Chapter 61
As Jung Yiyeon, he never imagined himself in the hotel business, but he quickly found enjoyment in it. The results were decent too. Thanks to the grandson of the group’s leader excelling at his job, the title attached to his name changed rapidly. Jung Yiyeon found it embarrassing.“Then you became the CEO. Is it a story of a lucky guy who met his grandfather well?”Jung Yiyeon said in a light tone, modestly attributing it to luck. It was indeed a stroke of luck. Becoming the CEO of a major subsidiary at the age of thirty was really something. In many ways, it was unfortunate.“I heard there was some opposition because your appointment as CEO was too fast.”“Oh? Well, it was indeed unusually fast even among the third generation.”Jung Yiyeon chuckled ambiguously. Lee Nan’s expression clouded as she sipped her coffee. She seemed puzzled about how to broach a question.Jung Yiyeon chuckled softly, feeling somewhat pleased that Lee Nan seemed to be trying to gauge his reaction. It was also intriguing how someone who displayed emotions so vividly on their face could act so robotic as a secretary. At the same time, there was a hint of mockery towards himself for not realizing the intense emotions burning within Lee Nan at that time.Jung Yiyeon savored the momentary silence. He felt somewhat amused that Lee Nan seemed to be enjoying reading his reaction. Also, she was such an expressive person, yet she acted like a robot when she was working as a secretary. Simultaneously, he couldn’t help but chuckle at himself for not recognizing the intense emotions that Lee Nan had been feeling at that time.Jung Yiyeon swallowed different kinds of laughter inwardly and picked up his fork with a nonchalant expression. He pushed a slice of cake heavily laden with cream into Lee Nan’s mouth.Lee Nan involuntarily opened her mouth, and soon her mouth was filled with sweet, creamy goodness and soft, fluffy bread. There was too much cream. It was almost overwhelming. The parts that couldn’t fit into her mouth ended up smeared around her lips.Jung Yiyeon wiped it off with his finger. He wanted to kiss her and lick it off with his tongue, but… if he did that, she might scold him for doing something inappropriate in public. So, he restrained himself once again. Instead, he licked the cream off his finger with the tip of his tongue. Lee Nan’s lips were softer and tastier than the whipped cream, but it was a pity.“…Stop it, seriously.”“Hmm?”“Who do you think will be in trouble if there’s a scandal here?”With a gaze as if sending a warning, Lee Nan coldly spoke to Jung Yiyeon, who was licking his hand with a lascivious look. If the affectionate actions of the two men were exposed to the public, it would be Jung Yiyeon who would be in trouble. After all, Lee Nan was just an ordinary person who had never been exposed to the public. On the other hand, Jung Yiyeon was widely known as the grandson of Chairman Jung Pilwon and the CEO of Eunha Hotel. Although his profile picture on portal sites was left blank, if you dug deeper, you could still find his face through photos published in articles a few years ago.However, Jung Yiyeon didn’t really care. Even if he became known to the world. He even felt somewhat comfortable with the idea of being known by everyone rather than just a few. That feeling still lingered.From the moment he became interested in romance, Jung Yiyeon, who had recognized himself as homosexual, and Lee Nan’s perspectives were bound to be different. There must have been an instinct in him that if he ever broke up with Lee Nan, he would have to return to the world perceived as normal by the majority. Meeting men was just a minor escapade, a fleeting encounter with a light-hearted man, or perhaps someone like a student from Bupyeong Elementary School who sought lightness in all relationships for solace.Nevertheless, Jung Yiyeon had a fairly good understanding of Lee Nan’s complex psyche. The conclusion was simple. He would leave a way out but ensure that Lee Nan wouldn’t choose to go back.Honestly, he wanted to sever all exits. Whether it was Lee Nan’s or his own.“I don’t care.”Jung Yiyeon said in a deliberately playful tone, aiming to release some bitter yet destructive emotions bubbling inside him. He even felt a bit mischievous seeing the disbelief on his face.“Really. Shall we announce our marriage in the newspapers?”“Oh, stop with the nonsense.”Huh, but I’m serious. Lee Nan chuckled as if he heard an absurd joke.“Will Mr. Jung Yiyeon stay quiet at home?”“Of course, I’ll make sure you can’t even leave for an interview. And maybe I’ll hand you an envelope of money, telling you to break up with me? If I pretend to break up with you and marry another woman, even as a disguise, I’ll probably get a few more subsidiaries detached. Then we’ll just pretend to break up for a while. And once I get more assets, I’ll cash them out and run away. Maybe to Canada or somewhere.”Jung Yiyeon’s voice remained consistently playful.