Solo For Two

And so, on the third day, it happened.The police barged into the house and arrested Sasha on charges of espionage.Any feeble resistance or defense was futile. They detained Sasha in the makeshift jail where Karel had once been held and left him there.Sasha regretted not leaving sooner. But it was already too late.＊ ＊ ＊Every day, Sasha repeated the same statements, and the police recorded unchanged reports. The cell held several others in the same situation as Sasha. The police seemed to know that Sasha and the others were merely civilians, yet they delayed making any decisions.The war’s increasing severity was to blame. Sasha was well aware that those in power would fabricate scapegoats if necessary to reassure themselves. So, he resigned himself to waiting for the situation to resolve.A week passed this way. Then, someone came to visit Sasha.Sasha hoped it might be Julian coming to rescue him.‘But Julian returned to London long ago….’With curiosity, Sasha lifted his head.The visitor was an entirely unexpected person.“Madame…?”A woman with brown hair, dressed in a plain gray dress and a simple hat, stood beyond the bars. It was the Duchess of Rambouillet.Sasha, in surprise, carefully scrutinized her face through the bars. She was someone Sasha had genuinely wanted to meet. He hadn’t expected her to appear at such a time.The police showed her respect and escorted Sasha out of the cell. Rambouillet nodded slightly to them and led the way. Though her attire had become plainer, her old elegance remained.Sasha took a moment to realize he was now free and stared blankly at her retreating figure.Seeing this, Rambouillet turned back and spoke.“There’s a carriage waiting outside.”Not a greeting, but those words brought Sasha immense relief. As he took a step, then another, no one stopped him. Overwhelmed, he hurried to follow her out.Once in the carriage, silence fell. As Sasha pondered where to begin, Rambouillet spoke first.“You were reckless. Sending a letter to an enemy country during wartime… The letter was likely confiscated. But since our family’s name was on the envelope, they contacted me. If it truly was a letter for the de Beauharnais family, meddling with it would have caused trouble.”“…….”“Keeping the letter brief was wise. If it had been ornate, it could have been mistaken for a coded message.”Sasha nodded, then observed Rambouillet beside him. She appeared only slightly more mature, with few traces of the years visible, except for the plainer clothes.Upon hearing the news of the Grand Duke’s death, Sasha had first thought of Rambouillet.“Fortunately, you seem unharmed.”“I’ve been separated from Nikolai for three years now.”Rambouillet replied nonchalantly, as if recalling an amusing old story.“No matter what you might think, I’m not Russian. I have no patriotism for that country. And I fulfilled all my duties as Nikolai’s wife. He couldn’t force me to give him affection and devotion as well.”Sasha pondered her words for a moment.The carriage stopped in front of a hotel, and Sasha followed Rambouillet inside. It was a place Sasha had visited once before, not far from the empty station.“Have you finally decided to leave for Paris?”As soon as they closed the door and entered, Rambouillet got straight to the point. Sasha, blushing, nodded in agreement. He had shamelessly requested a letter of recommendation for the Paris Opera Garnier and the Ballets Russes from her. It hadn’t been easy to ask someone he hadn’t seen in years.Instead of speaking, Sasha fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a small leather pouch. When he untied it, a radiant ring rolled out.“I haven’t forgotten the kindness you’ve shown me. I’m returning this.”Rambouillet stared at the ring for a long time with a stern face. It was the evidence of her urging Sasha to flee years ago.Then, she gazed intently at Sasha’s face. It was true that she had wanted Sasha to leave Karel entirely. However, her shallow ploy hadn’t worked, and Karel had managed to bring Sasha back. Whether Karel had forced Sasha or Sasha had willingly walked into the trap was unknown.Nevertheless, for Rambouillet, who had become a complete outsider in their love, recalling that time was painful.But a question arose.“What happened to Karel?”At Rambouillet’s inquiry, Sasha averted his gaze and murmured.“He’s at the front lines.”“Karel is at the front? That can’t be! Did he volunteer?”“He committed a crime, was imprisoned… and then conscripted.”The color drained from Rambouillet’s lips. Sasha watched this dramatic change with mild fascination. Rambouillet, who had been pacing while standing, eventually gathered herself and sat down. After drinking a few sips of water, she muttered in disbelief. The unexpected news seemed to have shocked her deeply.