Secrets (Ruin My Life) – Lookism [BL]

Daniel looked at the name card and found out that the man’s name was Park Jong Gun. When he saved the other’s number, Daniel couldn’t help, but curl up his lips. It was his first time added a friend’s number. He contemplated whether to send him a message, but in the end, he decided not to do it. It would be better to thank him directly.

After some days, Gun did come back to shop. He still bought the same thing, but when Daniel talked to him, he unexpectedly would answer back. Daniel started to realize that he might probably judge the other only by his appearance. Even though he had tattoos, smoke a lot, and kind of rude, Daniel thought that Gun was nice. It might sound silly, but at that time, Gun was a person that he would define as his first friend.

“Here,” Daniel said to him, “It’s on me since you helped me that night,”

Gun looked at the coffee and curved a smile, “Thanks,” It was also Daniel first time to see the older’s smile. He was super handsome and somehow the smile made his heart warmth.

Just like that, Daniel and Gun naturally became closer. Sometimes, that man would spend hours to sit next to him at the cashier. “Gun, if you got nothing to do, wouldn’t it better to rest at home?” Daniel worriedly asked him. “Nah, it’s boring to stay at home.”

“So, do you mean that it’s fun to sit there and watch me work?” He raised his eyebrows as he pondered about it. “Yeah, maybe there would be a drunk man that I could fight with,” Gun casually answered. Daniel shook his head and laughed, “No fighting inside, alright. I don’t want to tidy up the display again.”

“Got it.”

Cling

“Welcome,” Daniel smiled to the incoming customer. It was a woman who wore sexy clothes, revealing too many skins. Well, she probably just went back from a club. She just strolled around the displays as if she was looking for something. Daniel could faintly smell the mixed of cigarettes and perfume when she passed by.

“Daniel, you like that kind of woman?” Gun wore this evil grin on his face and teased the younger. Daniel’s face redder at the words and so he hissed threateningly to him, “No, I’m not!” When they were busy sending back words to each other, the woman had come to the cashier. She bought a condom and lowered her head. Daniel saw her actions - she clenched her super short skirt as if she wanted to make it longer, she tried to cover her chest using her long hair. Only a fool who couldn’t see her discomfort. Daniel was stunned and didn’t know what to do. He glanced to the outside and saw a man that stood beside a car, impatiently waiting for her.

“Miss, are you okay?” Daniel softly asked her. “Is that your boyfriend or not?”

She was startled by his gentle voice and quickly looked up. She felt her face was hot after she realized that the employee was a handsome man. It was probably his smile or his face, she wasn’t sure, but at that moment, she burst into tears.

Her new boyfriend forced her to wear sexy clothes tonight and take her to a club. She was fine with that idea, but then after she realized that her boyfriend only wanted to show off her body, she started to distrust him. He even told her to buy the condom since he didn’t have money.

Hearing the story, Daniel felt sorry and told her, “Miss, tomorrow, you should break up with him. Let me pretend to be your friend and help you out.” However, she shook her head and wiped the tears, “I can’t accept it. My boyfriend… he… he used to be a boxer. You’ll only get hurt,” She added bitterly, “I just have to endure this night and then cut him off.” She pitifully smiled to Daniel and paid for her item. “Thank you,” She whispered before she went back to his boyfriend.

Daniel exhaled his breath and peeked to the outside, “Man, what should I do?”

“Ah, so you like the innocence type of girl?” Gun joked from behind. Daniel angrily barked at him, “You still have the time to joke?!” He turned his back once again and the scene outside shocked him death. Daniel didn’t know what they’re talking, but now, her boyfriend had roughly grabbed her long hair. She pitifully tried to release the grab, but she couldn’t. He was hurting her! Daniel quickly ran outside the store and screamed, “Hey, you fucker! Let her go!”

That man was shorter than him, but Daniel could see that he’s an experienced fighter. However, he didn’t fear him. A man who hurt a woman was lower than a trash.

“You did flirt with my woman, huh?!” That man roared and his grip was tighter, making that woman whimpered in pain.

“What?!”

“No, babe! I told you he’s my high school friend!”

“Shut up!!” Then he mercilessly pushed her to the ground. Daniel glanced at her and relief that she didn’t have any injury. He stared at the man coldly while clenching his hands. He didn’t have many opportunities to fight, but he knew the basic.

That man already sent him a quick punch while saying, “If you really like her body then you should find another one! How dare you flirt with her?!” Daniel could see the punch direction and moved his body to dodge. That man was probably stunned and he pretended to be calm, “Not bad! This- this is going to be fun!”

Looking at the man, Daniel felt his anger flared up and swiftly throwed his punch. He made sure to send his full strength to the man’s face. He was able to block the punch and groaned, “Fuck!” That man focused too much on Daniel’s arm and didn’t even realize the next second when a knee kick had sent him felt forward.

His arm was only a decoy, from the start Daniel aimed to use his leg. He pitifully coughed on the ground. Daniel looked at the woman and helped her get up, “Miss, you okay?” She nodded her head and muttered a thank you. Gun leisurely walked to them and laughed, “Daniel! I didn’t know that you’re good at fighting!” The younger sent him an annoyed look and frowned, “Why you didn’t help me?!”

“I almost did, but then I figured that you’re already in control.” He grinned to Daniel and moved his gaze to the woman, “You should piss off while we’re handling your… ex,” With that, she took her purse and jacket from the car and called a taxi to pick her up. She kept thanking both of them and cried a lot, “I’m not dating anymore after this, huhu.” Daniel didn’t know how to comfort a woman so he just stayed silent the whole time.

