NOVEL NEXT 51: It’s Not Only A Dream
"Say My Name"
Say my name, baby.
Say it again.
Over and over.
And never stop.
I'll hum for you.
You hear me.
Your voice, it's the breeze.
Say my name, baby.
Say it again.
Over and over.
And never stop.
I'll hum against your hair
Your name, a whisper on my lips
Say my name.
Say it again.
Tell me to never stop.
I'll never stop, baby.
I felt you there.
It's not only a dream.
Your voice
A breeze
A whisper against my skin.
I felt your need.
I know you hear me.
It's not only a dream.
Say my name.
Say it again.
Over and over.
And never stop.
It's not only a dream.
File name: Untold Stories
Passcode: 8675309
RYST
Ahtah,
I'm going to switch to writing to you in Universal so my mind gets programmed to talk to you this way. I started journaling in Shurwinn for learning the language, but I think if we keep trying, maybe we can give each other clues in our dreams.
So, I'm going to try to remember to use Universal when I'm asleep. You said "Melthena." I can't find it as a language, but I did feel the intention: it was a term of endearment. So, try again. Try saying something I can understand.
The thing is, I don't think I really say words to you. I think I'm always just feeling in your direction. Like it's just understood between us and words aren't necessary. That's what happened with Denten when we were sparring. I don't think we ever actually used words when we had our mental conversation about The Art and Practice of Tindin Erotica.
It's so confusing trying to figure out this "Talent." I mean, what am I actually even doing? It's more than hearing thoughts. It's more than hearing feelings. It's more like I'm actually merging myself with another person. I can feel what they feel, and I just know what they think.
So, what happened to me in that coma to make me this way? All the dreams. They're more than dreams; I'm sure of it. And all those encounters with you that happen when I am awake. It's always when I'm in a dreamy state— like when I was in the hot tub or when I first wake up. I'm still partly asleep, but awake. I'm drifting off mentally.
And are you actually there in those intimate moments? When we're trying to figure out how to make love when I feel so bad? It seems so real to me, but I don't know if I'm partly making it up just to feel connected to you, or if it's part of the erotic fantasy. But how fantastical is it to imagine being with a lover when your body hurts? That makes no sense; that's a stupid fantasy.
So, what is it that is happening? Are you actually there? And why can't we just tell each other our contact information or something? Everything is always so vague. It's rarely words, right? It's feelings; emotion.
You're not sad anymore, so that is good. I just keep feeling from you how much you love me, or how happy you are in that moment to be with me. You feel so content just to be with me.
I love you too, Ahtah. And I'm going to keep working on this. Keep figuring out this Talent— why I am the way I am. Because I don't want to keep doing this without you.
Ahtah,
I'm dancing again, and it's wonderful! I don't mean sparring, I mean real dancing. Sorchen found me a teacher so I could learn all the Shurwinn ballroom dances. They are similar to Starlend, so that was easy to pick up, but there's this wonderful traditional tribal dance here that is more fun than anything I could imagine— Bhangra! The music is so rhythmic you can't help but bounce. Dohl drums!
Tonight I danced with Jasen at Alen's wedding. I had feared that partner dancing would overwhelm my Talent, but I think I'm doing better at not merging with other people. I still pick up thoughts and feelings, but I seem to have more control now. I wonder if that's because I really only want to be that intimate with you?
Ahtah,
When I was in the shower I had a lot of great ideas about my Talent, but they are slipping away. So, I'm going to try writing down as much as I can and see if I can trigger the memories. I write everything down so I can keep track of any possible clues. All the dreams. All the intimate moments that happen when I'm mostly awake, but still drowsy.
Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.
Oh yeah! I remember: when I'm partly asleep, partly awake, I feel like I'm somewhere else. Like when I was in the coma, I was in a Temple on Earth. So, where was my mind then? I really don't think that it's all my own brain doing this— giving me images to process during sleep. It's not just re-hashing events from my life.
