Solo For Two

“What we want is very simple. We want you to admit to your crimes.”“I am not guilty.”Sasha immediately retorted, glaring at the colonel with eyes burning blue. The colonel casually placed a heavy stack of papers in front of Sasha.“This is a list of everyone who has ever set foot in the Patron’s Club. This list has long since leaked to Austria.”“…”“And this is a chart detailing the shipbuilding companies and weapons manufacturers that France is in contact with, including the timing of their operations. Some of this information has also been leaked.”Sasha flipped through the documents meaninglessly.“This is information related to the person you were receiving support from—’Scar.’”Sasha looked up at the mention of Karel’s other name, which came up unexpectedly.“When we combine this with other information we’re monitoring… it seems there are more than a few spies operating in Paris. It’s quite a headache.”“…Do you think I leaked this information to Austria?”“Otherwise, it would be even stranger. What was your reason for entering the Patron’s Club? Who were you trying to get close to? You used to pride yourself on not needing any patrons, so why did you suddenly change your mind? I found that quite odd.”Sasha thought that at this point, he needed to reveal the connection between the Austrian officer Karel Clements and the nobleman Scar, who was active in Paris. The reason for wanting to meet him again was that he had been his former lover. If he didn’t reveal this, he would continue to be suspected.But if he revealed this…Wait, why should I reveal this?Sasha suddenly found themselves lost in thought.To betray someone who had left to start a new life and family, just to live comfortably again?I don’t even have Karel anymore, so is there really any reason to sell them out just to survive?At that moment, Colonel Armand spoke again.“What I’m curious about is the extent of the ‘contamination.’”“Contamination…”Sasha murmured the colonel’s words meaninglessly.“If you’re a spy, how much did Scar cooperate, and how much support did the Madame Rambouillet, who is supposed to become his wife, provide? Those are the things I want to know.”“…”“Being a spy… it’s not something that can be easily controlled with patriotism alone. People tend to help whichever side their heart leans towards.”The colonel acted like an old fox. It was as if he was probing Sasha, but it also seemed like he was genuinely seeking advice on a troublesome issue.“Just as the Madame Rambouillet, whose past is unknown, fell deeply in love with the foreigner Scar and promised him full support, if Scar fell deeply for you, that’s a problem in itself. If your spy activities create a chain of events, the amount of information that leaks could be enormous.”Sasha no longer trembled and instead gazed quietly at the colonel.“Sasha Sedrin, wouldn’t anyone who shares a pillow with someone like you feel an overwhelming desire to listen to whatever you say? Hmm?”When Sasha regained his senses, he were being led down the corridor by the guards. Every time his pace slowed, a guard would tap his back. Whenever the guards noticed Sasha was zoning out, they would intentionally hit the area above Sasha’s buttocks and then snicker amongst themselves as if they had accomplished something.When Sasha didn’t react, the guards moved their hands toward the front, poking the nipple where a blue diamond was hung. Laughter echoed again from behind.Every time someone humiliated his body like this, Sasha thought of dying. And not just dying, but becoming mere dust, never to be reborn.To them, this body was like a prison. It was only barely useful as a tool for dancing, and the fact that Karel had once loved this body was the only thing that held any meaning.“Get in quickly. What are you standing around for?”“Or are you waiting for us to entertain you?”Sasha cast a dark, sharp glance at the guards making jokes. Then, shaking off their arm, Sasha walked into the cell of his own accord.Perhaps sensing the somber rage, the guards flinched involuntarily at Sasha’s gaze. Unable to bear the fact that he had briefly been intimidated, he vented his frustration by kicking the cell door. Sasha crouched in the corner of the cell, covering his face.＊ ＊ ＊Not long after, Sasha overheard the guards gossiping.Because of the current Consul’s obsession with rooting out spies, the heads and officers of the Secret Information Bureau were indiscriminately capturing spies to gain recognition. They also mentioned the names of people who could be implicated, including the previously executed dancer Mata Hari.One of the names mentioned caught Sasha’s attention.“They say Scar and the Madame Rambouillet are also on the list.”“They’re targeting nobles too? That’s insane. Aren’t they on their honeymoon right now?”“That’s why they plan to start the investigation as soon as they return to the port.”“Is that possible…? If there’s no evidence, they’ll be in big trouble.”Something clicked in Sasha’s mind. The colonel had used the word ‘contamination.’ They intended to trace back everyone with potential spy connections, starting from Sasha.‘They’re going to arrest Karel?’

