NOVEL NEXT 276: The Food Teleportation Code
I finished two chapters beta reading Shapeless Poetry then started another coffee. As the aroma of fresh brew permeated the kitchen, I flicked open Discord wondering if anyone would be awake enough for an entertaining chat.
#SpecialStreaksGeneral
Lorca: I think my hair gel's moldy
RabbitGuano: extra firm hold
Lorca: yeah, hair looks amazing, but it stinks like dog ass
CoolBeans: my cat yacked a hairball so big I puked too
Hallo: I coulda done without that
HC: gotta go mow the lawn
Ayela: there's no lawn. admit it, you live in your grandma's basement writing lesbian love stories and playing on discord
HC: almost. you forgot the bunker
CorkyCash: my neighbor has a bunker full of food
LordTyrant: there's your next hostile take over
BeadBuddy: next?
PageCount: Pressure Washers 7 is the best take-over game
InnerFire: it's like a cleansing for my brain
StarStream: washes you out so good
Buttle: I need a pressure washer for the bird poop
IAmSoImportant: in your brain?
GingerBollox: I mean, I've heard of shit for brains, but . . .
B: might need a purge on that one
CarlaCee: My brain is a great multitasker; it can forget several things at once
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
BalMichi: without my wife, I'd lose all memory of myself
MacadamiasNonspecifically: is this how it goes?
Exclamation: What goes?
Apo Plex: I go?
StacysLair: He went.
CoraCee: Doggone.
DysblurbicPedant: Long gone.
CorkyCash: done gone.
Buttle: Over.
DickDaddy: Does anyone have lunch? I'm hungry.
B: Working on that Food Teleportation code now.
SoXOXO: Version two was a bust.
BeadBuddy: Pineapple on pizza: yea or nay?
Bartt: What's pizza?
IAmSoImportant: that one's ready to defragg
SoXOXO: he did that ten days ago
BearyBeast: he gets a good one in every now and then
smack_pans: Pineapple belongs on the grill or in my mouth, not on pizza
InnerFire: I like a good pineapple leaf tea
B: that one really needs a re-boot
BalMichi: does HC really live in his grandma's basement?
Burning: Defs. He writes lesbian love stories, so the rest must be true
Cady: the logic in this group is astounding
MerFolk: I can't argue with that
MoodyBoots: no pineapple on pizza. ever.
DickDaddy: sausage on pizza. always
Buttle: I like a good deep dish from time to time
DickDaddy: only in Chicago
Buttle: agreed
GingerBollox: what's deep dish?
CoolBeans: I knew British food was ass
SpiritdeCacao: AAAAAAAAAAAAASS?
B: uh oh, man down
LordTyrant: medic, immediately
Exclamation: I'M ASLEEP!
SassySword: get that man a coffee!
SoXOXO: better wipe him soon
RabbitGuano: he's just a loon
Lorca: It's what we all assume
SpiritdeCacao: AAAAAAAAAASS?
B: stuck in a loop, I see
smack_pans: does anything make sense today?
Bartt: does it ever?
Ayela: only on Tuesday
B: is she looping too?
ArlenKnight: perhaps we all need a snack? Linked image of steaming enchiladas
SassySwords: that phonk need be in my mouth now
DickDaddy: not fair, I want that
Hallo: that's what you said last night
ArlenKnight: 🔥
RabbitGuano: 🔥🔥🔥
Cartoon J.: finally, something that makes sense
StarStream: they said we all needed a rinse
GingerBollox: I'd do it for a six pence
BalMichi: I'm busy building a fence
DickDaddy: I got pepperoni with extra garlic
RabbitGuano: no vampires for you tonight
GingerBollox: I'm watching Vampire Bait right now
DysblurbicPedant: Do they sparkle on that show?
Buttle: I like my whores to sparkle, not my vampires.
Ayela: is this a video game reference?
Bartt: someone put her out of our misery
GingerBollox: you can't expect much from the puny types
Ayela: who you calling puny?
IAmSoImportant: when the shoe fits
BearyBeast: are we ganging up? is shit going down?
B: going down and down
GingerBollox: you ready to take a side?
Woah. Okay.
Whatever that was had to end because I needed to get to Nanna's for breakfast. I closed Discord, not sad about saying goodbye to whatever weirdness had just happened, pulled on a sweater and sneakers, grabbed my sheet music, and was out the door.
I had a new song to learn, didn't I? So I could forget all about idiots who called me puny in chat when it made no sense.
Right?
