Sunshine Shower

Lowering his eyelids as if stealing a glance, Moon Seoyoon noticed Woo Yeonjae’s gaze fixed on the album.

“If we’re holding hands, I don’t think I was angry.”

Moon Seoyoon relaxed only after confirming that Woo Yeonjae didn’t seem to care about his reaction at all. Only then did he lower his head to look at the photo. Unlike Woo Yeonjae, who wore a sullen expression, he was smiling brightly as if something had made him really happy, tightly holding onto a hand that, though still small, was larger than his own.

“It does feel different seeing it after so long.”

Perhaps because Woo Yeonjae was leaning against him, Moon Seoyoon could feel a low vibration every time Yeonjae spoke. It might not have been Woo Yeonjae’s voice he was feeling, but rather the sound of his own heartbeat.

“Keep looking.”

Moon Seoyoon turned the pages of the album, trying hard not to focus on it. He thought that as he looked at the childhood photos, he would soon get lost in memories, and Woo Yeonjae’s constant leaning against him would become something he could easily ignore.

“Here it is, Kim Dajeong.”

“Kim Dajeong?”

“Your girlfriend.”

The photo, clearly taken in kindergarten, showed a group of children. Among them, Moon Seoyoon spotted a girl with her hair tied in pigtails. If they had been close, he thought he would remember her, but her face was entirely unfamiliar.

“I really don’t remember her at all.”

Thinking he might recall something if he looked closer, he tried to bring the album nearer, but Woo Yeonjae, still leaning on him, reached out and turned the page. When Seoyoon looked up to see what was going on, their eyes met directly. Woo Yeonjae had tilted his head slightly to look at him.

The space between them was so narrow it could have been a thread. Their lips were close enough that they might touch at any moment.

“…”

The late afternoon sunlight poured down on them. The house, built on a large lot to ensure complete privacy, and the endlessly tall walls were more than enough to block out any unnecessary noise.

It was sudden, the realization that they were alone in Woo Yeonjae’s room on the second floor of his family’s home.

The room was much larger than the officetel but felt far more familiar. It was a space that seemed to be saturated with Woo Yeonjae’s presence. Reflexively, Moon Seoyoon parted his lips. Just as he decided it would be best to create some distance and began to push Woo Yeonjae off his shoulder, Woo Yeonjae slowly opened his mouth.

“Moon Seoyoon.”

Long eyelashes fell and then returned to their place.

“Are you turned on?”

“What are you talking about?”

His heart sank for a moment, but thankfully, it didn’t show.

“Just.”

Woo Yeonjae’s face was as calm as if he had asked a completely ordinary question.

“Your face turned red.”

Only then did Moon Seoyoon feel the heat in his cheeks.

“I thought maybe you’re starting to like me.”

There was a mischievous glint in the slight crinkle of Woo Yeonjae’s eyes.

“It’s probably just because it’s warm, with us sitting so close.”

It was a poor excuse, but it was already mid-May. The house, designed to let in plenty of sunlight, was bathed in light. It was the kind of sunlight that made one feel pleasantly drowsy, but to someone else, it might be an uncomfortable intrusion. Blaming the flushed cheeks on the weather wasn’t the worst excuse he could come up with.

Moon Seoyoon nudged Woo Yeonjae’s thigh, signaling him to move away.

“And of course… I do like you.”

His throat felt scratchy, like something was caught in it.

“You’re my best friend.”

The deep black eyes stared directly at him from an uncomfortably close distance, so close that Seoyoon could clearly see his own tense expression reflected in Woo Yeonjae’s irises.

“Ah.”

The word slipped out, drawn out between slowly parting lips. It was then that Moon Seoyoon realized Woo Yeonjae was looking at him, not just at his reflection in his eyes.

It was a sudden realization.

“Do you still like me only as a friend?”

Despite Seoyoon’s attempt to push him away, Woo Yeonjae didn’t budge. Instead, he nestled his face into Seoyoon’s shoulder as if rubbing against it.

In the first place, it was nearly impossible to push Woo Yeonjae away with such weak force. Even if he used all his strength, it would be hard to make him move, and Seoyoon didn’t have that kind of strength. Or perhaps, more accurately, he didn’t have the resolve to push him away completely. Simple emotions have a way of softening a person’s will.

“Seems like it’ll take a while for you to like me in a different way.”

Woo Yeonjae’s head, which had tilted slightly upward, now lowered again. Moon Seoyoon reflexively shivered slightly. The long fingers that had brushed against his thigh made it difficult to remain calm. What started as a playful push was now matched by a teasing grip.