Sasha’s heart pounded fiercely.In that moment, Sasha realized something.‘Was Karel forced to change his name and identity because he was a spy?’Sasha felt as if he had been struck by a hammer, momentarily forgetting to breathe.‘Because Karel is a spy.’The more Sasha thought about it, the more it made sense. If it wasn’t true, why would Karel fake his death and hide his identity so perfectly in a foreign country?Sasha’s breathing quickened noticeably, and he began to audibly gasp for air. Even as he coughed dryly, Sasha suddenly felt his mind spinning rapidly.Sasha recalled the beautiful wedding at the cathedral and the image of the two people starting a new life together.Standing at that wedding march, Karel took the hand of his beautiful bride and walked into the life he had built. Sasha truly believed that Karel should live the rest of his life adorned with happiness.If Karel was truly a spy, if he was entangled in something dangerous…‘He must never be captured.’Sasha finally understood Karel from long ago, the Karel who took on his sins.Even when being interrogated by the police, Karel was more concerned with comforting Sasha. In court, Karel could not hide his worried gaze as he searched for Sasha in the audience.And to the Sasha who had forgotten everything…‘For you.’That was all he said.Sasha made up his mind. A sudden warmth spread through his chest.‘Sacrifice is giving myself up.’Sasha finally understood Karel. The love that made him sacrifice so selflessly for them.And now Sasha knew it was his turn.＊ ＊ ＊“Colonel, I will admit my crimes.”In the interrogation room once more, Sasha spoke first, even before the colonel could. his eyes were calm for the first time in a long while and were unusually free of fear.After spending the night organizing his thoughts, Sasha calmly recited the words he had prepared.“I have lived as a spy since escaping from Russia. I chose military officers to form connections for that reason.”“Good, it’s good to admit it. But what caused this sudden change of heart?”“Because it won’t end unless I speak.”The colonel nodded slightly, gesturing for Sasha to continue.“I deliberately approached people who were likely to possess the most important and… deadly information. Although I weighed many people, I chose Count Scar because… he wasn’t French.”“You were confident a bond would form.”“Yes. That’s why I approached him.”Sasha’s voice began to tremble slightly.“But he claimed he was completely loyal to Paris and refused to listen to me. He was not easily swayed by temptation.”“…”“In the end, he saw me as a threat and forcibly pushed me away. It was humiliating, honestly… I tried to find another target…”Sasha’s heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was beating in his throat and tongue. But this wasn’t because he were lying.Sasha knew this feeling exactly. It was like standing on the edge of the stage, preparing to rush out onto the floor, adrenaline surging.“…But I knew I couldn’t deceive others forever, which is why I ended up here.”“Do you fully admit to the espionage charges?”“Yes.”“Understood.”The colonel gave a brief reply and stood up. His eyes showed a hint of relief at finally obtaining the confession.Sasha felt sure that everything was going as planned.Now I can finally dedicate my life to him.Filled with joy at the thought of finally repaying Karel, Sasha’s heart was full of happiness.＊ ＊ ＊That afternoon, Sasha Sedrin was sentenced to execution by firing squad for espionage against France.＊ ＊ ＊‘The second Mata Hari.’A few months ago, the name of a dancer who had been executed by firing squad for being a double agent was used as a descriptor for Sasha Sedrin.The public eagerly consumed this shocking gossip. Newspapers and tabloids sold like hotcakes. One irony was that both the public and the press acted as if they had learned nothing from Mata Hari’s death.After Mata Hari’s death, conspiracy theories spread quickly among the public. It was unclear whether she was truly guilty of espionage or if she had simply been a scapegoat in a political power struggle. Of course, no one made an effort to uncover the truth. Even those who had once admired her beauty were uninterested in clearing her name or restoring her honor. For the French public, discussing the lives of celebrities was just entertainment, even if it was tragic.The life of a once-celebrated dancer, whom everyone had wished to speak with, ended in such a manner, and even her tragic death was consumed in a lowly way.And in the same way, people dealt with the rumors about Sasha. Anyone who mentioned the possibility that Sasha, like Mata Hari, might be innocent was seen as a killjoy. Defending Sasha Sedrin as possibly wrongfully accused would lead to accusations of being unpatriotic.On the other hand, those who envied Sasha’s talents and wealth were eager to tear them down, even though belittling Sasha wouldn’t benefit them in any way. Satisfying their petty self-satisfaction, people carelessly gossiped about the life of a celebrity who existed to them only as a name in the newspaper.If Sasha had heard all these criticisms directly, he might have found it fortunate. Hoping to clear his name after death.Whether fortunate or unfortunate, Sasha, who was confined in solitary confinement for three days before the execution, heard nothing from the outside world.