“So you’re leaving.”“…….”“You’re leaving because Karel, who looked after you, is gone.”Sasha bowed his head. Rambouillet did not hide the accusatory tone in her voice.“Sedrine, life must have been hard for you. I can tell just by looking at your shabby attire. Karel must have also labored for your sake, sacrificing his youth,” Rambouillet said, still gazing at the ring in Sasha’s hand. If Sasha had chosen to enjoy happiness with Karel instead of stubbornly clinging to a strange sense of loyalty, if he had sold the ring to buy a comfortable home, clothes, and food for Karel, Rambouillet might have felt a bit better. But it seemed Sasha had not used any of the things he could have for Karel’s sake.“After enjoying all his kindness, you’re saying that now that Karel is gone, you’re going to leave to find your own life.”“…No one can force affection and devotion upon me,” Sasha replied, echoing Rambouillet’s earlier words with an expressionless face. His face, which had grown gaunt and sharper, looked very dark and irritable in that moment. Rambouillet was at a loss for words and looked up at Sasha with a pained expression.On the other hand, Sasha suppressed the urge to criticize her. Everyone around him sided with Karel and blamed him, even complete strangers who knew nothing of their life. Everyone thought of Karel as a saint and reproached Sasha for not reciprocating enough. Sasha was tired of this.“If you leave, Karel will be sad.”Sasha knew that too. But when he considered all the possibilities of Karel getting angry, clinging, or crying… Sasha thought he would end up staying by his side again.So, being able to leave without seeing Karel might actually be a stroke of luck.“You’re saying you never loved him.”“……”“I could endure it as long as Karel was happy… and if I thought that happiness wasn’t meant for me in the first place.”Tears glistened at the corners of Rambouillet’s long, narrow eyes.Sasha was intimidated by the sight of a woman’s tears. At the same time, he was greatly surprised to hear her true feelings. From what she said, it seemed she loved Karel.Suddenly, he felt a suffocating pressure in his chest.Karel and Rambouillet!So, if I had run away then, she intended to take Karel for herself.But could Karel have been happy with someone other than me?Sasha’s thoughts were negative.Karel was someone who said he was happiest when he was with Sasha. He also said his life wouldn’t be complete without him. Sasha twistedly recognized the possessiveness he felt for Karel.‘No one knows Karel better than I do. Karel must have been happy being with me.’And Sasha fell silent, lost in his own delusions.It was Rambouillet who broke the long silence first.“I’ll write you the letter of recommendation.”Having calmed herself, she spoke with a changed expression.“Take the letter and go to Paris. But….”Sasha looked up, eagerly anticipating the permission he had hoped for.“That’s all I can do for you. It’s up to you to prove your skills. You might fail, and no one might acknowledge you. And you might not be as talented as you think.”“My talent….”Sasha chose his words carefully before responding.“I was not just an average dancer.”“Indeed.”Rambouillet responded with a sneer. In her heart, where her feelings for Karel still lingered, jealousy and envy toward Sasha mixed with empathy and a sense of solidarity for having to live with someone she didn’t love. It reminded her of her own past, living with the Grand Duke.Rambouillet immediately fetched a fountain pen and wrote the letter of recommendation. She handed Sasha the stiff, high-quality paper adorned with an official seal.Rambouillet never mentioned the ring again, so Sasha hesitated but placed it on the table before leaving. Watching Sasha, Rambouillet smiled bitterly.“You’re such a strange person.”“Yes?”“Stubborn only in strange areas, never willing to accept others’ kindness… Why did Karel choose someone like you?”That was a mystery Sasha had yet to solve. So, he remained silent.“Was it hard living with Karel, Sedrine? Just as I couldn’t bear living with Nikolai?”Sasha opened his mouth to answer but was unsure of what to say, unable to form a complete sentence.Rambouillet patiently waited.“Living with him was comfortable… and peaceful. Just allowing him to kiss me or touch me was enough for me to have a foothold in life…. And… I received more affection than from a family….”Sasha’s throat tightened.Was that all?“You won’t experience such fortune again wherever you go.”Rambouillet nodded.As Sasha left the room, the door closed behind him.In the hotel corridor, the man with the leather case was left alone. Sasha tucked the stiff letter of recommendation into his coat and took heavy steps.It was time to truly leave.＊ ＊ ＊London, 1918.