“Guess I’ll have to try harder.”

With that muttered comment, Woo Yeonjae’s gaze, which had dropped to his thigh, slowly lifted again. He smiled, his head tilted slightly back as before. Moon Seoyoon, unable to move at all from the weight leaning on his shoulder, could do nothing but stare blankly at him.

This time, he couldn’t see his face reflected in Woo Yeonjae’s dark irises. Seoyoon had subtly avoided his gaze, too unsure of himself to look any closer, so it was more accurate to say he couldn’t see because he didn’t dare to look.

“What do you even need to try?”

Not knowing how to respond, Moon Seoyoon deflected the conversation. He had made the choice to sleep with his childhood friend out of a selfish desire and had stolen Woo Yeonjae’s first time in a petty way. Since it had been the wrong way to go about it, the desire to sleep with him again had long been suppressed. The fleeting pleasure of a few hours would only bring a long, lingering sense of guilt.

Tears blurred Moon Seoyoon’s vision the entire time. Even as his body moved weakly beneath Woo Yeonjae, his sight was so hazy that he couldn’t make out the expression on Yeonjae’s face. Regardless, they had been intimate several times, and Woo Yeonjae had even climaxed, so it seemed like he felt something.

But it probably wasn’t because he particularly liked being with Seoyoon. Any man would feel something.

Thinking about that day brought back the questions that had plagued his mind ever since. Why is he doing all this for me?

That voice kept echoing in his ears.

Woo Yeonjae had said he had nothing to offer, but there’s no way a male childhood friend would go as far as to offer his body just because of unrequited love, out of concern that his friend might be destroyed by it.

What am I to you that you would even have sex with me?

Woo Yeonjae didn’t need to try. Not to have sex with him, and not to win his heart either.

“I need to try so that Moon Seoyoon won’t think of anyone else.”

Whether Woo Yeonjae knew what was going through Seoyoon’s mind or not, he spoke softly with a pretty expression. Moon Seoyoon took in his face. In truth, the one who needed to try was not Woo Yeonjae but himself. He needed to try to let go of his feelings. But the problem was that he couldn’t even bring himself to consider doing that.

Moon Seoyoon barely managed to part his lips, which were tightly sealed together.

“I told you, I’m not sleeping with anyone else. And if, like you said, I’m confusing sexual desire with emotion…”

After a deep breath, he finally finished his sentence.

“If I stop, the confusion will probably go away too.”

“Then use me well until then.”

He wasn’t an object, but the word “use” sounded strange. However, Seoyoon could count on one hand the number of times he had won an argument with Woo Yeonjae, so he just nodded and put more strength into his shoulders.

“Okay, so stop leaning on me. You’re heavy.”

“I can’t see the pictures well.”

“Then put it in the middle and look.”

Moon Seoyoon subtly moved the album on his thigh and withdrew his hand from where it touched Woo Yeonjae’s leg. The fingers that had been playfully scratching at him naturally fell away. At the same time, the weight on his shoulder lightened. The hair that had been brushing against his chin quickly moved away with that movement.

He was disappointed, but he wasn’t foolish enough to show it. Still, with the weight gone, his heart felt lighter. No matter how much he had done with Woo Yeonjae, as long as he still had feelings for him, it was impossible to be comfortable with even small touches.

“Come closer.”

Just as Moon Seoyoon let out a small sigh of relief, Woo Yeonjae casually pulled him closer by the waist.

“Ugh.”

The ticklish feeling made Moon Seoyoon tense his stomach muscles reflexively. He was always so stiff with tension around Woo Yeonjae that this was the first time he had reacted so openly.

It must have been an overreaction, because Woo Yeonjae raised an eyebrow slightly.

“It’s not like this is the first time I’ve done this. Why are you suddenly so sensitive…?”

Seoyoon was so startled that he couldn’t even register the words coming from beside him.

“Huh?”

“I thought maybe it tickled. Want me to tickle you?”

As if he hadn’t just furrowed his brow, Woo Yeonjae asked playfully. He looked ready to start tickling at any moment, so Moon Seoyoon firmly grabbed the hand that was hovering near his waist. It had been less than five minutes since Yeonjae asked if he was turned on. If things escalated any further, his brain might lose control to his instincts.

“Don’t. Are you a kid? What grown man tickles people?”

“Then sit closer.”

The moment Woo Yeonjae’s arm around his waist tightened, their bodies slid together.