Synth

“How was everything with C12?”

TO jumped as DH approached them from behind. They had been deep in thought while waiting outside the cafeteria, and DH sneaking up on them had startled them quite badly since they had been thinking about DH. Despite themself, they felt their ears flick down and burn blue.

‘Do I really want to be their mate?’ TO asked themself as they looked over DH, their eyes lingering on their hands and their long, thin fingers, their curved ears, their softer features…

“Are you alright?” DH asked, their brows furrowing as their ears flicked back.

“Yes.” TO said as their ears twitched, “Yes. Yes, I’m fine.” They shook their head, “Everything went fine with C12.”

“Right.” DH muttered as they watched TO’s ears, “Can you tell me what it was all about?”

“I wish I could.” TO said truthfully, “But I can’t.”

“Not now or-“

“...not for a while, I think. If ever.”

“It was nothing bad though? You’re not in trouble or anything?”

“No no, I’m alright. I just promised not to talk about it.” They whispered the last bit as quietly as they could as they gestured to the chip.

“Everything is alright though?”

TO smiled, but didn’t quite make eye contact, “Everything is alright.” they said. Yes, they wanted to be DH’s mate. A troublesome thought, but one they could control now that they knew that it wasn’t just their head obsessing over things.

They had romantic feelings for DH. Knowing that for a fact would make it easier to handle, they hoped. They would never gamble DH’s friendship for the slim chance at something more. Not now in the training center, and even not after they left like C12 had said. Sure, C12 thought that DH wasn’t disgusted by romance between synths, but they didn’t know DH like TO did.

Of course, C12 was older and smarter, and even in this kind of situation they had more experience. And sometimes distance did make things easier to see, like the odd time they would actually struggle with a puzzle, and DH would be the one to see the solution with a glance.

No. It was too much to risk. The image of DH pushing them away in disgust nearly broke TO on a purely theoretical level. They couldn’t lose DH, no matter what. They had had plenty of time to consider this in the vocational training – this period they were in textile manufacturing, and had spent the whole time cutting out pieces of fabric to be turned into uniforms. It was a mindless job that allowed them plenty of time to think.

“... I was worried that you might be in trouble.” DH said softly, “You know, since we fell asleep while we were doing our cultural research.”

“That didn’t even come up.” TO said, “I’m sure that it’s been noted, but it doesn’t seem to have been a problem… not yet anyway.” TO was still checking their chip, looking for a summons from their Overseers. Nothing had come yet. waiting and worrying was worse than actually being summoned to their Overseer. “I suppose-“ They said clearly for the sake of the listening chip in their hand, “That next time we decide to go somewhere quiet to do research, we need to keep a closer eye on the time.”

“Yes, you’re right.” DH said. They glanced away, rubbing their arms as their ears flicked down and took on a light blue tinge, “Did you… you’re ok though? You’re not angry or upset?”

“No?” TO’s ears flicked out in confusion, “Why would I be?”

Before DH could answer, GiDi came up behind them, waving. DH shook their head, “It’s nothing. Just though you might be upset about falling asleep in the observation deck.”

“Yes! How did you manage that.” GiDi asked as they heard the last of what DH was saying. “I panicked when I didn’t see you in either of your pods this morning, but then I went back to the observation deck on a whim, and you guys were just snoozing away, all-“

TO saw some other synths heading towards them and shushed GiDi. When the others had passed, it was DH who spoke next.

“I suppose our meal made us a little tired, and we fell asleep.” they gestured to the chip in their hand and gave GiDi an unexpectedly sharp look, “That’s all.”

“Fine fine.” GiDi said as they headed to the cafeteria, “let’s get some food and head back to the observation deck then. We need to clean up from yesterday.”

TO was shocked at how sharp DH had become in response to GiDi, how serious they were at the end… How could C12 possibly think that DH would be ok with the things that TO was thinking about.

It didn’t matter.

TO told themself that it didn’t matter as they followed GiDi into the cafeteria. DH was their friend. They could be close to DH. They could tell DH almost anything. How would it really be different if they were mates? The odd touch to the ears perhaps, or soft kisses when they were in private.