Julian opened the door to the professor’s study.The morning sunlight settled over the cool morning air, and the sound of a delicate bird chirping could be heard nearby. Julian stepped inside, carefully navigating around the tower of stacked books. As soon as he removed his hat and coat, an assistant brought him hot coffee and the morning newspaper.These days, the front pages were filled with tedious news of trench warfare. Reports of the Allies advancing 25 meters in one region and the Central Powers retreating 10 meters were exaggerated to sound as dramatic and grand as possible.Scoffing at the media’s propaganda, Julian flipped the newspaper over. He found the ads from silly men seeking marriage more entertaining than the monotonous war updates.“A revolutionary on stage, calling for exile.”Julian’s gaze halted on an article. He traced the article with his fingertips as he stood.“Sasha?”Julian couldn’t take his eyes off the page at the unexpected news of his friend. Though masked by makeup, the delicate features were unmistakably those of someone Julian knew well. The face of Karel’s lover, who had left Palz without a word, was now on the newspaper.“Elegant choreography, miraculous leaps… Promoted to principal dancer at Ballets Russes in just one year… Amazing. Sasha Sedrine. Sasha Sedrine.”Julian muttered as he quickly skimmed the article. There was no denying it; it was Sasha.“Assistant!”“Yes, Professor?”The assistant quickly entered upon hearing the call. Julian, meanwhile, was rummaging under his cluttered desk.“Where is my fountain pen? I need to write a letter… No, it’s better to send a telegram.”“A telegram, Professor?”While the quick-handed assistant prepared to take notes, Julian was already putting his coat back on.“No, Professor, are you going out? What about the telegram?”“What’s the earliest boat to France?”“Professor! You can’t go now. You have a lecture later and a faculty meeting this evening.”“If I leave now, I can be in Paris by evening!”“That’s impossible!”The assistant was nearly in shock at Julian’s words, which implied abandoning all his plans for the day. Julian grabbed his bag and tried to leave, while the assistant blocked the door, resulting in a pointless struggle. The professor couldn’t hit his assistant, and the assistant couldn’t tie up his professor, so they remained in a standoff.Julian was the first to give up. As his energy waned, his rationality returned. The assistant sighed in relief.“Sasha is in Paris!”“Yes… Sedrine? That Sasha Sedrine?”“You know the name?”“My girlfriend is a fan.”The assistant’s face briefly showed a hint of jealousy, making Julian chuckle at the young man’s candid emotion. Then he collapsed into a heavy chair.“Exiled to Paris…”“Many Russian artists have been applying for asylum there lately.”“Indeed.”Julian was shocked. Without a word, Sasha had left Austria and found refuge elsewhere. It was incredible. He could hardly believe it until he saw it with his own eyes.Julian remembered Sasha’s dream of succeeding in Paris. It was something from so long ago that he hadn’t thought Sasha still held onto it. Nor did he imagine Sasha could achieve it.“Alright, I’ll visit Paris later.”The assistant visibly relaxed at Julian’s words.“But I still need to send a telegram.”“Yes, what should it say?”“Hmm…”Julian took off his coat and hung it up again. Staring at the cold coffee and the open newspaper, he finally answered.“Congratulations on your asylum and your success in life.”“Do you know Sasha Sedrine personally? Wow…”The assistant looked at Julian with eyes full of admiration. Julian waved it off nonchalantly.“Keep writing. Hmm… Karel was on leave. He was fortunately healthy. He waited for you at home….”“Yes, I’m writing it down.”“…No, it’s better to leave that part out.”Sasha had left Karel without a word.The last time Julian saw Sasha, he seemed mentally unstable and lethargic. Julian had never imagined Sasha would suddenly leave everything behind and disappear. When he learned Sasha had vanished, he worried he might end up dead as a homeless vagrant….But those fears were unfounded. The bird that escaped its cage flew on its own to build a new life.What does this mean?It means neither Julian nor Karel were necessary for Sasha’s life.