Stars Dancing [Dreams-To-Lovers Romance]

I had too many feelings raging through my heart, so I closed it down and opened my book. Putting in my ear buds and playing Chopin's Nocturnes, and I wrote and wrote and wrote, pouring all that emotion into letters and sentences and paragraphs and pages. Ten chapters poured outta me, full of longing, lust, love, and loyalty.

Did that help? Yeah, a bit.

I got a giant glass of water, then another, replenishing the fluids that'd run down my cheeks then ordered Chinese delivery for dinner. Turning on a new k-drama, I tucked in for the evening, but I couldn't relax, so I opened my DMs on the Discord app, of course. What else do restless souls do?

HC: Do you ever cry when you're writing?

Ayela: I never really stop

No response. She must've gone to sleep. I was a night owl, and if HC lived in another time zone, midnight for me coulda been early morning for her. I clicked the drama back on and got lost in a story of a woman cursed into being a succubus and having to steal the souls of men. Oh yeah, she had her skirts on the side. Of course it was a yuri show, why would I watch anything else?

Ping!

HC: Couldn't sleep. Wrote four new chapters. Want them? I had to drink three glasses of water since I cried so hard.

Ayela: WTF? Why are you crying already? No one's dying 'til the end, right?

HC: Can't help it. I know what I'm gonna do to them, and it breaks my heart to write the happy stuff.

Ayela: You're hopeless.

HC: You have no idea. Here's the chapters.

Ayela: I'm watching a drama. Don't tempt me.

HC: You're watching dramas instead of beta reading my book?! Scandal.

Ayela: lol. Alright. Drama over. Sappy Seattle love story, here I come.

HC: You're the best.

Ayela: Sing it for me

HC: attachment: voice file

Play "I Am The Best" by HC Maron

"It's always me! Sing it with me! Scream it for me! I'm the best! Say it right now! Say it again! You know it's true! I'm the best!" sang a gorgeous male voice.

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

Ayela: lol! Awesome song! Where'd you get that?

HC: I just sang it into my voice recorder.

My heart stopped. Wait, HC Maron was a DUDE?

Ayela: Are you gender fluid?

HC: lol. No. Did you think I was a lesbian?

Ayela: lol. totally. I'm so embarrassed.

HC: My wife gets a kick outta this every time it happens.

Ayela: OMG, this is so humiliating. I'm sorry I made assumptions.

HC: Stop! We're writer friends, and it doesn't bother me. It happens all the time.

Ayela: Excuse me while I go beta read. See you later, HC. (crawls under rock to hide and read like a good introvert)

HC: lol. Fine. I'm sleepy now anyway. Have a good one.

Shit, oh shit. I played the song again. His voice was lovely. How was HC Maron a dude with a beautiful singing voice, and ten tits, why was he singing into a recorder and sending it to ME? What was even happening to my life?

Too overwhelmed by the day's events to process them, I opened Shapeless Poetry and did what I did best: read and wrote feedback for its author. One chapter down, I couldn't stop thinking about how HC Maron was not, in fact a lesbian. Or even a woman, but he wrote female characters so rich and deep.

Damn, I wanted to be like him; to create worlds where restless souls could slide into the pages and connect to something more.

Ariel was always saying in Red Phoenix that it was important to be authentic, and that was something I wanted so much but never achieved. I admired her for being real, but I didn't know how to find that in myself.

Or, maybe I did? Hadn't I confided in HC that the source of my inspiration was missing my dead parents and dreaming of them reaching me from beyond their graves? And wasn't that the true reason that I'd loved his graphic novels so much as a teen?

Because his characters found a way back to each other even though they'd been separated by death, and that was something I wanted so desperately to be real.

Before I knew what I was doing, a poem in five word sentences rolled over my keyboard and into HC's messages:

Please laugh at this, HC.

Yes, I cracked up too.

Ariel says to be authentic.

So I wrote this down.

Insomnia plus a bad decision.

This message is a compliment.

Your book is fucking good.

How are you a dude?

You are not a lesbian.

You don't have red hair.

You're probably not perimenopausal either.

I am a fucking idiot.

I will regret this later.

I kind of already do.

I should stop typing now.

Pets! SassySword had put a picture of their cat in the #pets thread the day before, so I knew they had an adorable fur baby. And so cute! The one in the video was darling! I jumped into the convo.

Ayela: @SassySword your cat is soooo gorgeous! I love the fur pattern.

SassySword: that's a gif

Ayela: Imma go hide under a rock

Oh Lord, I did not even just do that. Fucking fuck balls of FUCK. How stupid was I? The stupidest. I mashed Discord closed as fast as I could and pulled open Shapeless Poetry again.

Back to something comforting and familiar: a book. No people. No dancing animations or blaring sounds pinging every few seconds. Just me, the quiet of late night, and two girls on a date in Seattle. Two chapters in, all those steamy lattes and warm scones made my eyelids too heavy to keep open, so I crawled into bed and drifted off.

I dreamt that night, sleeping soundly and deeply. Of ten staircases going up and up and up, and when I woke, the world was dark and cloudy and thunderous outside. Seemed like a bad start to another day in Cheyenne.