To shook their head as they tried to ignore the swelling in their chest and the burn to their ears. They’d ve fine. As they recalled the story that C12 had told them, they realized something else; C12 had found their mate, even if it wasn’t the synth they liked at first. Eventually, they did find Snout. They had been separated for some reason, but they found one another afterwards. The other synth – the one C12 had originally confessed to– well, as far as TO knew they never spoke again.

TO could deal with not being DH’s mate. They didn’t think they could handle not having them in their life though.

And maybe one day they’d have romantic feelings for someone else.

======

“Will it look weird if we’re just throwing this stuff into the garbage chute?” GiDi asked as they picked up bits of plastic and fruit pits from off the floor, “Won’t anyone see it?”

“The garbage chutes are linked directly to an incinerator. Nobody sees what’s down there, and you can’t get it back. So no.” TO gingerly pick up the remains of the half-eaten spicy fruit and tucked it into one of the opened plastic packages, “We don’t have to worry about that.” Despite how messy the room looked when they entered it only took a few minutes for them to finish cleaning up. Soon they were back on the couch and picking at their normal food - which tasted so much blander in comparison– while they listened to music on the speakers. With the music playing, TO felt safe enough to tell GiDi what happened with the depressant fruits that they had eaten.

“How was Avery anyway ?” TO asked as soon as they finished filling GiDi in.. DH was sitting close to them, leaning against them. At first TO wondered if they should move away, but decided against it. If DH was going to lean against them and allow that physical closeness still then TO decided that they could at least enjoy it. They’d enjoy every moment of closeness they had.

“They were confused.” GiDi said, “I had to explain to them that you’re both idiots, and what you were apparently trying to do.”

“You didn’t!” TO said, their ears pinning back, “Were they angry? Insulted? Where they-“

“They were hurt before I explained things.” GiDi said, “Confused. They don’t want to be around people all the time, but they were happy enough to be included. They thought you two had gotten sick of them and left.”

“That’s not true at all!” TO protested.

“I know that. And now they do too. They think it’s funny now.” They gave TO and DH a hard look, “I don’t have any romantic interest in Avery.” GiDi said firmly.

“...Sorry.” TO mumbled with burning ears,“I.. I was positive-“

“Yes. I know. You’re always positive.” they sighed, “Honestly, I know you mean well, but you come to a conclusion about something and cling to it. Just like how you thought C12 was angry at you.”

“I know.” They mumbled.

“So I’m going to be entirely transparent. I don’t have any romantic feelings for any synth.” They gave DH and TO a hard look, “Understood?”

“Understood.” TO said, though now suddenly worried that it was GiDi that they might have disgusted, “I’m sorry.”

“I know you meant well.” GiDi said, “And everything worked out fine afterwards. Avery has an open invitation to join us, or come here whenever they want. “

“... they weren’t disgusted by-“

“They found it amusing.” GiDi said. “But what’s not amusing is the two you of you sleeping here and not in your pods!” GiDi’s ears flicked back, “C12 only just told us that that kind of stuff is recorded! What if your overseers noticed? What will you tell them?”

“The truth… mostly. “ TO said. They had been thinking about this for the entire day, expecting their overseer to call them to their office, “DH and I were doing cultural research in an abandoned old observation deck because it’s quieter and we don’t have to worry about disturbing other synths, and we just fell asleep.”

GiDi considered this, their ears twitching as they thought, “And…” To TO’s surprise, a light flush covered their ears, “And… that’s it? Nothing else happened?”

DH pulled away from TO slightly, “Nothing happened.” they said firmly.

TO didn’t want to look at DH. They didn’t want to see the disgust in the way their ears must have been pinned back. “Why would anything have happened?” TO said after a moment. They had a sudden horrible fear that GiDi might have picked up on how they might have felt.

Still… GiDi wouldn’t tell DH.

“Unsure, but I’m just thinking what an Overseer might ask.” they said as they took a bite of their food, “I think that if you were questioned, that would be fine. I hope, anyway. If it was a big enough problem I imagine that you’d have been called to see someone already.”

“Maybe.” TO said quietly. “I was thinking of just going and telling them-”

“You can’t do that!” GiDi protested.

“I know.” TO said as they took a joyless bite of their normal food, “We assume they know we use this room because we know they observe us. If we’re wrong about that, then I’ll potentially get us in trouble. Also, we don't know how secret the whole being under observation thing is.

