Sorcerer’s Handbook

Chapter 32: The Elf Who Tasted Castor Oil



Igor was puzzled.

After asking him a question so foolish it couldn’t be any more foolish, Ashe Heath suddenly fell into deep contemplation.

But of course, Ashe was not foolish; Igor would never admit to being bested by a fool.

“Have you guessed why Valcas challenged you?”

Ashe snapped back to reality, tentatively asking, “Because of that child?”

Igor nodded.

“That’s what I thought.”

“Valcas has been behaving himself in prison for five years, hardly ever challenging anyone. He’s been living comfortably just harvesting contribution points from those he didn’t see eye to eye with.”

“This time he suddenly steps up, and there’s no other reason than that child. The fact that he risked his reputation to take care of the child, even at the risk of imprisonment, proves how much he values that child.”

“The child has been educated in the nursery for a long time, and many have had access to him, but the ‘key figure’ that connects that child, Valcas, and you, there’s only one.”

“That would be Sylin Dole.”

Meeting Igor’s confident gaze, Ashe had a feeling that this was a name he should know.

But he didn’t.

“Who is Sylin?”

Igor looked into Ashe’s eyes and suddenly said, “Don’t move.”

He poked Ashe’s face with a finger, “Ask me again.”

“Who is Sylin?”

Igor paused for a moment, sighed, and withdrew his hand.

“Sylin Dole is a professor in the History Department at Kaimon Comprehensive College, and also the Chairman of the Elven Rights Association. He holds many titles, but those are irrelevant to you. What matters most to you is that he is the Consultant Teacher of the Ancient Artifacts Research Society at Kaimon Comprehensive College.”

Ancient Artifacts Research Society?

Ashe blinked, realizing a possibility.

“Was I once a member of the Ancient Artifacts Research Society?”

“More precisely, you are still the Chairman of the Ancient Artifacts Research Society. Although I have no evidence, there must be a relationship between Sylin and you that goes beyond the typical student-teacher relationship.”

The Cult of the Four Pillars!

Could Heath have possibly swayed so many heretics by himself, establishing the Cult of the Four Pillars, a criminal organization with the nature of the underworld, through his personal charisma and leadership?

Indeed, that was possible, but it was more likely that Heath had accepted gifts and help from others!

Sylin Dole is very likely one of the helpers behind Heath!

“I’ve shown my sincerity, so are you willing to answer my question? Although I think I’ve guessed the answer.”

Igor interrupted Ashe’s thoughts.

“If you’ve already guessed it, why ask me… Go ahead.”

“How did you manage to deceive me with your Inner Voice? Last night in the Arena, I foresaw your attack direction by listening to the Inner Voice. I have almost never failed with this technique, because no one can deceive themselves.”

Ashe was slightly taken aback.

“What, you can listen to my Inner Voice?”

“Only in the Arena can I hear the whispers of your soul through your surging emotions.”

Igor explained, generally speaking, he wouldn’t say something that showed weakness; he even hoped others would fear and suspect him because of it.

But for some reason, he felt that bluster wouldn’t work on Ashe, so he didn’t bother to pretend.

“I didn’t deceive you with my Inner Voice,” said Ashe, scratching his head. “I just found out now that you can cheat like that. No wonder I couldn’t land a single punch on you earlier.”

“Then how did you manage to think ‘you’re quite good-looking’ in your mind while throwing a punch at my face?”

“Thinking you’re good-looking and wanting to hit you aren’t contradictory!”

Igor had to elaborate, “Generally speaking, I can hear the deepest desires in people’s hearts, so those superficial false thoughts can’t deceive me. If you wanted to hit me, I would surely hear the thought ‘I want to punch your face,’ not ‘you’re quite good-looking.’”

“Oh, I think I get what you mean now.”

Ashe tilted his head.

“I must have been distracted at that time.”

“Distracted?”

“Yeah, when I get distracted, I tend to daydream, looking for something colorful to please my eyes, so I genuinely thought you looked good.”

“Then why did you suddenly hit me?”

“Because after I got distracted, I perked up, naturally ready to get back to work,” Ashe shrugged. “Colorful images only affect the speed of my work.”

It sounded reasonable, because Ashe was distracted, Igor heard the Inner Voice wrong — who would believe that!

A Cult Leader of the Four Pillars, a genius warrior who could grow rapidly in battle, would such a person get distracted during a fight?

Plus, when Sylin Dole was mentioned earlier, Ashe pretended not to know him, making Igor more inclined to believe that Ashe had mastered the technique of perfectly disguising himself!

“It’s impossible, even if you were distracted, I would still hear your true Inner Voice!”

“Don’t be so sure, maybe your ability is limited…”

“Since you say so, let me test it!”

Igor reached out and touched Ashe’s face, “I can tell if you’re lying by the temperature changes in your face. Say something true or false at random! If it’s an issue with my ability, I will certainly distinguish the truth from your words!”

Ashe blinked.

“The statement I’m making is a lie.”

Igor was taken aback.

Wait, was his statement true or false? If his statement was true, but he said he was lying, then it would be a lie; if it was false, then the opposite meaning is true, the statement is true…

The Matryoshka logic left Igor in a confused mess, sitting in the spectator seats like a broken toy, muttering about truth and lies.

Ashe spread his hands, he had encountered too many of these brain teasers in interviews. It seems the children of this world have not seen such puzzle questions.

