NOVEL NEXT 281: Is There An Echo
I woke to a pounding rain, booming thunder, and a raging headache. Pills, coffee, bagel, rain boots, jacket.
Work.
Night Nick met me at the door grimacing at the pouring rain. "I'll give it a minute before I head out. The kids are in the basement eating dry cereal and playing Mad Pheasants."
"Cool. Thanks, Nick, I'll head down."
I made my way to the basement, and once I got there wondered why I even bothered. Pulling my shoulder bag open, I grabbed my pad and flicked open Shapeless Poetry. Blah, blah, blah, more words.
They weren't badly written words, but I wasn't feeling it. I stretched out on the floor and closed my eyes wishing the day was over. Chest rising. Chest falling. Mind drifting. Musical scores. Fingers fiying over piano keys. Tears wishing I'd let them fall. Me fading. Drifting Fog. Oblivion.
Ping!
Dammit. Shoulda turned the sound off my pad. I picked it up to see a DM from smack_pans. I tapped it, and the DM screen opened showing a message with one word. I wasn't in the mood, but I didn't wanna be rude.
smak_pans: Hi
Ayela: hey. what's up?
Nothing. No response. Whatever. I closed my eyes again, lying back on the floor.
Ping!
smak_pans: watcha up to?
Ayela: working
smak_pans: you have a job?
Ayela: yes
smak_pans: a good one?
Ayela: the best
smak_pans: really?
Ayela: what're you up to?
smak_pans: wishing you were here
Ayela: is that so?
smak_pans: wanna come to voice chat?
Ayela: I'm working
smak_pans: we miss you when you're gone
Ayela: how many have you had smak_pans?
smak_pans: lol. not enough
Ayela: go lie down and sleep it off
smak_pans: only if you join me
Ayela: you're not my type
smak_pans: you're mine, always have been, always will be
Ice ran down my spine.
Those words.
I knew them.
Knew them well and did not like them. I slammed Discord closed, heart racing, palms sweating, breath coming too fast.
"I need the potty!" Mal rang out, and I stuttered in a breath.
"Need help?" I squeaked out.
"Can we have juice?" her brother asked.
Right. Children. My charges. I could do this. I climbed the steps on shaky legs, grateful to reach the kitchen and the fridge. The beer inside looked very, very tempting, but I knew better.
I grabbed a glass of water for me and two cups of juice for the twins and made my way slowly down the steps so I wouldn't trip.
"I wanna go outside!" Mal complained.
The best way to keep the twins from bothering their mother was to either be outside, in the basement, or at the park, and since the rain had stopped, I agreed we should play outside.
Everything was drippy and damp in the late morning, but we cleared off the swings and slide and managed to have some fun. And I forgot the troubles of the morning in the presence of two busy kids who wanted my attention.
After lunch I put them down for their naps singing "Twinkle, twinkle" as I did every day then went upstairs for coffee. Pulling out my pad, I opened the DM from smak_panns and deleted it. But that wasn't all I wanted to do.
Search: how to block a Discord username
Easy. It was easy to block him. Good. I switched into the Flopper server.
Stolen story; please report.
#ayela's-stage
DeBagg: don't think she knows to come check
NightLover: WHAAAAAAAAAA?
BlackPesc: she's feckin' like that
GayPirate: she had a past life of insignificance. must be a pattern
Zoe: <img alt="image" height="20" src="https://images.squidge.org/images/2025/11/01/Untitled.png" width="18"/>
HC: nothin' like a rainbow steak
Zoe: charred, am I right?
HC: grill it up hot
NightLover: AAAAAAAAAAAAASS
BlackPesc: feckin' A
Were they talking about me? Or some game I didn't understand? I clicked over to the busier channel.
#SpecialStreaksGeneral
RaceHorse: I piss like a fuckin' storm but have no idea why
IGrabYoGun: words I could've lived without
BalMichi: the pipes are clear, so good news buddy
GingerBollox: has anyone seen my wallet?
Bartt: I stole it on Tuesday
Lily: sometimes I'm in love with my book
AnnieTheTiny: it loves you back
FirstBorn: books love?
Cady: we're talking books?
CarlaCee: book me in
PageCount: I read a story in my dreams last night
Ayela: what kind of story?
DysblurbicPedant: don't answer that, we don't wanna know
SoXOXO: knowing is half the battle
LordTyrant: war is all there is
HC: grim thoughts today, is it raining everywhere?
BoyClick: sure feels that way
Buttle: I tripped on my cat just now
IAmSoImportant: cats are the worst
RabbitGuano: bunnies are fuzzy
IAmSoImportant: is that an invitation?
RabbitGuano: what're you doing later?
ArlenKnight: 🔥
GingerBollox: isn't IAmSoImportant a dude?
RabbitGuano: so?
Hola: you are not a dude
InnerFire: no hetero hook ups on this server
CoolBeans: definitely not
Ayela: we're outlawing straight people?
smak_pans: Has anyone ever met a straight person?
GingerBollox: we already decided they don't exist
Ayela: How exactly was that determined?
smak_pans: science
Ayela: so the human race just spontaneously reproduces?
CoolBeans: when they're temporarily attracted to the opposite sex
Innerfire: and also- science babies
Cady: this sounds logical
SoXOXO: 100%
HC: I, for one, think straight people exist
smak_pans: studies show people find images of their own gender as attractive as the opposite sex
SassySword: well, that's solid proof
ArlenKnight: I'm convinced.