＊ ＊ ＊At first, Sasha didn’t fully realize what he had done. The firing squad also felt like it was someone else’s affair.Sasha only vaguely imagined death as a way of ending everything, thinking of it as if moving toward freedom. As he continued to dwell on it, Sasha’s unstable mind became easily enamored with the idea of death. It was almost puzzling that he hadn’t died when his mother was murdered because of them.‘Why did I struggle so hard to survive, even escaping across the border from Russia?’Even when he were captured and taken to a brothel in Paris, the thought of dying didn’t cross his mind. For a brief moment, he even considered surviving by working within the underworld.Sasha wondered where this instinctual attachment to life came from. Although there was a desire to be recognized for his talents, the success he eventually achieved felt utterly meaningless.The time spent on stage was fleeting, and too much had been sacrificed for it. The most regrettable loss was Karel from the past.It was only after the execution date was set that Sasha was finally allowed to have visitors, but only family members.“I have no family.”The young soldier looked taken aback by Sasha’s words. Though his expression quickly returned to neutrality, Sasha was surprised by the momentary look on his face. It was as if he couldn’t fathom that there could be someone in the world with no family, no relatives, truly alone. Sasha, who hadn’t fully realized how lonely and unusual his life was, was shocked.“Grandparents, cousins, anyone will do.”“…There’s no one.”Sasha thought of a few distant relatives who might still be in his homeland. However, they hadn’t been in contact for nearly a decade, and it was likely they had scattered after the revolution. There was no telling if any of them would cross the border to visit Sasha.“So, you have no family to leave a will to?”Sasha shook his head.Perhaps not expecting this, the soldier left the room. It seemed he went to discuss something with others.A moment later, he returned and spoke to Sasha.“Then call your closest friend. You need to designate an heir.”At his words, Sasha thought of Karel. When he had been his lover, he was his only family, brother, and protector.But calling him was out of the question.“I do have an heir, but they can’t come alone. They’re still a baby.”The soldier raised his eyebrows as if he’d just heard something truly strange. Sasha wondered for a moment whether the soldier was surprised by the fact that Sasha had a child or by the idea of calling a baby for a visit.The next day, the soldier informed Sasha that a woman named Levin Laurent would be visiting, bringing with her the heir, Charles Sedrin.“Do you know Levin Laurent?”“Yes, I know her well.”“Is she the mother of the child? A partner?”“No. She’s a housekeeper.”The soldier clicked his tongue and left the room, seeming somewhat sympathetic.Knowing he would soon see Levin, Sasha was suddenly overwhelmed with longing. With anticipation, Sasha waited for their visit.＊ ＊ ＊The next day, Levin entered the visitation room, looking pale. Sasha stood up quickly to greet her.“Levin!”Seeing Sasha’s joy at seeing her, Levin couldn’t speak for a moment, afraid that she might burst into tears. There was limited time and much to say, but her emotions refused to cooperate.In the meantime, Sasha looked even thinner and more disheveled, but his eyes still sparkled with joy. Levin felt a sense of déjà vu, recalling the moment when she had first felt a faint affection for Sasha.She remembered Sasha’s expression when he spoke of wanting to love and be loved again, filled with regret for the past. Even in the midst of tragedy, Sasha could have that look on his face. Levin realized she had liked Sasha not just for his appearance but for his innocent nature.‘Even heaven can be heartless.’ Charles, curious about his new surroundings, looked around before reaching out to Sasha. Sasha, who hadn’t held Charles in a long time, embraced him tightly. Charles clumsily patted Sasha’s face with his chubby fingers. For the first time since entering the prison, Sasha burst into laughter.“Charles can walk very well now. I can’t take my eyes off him for a second.”“You must be having a hard time, Levin.”“Sasha, no, this isn’t the time for that…”Levin quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand.“There’s so much I need to tell you. Even though they weren’t allowed in, Julian and Georg came to see you. Mikhail, the director, came too. Many people from the ballet company came.”