Sunshine Shower

“Who has sex between friends?”“Ah, I guess I’m just the same as all the other guys to you, Moon Seoyoon. But I’m not.”He was definitely not the same. Even if he had to let go of his feelings.Woo Yeonjae was more reliable than the only family he had left. That’s why he couldn’t understand this situation at all.“I don’t understand why you’re going this far.”Knowing Woo Yeonjae as well as he did, Moon Seoyoon could somewhat understand why he had reached that conclusion, at least in his head. But that didn’t mean his heart could accept it.For the first time, Woo Yeonjae furrowed his brows.“Hah…”A low sigh escaped his twisted lips. It seemed to have a hint of a bitter laugh.“Do you think I’d just stand by while you hook up with some scumbag and end up getting screwed over?”Moon Seoyoon unconsciously curled his fingers, feeling the familiar bones beneath his skin.“I’m safer than those other guys, aren’t I?”His eyes narrowed slightly beneath his furrowed brows.“You don’t have a boyfriend.”“…”“And you don’t have any STDs.”The word “STD” following “sex” made it hard to breathe. He thought about clearing up the misunderstanding, but he couldn’t find the starting point. More than anything, if he denied having a friends-with-benefits situation, the conversation would just circle back to the beginning.In the end, Woo Yeonjae would never understand his feelings.“Woo Yeonjae, are you seriously out of your mind?”“Yeah. I feel like I’m going crazy because you still don’t get it.”“Hah…”“Why don’t you understand my feelings?”Woo Yeonjae was saying the words that Moon Seoyoon should have been saying. But all Moon Seoyoon could do was move his lips slightly without making a sound. The emotion in Woo Yeonjae’s furrowed face wasn’t irritation; it was pure concern. Moon Seoyoon knew him well enough to recognize the genuine emotion.“You don’t need to take the risk of dating guys just to satisfy your sexual urges, right?”Woo Yeonjae asked, resting his head on the leg that had slipped down from the sofa. His black hair fell messily over his gray sweatpants. It was only then that Moon Seoyoon realized that the soft fabric was covering his heel. Just like the rug beneath his feet.It’s Woo Yeonjae’s clothes. He suddenly realized a fact he hadn’t noticed even when he was putting them on or walking to the living room. At the same time, his mouth felt dry and heated. He couldn’t pinpoint whether it was due to Woo Yeonjae’s misunderstanding, the distortion of his own feelings derived from that misunderstanding, or this situation itself.“Moon Seoyoon.”The sound of his name finally prompted Moon Seoyoon to speak.“What?”“Why don’t you just like me instead?”His breath caught at the words that slipped out. At the same time, Woo Yeonjae’s fingers pressed deep into the joints of his own.“It’d be easier that way, wouldn’t it?”Moon Seoyoon bit down on his swollen inner lip out of habit. He wasn’t so oblivious that he couldn’t see that the word “like” uttered by Woo Yeonjae had a different meaning than his own feelings. It wasn’t something meaningful or special, like the feelings he kept hidden deep inside. It simply meant using him as a tool to satisfy his sexual desires.He felt more heartbroken than ever. It wasn’t the kind of emotion he wanted to diminish, but it seemed that his unrequited love was inevitable.“Yeonjae, this isn’t right…”“Why not?”Woo Yeonjae’s eyes crinkled as he smiled. His long, narrow eyes formed thin lines, and his lips curled slightly as he slowly opened them.“I’m offering you my virginity, Seoyoon.”Moon Seoyoon’s teeth slipped as he chewed on the soft flesh inside his mouth, startled by the blunt word. Despite the stinging pain, Moon Seoyoon dumbly blinked his eyes.“What… did you just say?”“I said I’m offering you my virginity.”His expression didn’t show a hint of embarrassment, even though he was talking about virginity with a childhood friend, especially one of the same gender. Moon Seoyoon couldn’t tear his gaze away from Woo Yeonjae’s earnest eyes. It was like he was mesmerized by a siren’s song, lured to his doom without even realizing it.“So…”Every time Woo Yeonjae opened his mouth, Moon Seoyoon felt himself falling deeper, whether it was his heart, his emotions, or his very self.“Instead of some guy you picked up from who-knows-where…”The bones that intruded between his fingers gently stroked the back of his hand. Moon Seoyoon flinched and stared at his friend, who was offering him his first time.