‘Do I have the right to ask him to come back?’Julian thought coldly.The assistant sensed the gravity of Julian’s mood and remained silent.‘But wasn’t Karel’s sacrifice the foundation of Sasha’s success?’Karel was still at the front lines, bearing the burden of Sasha’s wrongdoing. Of course, Julian thought Karel was the most foolish in this situation. Who in their right mind would endure such sacrifice without expecting any repayment?But at the very least, if Sasha had a shred of human decency, he should feel gratitude toward Karel. He should recognize that his current success and the life he enjoys now are thanks to Karel’s legacy.“No, don’t erase it.”“Pardon?”“The part where I mentioned Karel. Leave it in.”Julian then concluded the telegram with a promise to visit someday. The telegram, sent as quickly as possible, would reach Sasha in a couple of days.Julian handed some money to the assistant and dismissed him from the study.“Sasha, you’re not entirely heartless… You might be suffering from guilt, but you’re not the type to completely ignore it. There must be some misunderstanding….”Julian looked once more at the newspaper page with Sasha’s radiant face on stage. He clipped the article and saved it, thinking Karel would be pleased to see it someday.＊ ＊ ＊A week later, Julian received a reply from Sasha.It was a telegram accompanied by an invitation to a performance.“I was really happy to hear from you. I hope you can come to see my performance. – Sasha Sedrine.”“Is this all?”Julian scrutinized the telegram repeatedly. His mood turned sharp, and the assistant, sensing this, answered in a small voice.“Yes… that’s all we received.”“Is this really all?”There was no postscript, no other letter. It was as if Sasha had intentionally erased Karel from his life. Julian, feeling a mild confusion, wrote another letter to Sasha. This time it was not a telegram but a lengthy letter. Sasha’s response, another brief telegram, came a week later.“I have left Karel. Whether he wants to meet me again is his decision. But Julian, I still believe we are friends. – Sasha Sedrine.”“This is really…”Upon reading the second letter, Julian thought, ‘So it has come to this.’ The omission of Karel in the first response was deliberate. Sasha now regarded Karel as a former lover and felt uncomfortable mentioning him.‘It’s resolved.’Sasha had emotionally moved on from Karel.In truth, Julian had anticipated this scenario long ago. It felt slightly cowardly for Sasha to leave first and then expect the one left behind to reach out. But in love, the one who needs less always wins. And in the game between the two, Sasha had always been the winner.Julian let out a short sigh.‘Karel, what have you gained?’Karel had lost too much for what could be considered an unusually dramatic love affair. He abandoned a promising elite career path for a humble rural life, took on guilt, and went to a deadly warzone.‘Fool.’In a moment of anger, a fleeting thought crossed Julian’s mind.‘If Karel were seriously injured and came back… would Sasha feel any remorse?’But Julian shook his head. Wishing for Karel’s misfortune to see Sasha regret was unthinkable. Yet, if even he entertained such thoughts, how must Karel feel?Still, could Karel be foolish enough to risk his life for the attention of an ex-lover?Julian hoped Karel wouldn’t make any more choices that would ruin his life and burned Sasha’s telegram.‘Alright, Sasha. I’ll remain your friend. It’s a promise I made, after all. And as an apology for manipulating your life….’“Assistant!”At Julian’s call, the assistant quickly ran into the study.“Take this.”“What is it…? Oh! Performance tickets! Box seats!”“Yes… Take your girlfriend.”“Thank you, Professor! Thank you so much!”The assistant left the study, almost shouting in joy.