“Really? It would be nice to see their faces…”Levin wiped away her tears and passed on greetings from Julian and Georg. She also relayed the final words from Mikhail and the other members of the ballet company. Tatiana, Gudin, Igor, and other corps de ballet members and staff whose names Sasha couldn’t remember were mentioned as well.There were even messages from orchestra members, lighting technicians, and prop handlers. Many had witnessed unexpected moments of kindness from their moody and distant principal dancer. Perhaps if Sasha hadn’t been a principal dancer but in a lower position, he might have quickly become friends with these people.Even the owner of the bakery where Sasha often bought food and the pub staff had sent their regards. Names of those who had never had the chance to express their love and concern for Sasha were shared.Levin’s cheeks were streaked with tears as she spoke these names, but Sasha was captivated by the new emotions he were feeling and listened intently. It was surprising that so many people remembered them fondly and did not condemn them for the crime he had been accused of, even if it was a false one.“Levin, I’m sorry to say this while you’re crying, but I thought no one would mourn me after I died. But…”“What are you talking about? Sasha, you’ve been a wonderful employer and friend to me. If you were truly a bad person, no one would have come to see you. Sasha, there are so many letters at home, from people who remember you.”“Really? I can’t believe it.”Sasha’s expression turned curious, then softened into a gentle smile.“Being loved is such a wonderful feeling.”Sasha didn’t leave any specific final words. Levin, who had initially insisted on sending Charles to an orphanage, now said she would raise him herself as her youngest brother. Sasha replied that he trusted Levin and asked her to manage the inheritance well.Seeing Levin, who had been unable to stop crying from the moment she entered the visitation room, Sasha thought that dying like this was such a selfish choice. While he would forget everything, the many people whose names he had just heard would continue to spend their emotions on him for years to come.Sasha felt another pang of guilt, thinking about how he was burdening others even at the end.＊ ＊ ＊The day before the execution, the guards moved Sasha to another room. It was still a prison cell, but there was a bed with a mattress, a decent table, and a chair. The room was enclosed by walls and had a door, offering privacy from the guards’ watchful eyes. They said it was a final courtesy for those condemned to death.A guard even came by to ask about his dinner preferences.“You can have whatever you want for your last meal.”“I don’t really care.”But inwardly, Sasha thought of the dishes Karel had cooked for him.After eating dinner and lying down on the bed early, Sasha noticed the musty smell of the old fabric. It was then that Sasha started to imagine the moment of his impending death.‘They said it would be by firing squad, so it should be over quickly. Since it’s just a moment, it won’t hurt that much.’But no matter how much he tried to soothe himself, Sasha couldn’t shake the fear of that moment. Part of him wished it would come quickly, while another part did not.In the end, Sasha stayed awake all night. The small cell he had been moved to had a window with high bars, through which the dawn light began to seep. The sound of birds chirping could be heard in the distance. A breeze blew in, stirring Sasha’s disheveled hair and tickling his cheeks.Though he didn’t know the exact time, Sasha could tell that the moment of the execution was drawing near. As the sun rose higher, Sasha stood in front of the small, rough mirror attached to the wall and combed his hair with his fingers. He also tried to smooth out the wrinkles in his prison uniform.Then he sat on the bed, waiting for someone to come for him.How long had he waited? Sasha heard footsteps approaching from the corridor outside.Sitting like a statue, Sasha turned his head at the sound of the doorknob turning. His neck and back ached from sitting in the same position for so long. A soldier in a long coat, wearing a French officer’s uniform, entered through the open door.“Is it time to go?”The soldier, whose face was covered, opened the door with relative politeness and nodded. Sasha stood up, shaking off the dust.Following the soldier down the corridor, Sasha still couldn’t fully grasp that his life was about to end. The only thing he feared was the moment of the execution itself. Sasha thought about asking the soldier walking ahead of him.“I… I heard it would be by firing squad…”The soldier’s steps slowed slightly. Although there was no response, Sasha felt certain that the soldier had heard him and asked again.“Will it be over quickly?”“……”“I hope it won’t hurt…”Sasha’s final words trembled slightly.The soldier did not answer until the end. He simply quickened his pace. Sasha resigned himself to silence.Even heaven can be heartless (하늘도 무심하시지): Meaning reality is too harsh; too unfortunate