That's... horrible," Miyuki said quietly. "To think we might have returned home and never remembered you."

"Wait," Hitomi said, her expression suddenly serious. "If that's what happens when someone dies here—they're erased from our memories when we return—does that mean we'll forget everyone who's already died? Kenji? The others?"

The room fell silent as the implications sank in.

"I don't know," I admitted quietly. "The divine aspects weren't clear about that. Maybe it's different for those who've already passed."

"We can't let that happen," Miyuki said firmly. "Whatever it takes, we have to remember them all. They deserve that much."

Murmurs of agreement rippled through the group, a new determination settling over us.

"So how did you get back?" Mochi asked, her gentle voice breaking through the silence.

"The divine aspects told me I had a choice, to cross the Rubicon into oblivion or find my way back to all of you," I explained. "When I realised what was at stake, not just my life but all our shared memories, I knew I had to return."

I deliberately left out some of the more confusing metaphysical aspects of my conversation with Seven, Eight, and Nine. Some things were too difficult to explain, and others felt too personal to share.

"Then I felt this pull, like someone was reaching for me across the void," I continued, glancing at Rurielle, who sat silently observing. "That's when Rurielle performed the shadow-sharing ritual to bring me back."

Rurielle inclined her head slightly, acknowledging her role but saying nothing.

"To Rurielle!" Kazuki suddenly called out, raising his glass. "Without whom our friend wouldn't be here tonight."

The table erupted in cheers and raised glasses, causing Rurielle's bioluminescent patterns to pulse with a subtle blue glow that I'd come to recognise as her version of a blush.

"Thank you," Miyako said directly to Rurielle, her voice carrying genuine emotion. "For bringing him back to us."

"We owe you one," Sora added with an enthusiastic nod.

Rurielle seemed momentarily taken aback by the sudden attention, her normally composed demeanour briefly unsettled before she regained her poise. "I merely performed what was necessary," she said softly. "The will to return was entirely his."

"Still deserves our thanks," Hitomi insisted, and several others nodded in agreement.

"So basically," Airi said, breaking the tension after the moment of appreciation had passed, "you were willing to claw your way back from death just so we wouldn't forget you? That's either incredibly sweet or incredibly arrogant."

Laughter rippled around the table, easing the heavy atmosphere.

"A bit of both, probably," I admitted with a smile.

"Speaking of alternate realities…" Airi said, her tone deliberately shifting to something lighter, a mischievous glint in her eyes…