It's more like memories of things to come.
So, what if, when I was in the coma, I went to another place that isn't the 9 Galaxies? That's beyond? Like there were 2 pillars— were they a threshold? A doorway to somewhere else? Because there HAS to be something better! I know that feeling of home I had when I first dreamt of you, and that feeling isn't something that's here in the 9 Galaxies.
I'm convinced more and more all the time that the 9 Galaxies aren't the sum total of all creation. That there IS someplace that is better, and that we can't get there with more advanced technology. Somewhere people aren't constantly suffering. Where it feels good to be alive.
Where I can feel good being alive. I don't know how to get there, but I think it's beyond the 9 Galaxies. And I think I touched it when I was in the coma, and I think I keep touching it now. It's like my feet are on Shurwinn sandstone, but my brain is somewhere else. And that somewhere is something I touched when I was unconscious, and I keep reaching for it and reaching for it because I know that it is there. Even though I don't understand it.
It's like Chaludra. She didn't know that she was on a quest. It wasn't until Kitty found the third Sibylline Sister that they realized the quest for the Sibyls had turned the three young women into Warrior Priestesses who could take up the positions of Sibylline Sisters in the Lone Rock Monastery. That wasn't something that any of them set out to do, it just happened because they lived their lives and kept making the choices to keep going on a path they didn't understand.
I feel like that's happening to me too. So, I'm going to keep going.
It would be nice, though, if I had some Sibylline Sisters to talk to. I don't think there's anyone who can understand me. Peydran, yes, he is right here with me, but he isn't like me. He doesn't stare into space and feel some tangled up ball of ideas, something too big to perceive pushing down on him! It's crazy!
No one else is merging their mind with other people and knowing their most intimate feelings and thoughts. So, why am I? Is that part of the other world? The one I went to in the coma? Is that what people are like there? We just are always sensing each other, and we don't have to speak aloud? Like it is with you and me in our shared dreams or the erotic moments?
Is that what is normal and the 9 Galaxies are abnormal? Because here all we do is hurt each other, and we could never be in the brain merge with each other because we can't trust each other. I know that's why Peydran reached out to me when he woke up from his surgery— he was horrified, and his inner self needed someone to grab onto. It was instinctual. He trusted me, and he reached out to grab onto something as he was falling into hell.
Is that kind of connection who we are really supposed to be?
And how do I use this? How do I use it to find you? I'm going to keep trying. I'll keep writing and dreaming and imagining that I'm with you. And we will do this. I am coming for you. But, can you give me some clues, love?
Ahtah,
I think I have a new favorite dream. We were dancing. We were so in sync. Your body knew mine, and my spirit danced with yours. I don't even think there was music. It was just flowing, moving synchronicity among the stars. You were there. I know you were. You are an amazing dancer, Ahtah. Amazing. I love you. See you soon.
Ahtah,
I keep reading my journals again and again trying to find hidden clues. I think I stumbled on something just now. I had a dream— it was after Peydran showed me how he had hacked the relay in his brain so he could control more than the augment with it.
There were no more wires. No more electrical box. It was just my brain. It was a current. It was in my brain, and it was outside my body. I could feel current all along the outside of my skin. It didn't touch me. I just knew it was there. A current in my brain, and a current swirling around me. Like light, but more solid. All flowing about. Inside. Outside. Flowing about.1
Are the extra senses that I have because the electrical field of the brain and the nerves is actually extending beyond the tissue of our bodies? Is that why I can sense the building, the desert, and everything beyond? Because it's just one big electrical field that is both in our bodies and extending outside of it?
I mean, lightning is electricity that isn't visible until it coalesces. It's there, even when we can't see it. So, are we all sort of like that?
Do you think that the wireless technology signals are a kind of imitation of our human connections? Are you and I sending information to each other over vast distances like wireless communications? Are there electrical currents everywhere all around us that we aren't aware of because we are used to being disconnected from all that is?
