NOVEL NEXT 111: Parented By Peydran
RYST
Journal
Relapse Day 4: Hemorrhaging started yesterday. It's not a menstrual cycle; it's a nightmare. I dreamt I performed an endometrial biopsy on myself. I already know what the treatment options will be. It isn't good.
Post Relapse Day 12: Still hemorrhaging. All my tests are normal except my blood counts, of course. I'm severely anemic. Nayth and I don't have any good choices. It's hysterectomy or uterine ablation with sterilization. I'm going with the latter.
Nayth has always said he's happy with it being just the two of us. And obviously, we've had eight years together, and I never got rid of the IUD. I haven't come close to wanting to bring a baby to life. But, it still hurts. To not have the option anymore. My Ahtah reminded me that if I really want to, we can find a surrogate like Ren and Peydran did. I still have ovaries, and Nayth still has testes. We can make a baby in a lab, but I don't think that's what this grief is about.
It's about more than babies. It's about what's wrong with me and this messed up world I live in? There is something so wrong with my body that I'm only 35 and my child-bearing years are over. And there's no medica reason for it.
I told Nayth that I think I'm not grieving as much about me not being able to carry a child as much as it is about that I don't feel like this world deserves our children. That it's just such an awful place to exist— why would I want to put children through this much pain and suffering?
That's why I never made babies with Nayth. Because this world doesn't' deserve our children. I don't want anyone else to have to suffer.
Nayth just keeps loving me, as always. He's so solid. He's something I can hold onto.
PEYDRAN
"How's her recovery going?" I asked Nayth
"Her body is doing well. She's not in pain, thankfully. She's resting. Her heart is going to take longer."
"How much heartbreak can one woman take, Nayth?"
"When she decides to be done, we'll go to what is next. In the meantime, whenever she wants it, my heart beats when hers can't."
Nayth said things like that sometimes. As though I was going to understand what he meant. I did not. I did not understand it at all.
"You're unflappable, as usual," I responded because Nayth did not seem heartbroken. It was as though he had some knowledge that this whole scenario was far different than I thought.
Ren and I had two boys. We were fathers, and I wouldn't trade that for the world. It was hard to understand Nayth.
"I just know, Peydran. I know inside me that this isn't all. This is a dark time, but it isn't about Ryst being unable to carry our children herself. That's not the heartbreaking issue. It's the ongoing theme of suffering. Yes, she suffers herself, but whenever she is ill or in pain or exhausted, it becomes about the suffering that exists within every single living being. She's so aware of how much everything and everyone suffers. At the same time, she's aware that there's goodness out there beyond all of this. And that we are missing something in the 9 Galaxies."
"Yeah, the same old conversation of how can we get out of the 9 Galaxies, and is it better once we do?" I asked.
"It's not really a question anymore. We both know there's so much more beyond. But that's about all we know."
I nodded, "Of course." I sighed. "It's all that mystical stuff— eternally vague. As though it's one long metaphor. Like song lyrics and poetry."
"Your life is full of mysteries, Madrano," Nayth commented with a smile.
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"And poopy diapers. And sleepless nights. And crying. So much crying. And laughter. And music. And love. And terror that I'm gonna get it all wrong."
"How is it with the boys while Ren's composing?"
"My parents are here, so it's actually easier than normal. I called mom as soon as Ren told me he had to go write. So, it's fine. The boys are happy, and I think Ren will be done tomorrow. He said three days, so he should be winding down."
"You gonna get some sleep, Peydran? Catch a nap today?"
"Ha. Not a bad idea, Nayth. Naptime sounds good."
PEYDRAN
"How're the boys?" Nayth asked. It was Relapse Day 2 for him, and composing Day 5 for me.
"Hunh! Boys? They aren't boys! They're devils. Do you know what they did to my parents for their anniversary?" I cackled which made Nayth chuckle.
"They got a box, filled it with grass, and caught 101 crickets— yes, they counted them. They filled the box with crickets, called a courier to pick it up and deliver it to my parent's house with a note that said, 'If you love us, open this box in your bedroom, then leave and shut the door.'"
Nayth roared that booming laugh I loved. "Did they?" he asked.
I nodded. "Yeah, and then my parents, in all their grandparent-ly wisdom sent a thank you note to Dwinlyn and Euridyne saying they'd always wished to be serenaded by desert crickets all night!"
