NOVEL NEXT 257: I Always Wanted Bloody Dogs For Lunch
Alarm chiming. Sun shining. It was morning and time to get ready for the day. Coffee in hand, I flicked open Discord to see what was new. Holy hells, being two hours behind New York time meant so much happened in chat while I was asleep.
MacadamiasNonspecifically: I'm back. Missed you guys
HC: Macadamias! great to see you!
ArlenKnight: where've you been?
MacadamiasNonspecifically: busy. life. writing.
Bartt: did you launch your book yet?
MacadamiasNonspecifically: last week
Ayela: what's your book?
HC: put your link in your bio
Lowlands8675: that's the best way to market yourself
Cady: the Special Streams will support you
SoXOXO: they boosted me
StarStream: you can count on your friends
GingerBollox: who said we're friends?
CoolBeans: we're not friends
Buttle: my kids set the house on fire
MacadamiasNonspecifically: @Ayela thanks for the comment!
Ayela: you're welcome. chapter 2 here I come! boy love stories rock!
ArlenKnight: yes they do!
Hello: the best
DickDaddy: is there any other kind of love story?
smak_pans: straight people don't exist
CarlaCee: there are loads of crooked people
LordTyrant: all I do is outline
DysblurbicPedant: you wrote a 10,000 word synopsis
Lorca: pants every now and then, LordTyrant
SassySword: pants all day
HC: pants all night
Burning: pantsing is the only way
Luna_phile: outline then pants
LordTyrant: what is this nonsense?
Lorca: get your panties out of your ass and pants it, Tyrant
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
LordTyrant: 🤣. Then how could I plot my world takeover?
WarMarsupial: with my fist up your ass instead
LordTyrant: fists over panties? who can turn that down?
SassySword: did that just happen?
HC: I think LordTyrant made a joke
RabbitGuano: a sexy one, if I'm not mistaken
Hello: is the server going to blow up again?
Ayela: I'll never stop pantsing. @MacadamiasNonspecifically I love the Arthurian legend retold! onto chapter 3
MacadamiasNonspecifically: that helps Ayela. I'm feeling so down
HC: wanna talk about it?
MacadamiasNonspecifically: entered a contest. got bad reviews. didn't know if I could write for shit
Fudd: reviews are meaningless
Bartt: can you write for shit?
Ayela: I can confirm after reading four chapters that MacadamiasNonspecifically can write very, very well
MacadamiasNonspecifically: thx, Ayela 🥰
Buttle: I called the fire department
ArlenKnight: is your house actually on fire?
SoXOXO: never can be too sure
DickDaddy: my sheets are on fire
Cartoon J: my wrists feel like they're on fire
HC: @MacadamiasNonspecifically, was there actionable feedback in the reviews?
Lily: without specifics, it's hard to say if those reviews are reliable
MacadamiasNonspecifically: I think I just needed to talk about it
StarStream: we're always here to chat
Bartt: if they made good points, you should listen
BeadBuddy: reviews are just reactions, not truth
BoyClick: I once got a review titled, "Ew"
Cady: "Ew" is not actionable feedback
CarlaCee: It is if you need a shower
Hello: only listen if it matters
HC: if they didn't give you specific ways to improve, then it's hard to know if they actually read your work
MacadamiasNonspecifically: some of it might apply, but it still upset me
Lily: it's hard to put yourself out there
MerFolk: I can read a few chapters and let you know
MacadamiasNonspecifically: thx MerFolk
Ayela: writing a niche like yours can make you a target too
ArlenKnight: can we help you @MacadamiasNonspecifically?
MacadamiasNonspecifically: I feel better now. I'll go back and look to see what I can change. Thx for the review, Ayela. 😍
Ayela: you're welcome. It's a beautiful book. Rich characters
RabbitGuano: I love how you portray Morganna
MacadamiasNonspecifically: 🥰 this is the best server!
ArlenKnight: is there any other server?
Lorca: definitely not!
IAmSoImportant: NOPE!
Cartoon J.: never!
Buttle: wet furniture sucks
B: did the fire department soak everything?
BalMichi: wait, was someone's house ACTUALLY on fire?
Lorca: is everyone okay?
BearyBeast: the soccer tourney's over
SoXOXO: fire + water = problem solved
CorkyCash: what's for lunch?
HC: smoked table legs
GingerBollox: chargrilled hot dogs
IAmSoImportant: gif of hot dog costume
B: gif of screaming hot dogs on fire
Bartt: gif of dancing hot dog
SassySword: bleach my eyes
CoolBeans: I'm never eating a hot dog again
smack_pans: they're sus
StarStream: beef over pork
Exclamation: soy dogs
GingerBollox: wiener dogs
RabbitGuano: gif of dachshund
HC: get the mustard
Cherubella: I prefer ketchup. It's like blood.
Ember: I always wanted bloody dogs for lunch
SpiritdeCacao: with soggy buns
Hello: are there any other kind of buns?
smack_pans: buns on the run
CorkyCash: think I'll get a burger
HC: with buns?
GingerBollox: a bean burger?
Exclamation: the best kind
ArlenKnight: here's the lasagna I made last night: Link to image of lasagna
SassySword: we seriously need the food teleportation upgrade
LordTyrant: what's this?
RabbitGuano: they've got it on another server I'm in
Bartt: Do you cheat on us, Rabbit?
CoolBeans: fidelity is optional
GingerBollox: what're you doing later?
ArlenKnight: 🔥
Buttle: don't remind me of fire. the carpet's drenched
Wait, what? Was Buttle serious? Did their house almost burn down, and why the fuck did they narrate the whole thing on Discord? What was even wrong with these people?
Hold up, I was standing in my kitchen, cold cup of coffee paused in mid air. I'd been reading #SpecialStreamsGeneral so intently I hadn't even bothered to drink my morning brew. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME???!!!
I slammed the pad face down and backed up. Away from the devil app that sucked me into a black hole of unforgivable time wasting. Holy fucks, I had to get to work, and I hadn't even had hot coffee! No! This day was a travesty.
I blamed Discord. It was the source of my every sorrow and every bad thing. No more, I promised myself. Never again.