When she already went home, Gun squatted beside the man and said to the younger, “Daniel, you should go in. Your boss might see you’re slacking off from CCTV,” Daniel sent him a grin and replied, “I’m not slacking off. Anyway, don’t get hurt, okay?” With that, he went back and sat on the cashier tiredly, “Another weird day,”

Gun poked the man repeatedly, “Man, I know you’re not passed out. Wake up, let’s fight with me.”

Still, the man didn’t give him an answer and continued his acting. Gun sighed and roughly pulled up his head, “I know you can hear this,” He said dangerously, “If you dare to come back, the one who you fights will be me,” He lightly slap the man’s cheek and continued, “And I won’t end it by a kick. I’ll probably take your ear too. So, fuck off.”

Since he got no response, Gun grinned and then slammed the man’s head to the hard ground a couple of times. The ground started to be filled with blood and then he finally stopped. He could hear a grunt and chuckled, “Now you’re really passed out.”

…

Daniel was sorting the foods and noticed that the older had come in, “So?” He asked worriedly. Gun shook his shoulder and giggled, “I didn’t do anything, he passed out from your kick.”

“What?!” Daniel blankly let the food fell down from his hand. “Relax. I’ve already woke him up. He’s gone,” The younger peeked through the window and patted his chest, “Wow, that’s good. Thanks, Gun.” The older smiled at him and asked, “You’re good at fighting. Did someone teach you?”

“No one. It’s just… you know, life’s never easy,” Daniel smiled bitterly. Hearing the answer, Gun suddenly reached out his hand to tap Daniel’s shoulder, “I know,” Daniel’s heart beat erratically, making it’s hard to breath.

At that time, he realized that he was interested in Gun, but not in a romantic way. It was his first time to feel that way towards a person, especially a man. When their skins accidentally grazed with each other, Daniel could feel his body went hotter. He even had the urge to hug and cling to the other man. He could feel that he had changed in a way.

One day, he would steal glances at the other’s body, imagining the man’s strong muscle and its private size. However, Daniel still had shame, saying that he shouldn’t be a pervert towards a friend. He started to search for an escape, by watching a porn. After some times, he found himself mainly jerked off from a gay site. Am I gay

? He pondered. But the boys in his school didn’t make him feel anything, except friendship. Thus, he decided to bury this secret as he was afraid that people would look at him differently.

…

When the new term begun, Daniel finally knew a little bit about Gun. Apparently, he was a bodyguard for a conglomerate’s daughter, Crystal. She was super pretty and the result was there were many men that roamed around her. Gun’s job was to keep them away, as simple as that. In order not to make things awkward, Daniel decided to act as a stranger outside and the older also agreed about it. Only this store that knew their friendship.

One day, Daniel scanned the condom’s barcode for Gun as usual. He didn’t know why, but his curiosity really disturbed him tonight, “Gun, you seem really active at sex?” The other raised his eyebrows as this was Daniel’s first time to pry into his personal life. He usually never answered this kind of questions, but remembering that delicious ramyeon that only Daniel could make, he decided to make things easier.

“Yeah. What can I do? People just won’t leave me alone,” he joked. Daniel couldn’t hide his stupid expression and stammered, “P- people? You mean, you’re not having regular sex with your girlfriend?”

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” He made a short answered then added teasingly, “Or a boyfriend.” Daniel felt his heart beat faster at the tease. “W- wait, you’re doing both men and women?”

“Yeah, I’m welcoming different kind of people. As long as they’re good at sex,”

Daniel could feel a headache and massaged his temple, “Wow, you’re too wild, Gun.” Gun laughed at his cute reactions and said, “This is my secret though. You shouldn’t tell this to anyone or I won’t forgive you – even if you cook a good ramyeon.” The younger waved his hand in front of his face and disappointedly asked, “You don’t trust me? I’m hurt!”

“Well then, tell me your secret too so that we’re even,”

“Hm,” Daniel thought to himself, there were so many secrets about him, but this time, he wanted to tease Gun back. He didn’t know the reason, but seemed like the store’s vibe today was hotter than usual?

“I think I’m gay,” He broke the silence, “No, no. I am gay. How’s that for a secret, Gun? He grinned. However, the older’s reaction was totally caught him off guard. Instead of a surprise, he was kind of… excited about it?

“Then, how about I top you?” Gun reached out to his hand and stroked it gently. Daniel’s eyes got bigger as he trembled by the words and the touch. “W- what?”

“I mean, I keep thinking about your body. Now that we’re honest to each other,” Gun made a smirk and pierced at Daniel’s eyes, “Let’s have fun,”

Daniel gulped and his mind was filled with so many thoughts. He had countless dreams about having sex with Gun, but now that it finally would become true, he didn’t know what to say. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before hoarsely said, “But- but I’m still a virgin,”

Now, finally Gun was the one who surprised. He couldn’t hide his disappointment and pulled back his hand.

“Aw, that’s suck, Daniel. I don’t play with a virgin. It’s too bothersome for me,”

“Seriously?!” Daniel didn’t hide his displeasure too, “I mean, I can learn-“

“No means no,” Gun coldly cut his words. This was Daniel first time to feel the pressure from Gun and honestly, his heart was hurt by it. What’s wrong being a virgin? Everyone also learned from the beginning, right? He still wanted to make some argument about it, but then a customer came into the store and their conversation ended just like that.

When he thought about the past, Daniel always regretted his headstrong personality. When Gun rejected him like this, he should’ve just found another man. Maybe he was gentler… and most importantly, he could’ve loved him back, unlike this cold-hearted beast.

He was too blinded by his own childish judgement that only Gun could make his body filled with pleasure…

 

To be continued…