NOVEL NEXT 245: Meanies Are Out
"Ummmggh." I rolled outta bed, remembering it was a nannying day and plodded to the kitchen for coffee. My pad was right there on the kitchen counter, and I looked at it with a grimace.
Everything in me wanted to open Discord and see if I had new messages, but that little voice in my head that sounded a lot like Nanna whispered, "Remember: they don't know you at all."
I caved.
Coffee in one hand, flicking through screens with the other, I saw a message from HC from three hours ago, which would've been 3AM my time, or 5AM New York time. He definitely was on the East Coast of the US. Or a chronic insomniac. Or, he could've been abroad too, but his language and singing seemed American.
HC: Don't forget to check the updates on the Flopper server.
Ayela: 👍
I bounced over to the other server and stopped. What was that?
#FlopperGeneral
#ayela's-stage
I had a thread? I didn't make that, did I? Was I sleep walking last night? Did I accidentally create a stage for myself in Zoe's server? I clicked it, and I was not prepared for what I saw.
DeBagg: My book is doing so much better with Ayela's review. Her comments cheered me up.
HC: I didn't know if I wanted to keep going with my prequel, but she connected to the characters, so I knew I had to keep writing.
Zoe: She doesn't just write words, she really sees into the deeper meaning of what I'm saying.
BlackPesc: I don't fecking know who Ayela is, but I want to!
DeBagg: Think she knows this is here yet?
HC: I think she's in a different time zone.
Zoe: Isn't she new to Discord? She probably has no idea this is here.
DeBagg: should we send her nonstop messages?
HC: We should build her a Temple
DeBagg: A Temple? For our Comment Goddess? Hell yes!
HC: Begin construction, DeBagg
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
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BlackPesc: I'm just a feckin' rando, but I love Ayela! Our goddess reigns!
DeBagg: keep the noise down, Pesc, don't wake the goddess or you shall endure her wrath! Do not stir her hatred!
Zoe: I don't think Ayela's capable of hate
HC: Defs not
DeBagg: Then wake her!
NightLover: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAyela!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAyela!!!!!!!!!!!
WTF was all of this, and why were there tears streaming down my cheeks?
Because of Zoe.
Because she saw that my comments went beyond fluff. That I knew the heart of her character Pagan and felt a kinship.
Because she said I wasn't capable of hate. And HC agreed.
Because I wasn't just a feckin' rando like BlackPesc. They'd seen some part of me. My favorite parts of my life, and, oh gods dammit! I would not cry about this. Fuck it all. I poured a second mug of coffee and got dressed for my shit job, pretending like I hadn't seen anything they'd done.
"Up above the world so high. Like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are," I sang softly, pulling the blanket over Mal and Joey.
Yeah, the twins often napped in one bed. Easier that way, and by the end of my song their chests were rising and falling slowly, so I made my way down the hall and to the kitchen. I finished washing up the dishes and putting everything away.
Chores done, I had a choice: edit a chapter or two or look at Discord. Whaddaya think I did? Discord, of course. I still didn't like how seen I felt. That Zoe and HC seemed genuine in their affection, but I went through and responded to their comments being appropriately bowled over by the fact that they gave me a stage in Flopper's server and then built a Temple to me, their Comment Goddess. Oh lawd, the whole thing was utterly insane.
And fucking beautiful.
Fucking gorgeous lesbians (and at least one non-lesbian old man).
Wait, they were posting. Oh crap, they'd seen me writing. I forgot that was part of it. Ha!
DeBagg wanted the goddess to issue edicts. Remembering the bad review on DeBagg's book and the unsavory feeling I'd gotten from the Special Streaks server last night, I had something to declare.
Ayela: Meanies are out.
HC: You heard the goddess! No being mean!
DeBagg: Praise be!
BlackPesc: Praise be! Goddess fecking favor me!
Ayela: I see you, BlackPesc.
BlackPesc: I still have no feckin' clue what's going on!
Ayela: does anyone?
HC: The wisest of philosophy hast been uttered from the lips of divinity!
NightLover: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAyela!
DeBagg: Praise be!
Ayela: Go forth and write, write, write, my beloveds!
HC: It shall be so!
I couldn't help grinning at my screen as I closed Discord and opened a chapter to edit. Ping!
HC: Five new chapters
Ayela: holy hells, man! The muse struck?
HC: lol. I have three more to review, then I'll send those too.
Ayela: hot damn! You're on fire!
HC: someone put me out!
Ayela: 💧 I'll take a look tonight. Can't wait.
HC: Hope your day's going well
Ayela: Always
It felt silly to be evasive, but I still wasn't sure I wanted to talk about my days with anyone on Discord. Better to keep things focused on the books and not get personal. No more messages came through, so I went back to editing. The kids woke soon after, and we played the rest of the day away.
On my way home, I stopped by my favorite pasta shop for take out and couldn't believe who I saw in line.
"Sam!"
"Hi Rhoda! I thought you lived at the park!"
"Haaa. I thought you and the kids turned into geese when I'm not there! Oh, you don't have the kids tonight?"
Shit. I really didn't want to make up more lies; it was getting too complicated to keep the charade going.
"Just picking up some take out. See you next time!"
My whole life felt like a series of evasions. Would there ever be a chance when I could just fucking be?
Yes, I decided, shoveling Alfredo down my gullet in front of the drama of the night. Yes, in my own apartment, eating noodles and watching Korean stream shows.
Or writing.
My books.
And comments
on someone else's.
Those were the times when I could truly be.