Synth

TO didn’t like feeling useless. It wasn’t a feeling that came up for them often and in the past they had been fast to find some way to be useful and productive, some way to make things better. Last time they felt truly and totally useless had been back in training, back when GiDi was taken away from them. Even though they were reunited now, the memory of GiDi rushing away down the hallway with Flit still made TO’s heart hurt. There had been nothing they could do back then, and the loss of their friend along with the way DH initially pushed TO away had thrown them into such a deep sorrow that nothing else could fit in their heart.

As TO looked down at Avery, they wondered if that all-consuming sorrow would be better than the awful churning storm of emotions they felt now. It had been four days since they left Arkane. In those four days, TO had been kept heavily medicated and sedated while they recovered from their wounds and the surgery. Most of their superficial wounds were now healing nicely, according to DH, and the burns had lost their heat. The painkillers they took now were mostly to dull the pain in their now useless knee. It didn’t feel that bad to TO, but DH insisted it was because they were ‘chasing the pain’ with heavy painkillers.

Still, the dosage was no longer enough to keep TO in a daze, and that was an improvement.

Even so, it had taken a lot to convince DH to bring TO down into the makeshift recovery room to see Avery. In the end, TO succeeded less by merit of their argument and more by the pure fact that if DH didn’t bring them to see Avery, they would have found a way to get down on their own. When it was time for DH to check on Avery, they put TO in the wheelchair and brought them down to the room they had originally prepared for Kei. While DH checked the data from the beeping machines and attached a fresh bag of liquid nutrients to Avery’s IV, TO simply sat and watched.

“And that’s done.” DH said as they finished their work and came around to TO, “Do you want to go back up now?”

“Not yet,” TO whispered as they looked over Avery. They lay in the bed, unconscious, and connected to a variety of different systems and tubes which would keep them alive and healthy until they woke up. The bandages which wrapped around their neck like a thick band made TO uneasy, made them think of the blood in the room back when they found Avery, and found that Kei had escaped.

Blood everywhere. Cracking bones. Their nails ripping through skin. The sticky feel of blood on their skin. The smell of antiseptic and latex gloves.

They somehow had this feeling that the bandage was the only thing keeping Avery together.

One of DH’s hands squeezed TO’s good shoulder, their other went to scratch at the back of TO’s neck. “We’re lucky.” DH whispered, “If we hadn’t prepared all this stuff for Kei, we might not be able to support Avery now.”

“If we hadn’t kept Kei around, we wouldn’t need to.” TO hissed. A part of them wanted to cling to that as the answer. If they had gotten rid of Kei, then Avery would still be ok. But, if they got rid of Kei, would Avery be ok? They seemed so upset at the prospect, and there was legitimate concern about Shatter sickness. Could a pack bond form, unreciprocated, between two synths?

It wasn’t fair. Of course, if Avery hadn’t been forced to live in a ship with Kei, then it wouldn’t even be a problem today. If Avery had been able to just stay with TO and DH...

It was all too complicated, and TO didn’t know what could have been done to prevent everything.

“They’re stable.” DH said, something they had repeated several times. “Goretta is confidant that they’ll wake up-“

“When?” TO asked, not taking their eyes off Avery.

“I don’t know.” DH said. “We’re not keeping them in a coma here. That’s just something their body did.”

“I’m surprised the others haven’t insisted we keep them like this,” TO said, their eyes flicking to the handcuffs that bound one of Avery’s wrists to the bed. “They insisted on that.” Their ears pinned back, “And they insisted on locking the door. What if Avery wakes up and they’re trapped in here?”

DH sighed, “I know.” they said, “I hate it too.”

TO took a slow breath, closing their eyes for a moment. “Avery didn’t let Kei go.” TO said, “They wouldn’t.”

“I know that,” DH said, “And you know that. But the others don’t.” They sighed again, “And… be honest, if it were anyone else…”

TO grunted. Yes, they knew that too. If it was anyone else, they’d not take chances either. In fact, if it was anyone else, TO was fairly certain they’d recommend an armed guard around the door at all times. Right now, all anyone knew was that Kei got free, and Avery had been in the medical room at the same time when Kei was free. “Everyone thinks that Avery must have freed them.” TO said, echoing what DH told them earlier, “But if that was the case, why would Kei have stabbed Avery in the throat instead of taking them?”

“They were vocal with their distaste for Avery after the procedure happened.” DH said. “So the going theory is that Avery went to free Kei, and then Kei turned around and attacked them.”

“Avery wouldn’t have done that.” TO said again. “They knew how dangerous Kei could be.” They paused, staring at their friend for several moments before they registered DH’s prolonged silence. Turning in their chair hurt their injured arm, but they had to look at DH, anyway. “Right?”

