System Lost: My Own Best Friend

75. It's Her Body Too



As tempting as it may be to simply ignore these new options and pick Human, it does bear some consideration. Besides, it would be a huge betrayal to make a unilateral decision like that.

"There's more than one option," I admit. "Demi-human and Demi-fa'aun."

"Really?!" Talla exclaims. "That's incredibly rare!"

"What the heck is a demi-fa'aun?!" Allie asks.

Rather than waste time repeating myself, I just directly share the engine descriptions with them.

"Light on details as usual," Talla sighs. "But that could potentially help you blend in when we return."

"More likely it will make you appear as a mockery of both our species," Evelyn chimes in. "By all means, choose to transform yourself so that you hate your own body as much as I do."

"Shouldn't you want us to do that?" Maggie points out. "Since it would bring our body closer to your own ideal form?"

"Ah—!" she exclaims, before going conspicuously silent.

"Idiot," Maggie scoffs. "I say we do it. And pick the more fa'aun option, too. Being the only human around makes us stand out too much."

"No." Allison's voice is firm and unyielding, without a trace of her usual cheer. "I'm not doing it. I'm not a fa'aun, or a demi-fa'aun, or a demi-human. I'm human."

"And E'ava's a fa'aun," Maggie argues. "So what?"

"I've made a lot of sacrifices for the sake of our survival," Allie says quietly. "I did what you two told me to, I took the classes we needed, I dealt with gross food, and I even let you cut my hair."

"It'll grow back—"

"Will my skin?!" Allie fires back. "If we grow horns, can I file them off? If my feet turn into hooves, will I ever walk straight again? Will I have to shave every last inch of my body just to feel like myself again?! No! I can't do this!"

"Too bad it's not a dictatorship, Allie," Maggie sneers. "I'm sure I've got E'ava's vote, and Violet is a pragmatist."

"Don't speak for me," I interject, frowning. "Allison is right. We can't ask this of her—it isn't fair."

"And what about E'ava?"

"What about her?" I ask.

"I'd like to know that as well," Evelyn adds. "Why do you keep bringing up my name?"

Maggie huffs irritably. "Clueless as ever. You say it's not fair to ask Allison to make a sacrifice this big, but you're perfectly fine with making E'ava'al'n do it? It's her body too!"

"No it isn't?" Eva argues, sounding more confused than defiant. "What are you talking about? I'm not one of you."

"Yes you are," Maggie insists. "And let me be clear, I'm not saying this because I like you. You're stupid, prejudiced, and you tried to kill me, but whether you like it or not—whether we like it or not—you're one of us now."

"This coming from the person who called me dead weight and argued for my removal," I deadpan.

"That wasn't serious! I was joking! Mostly!" she protests unconvincingly. "Talla, back me up, here! You know it's the right call!"

I glance up at Talla, who's already edged her way towards the tent's entrance. She holds up her hands defensively and shakes her head. "Oh no! No way! I know family drama when I see it, and I am staying out! You work this one out between yourselves!"

With that, she ducks out of the tent and wisely flees the situation. I almost wish I could follow her.

"Maggie," Allison says coldly. "However strongly you felt about [Firecaster] or [Incandescent Souls], I feel ten times as strongly about this. If you force me to do this, I will never stop hating you. The fact that you're even trying is already going to take me a long time to forgive."

"I don't want it either," Evelyn adds. "I don't know what kind of sick game you're trying to play, chaos witch, but I neither need nor want your advocacy. I will fulfill whatever purpose the Goddess has for me, but I am not nor will I ever be one of you."

"Even from a pragmatic point of view, Eva's got a point about hybrid transformations," I say. "At best a partial transformation will make us more endearing to fa'aun sensibilities, but in the worst case it will give us an uncanny appearance that's more unsettling than being entirely alien.

"Besides," I sigh. "Even if it was the best course of action, I'm not so heartless that I'd set aside Allison's feelings for this."

"Fine!" Maggie groans. "I know when I'm outvoted. But I'm not backing down about E'ava being one of us. If not this, then we should find other ways to make her more comfortable in our body. Maybe we can learn a class that will help."

"Why do you care so much about this?" Evelyn asks. "You should hate me after how I wronged you."

"Holy shit, she even admits it," Maggie says incredulously. "I really don't get you, either, but I don't hate you. We've all been through some shit, and we've all had our fuckups. I can't imagine what it must have been like for you, but you don't have to be a ghost trapped in someone else's body anymore. You're you, and you're real, and for better or worse, you're us."

Allie and I stay silent while Eva contemplates this. I'm not sure how I feel about it either. Evelyn has made it pretty clear that her interests don't align with ours. If I could find a way to remove her from our mind entirely, I don't think I'd turn it down, even if it killed her.

At the same time, Maggie's uncharacteristic sincerity forces me to reflect on my own prejudice. Is it fair for me to think of Eva as an outsider like that? I doubt I'll change my mind overnight, but it's something to think about.