＊ ＊ ＊After that, Sasha sent performance tickets every season.However, Julian, despite corresponding with Sasha frequently, avoided meeting him in person. He couldn’t face Sasha because he kept thinking about Karel. It wasn’t until six months after receiving the first invitation that he finally met Sasha.“I waited… every season. Every opening night. I’m not blaming you, of course. As you know, I have no family… no close friends. You’re my only friend, Julian. After all the time we’ve known each other, I wish we could meet more often.”Sasha’s eyes were filled with loneliness when they finally met.“Can’t we?”Julian buried the questions he wanted to ask and simply responded.“Of course.”Sasha, don’t you miss Karel? Not a shallow connection like the one we have, but Karel, my brother, who would be happier than anyone to come running if you reached out.After the performance, Julian left the theater with Sasha. Even though it was a quiet time with most of the audience gone, a crowd was still gathered in front of the private entrance at the back of the theater. They were undoubtedly fans waiting for Sasha late into the night.Before stepping out, Sasha looked at the crowd through the window and spoke to Julian.“You should go out first.”“Oh my… Can you make it home through that crowd?”“I’m used to it.”“Shouldn’t you call for a guard?”Sasha pointed behind them with a nod. A guard had already appeared like a shadow.Before stepping out, Julian kissed Sasha on the cheek.“Hope to see you again soon.”“Please.”As soon as Julian opened the door, the crowd’s attention focused on him.He pushed through the indifferent crowd, realizing he was not the person they had been waiting for, and made his way to the main street. By the time he hailed a carriage, the murmurs from the crowd had grown louder. Looking back at the theater entrance, he saw people flocking toward it as Sasha, surrounded by guards, slowly made his way out.“Where to, sir?”“To the Vendome Hotel.”The wet road, illuminated by streetlights, reflected the aftermath of a recent downpour. Outside the window, a group of drunken soldiers splashed through puddles, laughing loudly before disappearing.The night’s atmosphere and the soldiers’ joy felt strangely distant to Julian, and his face grew increasingly expressionless.Ten days after the war ended, there was still no news from Karel.＊ ＊ ＊And another six months later.Julian thought with a heavy heart that it might be time to accept that Karel was gone.Though he had considered it privately, he hadn’t wanted to admit it, so he kept delaying Karel’s posthumous affairs. He realized he would probably have to discuss Karel’s inheritance with Sasha the next time they met. Karel had designated Sasha as his heir while he was still alive.“Damn it…!”The thought of Karel’s death made Julian want to throw something. Instead, he picked up a glass with trembling hands. Unlike his gentle youth, Julian now looked sharp and thin, almost nervously so. The calm he had been pretending to have was about to explode in an unhealthy way.Julian knew. None of this was Sasha’s fault.Yet, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Sasha’s success had been exchanged for Karel’s sacrifice.‘But Karel… he was the type who would live for Sasha, even if it cost him everything.’Julian brought out a pen and ink and wrote the first line of a letter to Sasha.“My dear Sasha,You are always welcome to visit. There are many people who would be glad to see you.The house you stayed in is still there. I haven’t asked the owner for permission, but if you decide to stay, he won’t object.”Julian had exchanged dozens of letters with Sasha without once mentioning Karel’s name after the very first letter.But this time, just this once…And two weeks later, Julian would meet a witness to Karel’s execution by firing squad.It was inevitable that Julian, who had maintained loyalty and patience to the end, would come to hate Sasha upon learning of his brother’s senseless death.