“But I’m the CEO of a hotel.”However, the content was not entirely nonsense. Jung Yiyeon pretended to joke, but he was actually satisfying Lee Nan’s curiosity.“Of course, it wasn’t about falsely breaking up and then eloping in love when we met again.”“…”He didn’t want to go into detail about the circumstances of their breakup or talk about the person who had been his lover. It didn’t matter how much Lee Nan knew or where his curiosity led. Jung Yiyeon’s usual belief was that there was no need to delve deeply into past lovers’ stories within a relationship. What was there to talk about regarding emotions and relationships that had already ended? Any discussion of past relationships tended to either glorify or disparage them.Of course, there were times when Jung Yiyeon was curious about Lee Nan’s past lovers too. Despite Lee Nan having a casual attitude towards relationships, he wondered if there had been someone he deeply connected with for a long time. However, he never had the inclination to ask. Even if Lee Nan could easily provide answers, Jung Yiyeon wasn’t interested. There was no need to open a Pandora’s box.“There were reasons. Do you want to know more?”“Is there anything else?”“No, that’s all. Honestly, I can’t even remember it well now. All that remains are feelings of wounded pride and misery.”The former lover they had parted ways with had been someone they spent several years together with. While Lee Nan often claimed to have been busy, it wasn’t as if they hadn’t enjoyed time together without Jung Yiyeon, as popular as he was. Regardless, that person Jung Yiyeon had settled with for quite a while. Though as time passed, inevitable stagnation set in, their relationship remained stable enough that there was no urge to seek others.Or perhaps, it could be described as a relationship already packaged as stability under the name of uncertainty. Surely, at that time, Jung Yiyeon had become engrossed in his work, neglecting his lover, and vice versa. That must have been the case. Consequently, the lover had likely disappeared without a word, having received money from Chairman Jung and leaving Jung Yiyeon behind.As the days without contact stretched on, Jung Yiyeon, who didn’t know the situation, was worried, but it didn’t distract him from his work. It was bitter yet strangely numb, as if he had been expecting it, but hadn’t realized the implications of breaking up like this.Until he found out that his lover had received money from Chairman Jung and disappeared from him. Until then, he had just thought it was a relationship that was flowing naturally.Jung Yiyeon learned the truth when Chairman Jung called him home one day. Without any inkling of the reason behind the summons, thinking it might be related to work, Jung Yiyeon visited Chairman Jung, who presented him with profiles of several women.“That bastard cleaned up after receiving a few bucks from me. Enough playing around, it’s time to get married.”He couldn’t quite remember how he responded to those words. Jung Yiyeon couldn’t recall it well. All he could remember was abruptly turning away before Chairman Jung had even finished speaking, without looking back, and leaving.In a state of inexplicable shock, he headed home instead of returning to the company. It was a time when he didn’t want to think or feel anything. Perhaps because he had anticipated it, it didn’t affect him much. Or maybe he felt so overwhelmed by the things building up to the brink that he became numb.Since acknowledging his homosexuality, Jung Yiyeon had made efforts not to attach much significance to his orientation. He simply forgot about the possibility of being excluded or facing disadvantages in society. He resolved to worry about it when it actually happened. He promised himself not to fear the unknown or things that might or might not happen. In reality, he lived without much concern, just trying a little harder to blend in and hide himself among people.However, the shock brought by the outing exceeded his expectations. Jung Yiyeon was confused. He was bewildered to the point where he couldn’t understand why he was so confused. Too many things made him suffer, to the extent that it was hard to pinpoint the cause of his distress and agony.Yet, the emotions he felt weren’t guilt, remorse, or regret for his departed lover. Nor were they shame or regret stemming from being caught by his grandfather. Jung Yiyeon had nothing to be sorry for in front of his grandfather.If his emotions had to be labeled, it was misery. It was the tragedy of being rejected and denied by society and even his family as a homosexual. It was the sense of futility in being discarded by his lover for a few bucks. It was the powerlessness of having to comply with his grandfather’s unreasonable demands to maintain his position. All of these made Jung Yiyeon miserable.He even considered just leaving everything behind. However, the privileges he had tasted were too sweet to abandon. The achievements he had rapidly attained, being the