I'm not sure I understand this completely, but when I let my mind drift, it makes an odd kind of sense to me. Our brains are electrical and our nerves, and our hearts. All of these things can be measured scientifically. And the planet has it's own type of electrical current— grounding.
Is that what is happening with the mystical force of erotica.? Is erotica really just an electrical field that we are all connected to through our own individual electrical fields? What if this is more than just a mystical phenomenon? What are we actually breathing in when we breathe in the breath of life, the mystical force of erotica?
Are we connecting our own electrical field— the electrical field of our brains and nervous systems and hearts to the electrical field that is all of reality? What if it isn't just mystical? Is that why all my senses are heightened? Even orgasms are so much more than anything I knew before. Is that related to the electrical signals — my nerves are receiving a new set of instructions now that they didn't have before? So it's much more sensation?
So, what if— we are really all supposed to be able to communicate with each other without devices or even vocal cords? What do you think? What if I'm not an exception? What if I'm the normal one, and everyone else is abnormal? Is that arrogant?
I don't want to be merged to other people the way they are now. But if there's a place beyond the 9 Galaxies where humans aren't hurting each other all of the time, wouldn't it make sense that communication is more of a flowing together? Just one big communication system that doesn't require machines? Have we inadvertently built machines to do what we could naturally do ourselves if we were more connected within and without?
Ahtah!
You were here just now! What was it like for you, love? I can't wait to see you in person to know. Here's what happened to me: I had just woken up and was in that sleepy morning state just drifting. I don't even remember what I was thinking about. But I wasn't dreaming. I was awake! And I wasn't feeling particularly erotic until all of a sudden there was a presence with me who was turned on and saying without words:
Let me. And just touching me in all the right places! At first I wasn't even touching myself; it was like I was actually feeling fingers that were male touching me exactly the way I wanted. And then my mind kicked in and wanted to take over, but you were so calm and relaxed and just said Let me, again without words.
And then I understood your intention. You wanted to feel everything. You didn't need me to tell you what to do because you felt what my body felt and you knew how it wanted to be touched. And you LIKED it! You liked feeling what a woman feels when she is turned on. You were feeling what it felt like to be a woman, weren't you!?!!? Did you like it, my love? Haaaaaa! Of course you liked it— you were totally lost in it yourself, I know. Wow, Ahtah. Let's do that sometime again soon.
Ahtah,
Only two weeks 'til I move into my new home in Centre Oasis. Can you believe we built a new village? It's still stunning to me, but it's one of those things that feels absolutely right. From the very first moment Peydran and I got the ideas, everything has fallen into place. We've had hiccoughs, sure, but every single time, things come together. Far more quickly than I could have imagined.
I can't wait to be in my new casita— it's small, not much bigger than a large apartment, but it has a big terrace that looks out at the hill below and a skylight, so it feels roomy. FAR more roomy than my little room here in Media Monastery.
Some days I feel like I'm climbing the walls here in this small room. Two years in such a small space has been more than enough! When I can't stand it anymore, we go out to restaurants with staff or friends. Jasen has a girlfriend now, so there will probably be another wedding coming up.
So much has happened— the sessions with clients took off, so I have regular patient video transmits. And we keep meeting with the 9 Galaxies Research Collab. Really, we're just friends who like chatting and connecting across the Galaxies. I think we're all sort of in love with the idea of having friendships across the Known Cosmos.
But I've published a couple of papers in collaboration with the Equi University Hospital— mostly thanks to Dr. Abrams, Peydran's cyberneticist. And I share staff with Produced by Peydran. So, it's been a very, very busy year.
The next time I write to you, I should be in my new home. But, I'm going to try to see you before that. Whether dreaming or awake, I won't stop connecting to you, Ahtah.
You're a part of this big tangle that is on the horizon. Centre Oasis is a part of it. I am a part of it. Peydran is a part of it. Somehow, this is all connected. I will find a way to untangle these threads. I am coming for you, so be ready, my love.