Shadows before dawn.

It can be so fuckin hard.

Hard to just...feel.

As a man...it gets weird

So hard to know what is even real...

And,

Was it all just in my head?

Or should I really step back and take care?

And,

Am I several steps ahead

Or am I just barely getting anywhere? 

Like,

If I care too much

I am soft and overly emotional...

Like,

If I care too little

I am detached and not approachable...

Like,

How the hell

 Do I tell

 Where I'm supposed to go?

Can never seem

To catch the win

 But no cigar... 

 always so close you know.

But close is not good enough

 Its never so personal.

Perceptions weaponized

 All the time...

 That shit just hurts, you know?

I just keep biting my tongue

 So it just works, you know?

Disrespectful words seem to come so fluidly

 There's no remorse, you know?

Maybe you didn't know...

 I can't just sit with that.

You always have your way.

 I don't go tit for tat.

Slap me

 Just slap me

 Just slap me

Verbally.

 Don't take it back.

Reverse the script and you or no one else would be okay with that. 

Just...

Love really blinds me.

It captivates and it binds me...

I can't let go so you'll just undermine me. 

I love so deeply and selflessly 

That I can't help that my partner defines me.

But I am not perfect 

Or better 

Or whatever makes you smile

Please don't remind me.

Maybe I'll just stop

And play keep away

My heart is tired

You know where to find me.

I think

And I think

And I think

And I think till those shadows before dawn redesign me...

I don't think that I don't know what love is

Anymore.

It feels like a circle

Another lock on your door...

I never get far before

Dead ends make me explore

A different way forward

And that ask my soul for more.