DH’s ears immediately dropped as they looked back at TO, but they didn’t respond.

“You can’t believe that Avery would do anything to hurt us!” TO said, “They wouldn’t hurt anyone, they-“

“I know they wouldn’t hurt anyone.” DH whispered, “And I know that they wouldn’t want anyone to hurt. So… yeah, I know they’d never do anything to hurt us. But if Kei said they were in pain, or if they begged Avery to let them free…. Do you think they might, then?”

“Avery is smarter than that.” TO said, though their ears dipped back.

“Is Avery more compassionate than they are smart, though?” DH asked. When TO didn’t answer, DH just went back to scratching the back of their neck.

“Either way.” TO said, “I know they didn’t want to hurt us. They don’t need to be cuffed to the bed or locked in here.”

“As soon as they wake up, I’ll know.” DH said, “I got Gyrini to link her systems to my communicator. Once they wake up, we can find out what happened.”

“...And how long will that be?” TO asked, “Why are they unconscious anyway?” they turned back to look at Avery, “They didn’t hurt their head, did they?”

“Well, they would have hit their head when they fell back, but Gyrini did a scan and didn’t see any damage.” DH said, “I worried about that too.”

“Then why are they still unconscious?”

“The way Gyrini explained it to me is basically that sometimes, when there’s been a traumatic injury, the brain forces a coma to make sure the body has time to recover properly.” They sighed again, their hand stilling on the back of TO’s neck, “It’s their body trying to keep them safe”

“And how long until they wake up?” TO asked.

“Gyrini wouldn’t give me a definite time.” DH said, “And when I pressed her for information, she more or less refused. It was only after I said I’d go and look up case studies myself that she gave me any kind of real answer, and even then-“

“What did she say?” TO didn’t like it if Gyrini was being cagey with information. It implied to TO that she didn’t want to tell them at all, and she would only want to keep them in the dark on this if it was bad news.

“She said the mathematical average is about two weeks... but she also said not to put any stock in that at all. They could wake up in the next thirty seconds, thirty days...” They paused, and TO could feel their hand shake, “Or... They might not wake up.”

That’s what TO had been afraid of. They looked over Avery, again cursing themself for not fighting harder to get rid of Kei earlier. Of course, it wasn’t that simple. Nothing was.

“Maybe the other Chilacians can help on Apoikia,” TO said as they reached out and put a hand over Avery’s. “I mean... I was hoping they could help with the Shatter sickness. Maybe they can help with this.”

“... I wondered about that.” DH said, “I wondered if maybe this is part of the Shatter sickness.” When TO looked up at them, they shrugged. “Maybe I’m just hoping that they can fix this, but if the mind can force you into a coma because of physical trauma, I imagine it could do the same for emotional trauma. I mean, if that was us? If I went to see you, and the moment you had the opportunity, you attacked me and tried to kill me? I don’t know if I could handle that knowledge.”

TO hadn’t even considered that. It wasn’t the same. DH was TO’s mate, and Kei never even considered Avery to be their friend... but that didn’t matter, did it? If the loss of a family member could cause Shatter sickness, then TO didn’t want to think of what that kind of violent betrayal could do.

“They’re stable though.” TO said, “And they’ll be ok?”

“So long as there’s not any complication,” DH whispered.

TO sat in silence, watching the slow rise and fall of Avery’s chest. They had spent days like this back with Kei, just keeping them company so that Kei wouldn’t wake up alone. “I’ll stay here with them.” TO said.

“You will not.” DH said, “There’s no room here for a bed for the both of you, and you need to be kept comfortable while your knee recovers.”

“But if they wake up and nobody’s here-“

“We’ll have notice of any brain activity, and I’ll get an alert.” DH said. “And I’m checking on them several times a day as well. I can bring you to visit them once a day, but you’re still healing yourself... and you will take care of yourself.” DH’s voice suddenly turned sharp. “Understood?”

TO’s ears twitched with slight amusement, their heart humming in their chest despite DH’s sudden, sharp tone. “Understood.” TO said, “Just... Can we stay here for a minute longer?”

“Of course...I’m worried about them too, you know. But there’s nothing else we can do for now.”

“I know.” TO whispered. They sat in silence for a few minutes, hand over Avery’s as they watched their friend, their Ankyra, sleep.

“...Avery deserved better.” TO whispered. “How could Kei do this?”

“That’s over now.” DH whispered as they wheeled TO’s chair out of the room, “There’s nothing we can do about them. We can only take care of Avery now.”

TO didn’t respond, but they knew that DH was wrong. They didn’t know how or when, but one day there would be something they could do about them.

One day, they’d make Kei regret hurting their family.