"Spare me the hollow promises, chaos witch," Evelyn mutters. "I know that I am dead, and there is no changing that. Once I fulfill my purpose, I will go happily into the Goddess' embrace."

"Sure, whatever," Maggie replies dismissively. "But nobody said you have to be miserable the whole time, did they?"

Evelyn doesn't have a response to that, and when it becomes clear that she's not going to say anything more, I clear my throat awkwardly.

"In that case, shall I just choose human for now?"

"Please," Allie replies tersely.

Without any further objections, I brace myself and confirm the choice.

As Talla said, there's no mind-numbing pain or sudden sensation of crawling skin. Instead, I feel a gentle warmth flow through me, like the feeling we get after leveling up, and the words in my mind shift to reflect the changes.

[Violet: Tier 2 Human]

[Class Slot 1: Tier 2 Incandescent Souls]*** - Level 0/10

[Class Slot 2: Tier 1 Savior]** - Level 6/10

[Attributes]

Power: 36

Resilience: 58

Awareness: 36

Ego: 58

Will: 6

[Skills]

Inner Flames

Pyrothaumaturgy

Burning Innervation

Explosive Throw

Protect the Innocent

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Revitalization

"So our base attributes are six now?" I observe.

"It will be twelve after that," Evelyn says. "Then twenty. Then...I don't remember. They taught us the pattern, but I just memorized the number at each tier."

"It's...the number of the tier multiplied by one number higher?" I ask, double-checking the math in my head.

"How did you know that?!" she asks, surprised.

"Uh...math?" I respond. "I think I'm wrong anyway, it doesn't follow for tier zero."

"Unless it's got a minimum of one," Maggie interjects. "You're overthinking it."

"Maybe," I admit with a shrug.

"But you just...know that?" Evelyn presses. "You didn't even make any calculations."

"Sure I did. I just did them in my head," I explain. "It's not a super complicated pattern."

"Oh..." she trails off.

"Evelyn, were you ever taught algebra in school?" Allison asks.

"That's not my name!" Eva insists.

I sigh and shake my head. "I'm not trying to be mean this time, E'ava. Names in your language are very hard for us to pronounce. Evelyn is the closest match, and I think it's a pretty name. Would you prefer Ava?"

"Fine, just call me whatever you want, I don't care," she grumbles. "The church gave us lessons."

"Okay," I reply patiently. "What sort of lessons? And who do you mean by 'us'?"

"The other sisters and I," she clarifies. "Clanless orphans taken in by the church. We took lessons about the Goddess, her divine mechanism, reading and writing, and numbers."

That sounds like a pretty normal education, but I don't know this world's standards.

"In the lessons about numbers, did they ever teach you about patterns or formulas?" I suggest. "Maybe symbols that represent unknown numbers?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Patterns, sometimes. Only when they apply to the [World Engine]. I found those lessons difficult..."

She sounds guilty about it. Ashamed of herself for struggling to understand something she considers so fundamental.

"It's okay," I assure her. "Lots of people struggle with math, and it sounds to me like they were trying to teach you some complex ideas without the right foundation to base them on."

"What would you know?!" Evelyn demands. "I do not question the wisdom of the church. My failings are my own, and I don't need you to coddle me!"

"Maybe we should save this conversation for another time," Violet suggests. "We'll be moving on soon and we should make sure we're fully prepared."

I guess that's true, but I'm starting to get really worried about Evie. We had a bad first impression, but the more she says about her past the more concerning it sounds. I'm really hoping we can find a way past our differences. Maggie's right, she's here with us now, and it's not fair to ignore her.

"What sort of preparations?" I ask.

"Maggie needs to choose a new class," Vi explains. "And if we don't expect to need your [Pathfinder] skills in the immediate future, it might be worthwhile for you to choose one as well."

"Alright, I guess I can take a look," I agree.

It's been quite a while since I looked at which new classes are available. With a bit of concentration, the words in my mind shift into a very long list.

[Available Classes]

Adept

Adherent

Apprentice Ranger

Ascetic

...

"Gah!" I groan. "So many! I wish there was some way to sort them or something."

"You can," Evelyn says. "Just think about what kind of class you want or don't want and it should make the list smaller."

"Oh! Thank you!"

Let me see...how about new classes first?

[Available Classes]

Adept

Adherent

Apprentice Ranger

Climber

Instigator

Linguist

Runner

Tamer

Hmm, I'm not that interested in Runner or Climber—although climbing might be handy for the immediate mountain we're on. But we're supposed to be leaving. I guess I'll start at the top.

[Tier 0 Adept]*

One who has learned to observe the metaphysical with only their own senses.

Skill - Magical Awareness: Increased Awareness when trying to perceive the metaphysical.

Attribute bonus: Awareness.

Advancement: Peer beyond the veil of reality.

Oooh, that looks like a Maggie class. Although...we've sort of already done all that, haven't we? And how come we didn't get offered that before? There was that acolyte class about rejecting magic, but this definitely wasn't an option before.

