Synth

DH was quiet for a while after TO told them everything they knew, but their body language communicated far more than words could. They weren’t looking at TO, their wings wrapped around their arms, and their ears were low and tense.

“... I’m sorry.” TO said, “I didn’t tell you because you were already upset, and I’m worried about Avery and the whole shatter-sickness thing. I didn’t want to make things worse!”

More silence met their words as DH looked away, staring into nothingness as though lost deep inside their head. TO wanted to reach out and touch DH, to hold and hug them, but they were worried that DH might be angry at them, and they didn’t know if they could stand having their mate push them away.

“Please say something.” TO whispered.

“... How long did you know?” DH asked, their soft voice cutting through their previous silence like a knife.

“...Since the day we went to the Outer Ring.” TO said. “You and Avery were asleep, I couldn’t sleep, your communicator went off, and it was Vik-”

“And you didn’t wake me? You didn’t tell me?” they finally looked up at TO, their eyes wide, “I didn’t even know he messaged me!”

“I was worried that He’d upset you more!” TO said. “You and Avery were already upset! I was the least upset, and I knew if you knew GiDi had any part in that, it would hit both of you hard-”

“Oh, like it didn’t hit you hard!” DH snapped back.

“It did! But I wasn’t already upset at being betrayed by people I considered friends!” They wrapped their wings around their arms and looked away. “I was worried about you. I worried maybe you had been doing that bonding thing with Vik, just like we both worried about Avery. Maybe you can’t get shatter sickness, but you can still be badly hurt! I was trying to protect you and Avery from being hurt on top of how much you were both already hurting!” Their ears pinned back slightly, “Just like how you wanted to protect me from knowing about the fatality rate.”

DH’s ears suddenly relaxed, though they took on a slight flush. “Were you going to tell me?” They asked as they looked to the floor.

“I was going to make sure you knew.” TO said, “Once GiDi was done with their thing, I was going to talk to them, and ask them to tell you and Avery themself. I thought it might hurt a little less that way.”

“And… are you going to tell Avery now?”

TO hadn’t thought of that. They had only just told DH at this moment, and the idea of telling Avery right now made them feel sick; especially after the discussion they had had this morning. They pursued their lips as their ears pinned back, a thoughtful clicking coming from the back of their throat.

“You don’t want to.” DH said.

“…I don’t know if I should!” TO asked. “Will it be worse if I tell them now or if GiDi tells them tomorrow? Will they be angry that I held onto this for so long? And if GiDi tells Avery themself, maybe there’ll be less pain.” Their mind raced over the pros and cons of their limited options. “When I found out, neither of you were in a state where I’d be comfortable telling you. Avery still isn’t, especially not today. If I tell them now, I’m worried it’ll make them more upset and might hurt them, not just because of GiDi’s involvement but because I hid it from them…”

“Yeah…” DH said softly, “I’d be a lot more upset if I hadn’t been trying to protect you from stuff as well.”

“So, I think it’s still best if GiDi tells them on their own.” TO said. “If they do… Well, if they tell Avery when we’re on the ship, well, we’ll have less to do, and we can be around Avery more often to help them and comfort them. Right now…” they shook their head, “Right now everything is so chaotic and busy, I’m surprised I get to see you as much as I do.”

DH nodded along with TO as they spoke, their wings tight around their arms, their eyes downcast, their ears low even as they twitched with contemplation.

“What do you think I should do, DH?” TO asked.

DH’s ears suddenly flicked in surprise as they looked up and caught TO’s eyes once more. TO could feel DH’s gaze flicking to their low, uncertain ears, and taking in how TO’s own wings were tightening further around their arms.

“You’re asking me?”

“Yes. DH, what do I do?”

DH gave another sigh. “I don’t know… I’m mostly upset that you didn’t come to me in the first place.” DH said, “Finding that out hurt you. I could have helped you, or at least been there for you. That you didn’t have anyone to help you with this-“

“Oh, I had help.” TO said.

DH’s ears flicked back down suddenly, “You told other people, but not me?”

TO shrugged and looked away, “Well, it wasn’t intentional, not really.” They said, “Petra and Lendulin could tell something was bothering me-“

“They noticed, and I didn’t.” DH shook their head, “I can’t believe I missed it-“

“You were upset!” TO said, “They weren’t. So, they were helpful… and I told Pearla, but only after she figured out that something had happened between Tham and me.”

“Wait, Pearla didn’t know?” DH frowned, “But she’s GiDi’s mate, wouldn’t she have known already?”

TO shook their head, a slight amused twitch moving their ears, “She didn’t… and it did not impress her when she found out. She yelled at Tham first, then said she was going to ‘have a talk’ with GiDi.”

“So GiDi knows you know.”

TO nodded, “I’m assuming that they do by now; unless Pearla’s waiting until after they were… done.”

DH nodded, “right…” They said, “... I still wish you had come to me. I thought we promised no more secrets.”

“I didn’t keep this secret from you any more than you kept the whole fatality rate thing secret from me.” TO said.

DH’s ears dipped again, and silence lingered for another moment before they looked up “... Are you going to tell Avery?”

“... Are you?”

It was clear that DH didn’t expect that question any more than they expected TO to ask them what they should do. “Me? Why me? It’s not… I’m not the one who should tell them!”

“Am I?” TO asked, their wings still wrapped around their arms, “If I don’t, will you tell them?”

DH’s ears dropped once more, and after a few long moments they finally muttered, “N-no.”

TO released a deep breath, their wings and ears finally relaxing. They didn’t know they had been so tense about this, but DH saying that they wouldn’t tell Avery lifted a weight which had settled in the pit of their stomach. “I want to tell them.” TO said, taking a step forward and tentatively putting a hand on DH’s arm. Much to their joy, DH leaned into them, and let TO wrap their scarred wings over them. “But I’m worried about them, and I think if GiDi tells them it’ll hurt less.”

“... What if GiDi won’t tell them?” DH muttered into TO’s chest.

TO’s ears narrowed as they held DH tighter in their embrace, “I’ll convince them.”

“And if you can’t?”

“... Then I’ll tell Avery.” TO said, “I’ll tell them I wanted GiDi to tell the truth, and waited until they had the opportunity.”

DH nodded, then looked up and smiled, “Good.” They said, “And… next time something like this happens, at least tell me.”

“But I only waited-”

“I know. And.. I’m sorry that I didn't tell you about the fatality rates.” DH said, “We both messed up here. So…let’s just do better next time.”

TO nuzzled their snout into DH’s ear, letting their hand reach up and gently scratch the back of DH’s neck. They had so much work to do, but for the moment it seemed like both of them were content to sit there on crates, enjoying one another’s touch.

It was a better outcome that TO had originally hoped for.