chairman’s grandson, were too luxurious and comfortable to be regretted. Yet, his pride was too painful to bend. Just contemplating these things made him feel crushed and trampled upon. But his greed was as painful as his pride.As Jung Yiyeon was going through the darkest period of his life, not even going to work, Chairman Jung recalled one thing belatedly. It was the history of his youngest son rebelling against him. The immense pain for Chairman Jung stemmed from his inability to placate the unyielding temper of his youngest son once things started going awry. If it weren’t for Jung Yiyeon as his grandson, his youngest son would have never seen his father again.He feared that Jung Yiyeon might have inherited such a temperament. So, to prevent losing his grandson, he forcibly bestowed a carrot much larger than the whip. Since they were things he wanted to give to his youngest son anyway, there was nothing to lose.Forget about him. Then, I’ll give you the hotel.
A few days after contemplating his options during the confrontation with Chairman Jung, Jung Yiyeon was faced with the same choices as mentioned above. In truth, it felt as though there was only one answer, forcibly imposed, and Jung Yiyeon thought blankly. Should he just leave everything behind and depart, like his father did over 30 years ago?But Jung Yiyeon was a more ambitious person than his father. After all, his lover had already left him. The lashes had already been dealt. Refusing compensation didn’t make the pain disappear. Jung Yiyeon rationalized that he was merely taking what was due to him.Thanks to that, Jung Yiyeon ascended to the position of CEO of the hotel, merely as compensation for parting with his male lover.After that, he threw himself into work. At that time, he had no choice. He had even given up his identity, holding onto what he had grasped in his hands. Surrendering his pride and succumbing to reality in exchange for wealth and power was a price he wanted to secure.As time passed, the wounds gradually dulled, and he became a stronger person than before.But he still met men. Because being attracted to men wasn’t something he could change just because someone told him to. Sometimes, when he felt lonely or aroused, he sought out a partner, and sometimes it led to steady relationships.But feelings of affection or love never arose. He couldn’t allow such emotions to emerge. While he could have encounters to satisfy his desires, he couldn’t engage in relationships.It was because the helplessness and misery of being denied his identity as a homosexual and being forced to part with his lover by others in the past continued to haunt him. The emotions he felt at that time were something he could never forget. There should never be anything as humiliating as that time in Jung Yiyeon’s life again.Until he met Lee Nan.Looking at the man who couldn’t easily articulate his thoughts and remained silent, Jung Yiyeon smiled faintly.Ah, he really didn’t want to fall in love. At a time when not only his grandfather but also relatives were scrutinizing him, looking for his weaknesses, the thought of having a lover didn’t even cross his mind. He was unwilling to experience being abandoned by someone he loved because of money for the second time.Yet, Lee Nan, you were different. You made me throw away everything I received as a price for my pride, just to have you. I wonder if you realize that, Lee Nan.Jung Yiyeon suddenly remembered the day when Lee Nan first confessed his feelings.Honestly, the biggest emotion Jung Yiyeon felt at that time was bewilderment. Despite already having suspicions whether this secretary might harbor affection for him through various incidents, seeing his more expressive demeanor, there were moments when it felt like there was some affection towards him when he drew soft lines with his lips, and when his cheeks blushed, he seemed like a boy suffering from lovesickness.There were times when Lee Nan seemed jealous. Every time Min Seowon’s presence unexpectedly appeared, Lee Nan’s expression hardened, especially when he turned away, as if in pain. Whenever Jung Yiyeon saw that face, his feelings became ambiguous. It felt like Lee Nan couldn’t bear to hold onto him but was waiting for Jung Yiyeon to come and hold onto his coat hem.At that time, Jung Yiyeon was so full of prejudice that he didn’t realize Lee Nan’s expression was sincere. He just thought to himself, “He’s really skilled at mesmerizing others.” and silently clicked his tongue.The confession at that moment was honestly unexpected.Wasn’t it Lee Nan who was hanging out with Seo Jae-oh, reeking of cigarette smoke? At that time, Lee Nan was such a person to Jung Yiyeon. With one hand, he held onto Jung Yiyeon’s sleeve, but with the other, he held onto Seo Jae-oh’s hand.When Lee Nan was with me, he would enjoy himself as if he was with Seo Jae-oh. There were times when such thoughts crossed my mind. Even though we weren’t lovers, the desire for exclusivity with a sexual