Just then, a commotion erupted at the entrance of the Deathmatch Society.

“Oh, isn’t that our esteemed Elf?”

“Lord Uhl, the humble Orc offers you the most precious blessing, do you need me to lick your boots?”

“Make way, make way, don’t dirty the clothes of the Elves’ young master. You lower Race aren’t worthy of coming within five steps of an Elf!”

Although the Chip forbids Prisoners from verbally abusing others, that’s only limited to direct insults. The Chip isn’t yet smart enough to recognize what’s known as ‘passive-aggressive’ comments.

Ashe was quite surprised to see this group of people cooperating so well to tease a single target.

It’s not that he had any expectations for the intelligence or morals of Death row inmates, but in this place where you can’t engage in physical conflicts or verbal bullying, and you can’t even harm a hair on the other person’s head, a few passive-aggressive remarks are about as far as one can go.

But in the adult world, this level of bullying, akin to a girlfriend playfully punching your chest, is both embarrassing and uninteresting, and ordinary people would quickly tire of it.

Since they haven’t tired of it, that could only mean…

“Thank you all for your concern,” Valcas bowed slightly, making a very appropriate gesture: “You all speak so nicely, you must have wiped your mouths properly before leaving the Restroom, right?”

“Valcas, are you calling us shit-eaters?”

“No, I’m just praising those who know how to wipe their mouths after eating shit. Why do you jump out on your own? Could it be you also eat shit?”

“Val! Cas!”

“Hey, I’m here, you’re sounding a bit strong there, and there’s a smell of urine about you, seems like you have a varied diet.”

“Val-cas-“

“Hey, why are you so agitated? I’m not insulting you. Speaking of which, it reminds me of a joke. I once accidentally hit a dog when I was throwing out the trash downstairs, and naturally, the dog started barking, right? So, when you’re throwing out trash and hear a dog bark, it must’ve been hit.”

“Valcas!”

“I never realized there were so many people who wiped their mouths after using the restroom. I once heard a rumor that Prisoners in Shattered Lake Prison eat shit for meals. I’ll definitely clarify for you in the future that this isn’t true.”

Igor couldn’t help but laugh.

“You can only see such a wonderful war of words in Shattered Lake Prison.”

Ashe nodded; he fully understood why Valcas could silence a dozen people with just his mouth—because you can’t swear. Once you try to swear, the Chip automatically blocks your throat, making all your vulgar words ferment inside your belly, effectively muting you instantly.

So those people couldn’t speak after yelling Valcas’s name.

Then Valcas would turn his head to taunt them, looking as if they were asking to be insulted.

To circumvent the Chip’s Restrictions, mastering the art of insulting without swearing and making the insulted lose their cool to the point of being muted by the Chip are two essential elements of prison disputes.

Clearly, Valcas’s mouth was as effective as a glycerin

1

; the other Death row inmates were no match for him. They were insulted into a loss of reason and were automatically muted.

Some even thought about getting physical, but the Chip took direct control of their jurisdiction, stiffening their bodies and making them fall to the ground with a thud.

“Dispense with the formalities, stand down.”

Valcas raised his chin with elegance, as if effortlessly gliding past the crowd. The losers of the verbal skirmish were fuming, eyes blazing as they watched Valcas, but they were rendered powerless—unable to curse or to fight—perfectly embodying the phrase “impotent rage.”

No wonder these Prisoners aren’t bored with their sarcastic teasing. With Valcas, a master of venomous wit among them, their interactions were too intense to ignore. They probably would lie in bed tonight, pondering over how to craft their comebacks.

“Ashe Heath?”

“Valcas Uhl?”

From a distance, Valcas looked towards Ashe, his lean face returning to its usual indifference.

He pointed towards the Arena, “If there are no objections, let’s get started.”

All eyes from the Deathmatch Society were on them—some expectant, some mocking, others curious, and a few downright manic.

Igor glanced at Ashe.

Now that Ashe knew of Valcas’s connection to Professor Sylin, this Deathmatch was bound to be problematic. If he were Ashe, he would certainly refuse this Battle—he never engaged in fights that weren’t a sure win.

“Swordswoman?”

Igor was slightly taken aback; he heard Ashe whisper a name. But there was no one called Swordswoman here, and Ashe’s gaze wasn’t fixed on anyone in particular.

“It’s a bit lonely…”

Ashe muttered softly, turning to look at Valcas.

For some reason, Igor couldn’t help but interject, “Valcas is much stronger than me; he’s not an opponent you can overcome with mere cunning. And the destructive power of his sword is immense; it might only take one strike to decide the outcome.”

“Thank you,” Ashe said with a smile. “This time, I’m not planning to rely on clever tricks.”

“Then what will you use?”

“My life. I’m betting my life that he can’t kill me with his first stroke.”

Watching Valcas stride towards the Arena, Ashe also stood up.

“As long as the first stroke doesn’t kill me, the second stroke will be my opportunity.”

Footnote:

  1. Mouth was as effective as a glycerin(跟抹了开塞露似的):

     Kaisailu(开塞露) is a commonly used medicine in China to help relieve constipation by facilitating bowel movements, and because the main ingredient is glycerin, I directly used “glycerin” as a substitute. This slang is often used to describe someone who uses foul language uncontrollably (spews faeces from their mouth).


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