Sucked into a Fantasy Game

Sako’s room was pitch black in a thick sea of silence. The room was cold; she didn’t have the energy to get up and close the window to block out the chilly nighttime breeze.

She sat on the floor, resting her back against the side of her bed, wrapped up in a sheet. No appetite for dinner. 

Her rage from earlier had melted. 

She glanced at the glowing clock across the room. 3 a.m. Sleep didn’t matter. Food didn’t matter.

Zt, zt! Zt, zt! Her phone beside her lit up every now and then. Kiyomi, no doubt. So annoying. She only added to the big pile of notifications that had stacked up throughout the day.

It was stuck in her head. Suspension. How. Why. Unbelievable. Absurd. Ridiculous. Stupid. Unfair. It was the last thing she deserved.

No energy to get up and brush her teeth. She hadn’t showered for 4 nights now. Who cared. Wasted smiles. Wasted efforts. Wasted love. No one appreciated her. No one was grateful for her helpfulness at school. No one cared. Not the Student Council. Not the teachers. No one had vouched for her—probably scared of being dragged into the punishment. She hated them all.

Sako should just quit. I’m quitting everything. She was done. Done with the noise, friends, clubs, training, and expectations. I can’t do this anymore.

Yes, she had broken the boy’s face by driving her heel into his jaw, but it had been his fault for pushing her to such extremes. She had her own injuries though, which she had already treated; the bruises on her arms would heal in due time. Who in his right mind would bring brass knuckles to a simple school fight?

Mom had asked what had happened, and Sako had said that she had just fallen down the stairs. But she hadn’t managed to fool Dad. He had known from a glance and simply told her to get some rest after ruffling her head with a flicker of pride in his eyes. “You did good,” he had said. In that moment, his praise had made her feel a bit better. It was true: she had ended the fight with a solid punch to his stomach—not her usual way of ending a fight, but a win was a win.

But now, in the darkness, alone with her thoughts, she wondered if things could’ve played out differently. 

No. She had Dad’s approval. That was all that mattered. No one else mattered.

And yet she couldn’t stop thinking about it: the aftermath of the fight and the sharp feeling she had had in her stomach when they had called her to the office. The soft ticking of the wall clock as she had waited in fear for what had felt like her impending demise. The dense, cold air. The dark thoughts of endless possibilities rushing through her frantic mind. Her jittery heart about to burst. And then the news had come down on her like a hammer. It had crushed her. Shattered her will into splinters.

Maybe she had been wrong. Fighting was bad. Violence was bad. That was what they had said at the office with their threatening scowls. But… that would mean that Dad was wrong. She loved and trusted him, but… No, he had to be right. He was a soldier and always so confident whenever he taught her. He was a pro at dealing with conflicts. Violence solved a lot of things in life. Sometimes, words just didn’t get through to people, especially if they too were looking for a fight.

If they want a fight, you give them a fight they’ll regret. Break their will to fight, and if you have to, their bones. His words.

Many people had come to fear and revere her after seeing her skills, and she had loved that validation and reveled in it. But now…

“I don’t know what to do,” she mumbled. She now understood why some grown-ups drank: to forget about their sadness and anger at the world.

Mom didn’t drink, so there was no liquor she could find, but Dad had a secret stash somewhere in the basement. Sometimes, she saw him coming up the stairs unsteadily, holding a bottle in his hand with an indescribable scent on him.

Sako got up and sneaked down into the basement while everyone slept. After flicking on the lights, she scoured the place and came to a locked cabinet. She yanked at it a few times. It didn’t budge. No keys anywhere.

She sighed. Fuck.

She went back up the flight of stairs then back up another flight, walked into her room, and collapsed onto the bed.

Dad had said it was okay to swear sometimes. Mom had disagreed, so Sako never swore in front of her. Dad always laughed when she did it in front of him.

She got up, took her phone up off the floor after feeling for it in the darkness, and began scrolling through her notifications, curious.

Kiyomi: u dont have to reply to me but jus know that im here for u

She swiped the message off the screen and opened her email and found a short email from the prez.

Upon your return to the school grounds, I highly recommend that you adhere to the school rules; “be a good girl,” as some may say.

Was she trying to provoke her? She clenched her teeth, renewed with anger, but then calmed down and gave up. Maybe the prez had a point. If she stopped being so eager to jump into fights, she wouldn’t risk getting another suspension, or worse, expulsion. Even being passive aggressive would be better. And using nicer words without swears might help to calm a hostile situation.

I’m sorry, Dad. Sako couldn’t side with him anymore. Let’s see how far I can get with being a “good girl”.