Is that class still an option? I try focusing on it, but nothing happens.

"We lost that anti-chaos class, but we have [Adept] instead," I note for the others.

"Kinda useless on its own," Maggie observes. "But might be good for fusion, since it's obviously a magic domain."

"Right..."

Now what the heck is an [Adherent]?

[Tier 0 Adherent]*

One who follows faithfully and without question.

Skill - Stubborn Insistence: Increased Will when trying to resist corruption.

Attribute bonus: Will.

Advancement: Keep the faith.

Oh, yikes. I guess that's from Evie. I hope she doesn't want to take it. Although I am kind of curious about what counts as "corruption."

I'm just gonna pretend I didn't see it.

[Tier 0 Apprentice Ranger]*

You've begun to study the ways of the rangers under the tutelage of a competent leader.

Skill - Guided Practice: Dramatically increased Power and Resilience when guided by a higher ranking ranger.

Attribute bonus: Resilience.

Advancement: Complete your apprenticeship.

Oh, that's kind of neat, although I'm not sure that I can officially join their organization, and I am sure that I don't want to. I've already seen how dangerous their work is.

[Tier 0 Climber]*

There are many ways to ascend. In your case, it's quite literal.

Skill - Strong Grip: Dramatically increased Power when keeping your grip.

Attribute bonus: Power.

Advancement: Climb.

Where the frick were you like a week ago?! It's no use to us now, but it would have saved Vi so much trauma.

[Tier 0 Instigator]*

Someone has to cast the first stone, break the first window, or throw furniture into an angry throng. That someone is you.

Skill - Provocation: Dramatically increased Ego when inciting anger in others.

Attribute bonus: Ego.

Advancement: Cause trouble.

Oh, hi Maggie. "Look Mags, [Instigator]."

"Ha fucking ha, Allie," she replies sardonically. "I don't need Engie's help to do that."

She sure doesn't. I sigh and move on.

[Tier 0 Linguist]*

A student of languages, studying the essence of communication itself.

Skill - Translation: Instantly recall the meaning of words you've previously translated.

Attribute bonus: Awareness.

Advancement: Study languages.

I've got an odd feeling about this one. It's obviously useful, but that's not why it catches my interest. It feels...right? Familiar somehow. It's missing something, but it feels very...me. I close my eyes and try to focus on that feeling. Studies...language...people...school...as always, my memories keep running into obstacles. The fact that my mind is trying to make connections at all feels important, though. I think my studies had something to do with language, but that was only part of it?

I'll have to unpack that later. Two new classes left.

[Tier 0 Runner]*

Whether you're trying to get away or catch up, you practice the oldest technique of those in a hurry.

Skill - Marathon: Dramatically increased Resilience when running.

Attribute bonus: Power.

Advancement: Run.

Well that one's about as basic as it gets. As I thought, there's not much to catch my interest. Last one.

[Tier 0 Tamer]*

A friend of the wilds. You have learned to coerce non-sapient animals into cooperation.

Skill - Empathic Nature: Dramatically increased Awareness and Ego when judging the emotions of non-sapient animals.

Attribute bonus: Ego.

Advancement: Train animals.

Oh! That might help us with Nipper! Talla said we should take something like that, didn't she? I don't see anything that would help us with his evolution, but maybe when it upgrades.

There's a lot to consider, and Maggie and I both need to choose. Oh! I wonder if I can sort out classes that might help us get along better—especially with Evie.

[Available Classes]

Adherent

Ascetic

Hedonist

Orator

Social Butterfly

Student

Teacher

Woah! That's way more than I thought. I can rule the first three out right away, as they're all a bit extreme, but the others are all tempting in their own ways.

"Hmm, what do you guys think?" I ask. "There are so many options that it's hard to make a choice."

"It's not a hard commitment," Violet reminds me. "You can always change it later if you need to."

"We should think about how they combine," Maggie says. "It might be worth asking Talla about the domains of these classes and see if she has any recommendations."

"Right, that's a good idea," I agree. "Let's—"

"Pardon my interruption," Evelyn interjects. "But if it's not too much to ask, may I also choose a class? It hurts that I can't access my old one, but it seems I have no choice but to start over."

Right! She needs a class too! I almost forgot.

"Of course you can," I agree readily.

"I'd appreciate it if you coordinated with the rest of us, though," Violet adds. "We all stand to benefit from working together."

"I suppose I should accept the fact that I am a guest in this body and start behaving like one," Evelyn sighs. "I'll cooperate, within reason."

"Why the sudden change of heart?" Maggie asks. "You were just shouting about not being one of us like ten minutes ago."

"I'm not one of you," she insists. "But I now see that at least some of you are not necessarily the monsters I thought you were. I'm willing to give Allison and Violet a chance."

"Nice. I can see that sticking my neck out for you isn't worth shit," Maggie gripes. "I guess I'll just go fuck myself next time."

"Please do."

I bury my face in my palms and groan. Gosh I hope one of those new classes helps us get along better—we desperately need it.


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