Summoning Kobolds At Midnight: A Tale of Suburbia & Sorcery.

Sherry-By-The-Bend.

"Is it still out there?" Clive asked as he peeked slightly over the window sill to peer outside.

"Wha's still out where?" Kilpa asked from the kitchen as she rummaged through the cabinets and drawers.

"Black Philip." Clive muttered as he gazed cautiously out the window.

"Black who?" Kilpa asked as she continued her rummaging.

"The ram from hell."

Kilpa turned towards Clive and rolled her eyes before shutting a cabinet drawer.

"It's jus' some ornery ram, Clive."

"No it's not. It's a spawn from Hell sent by the Devil himself." Clive muttered.

Kilpa once again rolled her eyes and walked over and peeked over and out the window.

"'Nd wha' is this 'Ram from Hell' doin'?"

Clive pointed over to the enclosure where said ram and his harem of ewes grazed on some grass and wildflowers sprinkled with snow.

"It's over there. Eating."

"Menacin'." Kilpa said in a deadpan tone as she side eyed Clive.

"Hey, last I checked that thing had a body count to it's name!"

"So do I yet you dinnae be hidin' from me ya ken?"

"Not the point!"

Kilpa groaned and pushed past Clive and towards the door.

"Well you can stay 'ere 'nd continue ta be menaced by some ram. I'm gonna ta tha market fer food."

"Wait!" Clive hissed but wasn't quick enough to stop the halfling rogue from leaving the house.

Clive stopped and glanced between where one King George was grazing with his ewes, and to where Kilpa's feet crunched through the layer of fresh snow. He held his breath when she paused and her and the ram met eyes.

Only for the ram to snort and return to his grazing, leaving Kilpa to turn back to Clive with a cocked brow before rolling her eyes and flipping her strawberry blond locks over her shoulder as she continued on her way towards the colony.

Leaving Clive to stare stand stiff still as he fought with himself whether to follow after her or remain in the safety of his home, and the thick wooden door and walls between him and the King of the Ewes.

Then his stomach growled. He groaned as he realized that as much as he hated it, he would have to leave his home in order to get some food. At least enough to live out the remainder of the ram's lifespan, Clive thought as he inched out the door. He kept close to the door and his eyes locked on the ram every second of the way.

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But the ram just kept grazing, seeming to pay him no mind in the slightest. But Clive wasn't letting down his guard. His body tensed up as his hand left the door and he slowly slid across the porch. Making sure to keep the ram in sight.

Now comes the hard part, Clive thought as he reached the last step of the porch that separated him and the hazardous space of land between him and where Kilpa leaned against a tree with a bemused expression on her face as she watched him.

Clive took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself. His breath puffed out in clouds from the cold air that sent bits of snow drifting away. He tensed up and pushed off the porch like an Olympic sprinter and booked it towards where Kilpa waited.

His heart hammered in his chest and in his ears as he tunnel visioned all the way towards Kilpa. He wasn't sure if the beast was right behind him or not but he wasn't going to take the chance to slow down and take a look.

He rounded the tree and placed his back flat against its bark like it was made of steel. He held his breath as he waited for the devil sheep to run past. Only to stare at empty space as he heaved in lungfuls of air. He dared a peek around the trunk and beheld the King of the Ewes still grazing. If anything it looked like the ram didn't even look up from his grazing during his mad dash.

He startled with a jump when Kilpa patted his thigh and looked up at him with a teasing smile.

"You sure showed 'im didnae ya?"

Clive heaved and huffed as he caught his breath and starred back at the ram with a look of suspicion and unease on his face. Kilpa turned and started walking away as she pulled a small handful of coins from one of her pockets.

"Come on! Let's go spend yer allotment!"

"My what?" Clive asked as he started to follow after Kilpa when it appeared that the ram really didn't seem to care.

"Yer allotment. Mayor's pay tha' is."

"Wait, I get paid?" Clive asked in confusion.