"Hah hah!" Nayth laughed. "So, did the boys get in trouble?"
"Well, I thought we should ground them for at least a couple of days, but Ren threatened to photograph me in a donkey costume and send it to Jasen and Alen, so. . ."
"Pushover."
"Totally. The three of them are irresistible. I have no discipline. I'm a terrible father."
"You should start a stream site giving parenting advice: how to raise creative hooligans. Just tell the truth. People will love it."
"Parenting by Peydran," I laughed. "Yeah, Ren would love that. We'd have endless stories."
"Well, then, you better get on that, Madrano."
The screen went dark.
RYST
"So, be careful what you wish for. . . you might turn into a unicorn!" strummed Dwinlyn.
"U-u-u-u-ni-corn, ye-ah, uuu-u-u-ni-co-o-orn," we all sang the chorus, then the song ended.
Applause broke out with calls of "Whoop! Whoop!" and "Ho! Ho!"
"I love it, Dwin!" I laughed. Two nights ago, ten-year-old Dwinlyn had dreamt that I had turned into a unicorn during my most recent relapse. When he'd told his little brother, Euridyne, about it, Euri had insisted Dwin write a song. The hilarious little ditty "Unicorn" was the result, and it was easy for everyone to sing along to. We were in the Centre dojo with Peydran's parents, Saran and her partner and all the Crieve-Madranos.
"The pot song, Uncle Nayth," Dwinlyn instructed, handing Nayth the guitar.
Nayth winked at me and started the twangy, bluesy "Two In One," with everyone singing along.
(Play Two in One by Nayth Carmidee.)
"Pot. Oh, ohhh, oohhhh, oh, oh."
Nayth's least favorite song had become instantly popular when Dwin had heard me humming it awhile back. One night I'd made Nayth dress in only his guitar and sing it for me in his drippy sex voice, all crooner-style.
The next day, Dwinlyn had heard me humming it. "Oops," I'd said. Then I sang the pot song for Dwin, and he loved it and went home and sang it for Ren. Ren actually really liked "Two In One" because he thought it was clever word play and not a stupid song at all. So, we sang the pot song regularly.
"Dwin, let's do 'Farthest Star,'" Ren said, picking up his saxophone.
"No, Daddy! The remix!" Euridyne cried out, and Peydran pumped techno through every speaker in the room. Hips rocked and bodies swayed, and I had a good day, surrounded by all the family I needed.
Play "This Is My Pot Song" by Dwin and Euri Crieve-Madrano.
PEYDRAN
I took a swig from the pint Nayth handed me and a bite of cheddar-spread-slathered bread. "Got something for you today, Nayth," I said as I hovered a pad in front of him and cued up the latest from my two hooligans.
Dwinlyn's twelve-year-old voice sang out, "This is myy-yy-yyy pot song!" along to an acapella harmony and snapping fingers. "This is my pot song!"
Nayth cackled at the minute-long video and motioned to play it again. Then he laughed even harder, and we both cracked up as I played it a third time.
"Is Euri singing too?" Nayth asked.
"He said he did two of the harmony tracks, but it's almost all Dwin. Euri did all the mixing and took off the time stamps so thoroughly that I have no idea when they did it. It had to have been last night when Ren came into sleep— so they were probably in the recording studio at three in the morning doing this!" We cackled some more.
"An eleven-year-old mixed this whole thing? Damn, Peydran, they are going to be unstoppable. Those vocals are fantastic too. I guess I should've expected as much, but the whole track is impressive for two kids in the middle of the night! Ryst is going to love this when she wakes up."
It was Day 2 for Ryst, Day 5 for Ren.
"She's actually asleep?" I asked.
"Umm hmm. Short one this time," Nayth nodded, taking a sip of his ale.
"It's the second one in three months, Nayth. The relapses are coming faster."
He nodded and raised his eyebrows in a "Yeah, and what am I going to do about it?" look.
"Ren wrapping up?"
"Should be."
"I think 'This Is My Pot Song!' could use a sax riff."
I snorted, "No, Euri was adamant that it be a song you could walk down the sidewalk singing and snapping to. He wants Dwin to sing it full volume every time they walk into the village."
We chuckled into our ale.