“And we wouldn’t want to get C12 in trouble.” DH added.

“I know. I’ve thought of all that. That’s why I didn’t go to the Overseers.” TO sighed, “I’ll just have to wait and see if they decide to talk to me.”

“Well…” DH said quietly, “There’s no rules specifically that say you should be in your pod by a certain time. And I’ve been out of my pod a lot. So has GiDi, and nobody has said anything! Maybe it’s not a big deal?”

“Maybe…” TO muttered, “I... I’ve just been worried about it. That’s all. Since we were told that they track that-”

“Is that why you’ve been keeping away from me?” DH suddenly demanded. TO looked at them, their ears flicking down as though they just got caught doing something embarrassing, “It is!” DH said, their ears sinking down in sorrow.

“No, I just-”

“Before we spoke to C12, we shared a pod lots! After that, you’ve been keeping away.” they frowned, “Were you worried about what C12 said?”

TO’s ears pinned back in fear. If DH were to really question them, then there could be issues, “Well… I thought it would be best-”

“The best thing for us to do is act like nothing happened!” GiDi said, “If we start acting odd just after a meeting with C12, then that’s going to make things look suspicious. We’ll look suspicious, and so will C12.” they looked to TO, “Relax. If the overseers haven’t spoken to use about sharing a pod before, I doubt they’ll have issues with you two falling asleep elsewhere once. Just be more careful.

It made sense. They had been sharing a pod for a while, and nobody had said a word to them. Maybe it wasn’t a big problem.

Still...would it be ok to share a pod with DH now?

DH leaned against TO once more and continued eating. “Well… at least that's all it was. I thought you were upset with me or something.”

“Not at all!” TO protested as they wrapped an arm around DH, “I promise I’m not upset with you; not in the least!” TO was relieved that DH hadn’t pried more. Maybe they didn’t have an idea as to how TO was actually feeling.

Surprising. How could they not know? How could they not catch the way their ears would randomly pin down and flush when they were around them? TO felt like they were being entirely too obvious. How did DH not know!?

Well, no matter. It was best that they didn’t know. It also told TO something important; if DH was interested in that kind of thing in the least, then TO was certain that DH would have picked up on how they had been acting.

======

TO wasn’t surprised when they heard the knock at the barrier to their pod well after most everyone else had gone to sleep. They weren’t surprised to see DH hanging off the ladder when they opened it up, and weren’t surprised when DH slipped into TO’s pod, closing the barrier behind them.

They weren’t even surprised by how happy they were to see DH.

“Come on.” they said, “Take off the strap for your wings.”

“What?” TO said as they sat up, letting the blanket fall around their waist,

“I’ll rub your back again. It’ll help you sleep. You don't have painkillers to help you sleep tonight, do you?”

“...I don’t.”

“Take off the strap and turn around. It’ll help.”

TO was grateful that it was so dim in the pod; They remembered DH’s hands on their back the other night, and recalling it now in the comfort of their pod made their ears flush.

Oddly, it also made their chest feel strange, like there was something soft swelling inside.

Like there was something soft inside my chest when I thought about them. After I stopped panicking about it, that is.

C12’s words came back to them as they pulled the strap off and turned their back on DH. They felt DH’s newly practiced hands working at the muscles under their skin around their wings. They felt their back relax and their wings twitch as DH worked.

“That feels better?” they asked,

“Yeah.” TO said, their voice soft and quiet.

“...You know, MO-6 said I have potential to be a medic. They suggested I do some more first aid self-study if I want to do that.”

“S’funny.” TO said, “SR45 said I’d be useful in shipping and receiving. I don’t want to go there though.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“Hmm?” TO was starting to drift off, their muscles relaxed, their chest feeling full and soft.

“After we’re done our placement, we’ll get real assignments. Do you know where you want to go yet?”

“Hmmmm.. I don’t want to go anywhere.” TO murmured as they leaned back against DH, falling asleep on them as their worries slipped away.

It would be fine. No matter what happened, they would be fine. Maybe… maybe even if DH were to find out somehow, they’d be fine. It might make DH uncomfortable, and they might try to keep their distance more afterwards but at the very worst TO knew that DH could never hate them. They might be disgusted, and TO still worried that DH would push them away if they admitted how they felt, but they’d always be friends in one form or another.