"Well course you do! Wha', figured you'd jus' be doin' it outta tha goodness o' yer heart?"

"Well, no. But if I had known that I wouldn't-"

BAAA!

Clive's heart jumped into his throat at the dreaded, and startling close, bleating of King George. Before Clive could even begin to think how the ram had gotten so close without being heard or noticed, he found his world spinning backwards.

He landed upon a bed of snow that wasn't quite as soft as he would've liked as he stared up at the cloudy sky framed behind the grand horns of the ram that leered down at him. King George, King of the Ewes, stared down at him much like how Clive imagined a king would look upon a dirty commoner that was in the way of his carriage.

The ram leaned down and sniffed his face before snorting hot breath that smelled of cud before turning around and kicked his back hooves and threw some snow onto Clive as added insult to injury before trotting through the snow back towards his harem of ewes.

Clive spat out some snow and grass as Kilpa peered down at him.

"I figure 'e likes you."

"What gave it away?" Clive said as he rose into a sitting position and rubbed his back where the ram sent him airborne.

"I dinnae ken, just somethin' 'bout 'im." She said with a smirk and a snicker.

Clive groaned as he stood onto unsteady feet and cracked his back before limping alongside Kilpa as they made their way into the colony.

"Anyway, what were you saying about my allotment?"

"Oh aye, you get paid so much a week fer livin' expenses. Wouldn'y do fer a mayor not ta be able ta provide fer himself 'nd 'is kin."

"So when we took that money-"

Kilpa rolled her eyes with a sigh.

"Ifin it makes you feel better, think o' it as you spendin' yer own coin."

"Why do I feel like you'd prefer it if we had embezzled the money?"

Kilpa shrugged her shoulders as they entered the colony and started towards the market.

"I dinnae ken, jus' somethin' 'bout ya bein' a wee bit loose is excitin' is all."

"Yeah well, sorry I'm a touch more responsible. Remember meeting Jeb and Morty?"

"Yeah?"

"That's why. One of us had to be the responsible one and it wasn't going to be those two. Especially Morty." Clive stated as he and Kilpa wandered through the market picking out food to supply their pantry.

The two of them paused when a loud cry rang through the air. They and everyone around them turned towards the noise and saw a few of the National Guard being hauled off on stretchers covered in bandages.

"Jesus, what happened to them?"

"I dinnae ken, but it dinnae look good wha' it were."

Clive had to agree as it looked like one of them was missing an arm, another a leg, and one was having seizures and was strapped to the gurney. The other two didn't look any better off either.

"Did you hear anything the past few nights?"

"You mean other than you yellin' and tha ram buttin' against tha door? Not really." Kilpa replied with a shrug of her shoulders.

Clive, Kilpa, and everyone around them watched as the wounded guardsmen were loaded up into a army medic truck and sped down the road towards town. Clive's first thought was that maybe they found Sloth. But he dismissed that idea, if it was there'd be A LOT more going on than just a ride into town. He'd wager there'd be helicopters and even jets flying towards the woods if it was, or even those Men in Black types.

"Maybe there's something else nearby that they ran into?" Clive muttered as he and Kilpa took their provisions and headed towards the feasting tent for some breakfast.

Kilpa shrugged.

"Possible."

Clive and her sat their things down beside their stools and took a seat, after a couple minutes, a plate of what appeared to be chicken wings glazed in sauce with toasty brown skin were placed in front of them along with some eggs and a mug of warm milk.

Clive picked up the wing and stared at the three claws on the end.

"I don't think these are chicken."

"Turkey." The very rotund halfling chef stated with pride and held up some defeathered thing that only had a vague resemblance to a bird.

"Is that what I think it is?!" Clive asked wide-eyed and turned only to find Kilpa already digging into the raptor wings.

She was chowing down on something that hasn't set foot on the Earth in millions of years and wasn't batting an eyelash, Clive thought as he looked down and picked up the glistening wing before taking a cautious bite.

"Huh. Kinda tastes like a fishy chicken."