Synth

Once more, TO didn’t feel hungry. They picked at the little cube of food from their seemingly endless supply of bland rations, breaking it apart into pieces and chewing on what they felt they could stomach.

“Flit and Snout said they’re going to talk to GiDi.” DH said as they watched TO struggle with their food. DH had finished eating earlier, and was now just sitting next to TO in their little nest of pillows and blankets, watching their mate eat.

“I don’t know what good that’ll do.” TO muttered. “If GiDi wants to just keep being angry with me, that’s what they’re going to do. Clearly they have no interest in talking to me or listening to me, and I already apologized! I can’t do anything else if they refuse to talk to me.” They sighed and popped a tiny fragment of their food into their mouth, chewing it far more slowly than needed before swallowing it. They were used to their stomach being somewhat upset when something happened, but this was different. Today, it felt less like their stomach was heavy and more like it was oddly hot. The food didn’t taste right either–impressive, given this food didn’t really have a taste–and even the tiny fragments they ate scratched at their throat when they swallowed. “I think there’s something wrong with my food.” They muttered.

“Mine was fine.” DH said.

“Maybe there’s something wrong just with mine.”

“They came from the same batch, packaged on the same day-“

“I know.” TO said, “But something could have happened. There could have been some error in packaging it. Maybe it wasn’t properly airtight.”

After a moment of consideration, DH reached over and pulled a piece off of TO’s nutrition cube, popping it in their mouth and chewing thoughtfully. “It tastes the same to me,” DH said when they were done.

“I guess I just don’t have an appetite.” Regardless of how they felt, TO still pulled off another tiny piece to eat.

“Here.” DH said as they passed TO one of the canned, sugary drinks, “If you can’t eat all of that, at least drink one of these.”

Grateful, TO took the can and immediately took several long gulps. Somehow, the cool drink was soothing to them, seeming to calm their angry throat. “Thank you.”

“You ate a full cube for breakfast, and another for lunch. I think you can get away one night with a quarter of the cube and a can of Surp.”

“Surp?”

“Apparently, that’s what this is called.” DH pointed to a decorative splash of colors on the side. “This is actually lettering, but because it’s so stylized, I didn’t realize it was supposed to be words until the other day.”

TO turned the can around and let their eyes linger on the seemingly chaotic design on the side. After a moment, they could recognize some of it as Galactic Common, but DH was right; the stylization kept them from being able to read it. They drank half the can before they set it down and lay back against the wall, closing their eyes and giving a soft sigh. Somehow, this was comfortable; wall felt cool on their back of their head, and the effort of keeping themself upright seemed like just too much right now.

“TO?” DH reached out, their cool fingers wrapped gently around TO’s wrist, “You ok?”

“Not really.” TO said, “But you know that.” They sighed and let their head roll to the side so they could look at DH, “What if GiDi never wants to talk to me again? What if they’re always angry with me, or-“

“They won’t be,” DH said, their fingers exerting a cool, comfortable pressure on TO, “I don’t know why they’re being like this. I spoke to Pearla, and she thinks that GiDi has something else going on. She wouldn’t say what, but she said that GiDi just needs to figure things out for themself.”

TO sighed and let their head rest limply against the wall once more. “I hope they do.” They said, “And I hope they do before we reach Apoikia.”

“Why?”

“Because GiDi said they wanted to go back to Arkane.” TO said. “I was hoping to convince them to stay with us.” Their thoughts were oddly disjointed, but even so, they let memories wash over them; finding GiDi again, stopping Kei from shooting their small friend, and watching them take charge among the civilians back on Arkane. As Flit and Snout said, GiDi was the leader of the little group of insurgents, even if they didn’t realize it.

“…Maybe it would be better if they went back,” TO murmured after a stretch of silence.

“Why would you say that?”