“Do it with me.”He had naturally assumed Woo Yeonjae had experience. Even though he was a bit slow in this regard, he wasn’t naive enough to think that men and women only held hands while dating. One of the reasons he had run away when he found out Woo Yeonjae had a girlfriend after becoming an adult was because of that. It was overwhelming to face the reality that their relationship would change from the innocent love of kids.That was also when he realized that he and his childhood friend had become adults. The time had finally come for him to realize that they couldn’t stick together like they did when they were minors, and that someone would come into Woo Yeonjae’s life who was more important than a friend.Maybe it was because he had been thinking about that for so long that he never imagined he would hear something like this.“It’s easier if you think that you’re in love with me.”Woo Yeonjae whispered, tilting his head slightly. The slight movement was felt clearly on Moon Seoyoon’s thigh.“Thinking of it as love would make it easier, but I already love you.”Moon Seoyoon’s lips twitched involuntarily. His tongue brushed against the tender flesh inside his mouth, causing a dull pain to seep in. How could he possibly pretend to love someone he already loves? Unable to find an answer, he could do nothing but stare at Woo Yeonjae.The bright light cast a shadow over his handsome face. Each time his long eyelashes fluttered, a dark shade gathered beneath his eyes, making his already deep black pupils appear even darker. The tangled fingers resting on his thigh differed in size and thickness, making them feel more chaotic than harmonious.What should I say? Moon Seoyoon pressed his lips together tightly. He never imagined that the feelings he had harbored for seven years would be dismissed as mere sexual desire. Even though his heart was crumbling endlessly, a selfish desire, which had been suppressed for so long, began to surface.“Hmm?”Sensing his hesitation, Woo Yeonjae lowered his head, pressing his cheek against Moon Seoyoon’s thigh as if urging for an answer.Suddenly, a thought crossed his mind. Maybe this was the only thing he could truly take from Woo Yeonjae.The kisses and affection had already been taken by someone else, leaving only sex. While he thought it was pathetic to be obsessed with someone’s first time, Woo Yeonjae and he weren’t in a romantic relationship. It was just a one-sided crush on his part.‘If not now…’He would lose him forever.He knew he would have to keep giving Woo Yeonjae up to someone else for the rest of his life, so he rationalized that it was okay to be selfish just this once. Maybe it wasn’t even selfishness, but a kind of stubbornness. A defiant thought that if this was how things were, he wouldn’t be able to give up on his feelings.“Are you serious?”Moon Seoyoon finally managed to speak after a long silence.Unlike his serious tone, Woo Yeonjae lightly raised the corners of his lips, as if it were no big deal. His eyes narrowed, forming a smile that seemed almost playful.“I told you, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”It was Woo Yeonjae’s last first. He wanted to make it completely his own. Even if it didn’t mean much to Woo Yeonjae, it mattered to him, and that was enough. Even if no trace of it remained, it didn’t matter.He would remember this moment for the rest of his life, and that alone was enough.“You… How are you going to do it?”As he mumbled the words, Woo Yeonjae raised an eyebrow, as if asking what he meant, and slowly lifted his head. His disheveled hair slid off his thigh with the movement, falling away slowly.“What do you mean, how?”“Can you… get it up?”He couldn’t believe he was asking such a question to his childhood friend. But Moon Seoyoon swallowed the sudden rush of shame along with his wounded feelings.Right now, he just wanted to be selfish. After all, once this night was over, the shame and hurt would come crashing down like a storm cloud. But before that happened, even if it was just for a few hours, he wanted to fully experience and satisfy the desire, the longing, and the thirst he had suppressed for so long.“If I do, will you go through with it?”“…Yeah.”Woo Yeonjae smiled, squinting his eyes, seemingly pleased with the answer. It was a smile that looked almost fierce.“I’ll get it up, even if I have to do it myself.”He rose first and reached out at a non-threatening pace. When his firm fingers pressed against Moon Seoyoon’s lips, that familiar dull pain returned.“If Moon Seoyoon says he wants to do it, I’m not going to refuse.”