partner was inevitable. Moreover, since Jung Yiyeon was determined to be as manipulative with his partner’s emotions as Lee Nan was, when the desire for exclusivity arose, he sometimes revealed his bitterness.The day when Lee Nan unexpectedly opened my door and entered was one of those days.Jung Yiyeon was just bewildered. He was perplexed and at a loss. Yet, one thought occupied his mind: he must not repeat the mistake of creating something he couldn’t keep.It was just an awkward feeling. He would have preferred Lee Nan not to speak. If he started feeling emotions that couldn’t be reciprocated, he might even feel betrayed. “Lee Nan, you’re not someone who seriously likes someone. You’re someone who disgusts me by clinging on so pathetically. And you think someone who likes me that much would let go of Seo Jae-oh’s hand?”He was somewhat angry. He felt like his dignity was being threatened, even though he had said himself that he had no intention of being in a relationship. It felt like the misery and anger he thought he had forgotten were fiercely clawing at him.“Did I confuse you? I thought we had agreed to exclude emotions altogether. Isn’t that right?”He realized his tone was colder than necessary, but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t believe or trust Lee Nan’s confessed emotions, and he didn’t want to. He felt bewildered and angry at this secretary who was callously breaking off their relationship. He even disliked being reminded of the buried emotions from the past.“I can’t make something to keep?” No. In the first place, this secretary wasn’t even someone Jung Yiyeon wanted to keep. At least, that’s what he believed at the time.“Resign.”In truth, it wasn’t something he should have thrown back at Lee Nan.At that moment, there was no other choice. Defense mechanisms weren’t something easily controlled.However, Lee Nan’s response was beyond Jung Yiyeon’s expectations.“It wasn’t as a secretary. It was 100% personal.”His expression, dry as if asking when it had ever shown such intense emotion, settled into a pale, shocked face. But unable to hide the tremble in his voice, Lee Nan continued, “I’ve never loved anyone this much in my life.”An unbelievable confession. Yet, it sounded so sincere that Jung Yiyeon was speechless, despite it being just a few words.Jung Yiyeon remained stiff, with nothing to say. He was too surprised and flustered to react. What response could he give? Until then, Jung Yiyeon hadn’t considered creating a truly special relationship.Of course, a special relationship could be created if one wanted, and it might not be created if one didn’t want it. Jung Yiyeon didn’t know then. He didn’t know Lee Nan’s feelings or his own. Nor did he understand the weight of Lee Nan’s confession that this was the first time he had ever loved someone this much.“…Lee Nan.”But now, all he could offer were excuses. If Lee Nan was curious, he could tell him anything, but Lee Nan didn’t ask anymore. Sipping his coffee, Lee Nan, who had enough answers, looked up at the sound of his name.The face, once pale with a sincere confession toward him, overlapped with the face that had been sipping coffee, making Jung Yiyeon feel an indescribable sensation. Regret wouldn’t change anything, but he would continue to regret. He couldn’t help but think that if he had held Lee Nan’s outstretched hand back then, neither he nor Lee Nan would have suffered like this.“I really… love you.”“Yeah?”“I love you a lot.”“…Suddenly?”Lee Nan furrowed his brows, looking puzzled. Despite his surprise, Jung Yiyeon smiled and embraced him. Considering the time they had spent together, even this much felt like nothing.“Oh, um…”“I love you.”In a public place, was this madness? Lee Nan protested, but Jung Yiyeon just smiled and brushed his forehead against Lee Nan’s head. Lee Nan’s eyes darted around quickly, checking if there were any people nearby. When he realized there was no one, he sighed and pushed Jung Yiyeon away.It was inevitable that he would feel ticklish at the sudden confession.“…Okay, let go.”Though he spoke curtly, Lee Nan hugged Jung Yiyeon’s back once before pushing him away. Satisfied with Lee Nan’s brief embrace, Jung Yiyeon didn’t resist further and released him. Lee Nan’s face as he looked at Jung Yiyeon was filled with a gentle smile.“Haah, Jung Yiyeon, you really…”“Yeah?”Lee Nan shook his head in a sense of defeat and said, “You’re really getting a lot out of seeing my face.”“I know. I’m glad my face fits your taste.”Truly, sincerely, Jung Yiyeon was grateful for the effect his face had on Lee Nan.But Lee Nan was the one who needed some realization. It was Lee Nan himself who had shaken Jung Yiyeon, who had never loved or dated anyone before.Suddenly, Jung Yiyeon felt an impulse to kiss Lee Nan. But if he actually did it, Lee Nan would be greatly upset. Even if he said this café was emptied for their date by the CEO Jung Sangyeon, Lee Nan probably wouldn’t like it.“What about dinner? I’ll buy you something delicious.”