Sweet Shot

#14

**

Tae-rim, who had brought Ha-min out of the college building, naturally put Ha-min in the passenger seat. When Ha-min said he had to go to his part-time job, Tae-rim briefly replied, “I’ll take you there.” Ha-min, having no reason to refuse, got in with his heavy body, unable to decline. After opening and closing the door for him, Tae-rim walked back to the driver’s seat and skillfully got in. He started the engine without a word, and the car began to move.

“You’ve developed a bad habit.”

As his car smoothly left the school grounds, Tae-rim opened his mouth, which had been closed until then. He asked casually while looking straight ahead and turning the steering wheel.

“Hm…?”

“The phone call yesterday.”

“……”

“How can you call first and then hang up?”

“……”

“And then not answer when I call back.”

He continued, sounding quite disappointed. Caught off guard by this unexpected topic, Ha-min hurriedly made an excuse with a surprised face.

“I’m sorry, I was drunk yesterday…”

In fact, Ha-min had intended to call Tae-rim the next day to apologize for hanging up abruptly. Seeing four missed calls, he thought he should definitely do it, but unable to find a good excuse, he kept putting it off and eventually didn’t do it.

“Then you should have called back, shouldn’t you?”

Although his tone seemed caring on the surface, there was a sharp edge to it. It was clearly a tone of displeasure. Ha-min looked at Tae-rim’s profile with a considerably flustered face. He saw a cold face without a trace of a smile.

“…When I called yesterday… it seemed like you were with your girlfriend. I thought I might be interrupting…”

Ha-min started making excuses, flustered by that face. How foolish must he think I am, unable to speak clearly… Ha-min bit his lower lip hard with self-loathing.

“Don’t bite your lip.”

Tae-rim, still looking straight ahead, muttered softly as if reciting. At those words, Ha-min quickly released his bitten lip. At the same time, the car came to a smooth stop. They had already arrived in front of the convenience store where Ha-min worked. In this situation, Ha-min felt mixed emotions. The desire to quickly escape this suffocating place and the desire to stay with him a little longer. The two feelings clashed.

After stopping the car with a screech and unfastening his seatbelt, Tae-rim turned his body and looked straight at Ha-min, who was sitting still.

“Whether I’m with my girlfriend or not, why do you care about that?”

Ha-min’s Adam’s apple bobbed at Tae-rim’s voice, which seemed to be soothing him. Feeling like a strange sadness might overwhelm him, he couldn’t look at Tae-rim directly.

“I was happy that you called me.”

A large hand touched Ha-min’s hair. It gently brushed back the hair that had fallen forward as he lowered his head. His heart raced so much it made him nauseous at the gentle voice and delicate touch.

“…The other day, I overheard you and your girlfriend… that noona talking.”

It was pitiful that this was the only excuse he could think of. In the end, it only added insult to injury, but he couldn’t help it.

“What… Oh.”

“That noona… seemed to be misunderstanding.”

The words of the noona asking if Tae-rim was interested in him. And Tae-rim’s words cutting it off cleanly. He remembered everything from that day, even the cigarette smoke and the cold wind.

Ha-min continued speaking firmly, hearing Tae-rim’s sigh as he recalled the memory. He started spewing out words that were all lies.

“If I call you like that at night, I was worried you might be misunderstood again…”

“…”

“You must already feel bad about being misunderstood because of me…”

“……”

“That’s why I did that. I’m sorry.”

He had no way of knowing what his face looked like as he rambled on with excuses then.

The feeling of butchering his own heart with his own words was the worst, and he thought he’d be fortunate just not to cry. Just as he was thinking this, a puzzling statement came.

“Why is that?”

Ha-min’s wavering gaze slowly met Tae-rim’s at his tone of incomprehension. Once again, Tae-rim’s large hand brushed through Ha-min’s hair. Through that, Ha-min saw Tae-rim’s composed face.

“It’s not like either of us is a faggot getting horny over men.”

Ha-min was at a loss for words at the question, asked with a face of utter incomprehension. For a moment, he felt disoriented. The casual way Tae-rim threw out such trash-like words and the gentle way he stroked Ha-min’s hair were so different that Ha-min didn’t know how to take it.

Tae-rim chuckled, seemingly finding Ha-min cute for making such a ridiculous excuse with a face of incomprehension. The hand that had been stroking his hair came down to fiddle with his earlobe again. Rubbing the flesh with his thumb, Tae-rim spoke in a languid voice.

“We’re not homos, so what’s there to worry about?”

Tae-rim’s words, spoken in vulgar language, were unrestrained and inconsiderate. His face was expressionless, truly not understanding. But unlike him, Ha-min stiffened completely.

Because the person Tae-rim was denouncing with vulgar words was none other than Ha-min himself. The one who was homo, the one getting horny for him, was all Song Ha-min himself.