Ayela: then are gay people real?
B: define "real"
MagicMark: of course
Hola: certainly
BeadBuddy: the only real people are gay
BearyBeast: what is existence?
Ayela: by this logic, gay people must be attracted to the opposite sex too. Is everyone bi?
GingerBollox: sigh
Cherubella: isn't she supposed to be a lesbian?
Bartt: she's always so confused.
B: we can't rely on her
Ayela: I'm just trying to understand this "logic"
SoXOXO: understanding is overrated
HC: and make a case for straight people existing?
StarStream: sounds like she needs a defragg
BearyBeast: maybe play some Power Washers Seven to rinse that brain, @Ayela
Bartt: Doubt it will help the likes of her
RabbitGuano: has anyone seen that ad for the farm in New Hampshire where there are cattle grazing openly? No fences?
Ayela: sounds like Wyoming
CoolBeans: you mean, there's a farm here where I can see fucking cows?
HC: or maybe, normal cows? Is that an option?
Exclamation: please say no
DickDaddy: that sounds like some quality beef
Hola: that's what you said last night
ArlenKnight: 🔥
RabbitGuano: now I want a burger
IAmSoImportant: mine's available
Lorca: wait, are burgers a euphemism now?
HC: is this a new thing?
GingerBollox: my burger's best
LordTyrant: put it on the barbie!
SpiritdeCacao: are we eating human burgers?
GingerBollox: with bean topping
CorkyCash: nothing's changed in chat
Lorca: you knew burgers were innuendo?
CorkyCash: they are?
DickDaddy: everything is
Buttle: especially here
Lily: especially here
Exclamation: who wants it any other way?
It should've been funny. It should've cheered me up, but I scrolled up to read again.
"Doubt it will help the likes of her."
Right. I liked the Special Streaks. They made me laugh. But it didn't seem like they really wanted me around. At least, they didn't want me asking questions. As if I couldn't have a serious conversation or they'd just change the subject. My breaths were coming too fast again.
"You're mine. Always have been. Always will be."
Suffocating. I was suffocating. I slammed my pad on the kitchen counter and ran out the back door into the garden, finding a bench, arms around my middle, blinking.
No, no, no, no. Not here. I would not stop breathing in the probably-not-a-mafia-mom's garden.
Rocking back and forth, I pulled myself together singing, "I gave you my voice, trusting you'd reveal . . ."
I thought of only one thing: CoralineAsIs. Her voice. Her song. Her piano. Slowly, my breaths calmed, but I kept mouthing the words, repeating them like a lifeline, holding onto her song; my song, the song that would keep me from fading to black.
I did it. I came back to myself, rocking in the garden. Okay, Discord wasn't working for me today. Not a problem. The house needed picking up.
Laundry: check
Kitchen: spotless
Living room: neat as a pin
Bathroom: shone like new money
The kids woke from naps cranky so we played in the garden until it started raining again then went back to the basement to watch cartoons. I wish I could tell you that the bad day ended there, but it didn't.
When it was time for me to head out, I patted the cartoon-watching twins on the head as a good-bye and headed up the steps to find their mother in the kitchen.
Good. I needed to broach the subject of Joey and Mal's birthday with her since it was only two weeks away.
"Janelynn, I'm glad to catch you. Before I go, I wanted to talk about the twins' birthday."
She quirked one eyebrow, and her lips slightly curved upwards. Was she happy about it? She wanted to do something with us this year? Would she join us? Celebrate?
"I was thinking about a picnic in the park or something simp—"
"You've been thinking about Joey and Mal's birthday?"
"Yes, they seem to like the swings—"
"And you thought you'd tell me this? Today?"
"I wanted to ask you if you'd like to join us this year—"
"My twins have a birthday coming up, and you're inviting me to a party?"
Oh no. Oh no, no, no. This was noooooooot happening.
"Tell me about the birthday party you have planned for my children without me. I want to hear all about it. Will there be cake?" Janelynn asked, but the slight smile on her lips didn't reach her eyes.
"I— I didn't really think—"
"You planned a birthday party for my children without thinking? Why would you do that?" she asked, tone light, almost friendly.
"I wanted to see if you'd like to do something this year?" My voice was pale in that kitchen. A mockery of sound.
"Oh. This year. Unlike last year or the previous years. Or perhaps, you think you were the one on the delivery table who was cut open in an emergency c-section to bring them into this world? Is that what happened? Do you remember it?"
"That's not—"
"I know you think you're a better mother than me; I see the snooty look in your eyes. Every single time I see you it's haughtiness. No more."
Turning her back on me, she spoke dismissively, "That'll be all, Sandra."
"Oh, I'm Saman—"
Making a shooing motion with her hand, she didn't turn around, "You may go."
I stood motionless, wondering what was happening.
"Go?"
"Is there an echo?" she turned on the kitchen faucet.
"You mean, you don't want me to babysit the twins anymore?" my voice came out small, confused, weak.
"I know I didn't just hear something in my kitchen that I wasn't talking to."
My face burned. My heart raced, and everything within me wanted to shrivel. I knew the tone. I knew it too well. Curling in on myself, I turned on my heels and hurried to the door, pulling on my rain gear as fast as I could.
I looked over my shoulder, wishing I could say good bye to Joey and Mal, and fled into the rainy night.