“Well, I can’t think of anything in particular right now.”“Hmm… There’s a good Korean restaurant nearby. Should we go there?”“Really? But you seem to like Korean cuisine quite a lot?”“Who… me?”“Yes, you. It seems like you used to have it at least once a week.”Jung Yiyeon’s eyes widened. It was true that whenever they met for dinner, Korean cuisine was often among the menu options. There was a reason for that choice. That reason being…“You said you prefer Korean food.”“…Me?”“Yeah, you said before. You didn’t have many chances to eat proper meals after living abroad and not being with your parents. So, you said you like Korean food.”Had they had such a conversation before? Lee Nan tilted his head in confusion. Then, a memory suddenly surfaced, and he murmured to himself.“Ah, when we went to eat French cuisine.”Jung Yiyeon felt like he was digging his own grave with his words and fell silent.Lee Nan remained silent for a moment. His expression stiffened as memories of the day he had lied about liking Korean food came back to him little by little. The reason why he couldn’t remember that conversation was clear. The embarrassment and sorrow that followed the realization that he had turned a happy occasion into a farce lingered more vividly than anything else.Perhaps he had consciously buried those memories deep down, not wanting to remember. After all, unpleasant memories tended to cascade into one another.“At that time…”A question slipped from Lee Nan’s lips. Perhaps it was a question he didn’t really want to ask, maybe out of pride.“Why did you give Minseowon a bracelet?”“…Huh?”“I thought maybe you two were close enough to exchange such things.”For Lee Nan, dredging up past events and expressing his feelings from that time seemed trivial. Even after spilling out his thoughts, he couldn’t help feeling embarrassed. While his attempt to speak in a casual tone was successful, his expression unavoidably stiffened.“Um, it was just a birthday present… Wait, how did you know when I asked Park to do it?”“You were strutting around with it as if it was on display? Even from 100 meters away, it’d be hard to miss.”“Ah, I see. My apologies.”“I wasn’t asking for an apology. It’s just that, even I could see that Minseowon likes you, Jung Yiyeon, and yet you act all cold while still getting gifts from her, which seemed odd to me. Usually, I handle all the gifts from partner companies through the secretary team, so it was strange that Park was separately called in without informing me.”“Maybe… I didn’t want you to feel bad.”Lee Nan didn’t understand Jung Yiyeon’s words for a moment.“Even though we have a professional relationship, you might feel bad if you found out I was receiving gifts from someone else. In fact… Mr. Seo wasn’t pleased either. And while Minseowon and I don’t have that kind of relationship at all, I might have given you the impression that we did.”It was the morning after Minseowon first visited the company. Jung Yiyeon knew that Minseowon had feelings for him. However, until then, they had been like siblings, so he didn’t expect her to suddenly make advances when he took her to the hotel room. She wasn’t that kind of person to him.But she was so aggressive, pushing her way into his embrace, unbuttoning his shirt, and kissing his collarbone freely, even clinging to him and scratching him with her nails when he tried to push her away. She insisted she wouldn’t let him go today.No wonder he felt sore; there were nail marks where she had grabbed him above his shirt. Jung Yiyeon was shocked when he found the marks while showering off the alcohol from the morning. Thanks to that, he unintentionally revealed the kiss marks on his collarbone and scratches on his back to Lee Nan without explaining the situation.“I really didn’t sleep. We’ve never had that kind of relationship before. It was just because I tried to push her away but ended up leaving those marks. The reason I didn’t cut her off and still accepted gifts was…”Jung Yiyeon sighed softly.“Her father is a member of the National Assembly. Like her father, their family has connections with Eunha Group in many ways…”“Ah…”“It’s not a simple relationship to cut off as I please, so if I had to make excuses, I had no choice.”Jung Yiyeon laughed bitterly. From his grandfather’s generation, they had been providing political funds, receiving assistance, and maintaining close ties with the family. Almost no politician had refused money from the group, but the Min family had an even closer relationship, with their children often socializing with the family members. Especially Minseowon, the youngest, who was particularly sociable and had a special relationship with Jung Sangyeon, the executive. She was even providing substantial entertainment money to Minseowon under the guise of allowance, and amidst all that, she was handling incidents and accidents. Thanks to her, Congressman Min faithfully performed his role as a powerhouse for Eunha Group in the National Assembly.