The reason made sense to TO, the logic that floated in their brain, the vague feelings of duty and responsibility, the connections between people that at its core had nothing to do with friendship or love, but which were powerful regardless. This feeling, the sense that it was right for GiDi to go back to Arkane, was in their head like a gas, a haze which to could see and feel and smell, but which they couldn’t quite grasp. “Maybe I’m just tired.” They said. “It’s been a long day. I was up early, and…”

“And it was a hard day.” DH said softly, wrapping their arm around TO’s shoulders before stretching a wing over them as well. “And you’re still recovering from your injuries.” They reached out and touched TO’s leg just over the knee with a gentle caress that would have caused the heat to rise up in their core if they hadn’t been so tired. “How’s your leg? You were rubbing it earlier. Does it hurt?”

“No more than usual,” TO said, breathing out the words more than speaking them. “I just want to rest.”

“Alright.” DH said, shifting their hand from TO’s leg to their hand, grasping the fingers as their other hand scratched the base of TO’s scalp. “You sleep.”

TO felt DH pull them down, letting TO’s head rest on their lap. TO wanted to protest. They knew DH had work to do, but those protests never made it beyond vague conception in their fuzzy mind. DH’s hand on the back of their neck, cool and soothing, pulled them into a doze where it was hard to hold on to any thoughts for too long.

They draped an arm over DH’s leg and nuzzled into them as their body relaxed and their mind drifted into sleep.

======

Sometimes, TO’s dreams were so mundane they’d wake up confused as to where the last several hours of their day went. They didn’t necessarily mind the mundane dreams because most of the time, DH was there and after a few mundane touches, the dream would often change into something far more pleasant than running scans or doing simple, basic repairs on their ship.

This dream started out mundane, but didn’t shift to something nicer. Once moment TO was sitting next to DH in a desk chair that was somehow big enough for them both, and the next moment they were up, checking the climate control because they just felt so hot all of a sudden.

“Filters are fine. Ice supply is fine.”

“Are the wings working?” Dream-DH asked.

TO glanced up into the air ducts and found a tiny pair of disembodied synth wings, frantically flapping away. “Yes, wings are working.”

“Well, maybe the issue isn’t the climate control,” DH said.

TO, who had somehow ended up inside the air ducts, crawled towards the exit, “Well, what is it then?” They asked, feeling increasingly hotter and hotter. They climbed out, and looked up to see blue and purple, chemical fed flames rolling over the ceiling. TO cursed as they clambered out of the air duct, falling to the ground with a painless thud.

“The ships on fire.” DH said, going back to their computer, “I’ll run some scans to look for the source.”

“Right. I’ll turn on the shower.” TO said, because somehow in their dream turning on the shower seemed to be the perfect way to stop a massive electrical fire. They rushed to the washroom, but when they opened the door, a wave of insects rushed out at them; the same insects that came from the gem TO saved for DH, the gift they gave their mate when they confessed.

“Oh, I guess they didn’t all die.” DH said. “The fire is driving them out, so that’s good.”

TO’s throat began to itch. They scratched at their neck, drawing their claws and digging bloodless scratches into their skin, which did nothing to stop the sensation. The pain got worse and when they looked at the mirror in the washroom, they could see their throat expanding; ballooning up before them as they clawed.

The skin cracked open, and a wave of those insects gushed out, scurrying along TO’s body, falling to the floor to escape the fire that now seemed to be burning in their throat. The flames, much like the flames on the ship, were blue and purple.

*That makes sense* Dream TO though, *I’m a machine too.*

“Fuck, TO!” DH suddenly shouted in contrast to the level and quiet tone they had moments before. When TO looked over, DH was now standing up, their hands on TO’s shoulders, ears flicking with panic. “Can you wake up? Please wake up!”

TO meant to say that they were awake, but suddenly speaking felt harder. The realization hit them that the reason it was harder was because their throat was on fire and burst open, and where before they were speaking with their mind, now they were trying to speak with their body.

Then it clicked that they were dreaming.

Their eyes opened quickly as they were desperate to escape the burning in their throat and the awful heat over their body, but when they woke and found themself bundled among the pillows and blankets, their body still hot and their throat still on fire. DH hovered over them, eyes wide and ears down in worry as they looked over TO. A cool hand went to TO’s cheek.

TO wanted to ask what was happening, but all they managed was a rough, coarse croak of “wha?”

The only response DH had was, “Fuck.”