NOVEL NEXT #01
#01
He’s a One Stop Shop
“ I like you, hyung.”
The choked confession that welled up unexpectedly was in a situation I had never intended. It was a cold winter between sixteen and seventeen. The memory of that day was blurred entirely by tears.
Under the pitch-black night sky, where not a single star could be seen due to the thick dust, there were only my brother and me in the chilling playground. Despite the cold temperature causing the swing’s ropes to freeze, the tendons in my hand gripping the metal chains stood out.
Hyung didn’t say a word. Next to me, only the small sound of metal scraping against metal could be heard due to meaningless shuffling of feet. An eerily heavy silence lingered.
Regret washed over me late, but it was already spilled water. I wished that hyung hadn’t heard my confession, yet paradoxically, I wanted to express my feelings.
I didn’t even dare to look in hyung’s direction. The cold winter wind stung my nose, hitting my fully armored body, but I didn’t feel the cold. My shoulders began to tremble naturally, mixed with tears of an unknown meaning, showing an even stronger rhythm.
Saheon remained silent for a long time. As the silence stretched, it became increasingly difficult to suppress the sobs that were welling up inside me. I bit down hard on the soft flesh inside my mouth to stifle the sound, but when I heard a gentle voice calling my name, I couldn’t help but sniffle loudly.
“Cheongmyeong.”
Saheon’s voice was as kind as always. I shivered and lowered my head. Once the dam broke, the words I had long kept inside began to spill out like a broken radio.
“I like you… hyung, I like you so much…”
“Hmm… I like Cheongmyeong too.”
Saheon spoke as if it was a bit awkward, but my heart had already sunk. The way he said he liked me felt similar to saying he liked cats, sushi, or the sea.
It was clear that Saheon realized I understood his words correctly. The temperature of his feelings was harsh, different from mine.
“It’s okay, it can happen.”
Hyung was kind, but cruelly and arbitrarily judged my feelings. Since we had grown up together since childhood, he thought it was a family-like affection. He believed emotions were fleeting, and I would come to know that someone who truly loves and cherishes me would appear, and that I was too precious for him to like me…
In the end, I couldn’t hold back and burst into tears. I was about to become a high school student after this winter break, so I was old enough, yet in this moment, I couldn’t help but cry out like a child. A hesitant hand settled on my hair.
The gentle pat was truly affectionate, yet at the same time, it was brutal. The touch of his calm hand, devoid of selfishness, forced me to swallow the words that were about to burst out.
My feelings were not a lie. I had liked hyung for a long time, really a long time. The only person I had ever liked was hyung.
But the fear that revealing such true feelings might mean I would never see Saheon’s face again gripped my ankles. Even after mustering the courage to spill the words I had cherished for so long, I could only hide like a coward.
“Don’t cry. I’ll take you home. It’s cold.”
Saheon treated me as if everything was normal, though he seemed troubled. He was truly kind. Despite the biting cold that felt like it would freeze my skin, he quietly comforted me, even wiping away my swollen eyes.
After confirming that his hands were tucked into his pockets, he didn’t say a word on the way back home.
He didn’t scold me for liking another man, nor did he look at me with contempt for having gazed at him with such feelings for a long time. Instead, he acted as if nothing had happened, considering the awkward situation I had created.
The path from the playground to home was short. It was less than a 15-minute walk, but today, it felt as if the hands of the clock were being forced to spin faster.
Since it was late at night, we took the elevator that was stuck on the first floor, and there was no conversation between us. Saheon spoke again when we arrived at our destination, the 12th floor. I stepped out of the elevator, looking down at the floor like a sinner. A gentle voice came from behind me.
“Go inside. Contact me before you sleep.”
Instead of answering, I nodded slightly, almost imperceptibly. Gathering my courage, I glanced back, and Saheon had a slight smile on his lips. That sight was undeniably charming. I felt like I might burst into tears again. I hurriedly entered the house as if I were fleeing.
As soon as the front door closed, I slid down and sat on the floor. The cold temperature of the iron wall crept up my back. Finally alone, I had to stifle the cries that erupted, fearing that hyung outside would hear me.
The sound of Saheon’s footsteps, which seemed to linger outside for a while, gradually faded away. I covered my mouth with my hand to suppress the intermittent sobs and squeezed my eyes shut. Soon, I heard the sound of the door lock clicking open and the door opening and closing.
Even after hyung entered, I had to sit there for a long time, shedding tears. Something that felt like a hot lump filled my throat and heart.
A part of my chest felt like it was being torn apart. The more I cried, the more the pain intensified, and the more I tried to endure it, the more unbearable it became. I bit down hard, fearing my parents would hear, enduring the sharpness that poured out until I cried myself to exhaustion, nearly collapsing against the front door.
I opened my eyes again the next morning. My father, who had come to get the newspaper, was startled to see me squatting in the entrance and woke me up.
“No, Lee Cheongmyeong! Why are you sleeping here!”
My surprised father shouted, but even in my shock, I fumbled on the floor for my phone. My dazed mind couldn’t think straight, yet my hands seemed to know what to do.
The phone, with little battery left, showed 6:30 AM. After seeing the time through my blurry vision, I let my head droop in despair. It felt as if all the strength had drained from my body.
It was too late. From the tear ducts I thought had already dried up in despair, hot liquid began to flow again.
“Cheongmyeong, are you crying?”
My father asked in a worried tone as he saw his grown son sobbing, but I didn’t even have the strength to answer.
Today was the day hyung was leaving for America. The flight was at 7 AM, and he said he would prepare and leave by 4 AM. Like a fool, I missed the chance to say goodbye, and with the thought that I wouldn’t see hyung for the next three years, I hastily confessed my feelings.
It was a complete mess.
Only then could I fully mourn the end of my first love. My one-sided love for a sweet man had come to an end. It was a winter day when the snowflakes were falling.