**

On a weekday, approaching midnight, the convenience store in Daehakro was generally quiet. Taking advantage of the lull, Ha-min, who had been busy organizing items stored in the warehouse, paused his work to check his grimy smartphone tucked into his uniform.

[Hyung got a girlfriend]

A KakaoTalk message from Tae-in from a few minutes ago, a group chat buzzing with chatter, and below that.

[Are you working?^^]

[No reply ㅠㅠ]

Tae-rim’s KakaoTalk messages coming steadily for the past few days. Ha-min chuckled at the clearly playful content, but then hardened his face as if coming to his senses.

After that day, Ha-min thought he should try to reduce his meetings with Tae-rim somehow. He also realized that trying to avoid Tae-rim with lies was futile. So the only thing he could do was to slowly distance himself from Tae-rim. Just enough not to be noticeable… Just enough to avoid any misunderstandings.

Ha-min, who had been ignoring Tae-rim’s messages or replying hours later, would suddenly take out his phone while working or during lectures to pore over Tae-rim’s messages. Even though he was a “homo” that Tae-rim despised, he would ruminate on those words several times a day, even if it made his insides rot. He liked it. He liked that Tae-rim contacted him using emojis that didn’t suit him.

“Hah…”

Ha-min let out a deep sigh. It was no different from an ant lion’s trap.

Just as he was blankly staring at Tae-rim’s KakaoTalk message, there was a vibration. Startled by Tae-rim’s name appearing immediately, Ha-min looked around nervously. Should I not answer…? But that thought was brief. With his heart pounding at the ringtone that wouldn’t easily cut off, he pressed the call button and carefully put the phone to his ear.

“Hello…?”

While they occasionally exchanged KakaoTalk messages, phone calls were rare. Was it because he had been ignoring the messages?

-Song Ha-min?

However, an unfamiliar voice came from the other end. Ha-min, wondering if he had misheard, briefly took the phone away from his ear and checked the number again.

“Yes, that’s right… Isn’t this Lee Tae-rim hyung’s phone?”

-Don’t you remember? It’s Kim Sa-hyun. Lee Tae-rim’s friend.

Ha-min let out a small “Ah” at the natural introduction.

“Ah, hello.”

He bowed his head and greeted even though the person wasn’t in front of him.

-Yeah, hi. The thing is.

“…?”

-This bastard… I mean, Tae-rim is quite drunk.

“Hyung is…?”

Ha-min asked back with wide, surprised eyes.

-He can’t even stand straight, so I was going to call Tae-in, but this bastard isn’t answering his phone.

“Ah…”

Suddenly, he remembered Tae-in’s excited words about getting a girlfriend. Tae-in was always unreachable when he was with his girlfriend.

-Moreover, he’s been insisting we call you since earlier….

“Ah… that…”

-Can you come here by any chance?

Ha-min looked around nervously for no reason. His hand holding the phone tightened.

“I’m… in the middle of my part-time job right now.”

-Is that so?

“…I’m sorry. I can’t move right now…”

-Can’t be helped then.

“Yes… Please take good care of Tae-rim hyung.”

Even though he thought they would surely handle it well, he couldn’t help but worry. He wanted to rush over right away. On the other hand, he wanted to avoid it desperately. Whenever he saw Tae-rim, his feelings became more uncontrollable, while at the same time, his insides were rotting away from the casual wounds he received. He was becoming a pile of soil without any yang energy, where not even seeds could be sown.

-Alright then. Take care.

His friend hung up the phone without lingering. It was Ha-min who felt attachment to the call that ended without even a second of hesitation. Ha-min stood there, just fiddling with his phone.

**

His steps were very heavy as he returned home after finishing his part-time job. He checked his phone repeatedly while working for hours, and even while studying briefly. Was Tae-rim home safely? That worry and thought kept coming to him. Maybe I should have gone… Forget the part-time job, when Tae-rim was calling for me, maybe I should have gone…

He trudged into a shabby alley. The air unique to the late dawn mixed with the smell of the rundown alley stung his nose. But there was a different smell from usual.

“…You’re back now?”

Ha-min’s head lifted at the voice that seemed to have been waiting for him. The strong smell of cigarettes and alcohol mixed with Tae-rim’s scent, but strangely, it was fragrant. It was the usual scent that came from him. Terribly mature and heavily piercing the lungs…

Tae-rim standing under the streetlight was no different from a painting. Ha-min’s steps stopped, and he immediately stiffened.

“Hyung…”

“I thought about going to the front of the convenience store, but I was worried you might be uncomfortable.”

His languid voice echoed in the gloomy alley. It was an elegant voice that didn’t match this dirty place.

“Why are you here…”

“You’re always so shy with me, so the person you want to see had to come, right?”

“……”

“Ignoring my KakaoTalk messages… I came to see Ha-min, who thinks his part-time job is more important than me.”